You're NOT afraid of rejection.

[penkitten]

good post squirrels

 

[SoylentGreen]

Excellent Post!

I am NOT afraid of rejection anymore. If I get rejected it means that at least I tried. Sometimes, rejection turns into a future date, if the girl sincerely liked you but just had other things going on.

But wow! You really struck home when you said "you are afraid of acceptance"

I see so many hot girls and I think "even if I got her number, what next?"

For example, there is this HOT HOT lifeguard near where I work. She is super nice to me and I know she would DEFINITELY come out for a coffee or beer with me. Problem with me is that I know she's a fan of watersports and I know that TONS of guys hit on her everyday.

I can't even swim. She loves waterskiing. And wakeboarding.

Have you seen the waterski dudes? AT THIS MOMENT, they are scoring the majority of the chicks around them. They spend ALL day in the sun, so they have nice tans. They are usually very fit. They are used to seeing sexy girls in bikini's EVERYDAY so they have a lot more confidence than alot of the rest of us when it comes to chatting up a woman. They are also really ****y and arrogant. They are in high demand.

So lets say I ask this girl out for a beer. She says yes. I get her out, and we start talking. She's going to find out I can't swim. She's going to see that I DON'T have the ****y confidence that she's used to in guys and she will also realize that I cannot join her in her favourite activities.

Lets say she doesn't even care and we get it on anyway and start seeing each other. How long will this last before she goes waterskiing again??? She'll be out there, getting suited up by the hot waterski boys, having LOADS of fun that I cannot provide and she'll be turned on by all the sun and six-packs and energy. Then she'll come home to me. Maybe. Maybe we'll get it on that night and she'll imagine it was one of those guys. Maybe the next morning she'll say "I want to take a time-out"

Its all very threatening to me. So, yeah, sometimes I am MORE afraid of her saying "YES, I'd love to go out with you sometime"

Not only that, but the hotter the girl, the more chances of her being hit on EVERYDAY by every guy that sees her...

 

[thekrown]

I had to sign up to give this thread a +1 dude it's right on!

I think there are two sides of the coin, the initial approach all these dating gurus are trying to teach and the much neglected experience of being in* the relationship and not chasing it.

 

[thekrown]

Excellent Post!

I am NOT afraid of rejection anymore. If I get rejected it means that at least I tried. Sometimes, rejection turns into a future date, if the girl sincerely liked you but just had other things going on.

But wow! You really struck home when you said "you are afraid of acceptance"

I see so many hot girls and I think "even if I got her number, what next?"

For example, there is this HOT HOT lifeguard near where I work. She is super nice to me and I know she would DEFINITELY come out for a coffee or beer with me. Problem with me is that I know she's a fan of watersports and I know that TONS of guys hit on her everyday.

I can't even swim. She loves waterskiing. And wakeboarding.

Have you seen the waterski dudes? AT THIS MOMENT, they are scoring the majority of the chicks around them. They spend ALL day in the sun, so they have nice tans. They are usually very fit. They are used to seeing sexy girls in bikini's EVERYDAY so they have a lot more confidence than alot of the rest of us when it comes to chatting up a woman. They are also really ****y and arrogant. They are in high demand.

So lets say I ask this girl out for a beer. She says yes. I get her out, and we start talking. She's going to find out I can't swim. She's going to see that I DON'T have the ****y confidence that she's used to in guys and she will also realize that I cannot join her in her favourite activities.

Lets say she doesn't even care and we get it on anyway and start seeing each other. How long will this last before she goes waterskiing again??? She'll be out there, getting suited up by the hot waterski boys, having LOADS of fun that I cannot provide and she'll be turned on by all the sun and six-packs and energy. Then she'll come home to me. Maybe. Maybe we'll get it on that night and she'll imagine it was one of those guys. Maybe the next morning she'll say "I want to take a time-out"

Its all very threatening to me. So, yeah, sometimes I am MORE afraid of her saying "YES, I'd love to go out with you sometime"

Not only that, but the hotter the girl, the more chances of her being hit on EVERYDAY by every guy that sees her...

What the hell dude go learn to water ski with her!

 

[LolitaLempicka]

If she gives you her number or agrees to a date, then all of a sudden you have a RESPONSIBILITY. You're committed to furthering the sarge. You're forced to expose more of yourself as you spend more time with this girl. Suddenly, what you do takes on a whole new level of importance!!

It's like an investment. The more you put in, the more you can potentially take out.

 

[thedude4242]

I have noticed this too. I was going to post something like this a week ago but figured someone already did and the board was familiar with this. I think a lot of it is this. you get initial success, but you dont want to put that work in and not get anywhere. its like you are tired of taking to certain point and then it becoming nothing. sort of like, I dont want to go back to this. a lot of guys dont want to invest anytime or effort unless they know it will be something they want and like and if it isnt then it is a waste and the woman go one over on you.

 

[radiodude]

This is SPOT ON!!!!

In fact, I'd argue it's actually the case with the majority of men. The minority are only just afraid of 'no'. Because even when rejection comes your way, it's not a killer and it's usually done nicely.

The real reason I used to have alot of my anxieties is just because of this. I subconsciously thought "What happens when I really have to MAN UP and do the necessary work, or face getting rejected for just natural differences between us?"

This is sort of the light shining on the darkness.

 

[garruk]

squirrel, i hate to dig up a 3 year old thread, but ive followed a few links to get here, and i think what you're saying is EXACTLY my problem.

this failure of ACCEPTANCE is exactly whats hindering my game. i dont want to deal with the friends, the ups and downs of a relationship, the queasy feelings of waiting for a phone call, etc etc.

Im glad that youve shown light on my problem and now that ive identified it, i want to find the solution. point me in the right direction?

thanks squirrel.

 

[Huffman]

If I go for the number, I won't know where to take her/what to do and she will be bored and lose interest.

SPOT ON! Performance anxiety... I hope she won't be bored on the first date... oh my god... what date idea can I choose... what if it gets awkward... oh no... maybe I'll go home and not ask for the number.

Had that before
I would say just pick any date idea, and just rely on the wits that got you the number in the first place. Accept the fact that your "date performance" might not be super duper DJ style and stop dreading.
Actually girls will forgive you a lot if they're interested.

Ultimately, you shouldn't think in terms of "performing" at all. Accept the fact that you MIGHT be a tad bit boring, but so what. Set up some date, relax and smile.