"We have to talk. I'm moving out."

[disgustipated]

Don't move back in with her. Simple. Game her all over again. Once u put some good diick down pull back some, set the hook. Start rewarding and or punishing her by taking away your time or giving more of it. Always be aware of what's needed to balance things out in terms of your frame and act accordingly. If she engages you about talk about co habitating again, don't flat out say no but dangle in front of her that you're open to the possibility if.things keep going well. Dangle that carrot for her to.chase in the form of her good behavior. Don't spend every frickin night over there. 3 to 4 nights MAX if u have to. The less the better. Do not marry her. Do the same carrot dangling routine in regards to marriage. Get back into mms or something, something u do by yourself for yourself independent of her.

 

[Zarky]

I found an email she sent me a year ago of engagement rings she liked. She likes the man-made diamonds, which are cheap. One of them was $800, which is ridiculously cheap. I have enough car parts and junk sitting around to raise that money within a few days if I wanted. I'm not against the idea of marriage and children any more. When you're both 37 and neither one of you wants anyone else, denying those things to a woman seems kind of silly. I am not in a huge rush to propose, but I am considering it for the first time.

Yoda say: The oneitis is strong in this one.

Fat chick walks out on him, couple weeks later he's ready to marry her. You got played bro.

EDIT:

To point out the obvious..

Nothing she did was ever about not loving me, it was her feeling like I didn't love her.
[...]
she feels like someone who has felt neglected for a long time. She put up that for a long time from her ex-husband, before she finally moved out of state, and then finally cheated on him. I was reminding her of her marriage, and it freaked her out. I would rather have had this happen than have her cheat on me to tell me how she felt.

She has successfully pushed the responsibility for her own actions onto the men in her life. You are happily accepting that "it's all your fault."

SMH, man. S.M.H. The inner beta has escaped his confinement and is stronger than ever. The emotional rape has just begun. This will either end mercifully quickly in the next couple of months or will drag on for years before its inevitable demise.

I say again, you got played bro. And this is just the beginning. If you think this has anything to do with her feeling "unloved" or "neglected," you're deluding yourself. This was nothing other than a major power-play on her part during a time in your life when she calculated it would work. And she was clearly right.

You got played bro. We'll all be watching intently to see whether or not you can admit this fact to yourself.

 

[EastWind]

Whether it applies in this case or not, you should all remember that some women WILL walk out on a man they feel unloved by. I'm talking about "quality women" here, and I have two or three examples of this in my immediate surroundings. They always keep the relationship going wayyy too long, but then eventually break up with the guy if there's nothing coming from his end.

Yes, female AFCs. We get so caught up in our little world of evil women that we forget about them.

That said, it doesn't sound like this is the case here. I just felt I should throw this out there.

 

[Zarky]

Whether it applies in this case or not, you should all remember that some women WILL walk out on a man they feel unloved by.

Keep in mind though, that "feeling loved" is merely a way that a woman knows she has power and control over the man. When a woman feels like she's losing that control, she "feels unloved" and it makes her upset. The loss of power is what makes her upset.

Love = Power to women. When she feels a man "loves" her, she feels like she can compel him to do things for her and that he will protect her and not abandon her. This is the essence of love to women.

If the time comes when she no longer feels this power and control, she either leaves for real or tries major power-moves to regain it. In this case, it's obvious that the fat chick didn't actually intend to leave. She just put on a show of it to regain power. And it appears thus far that she's been successful.

If she were leaving for real she would have already lined up another man. Women don't like power vacuums. If a woman "leaves" you without having another man in the wings, you can be pretty sure it's just a power move.

Contrast all this with what happened to a buddy of mine years ago. Same exact situation, but the buddy immediately started dating another chick. 2 months later the original chick came back and was eating out of his hand. The guy dated both chicks for the rest of the year before finally taking back the original chick, who was now in a situation where she had lost power due to her failed power play.

EDIT:

(As I was typing this post, an ex of mine who dumped me a couple of months ago because I didn't show her enough "love" just texted to ask if I want to come over and have sex tonight. Oh, timing.)

 

[speed dawg]

Gotta love that arrogance and delusion, eh Bible Belt?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Someone whose opinion I value highly read all of this and told me "you aren't an AFC. You're an adult."

Honestly, yes I did get played, or it was a "power move," however you want to look at it. She wasn't getting what she wanted and now she is. To tell you the truth I respect her for it. But remember that I'm getting what I want out of her now, too. I got "played" into being happier.

If there is blame to give out, I blame the birth control. That sh!t is the devil to a long term relationship. I bet it causes more divorces and breakups than Facebook/Internet dating.

Everyone is welcome to their own opinions about me or about women in general, but the question to me is, how are you ever going to be happy with a woman if you view them all with such suspicion and lack of trust? I just can't be that way. That mindset is an obstacle, not an asset. I'd rather be a positive person who sees the good in people, including women. Hell, especially in women. I think that's why, for the most part at least, I have always done well with them.

 

[zekko]

Everyone is welcome to their own opinions about me or about women in general, but the question to me is, how are you ever going to be happy with a woman if you view them all with such suspicion and lack of trust?

I don't think I'm as cynical as a lot of the men on here, but the problem is she has already given you reason to be suspicious of her, she left you and rented an apartment behind your back. If you want to keep this woman around, that's your business. But I would advise you to think long and hard before rushing into a huge decision like getting married. A woman should earn that position with good behavior, not cause trouble to panic you into it.

 

[speed dawg]

Someone whose opinion I value highly read all of this and told me "you aren't an AFC. You're an adult."

So, since you're not getting the advice you want, now you're trying to pull the superiority card? We're not qualified now? Not worthy of your respect?

If there is blame to give out, I blame the birth control. That sh!t is the devil to a long term relationship. I bet it causes more divorces and breakups than Facebook/Internet dating.

I can't believe you really typed that.

Everyone is welcome to their own opinions about me or about women in general

I see what you're doing. Trying to frame this in a way that makes us, the anonymous SoSuave posters, look like we're attacking YOU. No, pal. We responded objectively to YOUR post, and your post only. That's literally all we have to go by. We don't know you. At least we don't know you well enough to comment on your character outside what you posted.

I think that's why, for the most part at least, I have always done well with them.

More arrogance?

Look, I'll tell you point blank how I see this situation. I see it as a major case of one-itis combined with your ego. You came to this site for advice, but you won't heed it. I mean, whatever, it's your life. You may be leaving out details. But I think SoSuave has spoken. Take it or leave it.

 

[Burroughs]

So Bible Belt considers *doing well with women* when an 80lb overweight landwhale manipulates him and wraps him around her little sausage fingers.

k..

this is why I'm so quick to call hopeless men faggots....some folks don't have the capacity to better themselves even when insight is provided

 

[Bible_Belt]

why I'm so quick to call hopeless men faggots.

It's because you are one and you hate yourself for it. You're the most obviously latent homosexual on this web site. That's why you have to call everyone a homo and a faggot. It's painfully obvious.

 

[goodganji44]

Bible Belt.

I think Burroughs was trying to give you the "bro you need to snap out of it" proverbial slap in the face you desperately need right now.

Yes you are acting like a faggot. Getting all emotional and sht on the message boards.Now you're trading insults because someone gave you their honest opinion on the situation. You're done for my friend. It's up to you for to realize this and properly begin your healing period.


No matter how much you try to rationalize and justify her actions. Just remember these three words.


SHE

LEFT

YOU

Let that soak in each time you supplicate your time, money and resources and waste your emotions on this woman. I hope you find success with your next one.


Best of wishes my friend.

 

[Burroughs]

Bible

You allowed an 80lbs overweight fat chick who dumped you:crackup: back into your life...

there's really nothing more you could say to embarrass yourself further

but hey keep being a faggot

 

[zekko]

I don't think the name calling adds anything to the discussion.

 

[Tiguere]

OK FIRST OF ALL STOP THE NAME CALLING. THIS IS THE SO CALLED MATURE PART OF THE FORUM.

THIS IS BIBLEBELT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT FOR CHRIST SAKES. not some noob who joined yesterday and is holier than thou.

he is going through a midlife crisis. he is human and the current emotions he is feeling right now ..well...he is entitle to them.

 

[Zarky]

So since the OP got completely checkmated by this chick and his mind is off in la-la land somewhere, the lesson for everyone else is:

What caused this to happen? And how could I prevent it from happening to me?

Something to think about.

My answer would be, as it usually is: always have multiple relationships going at the same time. Imagine what would have happened if OP weren't dependent on his one fat girl for all his social / sexual / psychological needs. And NB: you can't wait until the breakup happens to start dating other chicks and expect that to work. Too late by then, you need multiple established relationships for them to help when you have a crisis with one chick. Also, they tend to prevent these crises from happening in the first place.

The second thing I see is that OP got suckered into depending greatly on her in many other ways... phone, TV, furniture, dogs, etc. etc. etc... all were hers. She knew that withdrawing not only herself but all her stuff would show him how lost he is without her. Brilliant move on her part. I'll give her that.

She basically said, "Look around you, you are nothing without me, and you have nothing without me." He looked around at his empty place and his dwindling Facebook friends list and said, "You know what, you're right."

A move so forceful and which takes so much energy and causes distress to so many people (including families and friends) has one end goal: marriage.

EDIT:

I find it absolutely fascinating the OP originally stated that the chick gained "80 lbs" and then, once he allowed his world to be destroyed by her, changed that to "40 lbs."

Best thread on SS in months. So eye-opening with great lessons taught. Really a good one.

EDIT 2:

The only problem I see with her immense power-move is that she allowed him back in too quickly. This might prove to be the downfall of her plan. For her move to really work, she should have held out longer. Make him grovel, make him really beg. Flowers, more dinners, and within a month an engagement ring. That should have been her play. She buckled too easily, and that fact might save our OP.

 

[speed dawg]

THIS IS BIBLEBELT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT FOR CHRIST SAKES. not some noob who joined yesterday and is holier than thou.

All is good until he starts throwing his ego and superiority complex at us.

he is going through a midlife crisis. he is human and the current emotions he is feeling right now ..well...he is entitle to them.

FVCK that noise.

 

[evan12]

Yes, female AFCs

AFC females try to solve and discuss the issue , and beg some times , but here she rented a place behind him and moved without any previous sign , I dont call this woman AFC she is experienced woman and any way no AFC woman stay single till 37 unless she is very unattractive .

 

[user43770]

Great wisdom in this this thread. Posts like these are the reason I keep browsing this forum. I've learned more in this thread than any in recent memory. Generally these days, every thread is trivial, blatantly self-serving or links to why women suck. Those sh1ts are for the birds.

Sucks that it came at Bible's expense, a poster I respect.

Bible, I agree with the majority here. You're fvcking up.

 

[expos]

I'd say let Bible Belt be. Keep this thread running...and let him update it throughout the next few months so we can all see what happens.

He's a man, 37 years old, and he can make the decisions from here on out.

What I want see, is how much weight his girl is going to lose in the next couple of months. Will she do things to keep Bible Belt around? She needs to change her ways too.

 

[LongLostFriend]

Yeah. I have been in an almost-four-year relationship myself. It's not and never will be unconditional.