TooColdUlrick
Master Don Juan
i think it's good, but it's too long IMO. you can cut in half easily, while still retaining the most important things. chicks (people) on the internet have the attention span of a hamster on crack, and more importantly, it is assumed that you are a liar right off the bat.GtarPlayr73 said:Here's the final draft. I added just a touch of transition, a little more "spice", and improved the phrasing here and there. I think it's now as close to perfect as possible.
"I’m your true Gemini - always going for style over practicality. I’m all about experiences in sensory detail: microbrews, scotch, brandy, port, fresh-roasted coffee (you know, the kind the kind that comes in brown packaging with the oil seeping through?), hand-rolled cigars, glossy electric guitars, and European cars.
Being observant about detail and behavior has developed my dry sense of humor, so it follows that I love British comedy, especially anything by that lit’le, round, demigod Ricky Gervais. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I get dressed to BBC World News and I must admit, I love getting lost on mysterious tropical islands.
Experiences. I once spent a magical summer in Italy drawing and painting. If I end up living in a villa somewhere between Rome and Florence, well, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m an airplane nut and a licensed private pilot, but I haven’t gone Maverick since I bought the t-shirt. When you’re the only one in the airplane and you know you eventually have to bring it back to earth, it’s a pretty amazing feeling.
I’ve been indulging my passion for playing guitar and bass ever since I first heard Led Zeppelin's "Houses of the Holy" fourteen years ago. More recently, I discovered the addictive pleasure of writing and recording and I’m excited about a new band opportunity that is materializing.
Socially, I love to setup in a cafe and talk politics, religion, and societal trends – everything from the latest political eye-roller to why people believe what they do. While I don’t prefer to speak out until I have all the facts, my passions can get me fired up just the same, much to the amusement of my friends.
Strongly independent, I am often quite content to spend my time solo pursuing my passions and interests, but if the company is right, I’ll make the time and even share in the cooking duties…"
less is more.
think like an editorial "editor"...chop chop chop.
quick edit example...
A microbrew, double-malted scotch, hand-rolled cigars, and a glossy Les Paul Guitar. I tend to go for style over practicality. I love to kick it in a cafe sipping fresh-roasted coffee, engaging in politics, religion, the meaning of life, and naturally, Brad and Angelina's latest adventure [insert whatever]. The conversation may turn into a heated debate, or my Gemini eyes, rolling in amusement.
One of my true passions is flying. My solo flight was so incredibly heart-pounding and exhilarating, I felt like a virgin once again. I was. But now I can touch my dreams of flying back to Florence, where I once spent a magical summer, drawing and painting. Perhaps even getting stranded on a mysterious tropical island over the Pacific, playing and singing my favorite tunes, where we don't have a care in the world.
Come fly with me.
half the verbage, and more powerful, and mysterious i think, but yet conveys the same thing. your previous one basically told her everything about you. interject some humor in there. yours was pretty dry...as is this one. try to make her dream, think, feel, cry, and laugh. she'll contact you if look like Brad Pitt ;-)
**the gemini thing...that sounds a lot more like a libra to me, but i left your concept. definitely make sure this is consistent...chicks know that stuff.
oh, i wouldn't mention that you are in a band or starting one. no offense, but most "healthy" women will hit the back button in a second.
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