JoyDivision1990
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 31, 2023
- Messages
- 99
- Reaction score
- 86
- Age
- 32
It's shouldn't be your business, you're not exclusive, you're not her 'boyfriend'. Nor her *property* as @Divorced w 3 posted.Why does she need stuff from her ex?
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It's shouldn't be your business, you're not exclusive, you're not her 'boyfriend'. Nor her *property* as @Divorced w 3 posted.Why does she need stuff from her ex?
Bro you have like 18 posts in this thread and you’re not qualified to offer any advice whatsoever on how to maintain frame. I’m not Magic Johnson either by any stretch but just go look in a mirror homey if you’re not dishing out stuff you can’t backup yourself.You're taking (and making) this too personal. All I said was that I disagree with your approach, and it sounded like a covert contract.
It seems that's too much for you to handle, so we can stop derailing OP's thread by just letting it end where it's at.
So instead of letting a disagreement end as that, you insist on derailing OP's thread and going on about my inability to maintain frame? Right.Bro you have like 18 posts in this thread and you’re not qualified to offer any advice whatsoever on how to maintain frame. I’m not Magic Johnson either by any stretch but just go look in a mirror homey if you’re not dishing out stuff you can’t backup yourself.
If I was a dentist, and my own teeth were falling out, would you come to me for your next dental exam?So instead of letting a disagreement end as that, you insist on derailing OP's thread and going on about my inability to maintain frame? Right.
I told my wife what my expectations were, and that if she wasn't going to meet them - she was getting replaced. These are things that should have been done from the start, but I didn't know how to do this any differently until recently. I've made many mistakes, and I've also learned from them - some of which I'm still learning from.
Is this not a place to trade notes and learn from other's lived experiences?
Well I'm only here asking for advice because I might actually not know some stuff. Call it a concert or a party the implication is the same, men go there to get girls.Like most of the concerts
Really man, it is extremely sad that this the only thing that you understand from the whole situation ( including what you did before her going wherever she went and after )
You got triggered that she went without you, instead of keeping your cool and seeing how she will behave. She could have stayed only 1h for the concert, maybe she would have stayed all night, maybe she would have been gangbanged by the artist and his friends, maybe she would not have went all together. You know what, it does not even matter what she would have done because she is not your property, and no one forced you in a relationship. You forced yourself in a relationship
You have no idea how a person is, and that is why you should embrace these kind of stuff in order to better know them and thus vet them for a relationship or not
You just got triggered and started getting jealous pre and post, and shot yourself in the foot in the process
The poor girl is innocent and most likely she is quite happy that you lost focus so easily and thus dodged a bullet. No one wants to have a relationship with a drama queen
Dunno man, to me it kinda sounds that you are either dumb or autistic. You just don’t get it
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If you were a dentist who had teeth falling out, and you managed to fix them and want to help others avoid the same mistakes? Yeah, probably.If I was a dentist, and my own teeth were falling out, would you come to me for your next dental exam?
In the week ago that you wrote your thread, you cleaned all your marital issues up and developed a new set of experiences? That’s amazing bro. Hat off.If you were a dentist who had teeth falling out, and you managed to fix them and want to help others avoid the same mistakes? Yeah, probably.
I mean, not you, but some other hypothetical dentist, sure.
Since your divorce(s?), have you cleaned all your sh*t up and developed a new set of experiences? Do you have anything that others can learn from your mistakes? Or should we discount all those because the times you made bad decisions?In the week ago that you wrote your thread, you cleaned all your marital issues up and developed a new set of experiences? That’s amazing bro. Hat off.
I'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.I told my wife what my expectations were, and that if she wasn't going to meet them - she was getting replaced.
When did I say unless I accompany you? She couldn't do it either way.I'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.
That strikes me as so insecure, OP is not even her boyfriend ffs, but even if he were, still sounds overly insecure, obsessive and controlling but whatever if it worked for you more power to ya.
These are not the same boundaries and not the same events. My situation had nothing to do with a concert, just my boundaries being crossed (read my thread if you want details). My wife was begging to make it up to me, crying, snot bubbles and everything.I'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.
That strikes me as so insecure, OP is not even her boyfriend ffs, but even if he were, still sounds overly insecure, obsessive and controlling but whatever if it worked for you more power to ya.
I view things from a different perspective, maybe you want some time off from her to just chill by yourselfI'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.
That strikes me as so insecure, OP is not even her boyfriend ffs, but even if he were, still sounds overly insecure, obsessive and controlling but whatever if it worked for you more power to ya.
You didn't my bad. What you said wasWhen did I say unless I accompany you? She couldn't do it either way.
Which was just as bad mate and reflected same insecurity and attempt to control. You think you're coming off strong, laying out boundaries but it's actually weak.she had already bought a ticket (couple months prior) to a party. Ofcourse I didn't want her to go, and told her not to. She said I already bought a ticket, just this party and you can't tell me what to do. So I wanted to "soft next" her, and just blocked her
Yeah bro I know I messed that part up. And also ig the stuff regarding her ex isn't too neccesary.You didn't my bad. What you said was
Which was just as bad mate and reflected same insecurity and attempt to control. If you can't understand that, I don't know what else to tell ya.
It comes down to this:Okay, interested to hear opinions on this then:
Her gay childhood friends from growing up create a theme party to commemorate Taylor Swift’s album release from let’s say 7-11pm in the city in a nice restaurant in about 5 weeks
She invites you. Your schedule may be conflicted. She is going regardless. Not an ounce of hesitation.
Put away your credit card.
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What I think is she can be anything you want her to be. It's your decision not hers. But no matter what she is, plate, potential gf or serious gf, you should always be maintaining frame and controlling your emotions.Maybe I should consider women as plates, and if they themselves actually want something "serious" then I can start setting boundaries. If not then just fwb, whilst using a condom to not get her chlamydia.
What do you think?
Any resources on learning how to control frame?What I think is she can be anything you want her to be. It's your decision not hers. But no matter what she is, plate, potential gf or serious gf, you should always be maintaining frame and controlling your emotions.
Being dominant does NOT mean lording it over a chick, dictating what she can or can't do, especially when you're not her bf or in a *relationship*. That's not holding frame, it's arrogant, obnoxious and weak.
Dominant Is having confidence and being a strong leader.
Let her do what she wants, within reason like attending a concert with her friends is.
You observe her behavior, and if she starts acting shady or playing games, dump her. Once you're in an exclusive relationship you can define boundaries again within reason remembering that a relationship is not a prison and you're not her warden.
If she steps over boundaries, talk to her, if the disrespect continues, dump her.
cus a singer was going to the party for 30 mins to sing, then leaving. The entire place is like a nightclub, and the main the singer comes for 30minutes then leaves.OP said party not concert in his first post. Where are people suddenly rationalizing it based on it being a concert?
Does it matter? Party, event concert doesn't matter. My post stands regardless.OP said party not concert in his first post. Where are people suddenly rationalizing it based on it being a concert?