BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[stovepipe]

I never really wanted to talk about my family on here but maybe it will help a few guys out. This is deep but here goes..

My mom - sexually abused as a kid and her dad was a chronic gambler. She grew up in foster care and pretty sure she is BPD.

My Dad - Abandoned as a kid by his Mom and has bedded over 2000 women (minimum) he is NPD and Schizophrenic. I have several half brothers from different Women by him.

My step dad - NPD .and haven't seen hin for years. I've got a sister from him. He married a BPD Woman who took the role of evil step mom.

Mom's boyfriend after him - ASPD. The guy had done time in prison for shooting someone. This guy was as nasty as they come.

Mom's latest Husband - best of a bad bunch. Maybe codependant. Married around 13 years. Mom tells him recently she wants a divorce. She told me she never loved him and accepted his proposal so she could changer her name and escape ASPD ex.

My family are mostly Female and mostly Cluster B's. None are happy and all have a trail of failed relationships behind them.

Who they are is set in stone. They do not change natter how much they wish they could!!

Walk on forward and grow yourself. I've spent almost 30 years in Cluster B Hell but not anymore!!

I know its hard to share something like that with us, so thank you for that.

Ex's family all had Cluster B traits and paths of destruction and broken relationships. Ex's mom was the worst of them all. Now I see why my ex is following in her foot steps, along with her other family. Her mom was an alcoholic/coke sloot, cheated on every man, had 4 kids with 4 diff dads, was arrested, got out, slooted more, then married. Her husband died, and apparently she is born again but is crazy. Lives with her younger extreme BPD daughter who runs the house. Cuts herself, cant hold a job, screams at her mom, heck, the mom is terrified of her.

Brother is a Narc, single dad, does nothing but talk about himself, path of broken relationships, witness him discarding his then GF numerous times while bedding other women then taking her back, then discarding. Even seeing his GF around him you could see how drained she was. She never looked happy around him. Ex would always call her bro an azzhole, when she does some of the same things.

Her dad remarried 5 times, cheated on most of them. Her step mom cheated and remarried numerous times. Her grandma was on marriage #5 who used the last husband for money, who she discarded and is now miserable living alone next to her son. Her dad admitted to not being happy but doesn't want to start over again at the age of almost 70. My ex has nothing but a trail of broken relationships, abortions, severe alcohol/drug addiction, constantly moving. I thought she was different. She would always call her family out on their pasts saying she never wants to be like that,. Only wants to get married once and I was the man she wants to spend her life with lol.

 

[phil2015]

BPD sloots end game is to crush your heart, destroy your soul and hope you commit suicide. Their end game is to win at all costs.
.

This is true, each one of her exes has met a bad end and had some terrible outcome.

I don't understand why she would seemingly facilitate this to happen....

 

[stovepipe]

This is true, each one of her exes has met a bad end and had some terrible outcome.

I don't understand why she would seemingly facilitate this to happen....

Could you explain some of the events that took place with some of those ex's?

Because they are overtaken by demons who are set out to destroy and kill. These BPD's/Cluster B are hot, kinky sex, mind games. The perfect recipe to make a man go as far as suicide. Some people say we use Religion to blind us from crazy, but they are beyond that. How 99% of all the stories are exactly the same? Is it a coincidence? I can't speak for anyone else, but there were times she talked when I felt it wasn't her doing the talking, but something inside controlling her. Evil smirks for abusing someone? Jezebel spirit is out in full force.

 

[phil2015]

Evil smirks for abusing someone? Jezebel spirit is out in full force.

Don't know what response you've had for sharing that idea on here but I'm actually a practicing Christian so I believe there's potentially some truth in this. I did some research the other day and the whole Narc/BPD thing has the same characteristics as the Jezebel spirit.

Bad ends? Let's see.......

The common trend is she basically mentally, physically and emotionally drained each of them.

One ex - Ended up getting arrested for 'assaulting her' I always questioned this due to the fact there had been some level of violence in each of her relationships, originating from her. He ended up getting anger management, in trouble with police, time in the cells etc.....she moved with the next guy whilst she was still with him

Next one - This guy got cheated on, she left him a few times, walked out etc - She aborted his baby and started fcking the next guy and doing drugs whilst she was pregnant. Appartently he wanted to keep it but she didnt want to ruin her body

Third guy - Apparently 'lots of mental abuse' told her she was imagining things, which is something she actually did to me. This poor bvstard looked after her for years before losing his job, got evicted, life went to chit and she discarded him....

Couple of flings I know about. Basically she left for better options or discarded people on a whim.....one of which I belive she left to be with me.

Another common trend is that a number of them still chased her even years later. Testimony to the addictive aspect of her character.

As for me, love bombed me telling she she wanted to marry, have kids and move in etc. She got as far as moving in before things went very sour and she left me during the day. Looking back I'm realising this is possibly the best outcome which could have happened. I feel thankful she didn't get her claws into my property or get pregnant, or even worst married.....

I like to think I got off pretty lightly and I also like to think that maybe someone up there had my back

 

[phil2015]

As an aside point - On a few occasions when she would get extremely angry, I swear her eyes would turn almost jet black. No kidding

The jezabel spirit needs a weak man to use or sponge off.

I'm not perfect, but I'm certainly not weak

 

[Infern0]

I already told the story of the guy she replaced me with, killing himself a year later.

He lasted 7 months or so until she got rid of him, poor dude ended up chronically depressed and isolated then overdosed a few months after.

Shes currently about 4 months or so into the latest dude and has tried to break nc with me twice in the last week, so we know whats up right.

Its the same pattern always but just stay safe, you get to a certain point you just roll your eyes at it all.

 

[Mikeman123]

i totally agree with the jezebel spirit business as well, read a ton about bpd and recently about the jezebel and there so many commonalities they are on in the same the diff is religious people see them at jezebel spirits and a spiritual warfare going on and non religious people see them as bpd mentally ill women, doesn't really matter which container they are held in, their hearts, mind and distructive intent is always the same no matter what form or shape or colour they come in, FACT

 

[Mikeman123]

my problem is i'm still in the thick of it to the point where i still might take her back, she has been nc for 6 weeks now and so have i, my worst struggle is how my mind keeps trying to convince myself mine wasn't bpd and that i just fuked up the relationship or wasn't good looking enough for her or blah blah

but then i try to step back and look at the facts, if she truly wasn't attracted to me and was a sane woman she wouldn't have tried to get me to get her pregnant and want me to marry her, and also wouldn't have expressed her undying love for me and just bailed at the first argument

 

[Magpul301]

Funny that this is the top thread I see coming back to this forum after a 13 year absence...

I have had quite the experiences since that time, but I have recently exited a 3.5 month relationship with a 24 year old girl I believe to have Cluster B disorder. I did everything I could possibly do for this girl, gave her more affection and love than I can describe, and she suddenly ends it the day after she has a drunken night at the bars and degrades me in front of her friends and I catch her talking about her ex to another guy friend. This girl told me that she would never leave me, that she has never loved another person as much as me, that she came to me when she had problems instead of her dad and friends. She got my family involved in emotional attachment, saying she was going to marry me to my mom and talking to her about wedding venues. We talked rings and a house and kids, everything. I ignored the red flags.

Her mom left her when she was a kid, came back when she was a teen, and left her again. Her dad is paralyzed from the chest down due to a drunk driving accident where someone hit him. He's actually not her real dad, she doesn't know who her real dad is. She had anorexia throughout high school. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety and prescribed an SSRI for it. Married at 19 and divorced at 20. Lived with 3 guys (including me) since then. Drank heavily. Loves the bar scene and social media. If I mentioned anything that could possibly be a challenge to her she would go off on me, literally like a mother scorning a child or an over zealous manager reprimanding an employee. Things were so good in the beginning and I genuinely fell for this girl, she was my unicorn. Extremely beautiful, we could talk for hours about anything just holding and kissing each other, I haven't felt a connection with anyone like that in a long time. But she ended up being false. None of it meant anything to her in the end.

Slowly recovering. I was a complete mess for the first week. I have drank everyday since then and it's now been exactly 2 weeks since we broke up. But I can feel myself coming out of it. I think about how loving and supportive one of my previous ex's was compared to her and it definitely helps because I know what it feels like to have someone actually love you and not be playing you the entire time.

 

[Mikeman123]

see mine was the waif type so it's harder to see the brutal part of them cuz mine never freaked out at me and never was vocally mean to me and hit me or whatever and she had kids so she really couldn't be out all nigh fuking around and doing drugs and ****

but she did do her fair share of being emotionally cold towards me and pushing and pulling away right after very close intimate times(next day), breaking up with me 2 days after trying to get me to get her pregnant and saying that "we made it babe we are finally together and be happy for the rest of our lives", sending me a pic of a wedding ring she wanted hinting that it's the one i should get, hard core making out with me for hours one day, having sex for 4 hours one night and the next day all cold and won't even kiss me, constantly sticking up for her ex husband and feeling bad for him that we are together and happy now but she feels sad for him cuz she hopes he finds a girl (who the fuk does that), and our last fight was about her ex and her sticking up for him when he was being mentally abusibe to his own children and i tried to stand up for them, myself and for her and we had a big fight about it and the next day bam, drops me like a piece of garbage, totally blames everything on me, saying she should have seen all my red flags and warning signs and that i was mentally abusive to her throughout our whole relationship (even tho i did everything for her and she said countless times i'm the best thing that's ever happened to her and am so amazing to her and treat her like gold)

just fuking blah blah blah i'm so sick of all this ****

she actually had and still semi does have me convinced that it was my fault and that she deserves better but when i think back about how i treated her and all i did for her the fact just don't line up with that being possible

 

[Mikeman123]

mine was the same as urs too Magpul at the start we would stay up on the phone all night talking for like 4 or 5 hours a night talking for hours and hours about everything, conversation never got awkward ever and the fuking love bombing and how intense and so in love with me she apparently pretended to be had me feeling like i've never felt in my entire life, it's as if everything had meaning, it all made sense, my life was never more clear that it was in the idealization phase

like i said to my family if i had won a million dollars in the lotto i wouldn't even have gone to cash the ticket right away cuz my life was perfect nothing else mattered :/

still don't even know what my life looks like without her, i'm only 6 weeks out and it's a struggle every single day

i started this thing yesterday where i said i'm going to start asking out every cute girl i see from now on period i don't even give a fuk if i get rejected cuz nothing can hurt worse that where i am now

problem is i still don't even really want any other girl than her and i need to get that poison out of my blood asap

 

[Infern0]

my problem is i'm still in the thick of it to the point where i still might take her back, she has been nc for 6 weeks now and so have i, my worst struggle is how my mind keeps trying to convince myself mine wasn't bpd and that i just fuked up the relationship or wasn't good looking enough for her or blah blah

but then i try to step back and look at the facts, if she truly wasn't attracted to me and was a sane woman she wouldn't have tried to get me to get her pregnant and want me to marry her, and also wouldn't have expressed her undying love for me and just bailed at the first argument

I went through all the same stuff


Btw she WILL try to come back at some point, mine always does. The first couple of times i never thought it would happen but i went from 8 weeks of NC to having sex with her in my car in the space of an hour.

Its nothing to do with your looks.

What i WILL say i that most of us who end up with bpd do have some nice guy traits and neediness issues which triggers them faster.

Use the time to really dig in and figure yoursekf out because as i say she WILL reach out at some stage and you dont want to be in a vulnerable position when she does.

 

[Mikeman123]

what i don't get is how a woman bpd or not can tell u all that soul mate, twin flame, paint pictures about our love and cards and 6 page love letters about how i put fire in her soul and she wants to do back flips off of bridges and she will always make me a priority and put me first and be my rock

then a month and half after break up with me and tell me that sorry this wasn't meant to be forever but that is a great charismatic guy who's handsome and funny and amazing and i'll find a girl one day that will love me with the same ferocity that i love her with but that she just doesn't love me as strongly as i love her and she doesn't know if she's in love with me and isn't as attracted to me as she thought she would be, so brutal after she told me to my face im the only man she ever wants to be with in her life and running the side of my head telling me how attracted to me she is fml

mind u one week prior i almost broke up with her cuz of how she was being cold to me and she cried and begged and pleaded for me to not leave her cuz she thinks she's depressed and she wants me to come to come to councilling with her so i can see how much she is fuked up from her childhood but that so i can also see how much she loves me and wants to make this work, stupid fuking me i take her back for the second time in a month and a half

 

[Magpul301]

I went through all the same stuff


Btw she WILL try to come back at some point, mine always does. The first couple of times i never thought it would happen but i went from 8 weeks of NC to having sex with her in my car in the space of an hour.

Its nothing to do with your looks.

What i WILL say i that most of us who end up with bpd do have some nice guy traits and neediness issues which triggers them faster.

Use the time to really dig in and figure yoursekf out because as i say she WILL reach out at some stage and you dont want to be in a vulnerable position when she does.

I'm preparing myself for the possibility of this happening. When my ex moved all of her stuff out on Friday she said "Today has been a disaster. The truck overheated and I only got one load in my car. I may have to come back in the morning if that's ok", I didn't respond. Twenty minutes later she sends a text that says "Nevermind got everything." Seems like she was just baiting me into a response. I haven't said a word to her since then and I never ever intend to again. I hope I am strong enough to realize what has a very real chance of happening if she comes back begging at my feet.

 

[Mikeman123]

mine broke up with me tho and had a new bf in 4 weeks and is all over facebook with him and posts about how people should never settle for mediocre love cuz there are too many mediocre things in life and in my mind i'm like yah all those journal entries and things u made for us and how u said u felt about me feels so much like a mediocre attraction, such fuking bull****

i don't know if mine will come back she saw a therapist for one day right while we were breaking up and i dunno what the hell she told them but they apparently told her not to meet with me for a face to face ending after the session even though she did, and she said i was a narcissist and mentally abusibe to her and manipulated into staying in the relationship with her for 1.5 years even tho all she did was beg me to get her pregnsnt and say how much she wants to marry me, yah fuk sounds like i'm totally forcing u to stay in this, like honestly guys it's all so much of a huge joke i think this is that gaslighting thing where i would look at all her words and then see all her actions but i felt and still feel like i don't even know what the fuk is going on anymore

 

[Mikeman123]

i honestly don't know if mine will ever come back i used to have dreams of her coming back to me and i hope i'm strong enough not to take her back to, i promised myself i would never answer a txt or call but that if she showed up on my doorstep begging that if she got help i might consider it, like i said she's been nc with me for 6 weeks tho so i just don't see it? plus she has 2 kids and her crazy ex who i'm sure she told that she stuck up for him by breaking up with me to make him feel better and all of her friends and family that she spent 8 months bragging about me too and blowing me up and how amazing i was and we were meant to be together, so when she ended it with me she must have had to come up with some crazy stories to them all about why she ended it with me after she fought for me so hard and spent so much time bragging about me, and i don't think she could face her friends and fam again if she came back after all that without them thinking that she is crazy

 

[resilient]

Agree with what infern0 said above. The best thing you can do during NC is to focus on yourself. Get your house in order in all aspects of your life. Dial up your old buddies and hang out with them. Start lifting weights if you haven't started already.

One of the damaging aspects of cluster B's is that they know how to rip your self-esteem to shreds. They psychologically attack your weaknesses or will over-inflate your ego with lovebombing.

Get good at reading other people's emotions and angles in a conversation, so next time you can be prepared and see through the manipulative games. Always be prepared to walk away if you're not treated fairly with the same amount of respect as you give others.

Write down your core beliefs. This will help you to screen out people that detract from your goals.

Become so strong internally and externally that the thought of the cluster B ex reaching out is a joke. In other words, you receive a text, you acknowledge you received it for yourself, but then you go about your business. The pain of reuniting for an evening, a week, a month, whatever is not worth it - when she knows she can discard at any time.

Finally, don't be hard on yourself. The good news is that your free and clear from this toxic person.

Your life will improve with distance and firm NC.

 

[Mikeman123]

i've been doing everything in my power, cleaning house, cleaned whole garage, in gym 2.5 hours a day 7 days a week, lost 37lbs just since she dumped me, bought a dog, started voice, guitar and piano lessons, hanging out with friends

it's just like nothing i do no matter how much takes my mind off her and what i thought she was in the idealization stage and how amazing our lives could have been, i can't look at the stars, can't drive by our spot, can't go to starbucks, can't go to our movie theatre, i was so attached to her kids too, had pics they drew me on my fridge, had to get rid of everything in garbage bags and gave it all back to her on the last day (and u know what she said, "i don't understand why people do that? lol) i literally feel ruined :/ fuk i hate this, easily the worst fuking thing that could ever happen to anybody next to going to hell

 

[Dingo]

I can TOTALLY relate to this ^... She is everywhere.... and it does royally suck...

 

[Mikeman123]

I went through all the same stuff


Btw she WILL try to come back at some point, mine always does. The first couple of times i never thought it would happen but i went from 8 weeks of NC to having sex with her in my car in the space of an hour.

Its nothing to do with your looks.

What i WILL say i that most of us who end up with bpd do have some nice guy traits and neediness issues which triggers them faster.

Use the time to really dig in and figure yoursekf out because as i say she WILL reach out at some stage and you dont want to be in a vulnerable position when she does.

yah but Infern0 did she end it with u or did u end it with her the first time, also did she have a new guy right away?

I just want this bpd/jezebel thing to be gone from
her and to have the real human being who's buried deep in there somewhere to be free and be able to choose me