You're NOT afraid of rejection.

squirrels

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You're not afraid of rejection. Rejection is safe.

Think about it...when you DON'T engage with a woman, you're safe. You haven't put any of yourself out there. You haven't taken any risk or made any commitment of your time.

Suppose you DO roll up on a girl and she shuts you down cold. Again, you haven't made any commitment of your time besides the little you already spent. You're essentially back to where you started with the ladies, and the risk you've taken has been minimal. You haven't given her any opportunity to really judge you. You haven't let her get close enough to affect your feelings. Essentially, rejection is a NEAR-ZERO RISK situation.

No...what you're afraid of is ACCEPTANCE.

You're not worrying, "Oh my God, what if she turns me down?" That would be the easiest way out of the situation you're putting yourself into. What you're saying to yourself is, "Oh my God, what if she says YES??"

If she gives you her number or agrees to a date, then all of a sudden you have a RESPONSIBILITY. You're committed to furthering the sarge. You're forced to expose more of yourself as you spend more time with this girl. Suddenly, what you do takes on a whole new level of importance!!

The worst of you with women has never even BEEN at this level before. The rest have been exposed to it at some level, but this "performance anxiety" is what REALLY stresses you out.

-If you spend time with her, you'll have to spend time with all her friends, who will ALSO judge you.

-If she accepts you, then you'll have to set aside time you were using for something else, or saving for God knows what, to spend with HER.

-You'll actually have to find creative ways to spend your time, now that you're with her, because before, just lying on your couch, you only disappointed yourself.

-You'll have to become educated, learn to dress nice, make the money to keep step with everything you want to do, learn to socialize with other human beings, and learn to have FUN at the same time!!

Think of all the responsibility!! So much easier to...

...SABOTAGE THE APPROACH!!

That's right...the reason a lot of you get rejected with women is because you SABOTAGE your own approach. Sure, you'll go up and run your so-called "Game", but that voice inside of you that fears all this initiation will keep telling you, "If she accepts you, you're more screwed than you were before!" That will leak out in your mannerisms, in your nervous habits, in your awkward speech. She will see this and HONOR YOUR REQUEST for rejection.

When you go to pick up a woman, you're not just picking HER up. They're not livestock. You pick up a whole EXPERIENCE. You pick up a lifestyle change, EVEN if you're only with that girl long enough to get laid, EVEN if there's no relationship involved.

Women aren't a commodity, they're an experience. What pushes you outside your comfort zone isn't expressing interest in the product, it's completing the transaction. It's COMMITTING to whatever the experience brings.

So the first thing you need to do...is decide whether you really WANT to have a go with women. It's not something you can do half-way, or they will reject you every single time. You either want women in your life YES, or you want women in your life NO.

And if you DO want them, then that doesn't mean you can just approach, get digits, and then have booty on-tap like running water. It means you're gonna be taken on a bit of a ride. Like getting on a rollercoaster, you can pretend that you're afraid you won't be THIS TALL enough to ride, but your real fear is that you WILL be, and once that lap-bar comes down, you're committed to whatever comes next for at least the next serveral minutes.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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squirrels said:
...No...what you're afraid of is ACCEPTANCE....
Don'cha mean lack of acceptance? ;) This definitely bolsters the importance of self acceptance. Acceptance or belonging is the first intrinsic tier of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs after physiological and safety needs. :up:
 

squirrels

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Don'cha mean lack of acceptance? ;) This definitely bolsters the importance of self acceptance. Acceptance or belonging is the first intrinsic tier of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs after physiological and safety needs. :up:
I'm referring specifically to acceptance of the initial solicitation. Not to "acceptance" by the pop-psychology definition.

I couldn't think of a better antonym to "rejection" at the time. But whenever I try too hard to be eloquent, I get writer's block. I'm open to suggestions. :)

My point is that if she says "no", you're off the hook and can go back home and play Halo like nothing happened. If she says "yes", you're committed to a continuing interaction. Which means a hundred more times you need to show your worth, and a hundred more times you can impress, or fail to. And THAT'S what scares most people about women.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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squirrels said:
...If she says "yes", you're committed to a continuing interaction. Which means a hundred more times you need to show your worth, and a hundred more times you can impress, or fail to. And THAT'S what scares most people about women.
Dude, if guys look at it that way they should seriously consider just having a committed relationship with Halo! :nervous:
 

squirrels

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Dude, if guys look at it that way they should seriously consider just having a committed relationship with Halo! :nervous:
A lot of guys do, unfortunately. :(

But guys on here need to realize that dealing with a woman isn't about "drop a few lines, get your d!ck sucked, go home". It's a process, whether it's a one-night stand or a long-term relationship. And that you need to be willing to launch into that before you even TRY to pick up.
 

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JAS760

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i like this post too. When i look at my approaches and such, i am afraid that she will say yes that is so weird......do you guys now why im like this
 
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interesting view indeed... but you know what its only so for I believe a great minority of guys. Ofcourse there are always people who sabbotage their own success and yes they are afraid of success.

But stil most of the time people are afraid of failure...afraid of putting their balls on the line and afraid at being thrown into the "outcast or geek" category by the people around you, who saw you fail
 

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If I can give you props I would man this is exactly my problem.
 

squirrels

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AZNstewie said:
Def. some great advice here, but some times rejection can leave a mild sting...
Yet some people will opt for it over fear of the bigger sting of failing at some point DOWN the road, after the effort has already been invested and enough "success" has been built for it to become personal to you. What's worse, being rejected for a date, or being accepted, engaging in a wonderful relationship with a girl for a year or two, then having to break up and go your separate ways??

There are too many people in the world who would rather "never love at all" than "love and lose". So they stay on the sidelines. And yes, lots of times it's due to being "stung". I really got stuck a couple months ago, by multiple women all around the same time, and I've been sitting on the sidelines not even really TRYING to meet new women, for fear of "the hassle" of having to step up and run a relationship, casual or long-term, with a woman. Even my "attempts" have been intentionally half-assed, setting myself up for failure so I can have an "out" from the rigors of dealing with women.

They really ARE a pain in the ass to deal with, until you find one you really "click" with. But it's something you have to go through if you ever hope to FIND one like that.
 

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Yo Sargeant Squirrels,


GREAT POST!

Sometimes a successful approach really does UP the ante to a man with either limited skill, or limited long term interest. For those men, anything other than the "briefest" of relationship scenarios can cause them to experience a tidal wave of apprehension with concern over whatever their NEXT move will be.

In effect, I can see how this will definitely require for them to step out of their COMFORT ZONE. And NOTHING is scarier than that-----if they're not really ready yet.


March on.
 

AZNstewie

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squirrels said:
Yet some people will opt for it over fear of the bigger sting of failing at some point DOWN the road, after the effort has already been invested and enough "success" has been built for it to become personal to you. What's worse, being rejected for a date, or being accepted, engaging in a wonderful relationship with a girl for a year or two, then having to break up and go your separate ways??

There are too many people in the world who would rather "never love at all" than "love and lose". So they stay on the sidelines. And yes, lots of times it's due to being "stung". I really got stuck a couple months ago, by multiple women all around the same time, and I've been sitting on the sidelines not even really TRYING to meet new women, for fear of "the hassle" of having to step up and run a relationship, casual or long-term, with a woman. Even my "attempts" have been intentionally half-assed, setting myself up for failure so I can have an "out" from the rigors of dealing with women.

They really ARE a pain in the ass to deal with, until you find one you really "click" with. But it's something you have to go through if you ever hope to FIND one like that.
Great post, thanks for sharing your advice bro, words like that are really priceless.
 

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Good post!

I've come up with the same theory. It all comes down to a fear of success.

You walk up to a woman, you get rejected, no big deal. You can go back home early, sit in your cozy chair, drink a beer, play Xbox and not have to do anything out of your comfort zone.

But what if you succeed?

You have to leave your comfy chair
You have to leave your comfy lifestyle
You have to meet her friends (what if they don't like you?)
You have to put yourself out there, more, more more!

It would be so much easier if she blew you out so you could go back to the comfortable lifestyle you are used to. Know what I'm sayin?
 

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man after reading that im not sure if I even want a chick yet. there alot of responsibility.
 
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Firsty

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Very nice post, i always feared i thought a tad like u described... **** it uve kinda called me out on the issue ill have to solve it now!
 

Beyond_AFC

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Great post, spot on!
Now to start doing something about that eh? ;)
 

worship

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Good post, this is actually somewhat true for me and I just realised it recently.

What I am afraid of (off the top of my head):
- If I go for the number, I won't know where to take her/what to do and she will be bored and lose interest.
- If I go for the number, I can't take her back to my house to have sex or anything because I'm scared my parents/sister will hear (and they would because my room is right next to theirs)... and they're pretty much always home.
- If I go for the number, I might have to meet her friends/family and I fail in social situations with lots of people I have just met.
- If I go for the number, she might start inviting me to places I don't want to go to (because of my social anxiety).

How can I get over these bullsh1t fears?
 

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=squirrelsNo...what you're afraid of is ACCEPTANCE.

You're not worrying, "Oh my God, what if she turns me down?" That would be the easiest way out of the situation you're putting yourself into. What you're saying to yourself is, "Oh my God, what if she says YES??
Ugh....no.

Sure I might worry a little bit about what to talk to her about when we are on the "date" but the simple fact that I'll be with her overrides that feeling. I'm pretty easy to please and I'll be happy doing almost anything with a girl simply because I'm with her. When she says yes, it's an opportunity to learn something new by interacting with her.

So yes, the thought of her saying "no" is the biggest fear.
 
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