I posted in OYS this week and would like some other perspectives

[Money & Muscle]

did you ever try some dread game/competition anxiety?

I'm on level 7-8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb
Problem is that dread was only ever intended to save a dead bedroom... I fvck 4-5 times a week most weeks. I'm at the point where I turn down sex if I'm not seeing genuine interest.

 

[pipeman84]

I locked eyes with these two 18-20 year old baddies at the grocery store the other day. I saw something in their eyes that I haven't seen coming from my wife's eyes in a very long time - if ever. In that very moment, I no longer felt there was any good reason to be monogamous with my wife anymore.

This paragraph jumped out at me. That's a very good point to ponder for any guy thinking about marriage - considering all the women I could have sex with, why am I limiting myself to this one? There has to be something very special about her (and being 'hot' doesn't cut it).

You made your marital vows so that should be good enough reason. An honourable man wouldn't even consider cheating.

She's a SAHM who barely cleans, doesn't cook, puts absolute minimal effort into her looks - if any, diet and excercise are both subpar (she has 10-15lbs to lose), and can't stick to a budget unless I watch over her spending like I would a child with a credit card.

So what have you been doing to rectify these issues?

 

[The Duke]

I'm on level 7-8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb
Problem is that dread was only ever intended to save a dead bedroom... I fvck 4-5 times a week most weeks. I'm at the point where I turn down sex if I'm not seeing genuine interest.

I've always heard about dread game, but never took the time to read it. What you just shared helped me understand more about things I do that help me have success with women. There was a time I didn't do these things(in my marriage to first woman I had sex with).

I reside at the level 8-9. But push me and you will see level 10. I don't have a problem telling someone what I think. I have no fear of going alone. A woman is either in or out. Don't act right, and I will shut you out. I am the Captain of my own ship. I'm a dihk at times. And women respect me because of these things. My attitude is congruent with Dread Game and its congruent with my personality. Raw and Real is attractive to women, they find it very masculine.

Here are a few examples of Dread Game I've done in relationships that had major impacts on women.

Dread Level 8(Show her you are capable of talking to pretty girls)
There's a country dance bar that I have spent a lot of time in over the years. The best looking women on the planet go to dance there and there are always lots of them, which is why I liked it so much. I made friends with a HB9 smoking hot late 20's bartender. I never hit on her, never asked for her number, never over-tipped. She always remembered my drink, there was always a free drink thrown in the mix, she got my name on a list so I didn't have to pay the door fee and could skip the line. I made it a point to bring every new girl I dated and introduce her to this bartender. It convinced these new girls that I had options. And you can bet I got questioned on my relationship with the bartender, but it worked to my advantage. I was always vague with my replies. Every woman wants a desirable man. It turns them on.


Dread Level 9(Speak Plainly but no ultimatums).
My last LTR(I'll call her Heather) once told me how she thought we had great sex together and enjoyed our sex like no guy before. She asked me if I felt the same way. I did not, so I unknowingly threw some dread game out there and told her it was good but could be better. I told her that sex with my ex(whom she investigated on social media and thought was pretty) was the best I've ever had. My response ruined the night, she started crying and we went back to her house. She was over it the next day. From there on out she turned it up in the bedroom. We had way better sex than ever before. A few months later she asked me if I was happier about it and I told her yes, thank you and that I appreciated her effort. I knew I had a good girl.


Dread Level 10(Tell her how its going to be).
I broke up with my my last LTR(heather) several months back. We had the stress of building a new place together on a large tract of land that took about 2yrs to finish and her job was super stressful. My needs weren't getting met. I had to do all the work and wasn't getting much support from her. She was real combative. Her submissive side evaporated. I wasn't even in the mood to have sex with her and turned her down many times.

After leaving her behind at a restaurant 30miles from home and giving her the ultimatum that if she couldn't act right she needed to pack up her schitt and leave, she finally left.

One day I told her i would have a hot 25yo in 4wks to bang and thats what I did. It was the first new girl I'd fuhked in 5yrs and it was good to remind myself of what I am capable of. She still asks me about that 25yo. I refuse to tell her anything. We technically weren't together so it doesn't matter. But just the fact that I had what it took to get an attractive 25yo put her on notice once again. It also helped her realize where her value stood. Heather is still a nice looking HB8 that most all guys would want but she is in her 40's. A 40 plus y/o woman better act right, because she doesn't have youth to fall back on. Their power diminishes with their looks, they need to understand that. A top man keeps increasing his value as he ages. Always let them know how its going to be. Put your money where your mouth is.

She also wanted to take a break and live in separate places when we split up but still see each other. I refused. Told her I don't take breaks. I put that girl thru several months of heartache and emotional stress. We stayed talking but I was very short and didn't make much of an effort.

We are now talking again, so we will see. Who knows. I have no expectations or preconceived notions. If it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. She's a top notch chic, but I'll find another one if I have to.

 

[Money & Muscle]

what have you been doing to rectify these issues?

I have given her all the tools she needs to succeed and have been trying to lead her in this. She does not do any of it if I'm not there hawking over her.

Imagine being the supervisor of a recalcitrant employee.


EDIT:
when I say "given her all the tools she needs to succeed"...
-I have a $15,000 home gym that she hasn't touched in 9 months, alongside 2 different gym memberships. I have a side gig as a trainer and have made her the better part of a dozen custom training programs, tweaked to her specific liking, and have also paid for training programs written by others for her to follow. She has never completed one.
-I have half a dozen different diet cook books with macro counts and everything - she has never cooked one meal from them.
-I gave her the green light to use a meal prep service. She used it, ate half the meals, then threw away the other $60 of them, and stopped using them. Now she eats nothing but carbs again.
-I've given her an explicit budget to follow and instructed her to let me know if she needs to go off budget before doing so. She regularly goes off budget and leaves it for me to find out.
-I bought a $300 vaccuum (roomba-like) to help keep the floors clean and take vaccuuming off her list of things to do. She can't be bothered to pick sh*t up off the floor to let it run.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have given her all the tools she needs to succeed and have been trying to lead her in this. She does not do any of it if I'm not there hawking over her.

Imagine being the supervisor of a recalcitrant employee.


EDIT:
when I say "given her all the tools she needs to succeed"...
-I have a $15,000 home gym that she hasn't touched in 9 months, alongside 2 different gym memberships. I have a side gig as a trainer and have made her the better part of a dozen custom training programs, tweaked to her specific liking, and have also paid for training programs written by others for her to follow. She has never completed one.
-I have half a dozen different diet cook books with macro counts and everything - she has never cooked one meal from them.
-I gave her the green light to use a meal prep service. She used it, ate half the meals, then threw away the other $60 of them, and stopped using them. Now she eats nothing but carbs again.
-I've given her an explicit budget to follow and instructed her to let me know if she needs to go off budget before doing so. She regularly goes off budget and leaves it for me to find out.
-I bought a $300 vaccuum (roomba-like) to help keep the floors clean and take vaccuuming off her list of things to do. She can't be bothered to pick sh*t up off the floor to let it run.

You cannot force someone to do something just because you want them to.

They have to want to do it for themselves. Until you give her a reason that makes her want to do it, nothing will help and no amount of trying to force her will work.

It will just be like trying to pull a mule when it doesn't want to go instead of leading it there by dangling a carrot in front of it and letting it eat it once it gets there.

The fact you view your wife as an insubordinate employee shows what is wrong in your relationship.

 

[Money & Muscle]

You cannot force someone to do something just because you want them to.

They have to want to do it for themselves. Until you give her a reason that makes her want to do it, nothing will help and no amount of trying to force her will work.

It will just be like trying to pull a mule when it doesn't want to go instead of leading it there by dangling a carrot in front of it and letting it eat it once it gets there.

I'm not forcing her to do anything. If she wants me to stay, these are required. I cannot continue working my life away to support the lifestyle of a woman who will not support the lifestyle I want.

I am the carrot and the stick.

The fact you view your wife as an insubordinate employee shows what is wrong in your relationship.

I didn't say insubordinate, I said recalcitrant. Like a child that doesn't want to eat her vegetables.
But I am the leader of my family and she is literally in a subordinate position.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Sex every day is not enough? Bruh…

I have to get my wife off me sometimes. I have too much else to do than bang her all evening.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Sex every day is not enough?

Is sex the only thing you expect out of marriage?

I'll protect and provide, do FAR more than the minimum required, and willingly put myself into an early grave for both.

She can keep a house clean, keep herself pretty, raise our daughter, and cook a few meals every now and then. Parenting is the only one of these things she gets a passing grade on.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Is sex the only thing you expect out of marriage?

I'll protect and provide, do FAR more than the minimum required, and willingly put myself into an early grave for both.

She can keep a house clean, keep herself pretty, raise our daughter, and cook a few meals every now and then. Parenting is the only one of these things she gets a passing grade on.

I should have been more clear. I meant, is every day really not enough sex? I think my wife wants it more than me. I have quite a lot going on and other interests. She wants to bang all evening.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Is sex the only thing you expect out of marriage?

I'll protect and provide, do FAR more than the minimum required, and willingly put myself into an early grave for both.

She can keep a house clean, keep herself pretty, raise our daughter, and cook a few meals every now and then. Parenting is the only one of these things she gets a passing grade on.

The problem is you are screening for these things after getting married rather than before.

Maybe you should look at how you are trying to lead and maybe that will give you more insights into why she doesn't want to follow.

 

[Money & Muscle]

I should have been more clear. I meant, is every day really not enough sex? I think my wife wants it more than me. I have quite a lot going on and other interests. She wants to bang all evening.

oh, every day is sometimes too much with my schedule. It's not the frequency that's the problem, it's the enthusiasm.

 

[Money & Muscle]

The problem is you are screening for these things after getting married rather than before.

You are very correct in this.

Maybe you should look at how you are trying to lead and maybe that will give you more insights into why she doesn't want to follow.

When you give someone all the tools to succeed (including on the spot course-corrections) and point them in the right direction, then they repeatedly fail - what next?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are very correct in this.


When you give someone all the tools to succeed (including on the spot course-corrections) and point them in the right direction, then they repeatedly fail - what next?

Ask the question "How can I make it so that she WANTS to do this on her own rather than because I want her to do it?"

Until you can figure out the answer to that question any attempts you make in that direction will be futile.

Giving someone all the tools to do something does NOT also make them motivated to do it.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Ask the question "How can I make it so that she WANTS to do this on her own rather than because I want her to do it?"

Until you can figure out the answer to that question any attempts you make in that direction will be futile.

I'm not sure I posess the ability to instill a value/quality of life system into someone who I am not the literal parent of. IDK if anyone has that ability tbh.

Which might be answering a question I've been asking myself for some time.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm not sure I posess the ability to instill a value/quality of life system into someone who I am not the literal parent of. IDK if anyone has that ability tbh.

Depends on the dynamic of the relationship.

 

[DROPTOP_GTA]

I'm on level 7-8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb
Problem is that dread was only ever intended to save a dead bedroom... I fvck 4-5 times a week most weeks. I'm at the point where I turn down sex if I'm not seeing genuine interest.

Maybe tell your wife your true feelings. Would she be receptive to giving you a hall pass or possibly getting your swang on with other women/couples?

 

[DROPTOP_GTA]

Good luck with that. Never works.

Sucks to be you

 

[Money & Muscle]

Would she be receptive to giving you a hall pass or possibly getting your swang on with other women/couples?

probably not, but I think if I really pushed it that she would let me. She wouldn't be able to find someone who can hold a candle to me if she were single. Just being honest.
That's not my ideal outcome though.

 

[DROPTOP_GTA]

probably not, but I think if I really pushed it that she would let me. She wouldn't be able to find someone who can hold a candle to me if she were single. Just being honest.
That's not my ideal outcome though.

The ideal outcome is having your cake and eating it too! A marriage of convenience can work. You keep her happy and loved and you get to have your fun.

 

[The Duke]

I have given her all the tools she needs to succeed and have been trying to lead her in this. She does not do any of it if I'm not there hawking over her.

Imagine being the supervisor of a recalcitrant employee.

EDIT:
when I say "given her all the tools she needs to succeed"...
-I have a $15,000 home gym that she hasn't touched in 9 months, alongside 2 different gym memberships. I have a side gig as a trainer and have made her the better part of a dozen custom training programs, tweaked to her specific liking, and have also paid for training programs written by others for her to follow. She has never completed one.
-I have half a dozen different diet cook books with macro counts and everything - she has never cooked one meal from them.
-I gave her the green light to use a meal prep service. She used it, ate half the meals, then threw away the other $60 of them, and stopped using them. Now she eats nothing but carbs again.
-I've given her an explicit budget to follow and instructed her to let me know if she needs to go off budget before doing so. She regularly goes off budget and leaves it for me to find out.
-I bought a $300 vaccuum (roomba-like) to help keep the floors clean and take vaccuuming off her list of things to do. She can't be bothered to pick sh*t up off the floor to let it run.

I'm going through it at the moment. My wife was there for me when I was a broke nobody and didn't look like this. Now I make 10x my former income and look like this, and my wife is still on level 1 like she was when we married.

She's a SAHM who barely cleans, doesn't cook, puts absolute minimal effort into her looks - if any, diet and excercise are both subpar (she has 10-15lbs to lose), and can't stick to a budget unless I watch over her spending like I would a child with a credit card.
She's loyal (so far as I know) and reasonably respectful, and puts out 80% of the time that I want (just lacking in enthusiasm), and I'd give her a 7-8/10 on being a mother.

I know it isn't fair of me to ask more of her, but I need it. Even if the sex doesn't improve, I need the rest of it to step the hell up.

So you've lead the horse to water and it won't drink. We are all motivated by different things. It sounds like there is a pretty big difference between your wife and you in regards to the importance of money and looks. Its not as important to her as it is to you?
Maybe you guys are no longer a match for each other?

The tool your wife doesn't have to address the things you are concerned about is desire/personal incentive and only she can provide that.

The desire has to come from her. External incentive is about the only thing you can create, and you can use more dread game to do it.

She is way too comfortable in the relationship. Any time a woman gets too comfortable they get fat, lazy, less submissive, stop doing the things they used to do. They feel they no longer have to impress you. A man has a lot of control over her level of comfort. Afterall, they look to us for security. Comfort comes from feeling secure.

I think you need to readdress some expectations going forward. Tell her the list above that you shared here. Let her know she needs to lose some weight, get off her spoiled azz. At this point she has left you with no choice. She needs to understand that your needs aren't getting met and the relationship won't work if this continues. Ask her if she wants to go back to work, and you can hire a maid to do what she isn't doing around the house.

I had to tell my exwife one time after 12yrs of being together that she needed to lose 20lbs. I told her "If I wanted a fat chic, I would have married one to start with." Straight up dihk comment, but it worked.