Busted by Wife...hysterical crying, no mention of divorce....

[Married Buried]

marriage sounds awesome

It is as long as you don't cheat. I can't really imagine doing it, if my wife found out there would be no second chances or any of that. And her family would want to kick my a$$.

 

[jammer]

Are you guys all kidding?? YOU ARE ALL BEING WAY TOO EASY ON THIS GUY.

AFC's come here talking about how they bought a girl dinner and just got a makeout session and you guys jump all over him and say the most terrible things just because he didn't get laid.

And here's this scumbag Marmel who destroys the life of this good woman, a good woman that a lot of us are looking for, just so he can soak his d!ck in some dirty pvssy? Endangering his wife's life with the prospect of getting STD's.

There are way too many AFC's here supporting this guy. He brought this all on himself. He knew exactly what he was doing. His excuse? She wasn't working.. or she didn't initiate sex.. like wtf??

Instead of talking to her, he goes and sticks his d*ck in wh0rs. And yes, they're wh0rs because I read the stories and the fact that they're still going after a scumbag like marmel even after finding out that he's married tells me all I need to know about how "classy" these women are.

I hope this good woman does decide to divorce you and take you to the cleaners. Only after the courts show you what kind of justice is waiting for you will you truly feel sorry for what you did.

 

[AAAgent]

@marmel

You do understand this is only the beginning. Just because the numbers are deleted doesn't mean the investigation stops there. Sure, she hopes all you did was text these women, but any reasonable adult knows that adults do more than just that. On top of that, having multiple female numbers in your phone just makes it more likely that you've done more than just text. I'm assuming she will check your email, get your phone records, try to find other accounts you have to see what your saying (your Sosuave account). When she does find this stuff and realize you've lied to her, this will be a heavier blow than the when the news slipped the first time as you've misled her.

Once she finds out and i'd say she probably will...as she's already aware and has a head start, she will do what backbreaker mentioned. change your passwords and backtrack.

I grew up in your situation but atleast my father had the decency to not lie. Once a liar, always a liar. Once your caught in this first lie, she won't be able to trust you anymore and that will be the downfall of your marriage. My mom told him, she doesn't care what he does outside the house but he is never allowed to bring any woman home. My mother still respects him as he is a man of his word.

 

[foreverAFC]

@marmel

You do understand this is only the beginning. Just because the numbers are deleted doesn't mean the investigation stops there. Sure, she hopes all you did was text these women, but any reasonable adult knows that adults do more than just that. On top of that, having multiple female numbers in your phone just makes it more likely that you've done more than just text. I'm assuming she will check your email, get your phone records, try to find other accounts you have to see what your saying (your Sosuave account). When she does find this stuff and realize you've lied to her, this will be a heavier blow than the when the news slipped the first time as you've misled her.

Once she finds out and i'd say she probably will...as she's already aware and has a head start, she will do what backbreaker mentioned. change your passwords and backtrack.

I grew up in your situation but atleast my father had the decency to not lie. Once a liar, always a liar. Once your caught in this first lie, she won't be able to trust you anymore and that will be the downfall of your marriage. My mom told him, she doesn't care what he does outside the house but he is never allowed to bring any woman home. My mother still respects him as he is a man of his word.

he doesnt seem too concerned to be honest....

"I'll never be the "I hope I can get lucky guy" because if it came down to that I can always just go out to a club, wear a tight thermal shirt with my chest, arms and traps busting out through it, and let myself get hit on by girls 10-15 years younger than me, who refuse to believe me if I tell them my actual age.

A 50" chest, 17 inch arms and a back that goes out past your shoulders gets you noticed in a hurry bro...trust me on that one...legs that press against the seams of your pants when you walk don't hurt either..."

 

[backbreaker]

being ripped and looking good and having game has nothing to do with protecting your ass.

you are being way, way, WAY too caviler with your LIFE. i don't think, no I know you don't fully comprehend what's at stake here. If she leaves you, you are ****ing done son. you won't be able to retire on time beucase you had to give up all your savings in the divorce. I'm willing to bet money she has access to most if not all of your money and credit. she can go tot he bank while you are at work one random day and clean you. you got a 10 thousand dollar visa card? she can go pamper herself and stick you with the bill in the divorce. you will have to move, you will have to start over, your kid's lives will be affected beucse they don;t live with both parents and all you got for me is " i got 50 inch back bro' give me a ****ing break.


i don't give a **** if you leave or if she leaves, i really don't. the only thing i give a **** about in this situation is making sure that you are prepared for the worst and by prepared i mean, literally prepared. make sure you have a separate bank account. make sure you have some cash stashed away somewhere no one knows about, take your name off her CC's , at least go talk to a divorce lawyer, it's worth the money, be prepared.

this is the argument we have day in and day out on this forum and it's playing in frobnt of us right before our eyes and it's the above scenario verbatim why I stopped giving a **** about guys getting raped by the legal system, beucase most of them are "i got 50 inch back bro' type guys. I refuse to give a **** about guys who are too ignorant to give a **** about themselves.

my wife, is crazy about me. I'm crazy about her. we are all over each other like a first date damn near every night. and if she left tomorrow i have a plan. i had a plan before i put a ring on her finger. i know exactly how i'm going to handle the living situation i know what she can and can't touch, she has no access to any of my real money all i have to do is make one phone call and get my name taken off our joint amex card and considering her credit score is about 100 points better than mine i doubt she does anything too stupid, i know what i need to be prepared to give her as far as month to month compensation, etc. i have a plan. you should have a plan.

women do this instinctively. my wife's friend married 11 years, no job, got a divorce, within a week had an apartment and had it fully furnished, still no job. she had been stashing money away for the last 2 years.

****, even the president has the bunker. where's your bunker? you cheated on the girl and you don't have a ****ing bunker. create your bunker. that's all i am trying to say.

she won't like it, b ut tell her that you got to do what you go to do and when things get back to normal you will reconsider the finances and ****

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Marmel you are so full of yourself man--fvck all the kind words anymore--with your attitude the world's going to bring you pain on its own--I don't even have to say sh1t anymore. This whole situation makes me want to puke in my mouth.

 

[backbreaker]

"women do this instinctively. my wife's friend married 11 years, no job, got a divorce, within a week had an apartment and had it fully furnished, still no job. she had been stashing money away for the last 2 years."

Uh-Huh. I stated this above, with my own situation. I lived it. Talking to other divorced male friends...I got away lucky as I said above, women can act lovey dovey for YEARS while they stash money away to build the DILDOOO to dry rape you..............believe it.

Financial ruin is NOT mitigated by 17 arms, a 50" chest or a back wider than your shoulders........and ya know what? Alot of cash, and revenge, drastically helps ease the pain of being shunned.

hypothetically speaking if i were to cheat on my wife and she found out and we had a conversation about it and.. knowing myu wife like i know her, and she the next day woke up and told me how she wanted to make it work and wanted to forgive me and ask me how she can be better.. she could very well mean all that, but i would be scared ****less lol. to me that means she's going in dry lol.

if a woman leaves me i would much rather it be the Tony/Carmella Season 4 ending type deal where it's all messy and we are throwing **** and yelling and she screams at leat i know where i stand. at least i know she cares. no what scares the **** out of me is the "mother****er your day is coming.. it may be 4-5 years from now but i'm going to anal probe your ass and until then i'm going to do everything a nice wife should do even suck your **** from time to time" girl. that girl scares the **** out of me. that's the girlt hat figures out that i have money stashed in a bank account in my little sister's name lol or finds out that i keep cash in my night stand, in the back of my uhaul storage room that i rent behind all the **** in there. the one that figures out that i dont' pay myself with my company a normal pay check as to keep my personal taxes as low as possible but that i draw money out on an as need basis, and gets an accountant and draws up how much money i make. they come to court with the entire gangbang squad and no KY jelly

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Well, the title says it all, I fvcked up and left my phone upstairs while I was at the computer. Wife obviously has been watching me as I put my swipe code in as she was able to unlock it and saw multiple text conversations I have had with other women. I convinced her nothing else happened other than our text conversations(not true).

She was hysterical for about an hour...crying, screaming...stopping for a few minutes and then starting all over again. Talked at length about my growing discontent over the past few years with how things have been going, espeically financially as her refusal to get a job has put us on uneasy financial footing. Not like we are missing any payments or anything, but in a situation where, for isntance, we just had to have a plumber come in and replace our toilet upstairs as a bad wax ring was causing water to leak downstairs through the ceiling in the bathroom there and had to pay $350 on a credit card as it would have made things really really tight if we paid with cash or check...

She made me to text all of the women:

"Please do not contact me again. I am happily married with two children. I apologize if I misled you."

and then delete the contacts from my phone.

She promises she will get a job part time, said of all the things she would never have expected me to do this was it, and that if I was unhappy and frustrated to this point I should have forced her to listen all the times I brought it up. which I got pretty pissed about and started actually raising my voice over. I have tried no less than 10 times(probably more like 15) to start conversations regarding her helping out financially and have been blown off or had the subject changed pretty much every time. The one or two times we did actually have a conversation she kept making the excuse that I was overstating things and that we were fine the way things are. She said she considers it cheating regardless of what I did or didn't do. Said she is devastated but never once said she wanted a divorce(goes along with my belief that she will never leave me). Asked if I want to be single again, to which I responded no, but that I cannot deal with things the way they are right now anymore either. Something has to change because this isn't what I signed up for when we got married(we both worked full time then and were pretty comfortable financially).

After our hour long convo, it was weird, things seemed like they were back to normal for about 2 hours. Then I left and went to the gym and when I got back she basically didn't talk to me for the remainder of the night and went to bed without saying anything. I can't say I blame her.

Just wondering what I have in store in the upcoming weeks from anyone who has been through this. Obviously I have some damage control to work on. I assume things probably will get worse before they get better the longer she has to dwell on things while I am at work and talk to others about it.

I do feel bad that I hurt her, but at the same time, this might be the only thing that could have forced her to see my unhappiness and frustration that has been growing since my attempts at bringing it up to her are not being heeded. Doesn't excuse what I did, but I do still love her and do not want a divorce.

any advice appreciated by some who might have gone through something like this.

Prepare for a Cold War.

 

[zekko]

And that's when THEY are the ones cheating and filing for divorce!! LOL!!

Lol, right, because in thier minds, even if they cheat, it's still your fault. Because you forced them into it somehow, by not living up to whatever Prince Charming fantasy they expected of you.

 

[penkitten]

marmel,
i read your posts and i may not personally know you, but i know someone who does and thinks exactly like you.
i refer to him as "the defendant" and he refers to me as the "plantiff with primary care of his children."

thanks for the flashbacks that this story has given me.... i needed to be reminded of exactly how glad i am that he is out of my life and in just a few years when the children are all adults , i never have to communicate with him again ! yippee hooray!!

my personal best advice for you is to sock away some money so that if you guys can not work out your differences and need to seperate that there is some money for one of you to leave the house whereas the children will not go without. if it turns out that you can work this out and stay together , then in a few years all that money can be used for a glorious vacation or maybe you will save it until you retire. who knows right? but i suggest that you start saving just in case.

 

[backbreaker]

i really don't get guys that cheat on your wife. the sex we have now (my wife and i) blows the **** we used to have out the water, beucase over the year's we've found out **** about each other.. you let your guard down and you start to get into fantasy territory. a guy that you dated for 3 months isn't going to tell you that he likes his you to put ice on his balls while deep throating him.. a girl isn't gonna tell you after 3 months of dating that every once in a while she likes to be treated like a filthy ****ing ***** and fantises about being told to perform sexual acts in semi public places. but that's the kinda sex you get into if you do it right

 

[Buddha_Mind]

i really don't get guys that cheat on your wife. the sex we have now (my wife and i) blows the **** we used to have out the water, beucase over the year's we've found out **** about each other.. you let your guard down and you start to get into fantasy territory. a guy that you dated for 3 months isn't going to tell you that he likes his you to put ice on his balls while deep throating him.. a girl isn't gonna tell you after 3 months of dating that every once in a while she likes to be treated like a filthy ****ing ***** and fantises about being told to perform sexual acts in semi public places. but that's the kinda sex you get into if you do it right

Lol, Teach me the ways BB, I am yours to counsel! I want this arrangement!

 

[In2theGame]

for ALL men who wouldn't believe their "loving" spouse could EVER do anything like this.......as I said before, I trusted......when everyone agreed to Play fair during the separation, I was the only one who did......and I got bent over the barrel for it.

This line right here makes me stop dead in my tracks at thinking of marrying not because im "scared" of Marriage but because i have seen and experienced the evil like actions women turn out to be even when they claimed to be by your side for years. Whenever i hear someone say my wife/GF would never do THAT to me.... its just more devastating when the "can do no wrong" spouse/Gf does pull the rug from under you.

 

[cordoncordon]

I think the worst thing that happened during the whole time was when she found out that day and was crying hysterically, my 5 year old came home from kindergarten and walked into the room with her crying. She ran over to her and said "Mommy! What's wrong? Why are you crying??" and all my wife could do was turn away from her and keep crying, which led my daughter to start crying, hugging her tightly and saying "I don't want to see you crying Mommy, I don't want you to be sad anymore!!"

I about wanted to dig a grave for myself and jump in after witnessing that. That might have been my lowest point as a human being. I don't think I could accurately describe just how bad I felt. Now to repair the damage to the best of my ability.

Well at least now you see the consequences of your actions. I have been on you for months about this, I felt like an old nag I lit into you so many times, about how much you were hurting your kids. Your wife. Yourself.

Do I think you will really change? Probably not. You have a ton of internal issues going on within yourself, and until those are worked on, nothing will change in the long run.

Good luck.

 

[zekko]

So do we hold up Marmel as the perfect role model of the ultimate alpha male? Isn't this what the PUA community teaches us? That alpha males always have multiple partners? That a man cheating is not the same as a woman cheating? That it is okay for a man to cheat, but not a woman? Because the male is hard wired to spread his seed?

I know I've been called a chump multiple times on this forum for suggesting that it is wrong to cheat on your wife.

 

[AW1983]

I look at my dad.. my dad got caught cheating and moved in with me for a few months in my early 20's, and they got back together 4-5 months later and he moved back home but it never was the same. they JUST got a divorce this year, like what.. 8 years later. 8 years of getting chewed out every time you want to go out of town beucase she doesn't trust you, 8 years of getitng yoru balls busted beucase you want to chill with the fellas on a saturday night, any little thing my dad would do she would throw a fit, my brother's car broke down one day and my dad had to run to sears and buy/install a new battery, she just knew he was ****ing up. my dad gets off work at 3pm and he owns a side business doing janitorial work at my step mom's nursing office so she would see him every day (talk about game lol, the ****ing janitor marrying the ****ing nurse at the nursing office, and controlling the frame at that), say his barber, who is one of his best friends calls him and tells him look come in today i'm going out fo town over the weekend and he doesn't come=cheating.

Repped for truth. My last gf and I broke up for a couple months and I banged a few girls pretty quickly and then when we got back together she managed to find out about one of the girls (and that's all it was as far as she knew).

Even though we weren't together when it happened it majorly fvcked her up. This girl loved me more than perhaps any I've known and still wanted to marry me even, but it was the above scenario after that: couldn't even go out with just my buddies for a drink one night without getting the third degree. She would trip hard every time we were apart for a day or night, and cause major drama over it. It was hard because I cared for her a lot, but I knew I didn't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with that...had to end it.

 

[cordoncordon]

So do we hold up Marmel as the perfect role model of the ultimate alpha male? Isn't this what the PUA community teaches us? That alpha males always have multiple partners? That a man cheating is not the same as a woman cheating? That it is okay for a man to cheat, but not a woman? Because the male is hard wired to spread his seed?

I know I've been called a chump multiple times on this forum for suggesting that it is wrong to cheat on your wife.

Hold him up to a perfect role model because he took vows of faithfulness to his wife, had two children with her, and then started banging internet slvts on the side, all he says because he was pissed off that his wife didnt have a job? (which I do not believe, I just think he used that as an excuse to get some strange)

And to top it all off, probably has impregnated another woman during one of his internet slvt bangathons?

Oh yeah haha, that is something I strive to be.

He is the poster child of what NOT to do.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Expect her to cheat on you with cold satisfaction. If my spouse cheated on me, I would take that as a golden ticket.

I implore you guys out there who bash women about child rearing to actually sit with kids for 8 hours. Sometimes I have to teach kids for a 2 hour stretch and I want to damn near throw myself out of the window by the time the class is over. At least I can run the same games 4 times in a row but a wife must entertain the kid and take care of them and teach them all at the sametime. I have had kids sneeze puddle sized boogers into my hand, write all over the walls, sh1t themselves and track it all over the school, piss on each other, punch you in the balls, run around smash into furniture and then cry endlessly at full fvcking volume until they stop bleeding or goto sleep... THIS is the life of a mom. Women don't get enough credit on this forum....they deserve alot of it because taking care of kids is a full time job and its just a little bit worse than working at the factory and then cleaning the toilets after the nasty workers leave. Now imagine you are doing all of this 24/7 for 20 years and your spouse gets bored and runs off with the town whvre, having fun all night, while you are left to take care of his little bastards, I would feel cheated.

Marmel, I think if your wife is as responsible as you say, then you should be strung up by your balls.

 

[zekko]

Anyone ever hear of the saying "Men are only as faithful as their options"? Because I've seen this saying discussed here before, and there were a lot, a LOT of posters saying "yes, this is true". And I've also seen a lot of guys saying "monogamy is for chumps" and "humans are not meant to be monogamous" and such.

Now, I don't agree with those posters. Obviously some people have more self control than others. But I'm surprised so many here disapproved of what Marmel did, given the prevailing attitudes I talked about in the first paragraph. Here's a guy (Marmel) who obviously had some options, and he acted on them. It's true he actively sought out those options.

But when they say "Men are only as faithful as their options", isn't that implying that they can't get anybody else? Or can we put this stupid saying to bed once and for all?

 

[Buddha_Mind]

But when they say "Men are only as faithful as their options", isn't that implying that they can't get anybody else? Or can we put this stupid saying to bed once and for all?

The saying implies that a married man or committed man is "kept" and has no, -0-, options, thus stays committed. Clearly many posters on this forum are married and choose to be so and many are happy. My father for example is a married man and he genuinely seems happy.

My father always told me never wanted to get married because he always felt like he'd be giving away one of his testicles. He said he watched his friends around him get married, have babies, then have to ask permission from their wives to go have a beer. His perception of marriage was pretty dismal. From what he tells me, he met my mother and they started dating, I do not think for him there was an immense explosion of afc-energy (aka 'omg this is one'), but I believe he saw in her a good woman who would be a good mother (she was 6 yrs younger than him) and loved her -- additionally she was in some ways putting pressure on him (aka, if you're not going to take me seriously and we're not going anywhere I'm out -- basically "I'm not going to be just your gf"). I have respect for my mother in this way and she was aggressive in some manners about securing this guy, lol, she was ready to start a family and be with someone who took her seriously (she was 26) and didn't want to just waste time or be seen, probably, as some plate. He said surprisingly enough after his wedding day he didn't feel like he lost a testicle. Haha. He has been pretty good about maintaining the frame in his relationship, I always remember him vocalizing (anyitme she tried to influence him too much) that, "I already have a mother, I don't need another mother". Which I respect also because she's never treated him like a child. I am sure has had the opportunity to cheat, but he has seen fellow co-workers and friends do so and ruin their marriages or truly regret their actions.

I am not saying there haven't been hard times in my parents relationship, because I know there were times when my mother was a stay at home mom that he tells me things were hard. She didn't have any social life really, was at home while my brother and I were at school, and taking care of us before and after and when he came home he said she overwhelmed him and he was her only social vehicle for interaction. Clearly there are balances in marriages, but my family has always been ones to "talk" about things and seek solutions, and she ended up getting a job which helped the household financially and helped their marriage by her having a life again. My father could have (a) divorced or (b) cheated, but he's got kids now, investment, and she is a good woman and loyal and tries her best, just has her issues in life too at times. So he chose to be steady through the rough window and I genuinely admire that in him. Yes there is pressure in our society (as he and my mother came from nuclear families) to hold to this model. But I think in his heart clearly he didn't want to put the family through those things and did care about her.

The reality is there are many pressures and reasons people cheat. But it's always better to try and fix the triggers (bad sex, no job, $) before going out and seeking new options. It takes effort to create these contrasting secret lives, and the consequences can be severe emotionally / financially , etc.

I have just been lucky enough to have come from a family where my folks mostly have had a good relationship (albeit at my father's early emotional suffering until his mid-thirties), but I know if he had cheated it would have shattered our family and the perception I have of him even now would be very different.

Man if one thing is sacred, its your self-created crew. They ought to be protected. Is that just the actions of a "kept" man or the actions of a man who is trying to protect the fragile emotional psyches of the beings which he has created (children) and the woman who depends upon him?

//sorry for the long rant here//