The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[S. Aureus]

Brother, thats why i told u, to cut out all communication with her. No matter how smart and rational we are , the hope of her coming back to us will wake up again. No matter what we speak to ourselves, the joy of her grieving over us is still present in our minds.

But believe me, time heals everything. And others puss!es ofc

Even if it isnt for me, it helps.
But it is difficult seeing her nearly all the day and she being her (giving hug, being flirty and all to my friends).
The only thing that it helps its that she wants to have me at least as a friend, and I dont give her the chance

 

[alex_in24]

@S. Aureus Don't give her that satisfaction of being you friend. She doesn't deserve you. End of story.

DAY 54 here..

 

[BlueAlpha1]

The birthday night was OK. Had plenty of support. I love my boys, but am not a big fan of strip clubs.

I am now on Year 2. I am going to try to make a conscious effort to power myself forward in the letting go process. I was holding onto hope that her knees would buckle and she'd say hello on my birthday. But if it didn't happen yesterday it's not likely to for a long, long time.

I am human and the ego is a dangerous thing, but I would guess it gets easier from here.

 

[alex_in24]

The birthday night was OK. Had plenty of support. I love my boys, but am not a big fan of strip clubs.

I am now on Year 2. I am going to try to make a conscious effort to power myself forward in the letting go process. I was holding onto hope that her knees would buckle and she'd say hello on my birthday. But if it didn't happen yesterday it's not likely to for a long, long time.

I am human and the ego is a dangerous thing, but I would guess it gets easier from here.

That's the thing with BPD women. Literally one day you are the best thing that has ever happened in her life, and the next day the hypergamy kicks in and forgets about u in a matter of seconds.

I broke up on 25 march this year and I am doing pretty well honestly. I fought with a lot of emotions the first month and a half but eventually i got to a state where i feel happy about myself every single day.

But there is this one thing that I just can't get rid off my mind. I understand that BPD women get over break up and branch swing much much easier than the rest of us, but WHY is that ? Literally the first 30 days, i didn't even want to look at other women, I thought that as a disrespectful thing to do. But my ex didn't even bother fvcking my neighbor in just days after we broke up. And I was "the love of her love, and she couldn't imagine her life without me".

I simply can't accept the fact that she got over me that quickly. It's not about loving her, or missing her anymore, none of that. It's about my ego i guess.. This thing bothers me, nothing else. Because if she could fvck some other guy just DAYS after an awful break up, did she ever love me like she said she did ? Thats fvcked up..

 

[BlueAlpha1]

That's the thing with BPD women. Literally one day you are the best thing that has ever happened in her life, and the next day the hypergamy kicks in and forgets about u in a matter of seconds.

I broke up on 25 march this year and I am doing pretty well honestly. I fought with a lot of emotions the first month and a half but eventually i got to a state where i feel happy about myself every single day.

But there is this one thing that I just can't get rid off my mind. I understand that BPD women get over break up and branch swing much much easier than the rest of us, but WHY is that ? Literally the first 30 days, i didn't even want to look at other women, I thought that as a disrespectful thing to do. But my ex didn't even bother fvcking my neighbor in just days after we broke up. And I was "the love of her love, and she couldn't imagine her life without me".

I simply can't accept the fact that she got over me that quickly. It's not about loving her, or missing her anymore, none of that. It's about my ego i guess.. This thing bothers me, nothing else. Because if she could fvck some other guy just DAYS after an awful break up, did she ever love me like she said she did ? Thats fvcked up..

I think it just comes down to impulsivity and recklessness, and having never been held accountable for their actions. Pretty girls get away with murder. Plus the abandonment paranoia. They cheat on you/move on before you have time to do it to them, as a defense mechanism. But from everything I read about BPD, it doesn't last with the new guy either. But I could be wrong.

I don't worry about my ex banging other men anymore. She definitely is. I've banged other women since she left. Last night I was humping strippers, bartenders, getting shots transferred by mouth, been with escorts, had another gf since then, whatever.

Loss of great sex is only one aspect of the pain of a breakup. It's not about jealousy for my replacement anymore. But I do have this narcissistic ego tendency where I want to know that no matter how many c0cks she rides, I haunt her dreams the way she's haunted mine. That she stares at that tattoo for a split second every day before getting up. That she cried on my birthday yesterday. That knowing because she's 35, two kids and thunder thighs, and me 27 and with no baggage, she knows that one day she'll be sorry for her choice. She may have a few good years left in her - some women don't hit the wall until after 40. But there will be a day where she's 42 and I'm 34, and if there's such a thing as SMV, she will realize I was the best she ever had. I've traveled the world and have many more places to go and offered to share that with her. It's not likely she'll do any of that without me.

 

[Glassguy]

I think that I'm past day 60 now. Not sure because I really don't keep track anymore.

I did see my ex on the golf course yesterday. She was playing with her new bf, her parents and her brother. Her mother and brother actually came over to say hello to me before they started their round. They were a hole and a half behind us, but still awkward. I noticed that she was glaring over my way several times and when she knew they were in my view she would go out of her way to grab his arm, obnoxiously laugh really loud......very corny and childish to be honest.

I just shook that sh!t off and kept focus on my game since I was under par and honestly past the point of giving a fvck. I am down 20 lbs, athletic and have a great tan going on right now and I am sure that she noticed that lol.

One thing that stuck out is that she cut her hair so short that it was just to her neck line. Very odd. Good for her because that stuff doesnt phase me anymore.

 

[finality]

Day 35 or something.

The ex sent an email yesterday saying sorry for how she behaved.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 35 or something.

The ex sent an email yesterday saying sorry for how she behaved.

Interesting. Did you respond?

Had to touch base with the ex to sort out logistics and her moving out. All done now so no reason to speak to each other again.

Day 2 of pure NC.


We briefly broke up last year. Longest we went without talking was 11 days. In that period I managed to spend more time with friends, find a rebound chick and was well on my way to healing. As if she could sense this, she sent me a message on day 11 saying she was happy seeing me smile (I’d changed my whatsapp picture to me and a few friends enjoying ourselves) and that she was “happy with the guy she was now seeing”. I couldn’t believe it. I should have ignored her message but curiosity got the better of me. I asked if they’d kissed. She said yes. I asked if they’d slept together and she replied “Yes”. I’m not going to lie gents.

This floored me. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced as much pain and anger than in that situation. It’s a moment I will probably remember for the rest of my life. I told her to never contact me again. She proceeded to blow up my phone, tell me it was a mistake, she loved me, she thought things were over for good, blah blah blah. I was distraught and a few days later in a moment of weakness took her back.

Fast forward to today and things haven’t changed much. She still doesn’t take responsibility for her actions and shows no signs of changing. She initiated the break up. Probably deserved it because I have gone through periods of treating her pretty crappy – largely BECAUSE of her less than stellar personality traits. I told her if that’s what she wants then there’s no going back. The relationship has run its course.

The way I see it, the moment she slept with another guy that’s when the relationship died for me. You can say I did too but she initiated the break up and that was the major difference. Things were never the same after that.

It really is heroine. I know absolutely this relationship is not in my best interests anymore – probably for both of us. But it’s so easy to go back to the familiar and comfortable. I am 99% certain that if the emotions cleared and I had a replacement chick I would not take her back under any circumstances.

I just need to have the strength and the necessary distractions. It’s funny that if a year ago I had simply ignored her messages I would probably be in another relationship with an even better woman now. Just need to have the conviction to ignore her if and when she comes calling. My main issue is around the fact that because I didn’t treat her right I feel in some way responsible. I need to get rid of that thinking and implement change for myself and the next woman rather than trying to fix damaged goods.

 

[Carpathian]

I think that I'm past day 60 now. Not sure because I really don't keep track anymore.

I did see my ex on the golf course yesterday. She was playing with her new bf, her parents and her brother. Her mother and brother actually came over to say hello to me before they started their round. They were a hole and a half behind us, but still awkward. I noticed that she was glaring over my way several times and when she knew they were in my view she would go out of her way to grab his arm, obnoxiously laugh really loud......very corny and childish to be honest.

I just shook that sh!t off and kept focus on my game since I was under par and honestly past the point of giving a fvck. I am down 20 lbs, athletic and have a great tan going on right now and I am sure that she noticed that lol.

One thing that stuck out is that she cut her hair so short that it was just to her neck line. Very odd. Good for her because that stuff doesnt phase me anymore.

Well done glassguy for having the fortitude to maintain your form under such obvious provocation from your ex. I know how difficult it is. My ex once came over to me at the supermarket checkout aisle with her new boyfriend and queued behind me deliberately even though there were other free checkout aisles available. The evil b1atch. I never even spoke to her and her boyfriend was horrified.

 

[Carpathian]

Be VERY, VERY careful. Do not take responding or engaging back lightly, in any way. You may feel immune right now after 35 days NC. Men often do. Opening the door and engaging again, has the potential to mess with you more than you can imagine. Many would advocate stay NC.

If you do respond, realize the risks and only do so with massive levels of centeredness. Realize your response is what will feed her satisfaction and also has the potential to restart another cycle of you two sleeping together and being together and breaking up, all over again. Especially in your case @finality she can affect you like a drug given to a former addict. Treat her and interacting with her (on any level) with no less caution.

^^^^THIS^^^^
Look at what I did last week. After 60 days NC she emailed me to say sorry how we broke up and I responded and it took me back and taken me ten days to recover my frame again.

 

[alex_in24]

All men and women are very tempted when it comes to receiving a text from their loved ex.

But very few endure that temptation and hold frame. I know it's hard. I know that feeling in ur chest when u read that email or that sms or that incoming call. But believe me people, the feeling that u get after ignoring those calls,texts,emails etc etc is unbelievable. It is the same feeling that u get when u accomplish something big in your life by yourself and that is PURE HAPPINESS !

 

[Glassguy]

Just ignore those emails, texts, calls, etc. Its really not that hard when you stop and think about where you're going to be if you do decide to answer them. The results arent good people. The break up was for a reason. Nothing is ever going to be the same after it, so acknowledge it, embrace it and move on. Dont even respond back with "stop texting me". Just dont respond.

 

[Asmodeus]

^^^^THIS^^^^
Look at what I did last week. After 60 days NC she emailed me to say sorry how we broke up and I responded and it took me back and taken me ten days to recover my frame again.

Hmm... I was on the fence considering making contact with my ex to apologize to what I did to her. I am now off that fence... My "no-contact" is a very different kind of thing though, it is more out of respect for her and the thing that would help her heal than for me trying to control any longing that I feel.

You all are right, an apology does not mean that you can ever return to things. The thing that caused the problems and the ultimate separation is always there, and always exists. To go back is to jump back on that doomed sinking ship. Likely the apology is just the trying to either make themselves feel better, it is not for you as one would assume. I must even admit, in assessing my own mentality I realize that the apology I was going to send was only self-serving to help relieve me of a slight burden. It does not mean they want to return to you, it just means that they want to end the story with them being the hero of it, or at the very least not being the villain.

 

[alex_in24]

Day 56 NC

Woke up with the smell of the linden trees that are just beneath my window. Oh god, the smell reminds me so much of her. Can't help myself but think of the times when we were at the park, chasing and fooling around.
The last friday I was at the club with my cousin and some friends. I was having a super great time until just one song came along. And it hit me. My cousin knew what it was immediately and he took me to the bar to get some drinks but i don't wanted any.

It is so fvcked up guys...u are doing great, lifting, eating,working, having any kind of distraction and then just a smell, a place, a touch, a song or a fvcking commercial on the fvcking tv can fvck u up... I am aware that i could have had these memories with any other girl ..but I have them with this particular BPD girl who brought something in my life that i couldn't have imagined that it even existed.

The break up (and the relationship) is the most traumatic thing that i have ever experienced in my life. More traumatic than my granddad's death, grandma's death and my parents ending in hospital.

It's Day 56 NC, and almost 3 months since the break up. Honestly 99% of the time I am doing pretty well, in fact super well. I go out a lot, i study a lot, I got a lot of other girls and plates and I am overall a happier person.

But If I had to choose, would I go through this relationship and break up again exactly the same way ? YES YES DOUBLE YES! Why ? Because I HAVE GROWN. I learned things. I experienced soo much pain. I endured all of that just to become a better person in the future. And I am already seeing the results from my transformation. Eventually the pain and the regret will subside, but the new me will take its place.

I just can't thank god enough for bringing me into this forum with these beautiful people here who experience the same or greater pain than me and share their experiences with all of us. We help eachother and that's a very human thing to do, remember that. I am not feeling alone, even though u may be thousands of miles away from me. Every single one of us is in pain, has felt it, and is fighting so hard against it. I admire all of u.

Best regards

 

[Carpathian]

You speak lovely words Alex. Yes, we are fellow brothers and sisters sharing a common cause against people who wronged us and underestimated us. We shall prevail and have the last laugh. Oh yes, we most certainly will, and they will see with their own eyes how wrong they were dumping us. Now that we are battle scarred against the misdeeds they levelled at us we fear no adversity when it confronts us henceforth. It has made us, each one of us, a better person, and ultimately a better partner to a lucky one out there we yet not know. That person will be blessed.

 

[alex_in24]

Day i dunno what day and i dont care

Just got back home from an epic first date. Life is good. Be happy

 

[Glassguy]

My ex fiance just texted me "Happy birthday. I hope you have a great day!".

I thought about waiting 5 hours or so and simply responding "thanks". But I dont think that is a good idea. Someone please back me up on that lol.

 

[alex_in24]

My ex fiance just texted me "Happy birthday. I hope you have a great day!".

I thought about waiting 5 hours or so and simply responding "thanks". But I dont think that is a good idea. Someone please back me up on that lol.

If u aint replying like "b1tch i aint fvcking with you", then dont even bother replying at all. Trust us on this one, u will feel a lot better when u realize that she is the one chasing after u now, and u dont give a sh1t.

 

[Glassguy]

If u aint replying like "b1tch i aint fvcking with you", then dont even bother replying at all. Trust us on this one, u will feel a lot better when u realize that she is the one chasing after u now, and u dont give a sh1t.

You're right Alex. Luckily, I dont even want her to chase me. Maybe its just her way of trying to be "friends", which I am not about. Or maybe she just sent that as a feeler. I am not biting.

 

[alex_in24]

@Glassguy

Bro, u got to the point where u dont even want her to chase you. U are totally indifferent now, and thats why u wont even bother or stress yourself out over writing that "thank you" reply message. But believe me when I tell u this, please dont reply, i know that u will still be indifferent whether u reply or not but she wont ! She will feel miserable when she sees that u didn't give a single fvck today. And you can take that to the bank. Period.