@Roober... so how does a DJ go about seeking less external validation?
I've been wrestling with this concept to feel more authentic and secure, yet have had some ups and downs at this challenge this year. For one... the gym has helped in rebuilding self-esteem I gave away to former plates.
If I were to answer my own above question, I would think it's man's accomplishment in projects completed and successful ventures that build confidence.
That confidence comes in the form of our own works from our own hands and not the praise and affirmation from others, no?
In this ego-driven world, it is hard to do. We are in a constant push to be faster, better, stronger, and just about every other positive trait. I am certainly not perfect by any means, I fall victim to it once in a while as well. You pretty much nailed it with a man's accomplishments and success in life.
The best way to describe it is to... let your success speak for itself!
For example, If you showed up on the front of Time magazine as discovering the cure for cancer, would you need to tell anyone how smart or wealthy you are? If you go out with the guys and take a new beautiful woman home each night, do you need to tell them your good with women? IF you constantly want a relationship, but stay single, do you need to tell anyone that you are a failure at relationships? I think you get the point...
Something I learned years ago and I have tried my best to emulate is that you shouldn't ever have to tell someone, "I am ________" or "I have ________" If you have to tell someone you are nice, caring, charismatic, sleep with 100s of women, or whatever, it is likely not true, or you are somehow trying to justify that action to oneself. You are seeking validation from others. You are seeking their approval or agreement on this trait that you BELIEVE you possess. If you are 100% confident that you possess certain qualities, you do NOT need to tell other's, there is absolutely no reason.
The best thing I do... when I get the urge to talk about myself. I flip the conversation back on them...
People absolutely LOVE to talk about themselves, I mean, it is soooo easy to penetrate anyone, and I am often completely astonished at the things people will divulge to complete strangers.
@Sergio88 It is certainly a feminine trait. Do men care about their looks the way women do? Do secure men care what others think about them? Do secure men need their ego stroked? I didn't say it is an action only completed by women. The feminine looks for that external validation, they need approval from others, they need attention, they need that to feel secure. The masculine gets security from his purpose, or what would be considered internal validation. This would come from knowing that he has a goal (whatever it may be) that is rooted on his goals for life at that point in time. Without that purpose, the masculine will resort to external validation, hence the need for supposedly masculine men seeking that external validation on social media or in their social circles.
I would also add that I am DJ by no means. I don't really think anyone here has reached that point, but we just keep learning!
