The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[adam225]

Thanks you two. You're both right. It's all in my head... I know. My main problem is lack of experience and the fact that I'm such a loyal person. I just need to get my head straight and snap out of this BS.

 

[fuko2007]

Yeh mauser is right. We have hampsters in our heads to and they can roll abt 90mph IF we let them. Try this out i found it to help. Whenever i start thinking abt her mainly at night, or when i pass her driving my heart starts to race and that hampster starts hitting some meth. I take a deep breth and and change my thoughts to else where. Then i pick up my phone and call a friend up and make some plans. It helps alot. Or if your like me refering to mauser's post HATE works also. I think of the worst thing she could be doing i.e. fvcking some guy right that second and get mad. But then i think hey man youve been gettin poon on the reg and have some plates spinning. But i also have other options like my boats to go on the lake or my hunting club to hog hunt or just some good ol boys to hang out with in the country and drink some cold ones. Meanwhile she is getting fvcked and left to sit at home or return to the only place she has friends....at a BAR. While im out gettin laid and having fun in the process so it kinda makes me sad for her and i look down upon her thus decreasing my attraction for her. Its been working really well the past few weeks. And girls like guys with options anyway who wants to go on a date to a bar everyday? haha. so keep your head up man and if you dont have a boat or land etc find something you enjoy doing ...go buy a gun and pick up shooting at the range or take some lessons in outdoor stuff like wakeboarding or something or just find some friends with access to these types of things. I just drove 4 hours lastnight to pick up my friend from the airport bc his flight got ****ed up and diverted to an airport a few hrs away ,..didnt get home till 1 am and he was upset over a girl stayed up till 3 to talk abt it then to work at 6. Helping someone else out also is a good way to make your self feel better. If you lived around here i would take u out and show u a good time. But hold your head up adam225 it sucks...i still hurt sometimes but it will get better i promise. Day 14 for me!

 

[adam225]

I live in the UK lol. We don't have guns over here like you lot . I hear ya though, to be honest I have got other hobbies that I like doing so I can get on with them. I just don't get why us lads find it so hard when they seem to not have that much of a problem. Arrrrrrr WOMEN !

 

[fuko2007]

I live in the UK lol. We don't have guns over here like you lot . I hear ya though, to be honest I have got other hobbies that I like doing so I can get on with them. I just don't get why us lads find it so hard when they seem to not have that much of a problem. Arrrrrrr WOMEN !

beacuse were not cold....and we dont have pu**ys inbetween our legs so options are fewer for us than they are them. But hey who cares we dont get labeld as hos hahaha

 

[sandy12321]

Day 1

 

[jeffreylebowski]

For those doubting whether this stuff works...lemme just tell you...it does.

Had a girl been on and off with for 3 years now. 2 years ago in the fall we reconnect, **** goes south, get blocked from her facebook, called a stage 5 clinger, nasty email basically accusing me of relentlessly pursuing her (very exaggerrated, but yes, I was very beta). I did not respond. Ran into her 7 months later about this time last year at a bar...hadn't seen or heard anything about her and eventually had just stopped thinking about her. Exchanged pleasantries. Slowly start communicating...at her initiation...a month later, meet up, she emotionally vomits all this stuff about our past...i just calm it all down...we go out, we have sex. She comes at me like a stage 5 clinger. Next time we have sex, she says she loves me. Did not say it back. Next time, she says it again with an inflection like "come on, don't you love me too?" I did not say it back (can't remember what I said...honestly I was just caught off guard). So she starts to pull away a bit, not making counter offers, but continues to hit me up about random ****. So I put a stop to it, calling her out, she says we're just friends. I say cool, not what I'm interested in. Silence for 2 months.

2 months later, she starts hitting me up again...I play her off more, keep it light, whatever...I'm casually seeing a few girls anyway, but don't get me wrong, I had feelings for her the fall before. We eventually meet up...sex. Then more sex. She clearly wants a relationship. Asks me about other girls. I handle it ok...but was kinda insulted since she had dumped me beforehand. In any case, this goes on for about 2 months. Getting close, good times, fantastic sex...but she continuously is insecure about things. I reassure her (yeah, I had developed feelings again) more. 2 months ago she drops the bomb via text, complaining that I didn't ask to see her at all or make any effort over the last week (obviously there's a lot more details here...I did screw up some on the security and comfort side and got kinda passive about stuff)...I offer to talk about it...she says it won't do me any favors because she's pissed right now, but doesn't mean to avoid it altogether. I give it a day, tell her we should talk and get this miscommunication sorted out...no dice. Basically, she goes ape on me and fires off an angry text barrage saying she doesn't want to talk to me and making me seem like some kind of jerk who doesn't care about her feelings. I did not respond. Been in strict no contact for about 40 days or so.

 

[expos]

For those doubting whether this stuff works...lemme just tell you...it does.

Had a girl been on and off with for 3 years now. 2 years ago in the fall we reconnect, **** goes south, get blocked from her facebook, called a stage 5 clinger, nasty email basically accusing me of relentlessly pursuing her (very exaggerrated, but yes, I was very beta). I did not respond. Ran into her 7 months later about this time last year at a bar...hadn't seen or heard anything about her and eventually had just stopped thinking about her. Exchanged pleasantries. Slowly start communicating...at her initiation...a month later, meet up, she emotionally vomits all this stuff about our past...i just calm it all down...we go out, we have sex. She comes at me like a stage 5 clinger. Next time we have sex, she says she loves me. Did not say it back. Next time, she says it again with an inflection like "come on, don't you love me too?" I did not say it back (can't remember what I said...honestly I was just caught off guard). So she starts to pull away a bit, not making counter offers, but continues to hit me up about random ****. So I put a stop to it, calling her out, she says we're just friends. I say cool, not what I'm interested in. Silence for 2 months.

2 months later, she starts hitting me up again...I play her off more, keep it light, whatever...I'm casually seeing a few girls anyway, but don't get me wrong, I had feelings for her the fall before. We eventually meet up...sex. Then more sex. She clearly wants a relationship. Asks me about other girls. I handle it ok...but was kinda insulted since she had dumped me beforehand. In any case, this goes on for about 2 months. Getting close, good times, fantastic sex...but she continuously is insecure about things. I reassure her (yeah, I had developed feelings again) more. 2 months ago she drops the bomb via text, complaining that I didn't ask to see her at all or make any effort over the last week (obviously there's a lot more details here...I did screw up some on the security and comfort side and got kinda passive about stuff)...I offer to talk about it...she says it won't do me any favors because she's pissed right now, but doesn't mean to avoid it altogether. I give it a day, tell her we should talk and get this miscommunication sorted out...no dice. Basically, she goes ape on me and fires off an angry text barrage saying she doesn't want to talk to me and making me seem like some kind of jerk who doesn't care about her feelings. I did not respond. Been in strict no contact for about 40 days or so.

Good work! Too bad the girl is a little wacked...

 

[fuko2007]

For those doubting whether this stuff works...lemme just tell you...it does.

Had a girl been on and off with for 3 years now. 2 years ago in the fall we reconnect, **** goes south, get blocked from her facebook, called a stage 5 clinger, nasty email basically accusing me of relentlessly pursuing her (very exaggerrated, but yes, I was very beta). I did not respond. Ran into her 7 months later about this time last year at a bar...hadn't seen or heard anything about her and eventually had just stopped thinking about her. Exchanged pleasantries. Slowly start communicating...at her initiation...a month later, meet up, she emotionally vomits all this stuff about our past...i just calm it all down...we go out, we have sex. She comes at me like a stage 5 clinger. Next time we have sex, she says she loves me. Did not say it back. Next time, she says it again with an inflection like "come on, don't you love me too?" I did not say it back (can't remember what I said...honestly I was just caught off guard). So she starts to pull away a bit, not making counter offers, but continues to hit me up about random ****. So I put a stop to it, calling her out, she says we're just friends. I say cool, not what I'm interested in. Silence for 2 months.

2 months later, she starts hitting me up again...I play her off more, keep it light, whatever...I'm casually seeing a few girls anyway, but don't get me wrong, I had feelings for her the fall before. We eventually meet up...sex. Then more sex. She clearly wants a relationship. Asks me about other girls. I handle it ok...but was kinda insulted since she had dumped me beforehand. In any case, this goes on for about 2 months. Getting close, good times, fantastic sex...but she continuously is insecure about things. I reassure her (yeah, I had developed feelings again) more. 2 months ago she drops the bomb via text, complaining that I didn't ask to see her at all or make any effort over the last week (obviously there's a lot more details here...I did screw up some on the security and comfort side and got kinda passive about stuff)...I offer to talk about it...she says it won't do me any favors because she's pissed right now, but doesn't mean to avoid it altogether. I give it a day, tell her we should talk and get this miscommunication sorted out...no dice. Basically, she goes ape on me and fires off an angry text barrage saying she doesn't want to talk to me and making me seem like some kind of jerk who doesn't care about her feelings. I did not respond. Been in strict no contact for about 40 days or so.

Yeh the woman im here fir was an exact mirror. First they want to be FB's then they want a little more and if you dont give in they get mad. Then you do and they pull away and make you out to be the bad guy and leave you high and dry. Thats what mine did. it lasted about 2 years and after that im here. EMOTIONAL roller coaster man. best thing is to stay NC.

 

[fuko2007]

Day16.

Fellein a bit tierd. been rollin hard. im talking to a few girls right now and one seems pretty intrested. she sent me a pic lastnight and i would say hb7.5 to 8. I asked if she wanted to do something but she had dinner with her roommaet. She did counter offer though. GOOD sighn. There has been some gang stuff goin on around here and i got a saftey email on it. I fowarded it to everone in my adress book including my ex. I forgot to delete her out of my email. but i get one back from her work email adress saying :"i try to remember everything you taught me...smiley face..especially when i comes to saftey and guns" Then she sent me a foward but i deleted it before it got read. The only reason i looked at this one is bc i thought it might have to do with something from work. But it kinda set me back a bit. I hope that didnt make her think i still care or something. But anyway im really intrested to see where this things goes with this hb7.5-8 . Adam 225 how u hangin in there bud?

 

[jeffreylebowski]

Thanks. Suffice it to say...the problem clearly for me was that she is so incredibly insecure. She kept saying she was worried about getting hurt. Things were going pretty well...I was too available for sure, but we had plenty of great dates and stuff. The change came when she came over one night to watch a movie with another couple. The week before, we hung out 4 times, had the best sex we ever had (she gets off every time...sexual chemistry is great), she's making out in the cab with me saying "I like you so much...so much" (I said I really like spending time with you too...sue me, I was drunk, but she said "don't say it like that"). We were just off that night, got in some weird spat about trivia...I jokingly turned over in bed and said "Well just look it up on your phone then" I was kidding. We fall asleep, about an hour and a half later, she gets up and leaves...says she's not feeling well, don't get up. The whole next week, I kinda get the runaround...not blowing me off or anything, but she just is busy. She even goes so far as to say she doesn't want me to think she's blowing me off. I say I don't think that.

We go out the next week twice, to concerts...have a great time...I ask her what was up the other night, she just said they were being all couply and we were just off, and then "you got mad in bed"...I had to clear that **** up. Anyway, she got sick the next week, but the texting stepped up, even some phone calls from her (we are not phone people). Even got one text saying "I wonder when we will ever see each other again!" I was just like "I'm sure we will, now that you're on the road to recovery." Finally supposed to meet up on Saturday night...make plans to meet around ten after each of us has finished our obligations...she hits me up, I'm finishing dinner...she says "I can't decide what I'm gonna dooooo!" Well, instead of being the man and telling her, I asked if she was with her friends. At this point, she just shuts it down. Says she's going home, our schedules just didn't link up. I say "It's cool." No idea why said that. Then I get attitude. Next day she apologizes, I say no worries. I went to a movie (she was taking a nap)...she texts, I tell her I'm in a movie...she says dang, was going to see if you wanted to see a movie...I said well, let's go tomorrow. "Can't tomorrow. It's fine. Not a big deal." I suggest Tuesday. "Just hard to plan with the way work is going." Clearly, she was upset. Later I get a text "it feels like we're not even dating anymore." Ummmm....

So then bomb drops 2 days later. She's all apologetic, says she's not feeling it, but that some effort over the last week and a half would have been nice. When I termed it "miscommunication," that's when she got angry.

And fuko...she didn't want FB status...she started pulling away to friendship to protect herself. That's what she does. She walls up to avoid getting hurt.

In any case, I told her before her last tirade that I like her, but if she's not going to talk to me in person, I can't continue to see her.

 

[fuko2007]

jeffrey..man trust me this chick could be my ex's sister haha. Your best bet before you get to emotionally attached or invested is to go NC. She is not even counter offering. Sounds like she is loseing intrest in some ways. Especially when she said she wasnt blowing you off. Yall had plans at 10 one night, she texts you saying she dsnt know what she wants to do? yall had plans. Man its tough sometimes to read into this and accept what is going on. It was for me, took me a few months to realize it and everyone on the site telling me the same thing over and over. But man she is going to take you on a ride you dont want to go on and its just starting trust me. Stay NC and dont talk to her its the best thing for you. Just reread your post and think about that if she were one of your guy friends would you put up with that?

 

[jeffreylebowski]

Well fuko, the night in question...she had hit me up all day...asked me if I had eaten lunch...I was at the gym. Asked me what I was doing that night...told her I had dinner plans...she had an event to go to but said she might go out afterwards...asked if I wanted to meet somewhere around ten. I said yeah, dinner should be done by then...she said great I'll just touch base around then...she did...the plan was to meet somewhere around ten. She had been bombarding me with texts all day and all week. The sequencing is kinda difficult to explain, but on that night...I didn't really make her a priority...however, she made a much bigger deal about it than it should have been (surprise).

Don't get me wrong, I didn't handle everything super well either.

I already WAS invested man. We are broken up. I haven't talked to her in a long time. She lashed out at me over text. I didn't get LJBF'd. She came back to me wanting a relationship, not to casually date.

 

[fuko2007]

Well fuko, the night in question...she had hit me up all day...asked me if I had eaten lunch...I was at the gym. Asked me what I was doing that night...told her I had dinner plans...she had an event to go to but said she might go out afterwards...asked if I wanted to meet somewhere around ten. I said yeah, dinner should be done by then...she said great I'll just touch base around then...she did...the plan was to meet somewhere around ten. She had been bombarding me with texts all day and all week. The sequencing is kinda difficult to explain, but on that night...I didn't really make her a priority...however, she made a much bigger deal about it than it should have been (surprise).

Don't get me wrong, I didn't handle everything super well either.

I already WAS invested man. We are broken up. I haven't talked to her in a long time. She lashed out at me over text. I didn't get LJBF'd. She came back to me wanting a relationship, not to casually date.

well you know the answer to your question. You can expect this to keep going in circles man. Im telling you i went through the same thing. Its not worth it. Her way of seeing if she still has you under her thumb is seeing if you will enter into a relationship. Its time to heal man and move on. It sucks but dont go back. you dont want to have to be in a relationship like this man its not worth it. Keep NC and heal bro.

 

[adam225]

14 days today for me. I feel pretty good to be honest. The main thing on my mind today is that if I'll find a girl who is as forward and exciting as her in bed. She literally did anything I wanted lol. I guess there's only one way to find out....

 

[mustangguy]

5 days for me and after 4 days of feeling sorry for myself Sunday morning actually brought a 180 degree turnaround! I have a date with a women who initiated contact with me today and we're going to hang out at the park.
I'll probably laugh about this whole thing in 6 months but I feel so good why wait? I'm laughing now!!! LMAO!!!!

 

[mike465]

Hey guys

Stumbled across this site and decided to register purely for this topic.
Now obviously I'm far too paranoid to use my real name and mannerisms but I'd like to give this a go.
A couple of months ago I met this amazing girl (don't bother commenting on how short it lasted) and she was perfect, everything we did together was amazing, the sex, the laughter and everything. We were perfect together.

Then something happened. I had to go back home from university so we accepted that we weren't going to see eachother in person anything like as often as before. I had just finished my exams and was pretty confident that I'd ****ed the last one up so started stressing about the resit and revision before I even got my results back. So the jist of that is that I changed from the carefree person that I was with her into a ball of stress who would get irritated over pretty much anything. She tried her best to carry on as normal while I was in this rut but it got worse due to a few things:

1. I was very stressed with the exams
2. I got my first ever job and it was a big shift from what I'm used to
3. I am absolutely awful at texting (coming across well and understanding when people are joking over text)
4. I am actually bipolar and think all of this put me in a bit of a bad mood

Now basically she has said she has accepted it has finished...but I know there's something there, she texts me sometimes when I become quieter than normal (by the way I have begged a lot I'm admitting that, pretty pathetic looking back on the last couple of weeks). I want to try this because I feel that by continually contacting her it is making her feel very powerful and that she can take it as slow as she wants...which is really hurting me. I want to be the one with the busy, interesting life while she sits and wonders what I'm up to and has the itchy fingers on her phone as she tries to find the willpower not to text me. And then maybe when I go back to university in September we can start again and the spark will be back. Or at least if it isn't I'll have got over it.

I NEED YOUR HELP GUYS

It gets very very hard at night not to text and I always cave in because I convince myself that texting her is the only way to keep her thinking about me.

But I'm determined now

 

[adam225]

Mike - I would go NC with her for definite. The last thing you want is to put the power into HER hands. As men, we're the ones who need to be in control of the situation at all times. As soon as THEY get the hint they're in control, it's all downhill. Keep strong man. Trust me I'm there with you. We were together for 4 years and did soooo much together it's unreal. I thought everything was good until the other week when it came to an end.

 

[mike465]

Thanks Adam, that means a lot

I've never been in a long term relationship, always been just one night stands and casual things but I thought I was ready for one now, probably why I'm so hung up over this.

I absolutely hate the feeling I get straight after I text her because I can imagine her sitting there and getting the sense of satisfaction from knowing that I was thinking about her. Just wish I could reverse it so she can be the chaser.

If I can just resist the urge to contact her then I know I'll feel a lot better.
I know how much she thinks about me but sometimes my mind loses all sense and screams at me that she's forgotten all about me - you probably know exactly where I'm coming from. I'm sure she'd love for it to work out between us but is worried that we won't get along great over the summer (she was happy when we made plans and promised that we'd have days out and weekends together, I just ****ed it up). Maybe in Sept we'll sit down for a drink and we'll find it again but it ain't gonna happen if I keep pushing her away like this. I'll make sure I post regularly

 

[RedScorpion]

Hey guys

Stumbled across this site and decided to register purely for this topic.
Now obviously I'm far too paranoid to use my real name and mannerisms but I'd like to give this a go.
A couple of months ago I met this amazing girl (don't bother commenting on how short it lasted) and she was perfect, everything we did together was amazing, the sex, the laughter and everything. We were perfect together.

Then something happened. I had to go back home from university so we accepted that we weren't going to see eachother in person anything like as often as before. I had just finished my exams and was pretty confident that I'd ****ed the last one up so started stressing about the resit and revision before I even got my results back. So the jist of that is that I changed from the carefree person that I was with her into a ball of stress who would get irritated over pretty much anything. She tried her best to carry on as normal while I was in this rut but it got worse due to a few things:

1. I was very stressed with the exams
2. I got my first ever job and it was a big shift from what I'm used to
3. I am absolutely awful at texting (coming across well and understanding when people are joking over text)
4. I am actually bipolar and think all of this put me in a bit of a bad mood

Now basically she has said she has accepted it has finished...but I know there's something there, she texts me sometimes when I become quieter than normal (by the way I have begged a lot I'm admitting that, pretty pathetic looking back on the last couple of weeks). I want to try this because I feel that by continually contacting her it is making her feel very powerful and that she can take it as slow as she wants...which is really hurting me. I want to be the one with the busy, interesting life while she sits and wonders what I'm up to and has the itchy fingers on her phone as she tries to find the willpower not to text me. And then maybe when I go back to university in September we can start again and the spark will be back. Or at least if it isn't I'll have got over it.

I NEED YOUR HELP GUYS

It gets very very hard at night not to text and I always cave in because I convince myself that texting her is the only way to keep her thinking about me.

But I'm determined now

Sounds like you already know what the solution is. It's just a matter of convincing yourself that it's the right thing to do. The fact is, the two of you are away from each other right now. You should let it relax up quite a bit until that time again in september. Keep contact, keep friendly, but don't be pushing an engagement every day with her. It'll just turn her off. I know you want to keep close to her and keep you in her mind... but it's not the time for that. Refocus on yourself, having fun for the summer, making yourself look good - so when you see her again in fall, she'll be like 'wow, hey handsome'.

Just remember, your heart and emotions are needy bastards that are never fed enough. Go in and take your actions from the viewpoint of a confident, strong man. Your heart and emotions will be *****ing the entire time, but it's the correct thing to do.

 

[mike465]

Sounds like you already know what the solution is. It's just a matter of convincing yourself that it's the right thing to do. The fact is, the two of you are away from each other right now. You should let it relax up quite a bit until that time again in september. Keep contact, keep friendly, but don't be pushing an engagement every day with her. It'll just turn her off. I know you want to keep close to her and keep you in her mind... but it's not the time for that. Refocus on yourself, having fun for the summer, making yourself look good - so when you see her again in fall, she'll be like 'wow, hey handsome'.

Just remember, your heart and emotions are needy bastards that are never fed enough. Go in and take your actions from the viewpoint of a confident, strong man. Your heart and emotions will be *****ing the entire time, but it's the correct thing to do.

You're right man I do know that this is the right thing to do, in fact I've tried to imagine it the other way round and I know that it's definitely the right course of action.
Just sometimes as you know it gets pretty ****ing hard haha! I like the idea of this thread though, helping eachother through it, feels good knowing that others are going through it as well - even though I wish you all the very best!