"Romantic Rivalry" ??

[Mr.Positive]

In the past, I created a thread in a couple FEMALE message boards. I have a considerably higher page/post count than this one. My goal was to make it longer as I didn't care much for that women's message board. Iqqi is doing the same here.

OK, on the count of 3, we'll all stop posting in this thread. 1...2...oh, sh!t, I'm now posting in this thread. Let's make it a 5 count...

 

[Latinoman]

And do kindly provide us with the Official Guide to How Many Crushes Women Are Allowed To Have At Any Given Time, broken down by age and explained according to accepted norms of female psychological development, with footnotes leading to properly reviewed and published studies.

All I can provide (based on my experience) is how to get a woman interested in a man...how to seduce her...and more importantly, how to keep her interested on a man for a LONG time. And how to disqualify those that can become a liability to a man's happiness.

Other than that...I'm not here to talk about crushes or any childish thing.

 

[iqqi]

Well I have changed my age, to satisy the more anal of you. I will be as anal with all of your ages as well. Now please move my thread back, to avoid any obvious indications of singling out. Thanks.

 

[Rosemarie]

Typical woman (lacking leadership and accountability).

Yet another argumentum ad personam. Irrelevant, and even amusing in this case.

All I can provide (based on my experience) is how to get a woman interested in a man...how to seduce her...and more importantly, how to keep her interested on a man for a LONG time. And how to disqualify those that can become a liability to a man's happiness.

Then you have no authority on which to speak about the relative health of crushes in young, unattached women. It's outside your area of experience, never mind expertise.

 

[Latinoman]

Yet another argumentum ad personam. Irrelevant, and even amusing in this case.

That might explain why about 50% of your posts have been directed at...me.

Then you have no authority on which to speak about the relative health of crushes in young, unattached women. It's outside your area of experience, never mind expertise.

Give me a break...most of the women I attract are in the 28-31 age range. And it has not be THAT LONG ago when I have slept or make out with women in that age range. Who knows...maybe you were one too.

 

[Interceptor]

Intercepter, good post. However, our egos, as men, can save us sometimes. Sometimes it's our egos, that keep up from putting up with disrespect from women, and giving in and becomes AFC's.

Incorrect.Egos are artificial man made constrcuts designed to be put in place of authentic Self Esteem which comes from Expereince.
Ego cannot, and never will 'save' you.


NOT putting up with disrespect comes from and ONLY Comes from Personal Boundary.

And Personal Boundary is only STRENGTHENED by authentic Self Esteem.

Not ego.


The Ego is too vulnerable, and it is fake.

Self Esteem is like conctrete ,it cannot be 'harmed' or taken away.

Ego is like a balloon.

How easy is it to inflate it or delfate it or BREAK IT?

When you SAY "NO" to Bad Behavior this is your Personal Boundary at work, NOT YOUR EGO.




Ego validation, ego inflation, and ego gratification are to be avoided, in favor of authentic Self esteem.

Self Esteem gives strength to your Personal Boundary. And increased Self Esteem with a strong Personal Boundary means INCREASED Self RESPECT.

 

[LostAndConfused]

I didn't really bother to sort through the last 14 pages...I assume her problem has been fixed by now.

Anyone else see what I'm seeing?

Iqqi is a straight girl, no doubt, but she seems to be missing her role. She seems to want to play the role of a male Don-Juan, while still being scored on by men (notice how I used passive tense...not "scoring with men).

If you really would have succeeded with your crush, remember that your crush would have scored with you, not the other way around. Yes, both guys and girls want personality in their mates, but theres a stark difference in what guys want and what girls want, and you are blurring this in this thread.

*When a guy looks for a girl, he wants:
a.) Good looks
b.) Personality
c.) A person he can get along with.

*When a girl looks for a guy, she wants:
a.) Social approval of him
b.) Support/Comfort
c.) A person she can get along with.
d.) Looks that her female friends and enemies like (notice the stark difference here).

And how does a girl get this? She caters to what the guys want (makes herself look good every time she goes out, etc etc.), and in return, the guy shows that he somehow fits all of those things that the girl wants.

I really think your girlfriend got the guy because she used her good looks and feminine ways, not using Don Juan concepts.

The nullification of gender roles is a very feminist belief/concept, and your looking really feminist right about now .

 

[Interceptor]

Interceptor, would you be willing to hand your car keys to a known car thief when the chop shop is just down the street?

That's what Iqqi is doing when she takes this woman around any man she likes.

I personally don't consider it a mark of strength to hang around destructive people, never mind calling them my friends. I'll deal with them when it's necessary, but I won't hand them my keys.

Rosey, no , I woudln't hand them my keys.

And yes, you are right, I would NEVER EVER be seen even NEAR a known car thief.

HOWEVER.....
Iqqi has decided that she wants to spend time with this woman she knows, and she is an adult and can spend it wiht whomever she wishes.

She must accept, just like you and I , and everyone, that what is INSIDE her friend's Personal Boundary is OFF LIMITS to her, and VICE VERSA.

What does that mean?

She cannot EXPECT certain things from her (therefore , she should be aware of failings and know how to deal with them) and most importantly, SHE CANNOT CONTROl another human bieng.

Having said that, what DOES Iqqi truly "control"?

Only herself.

Only what is inside HER Personal Boundary.

If she has enough Self Respect, and Self Esteem, she will not let anyone 'take' anything from her, that she does not give willingly.
Her Self Respect and Self Esteem, if strong enough, will strengthen her Personal Boundary, leaving her invulnerable to other people guilt tripping her, trying manipulate her, trying to 'get' things from her when she is not in alignment with it.


If Ihave a million dollars in the bank, and only I know the account number, and I have enough self awareness (and shrewdness) to NOT just give ANYONE my account number, then essentially, NO ONE can get access to my money, my RESOURCES.

Your RESOURCES are inside your Personal Boundary, and NO ONE has easy access to them if you have Self Respect and Self Esteem.

If you have ENOUGH Resources, then NO ONE can force you to believe non productive thoughts or perform negative actions, or feel 'threatened" emotionally.
They CANNOT "take" ANYTHING from you, or 'harm" you.

They can only take away from your Ego and PRIDE, and harm your EGO, not your SELF ESTEEM and SELF RESPECT.

You simply are too above any petty behavior, and eventuialy, will only associate with those people who you deem to be of High Character.

And since you rarely ever feel 'threatend' , you never get 'defensive' or feel like you're 'losing' something.


If there are persons of questionable Character in your circle, then you decide if you want to be in their company.

And in this particular case dealing with men Iqqi may be interested in, she, you, and I and everybody else must realize that SHE NEVER HAD ANY CONTROL OVER HIS ACTION , THOUGHTS, OR DECISIONS IN THE FIRST PLACE, and NEVER WILL.

So what is happening here?

We are getting anxious,and worrying over things WE NEVER HAD ANY CONTROL OVER.
Namely,Iqqi's crush.
Just as we say "women are going to do what women do".
The same applies to Men.
The guy will go after Iqqi if he's truly interestd in her, if not, he'll go to what ever is interesitng at the moment, just like women will do.

And Iqqi has no say over that matter.


When we start to worry about what other people are doing, we are then in a REACTIVE Perspective.
One that is A Victim Mentality.
And this is the WORST Perspective to live under.

MOST people live in that mind set.

 

[Obsidian]

I don't know why you guys keep wasting time trying to convince these women. 14 pages now and running...

 

[Last Man Standing]

Iqqi, don't blame your friend. A guy would never choose another woman for the woman he truly wants (especially her friend) --- unless you gave off the vibe that you weren't interested, he preferred her over you!

I didn't really bother to sort through the last 14 pages...I assume her problem has been fixed by now.

Anyone else see what I'm seeing?

Iqqi is a straight girl, no doubt, but she seems to be missing her role. She seems to want to play the role of a male Don-Juan, while still being scored on by men (notice how I used passive tense...not "scoring with men).

If you really would have succeeded with your crush, remember that your crush would have scored with you, not the other way around. Yes, both guys and girls want personality in their mates, but theres a stark difference in what guys want and what girls want, and you are blurring this in this thread.

*When a guy looks for a girl, he wants:
a.) Good looks
b.) Personality
c.) A person he can get along with.

*When a girl looks for a guy, she wants:
a.) Social approval of him
b.) Support/Comfort
c.) A person she can get along with.
d.) Looks that her female friends and enemies like (notice the stark difference here).

And how does a girl get this? She caters to what the guys want (makes herself look good every time she goes out, etc etc.), and in return, the guy shows that he somehow fits all of those things that the girl wants.

I really think your girlfriend got the guy because she used her good looks and feminine ways, not using Don Juan concepts.

The nullification of gender roles is a very feminist belief/concept, and your looking really feminist right about now .

Fairly good summation for a 17 year old kid just out of diapers!

 

[iqqi]

Fairly good summation for a 17 year old kid just out of diapers!

Not really.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Not really.

Only a theoretical summation, of course - we weren't there or know her.

But mine was on point! Men don't choose someone they don't like over someone that they do, when they have the opportunity of having either. Can't win them all.

 

[iqqi]

Only a theoretical summation, of course - we weren't there or know her.

But mine was on point! Men don't choose someone they don't like over someone that they do, when they have the opportunity of having either. Can't win them all.

I definately plan on asking him the next time I see him (after he comes up to me and tries to holler) "so why did you get G****'s #?"

I will surely report back and give this thread some closure.

My "not really" comment was in regard to the what men want what women want summation. I want what the men want, not what the women want. WEIRD!? Or not...

 

[Last Man Standing]

I definately plan on asking him the next time I see him (after he comes up to me and tries to holler) "so why did you get G****'s #?"

I will surely report back and give this thread some closure.

My "not really" comment was in regard to the what men want what women want summation. I want what the men want, not what the women want. WEIRD!? Or not...

You shouldn't ask him that - you should already know!!!

I want what the men want, not what the women want. WEIRD!? Or not..

Yes, it is weird - read The natural Order Of Things... men want dominance over the submissive female..and not an aggressor.

She (your g/f) appealed to him maybe because of this. Maybe your hard-to-get strategy backfired and he took it as disinterest. When a 17 year old kid named "lost and confused" is right then you know you got problems!!

 

[iqqi]

You shouldn't ask him that - you should already know!!!

I want what the men want, not what the women want. WEIRD!? Or not..

Yes, it is weird - read The natural Order Of Things... men want dominance over the submissive female..and not an aggressor.

She (your g/f) appealed to him maybe because of this. Maybe your hard-to-get strategy backfired and he took it as disinterest. When a 17 year old kid named "lost and confused" is right then you know you got problems!!

Well you misread the whole thread then.

She was the sly agressor. I was submissive yet encouraging. He initiated the part between him and I.

Read the whole thing, or cease and desist.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Well you misread the whole thread then.

She was the sly agressor. I was submissive yet encouraging. He initiated the part between him and I.

Read the whole thing, or cease and desist.

Ok, I didn't read the whole thread. I knew you weren't aggressive - by that I meant "playing hard to get" and not going after him.

If you made yourself available and were encouraging then my premise still stands - you both made yourselves available and he chose her.

 

[iqqi]

Read the whole thread. Then I will consider whatever you have to say. There are things you are not taking into consideration, my friend.

Actually, edit: I will listen to what you have to say because I like you, however my mind is made up on this one. I really disagree with the common consensus of why he got her #, and what is going to happen next. Going off of my own experiences on this one.

I could "break it down" and show you where your thought process is erring, AND you could do the same with me. We won't get anywhere. Whatever arguments having to do with Crush Guy are no longer relevant. I never wanted advice about him. I am just fine with that part. I only had issue with the girlfriend. I have already decided what to do about her.

The more interesting part of this thread now has more to do with Rosemarie and Interceptor's ideas.


AND it isn't that serious. I am sick of Crush Guy now! I don't even know if I will want to talk to him ever again, lol!

NEXT.

 

[Rosemarie]

That might explain why about 50% of your posts have been directed at...me.

One of my less pleasant character traits: I like playing with my food. I've been baiting you to watch you jump.

Unbecoming and unproductive. I apologize to the rest of the board.

 

[aliasguy]

Iqqi wrote:

"AND it isn't that serious. I am sick of Crush Guy now! I don't even know if I will want to talk to him ever again, lol!

NEXT."


So all this analysis, dissection, talk, etc., is WASTED now, because your WHIM of wanting him (based, mostly, I'd guess, on your jealousy over your girly, younger, hotter little friend) is now GONE ----- in a similarly whimsical fashion (based mostly, I'd guess, on you finally recognizing that he's a lost cause, and preferred your "friend" over you)?


This is why I'm beginning to think that Latinoman is right about you.

Typical chick.

 

[Rosemarie]

Rosey, no , I woudln't hand them my keys.

And yes, you are right, I would NEVER EVER be seen even NEAR a known car thief.

HOWEVER.....
Iqqi has decided that she wants to spend time with this woman she knows, and she is an adult and can spend it wiht whomever she wishes.

She must accept, just like you and I , and everyone, that what is INSIDE her friend's Personal Boundary is OFF LIMITS to her, and VICE VERSA.

What does that mean?

She cannot EXPECT certain things from her (therefore , she should be aware of failings and know how to deal with them) and most importantly, SHE CANNOT CONTROl another human bieng.

Ah! Now I see where you're coming from, and I think we're on more or less the same page, just reading different paragraphs.

To sum up: Iqqi can't change her, so she has to live with the behavior or walk away. Those are her only two options. Personally, I find this kind of thing, as flags go, so very large and so very, very red that I walk. Competitive flirting turns the wrong people on and the right people off.

That's why I created this account. You guys are pretty good at thwacking each other when some poor fool posts something along the lines of, "My girlfriend is unfaithful/doing drugs/chronically unemployed/mentally ill/something worse. What do I do?"

This was a very similar question, I thought. At the very least, you do the same thing in both cases.

1. Accept the fact that you can change only your own behavior.
2. Decide what you're willing to put up with from other people.
3. Draw the line and hold it.
4. Face the consequences.
5. Assess the fallout. Was your choice of action a benefit or a detriment?
6. Go to step 1.

I'd add that if you live your life in fear of pain, you won't live. Pain is inevitable. There's a difference, however, between the pain of a lacerated arm and the pain of a lanced boil. Both hurt, but while the former is simply an injury, the latter is the first step required for healing.

And yes, the Crush's behavior is also outside of Iqqi's control, but it's certainly worth observing. For the most part, people are creatures of habit, and it helps to get a fix on those habits before one decides whether to commit oneself.