Your girl going to parties

Divorced w 3

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You're taking (and making) this too personal. All I said was that I disagree with your approach, and it sounded like a covert contract.

It seems that's too much for you to handle, so we can stop derailing OP's thread by just letting it end where it's at.
Bro you have like 18 posts in this thread and you’re not qualified to offer any advice whatsoever on how to maintain frame. I’m not Magic Johnson either by any stretch but just go look in a mirror homey if you’re not dishing out stuff you can’t backup yourself.
 

Money & Muscle

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Bro you have like 18 posts in this thread and you’re not qualified to offer any advice whatsoever on how to maintain frame. I’m not Magic Johnson either by any stretch but just go look in a mirror homey if you’re not dishing out stuff you can’t backup yourself.
So instead of letting a disagreement end as that, you insist on derailing OP's thread and going on about my inability to maintain frame? Right.

I told my wife what my expectations were, and that if she wasn't going to meet them - she was getting replaced. These are things that should have been done from the start, but I didn't know how to do this any differently until recently. I've made many mistakes, and I've also learned from them - some of which I'm still learning from.

Is this not a place to trade notes and learn from other's lived experiences?
 

Divorced w 3

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So instead of letting a disagreement end as that, you insist on derailing OP's thread and going on about my inability to maintain frame? Right.

I told my wife what my expectations were, and that if she wasn't going to meet them - she was getting replaced. These are things that should have been done from the start, but I didn't know how to do this any differently until recently. I've made many mistakes, and I've also learned from them - some of which I'm still learning from.

Is this not a place to trade notes and learn from other's lived experiences?
If I was a dentist, and my own teeth were falling out, would you come to me for your next dental exam?
 

AntoniousIV

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Like most of the concerts :)

Really man, it is extremely sad that this the only thing that you understand from the whole situation ( including what you did before her going wherever she went and after )

You got triggered that she went without you, instead of keeping your cool and seeing how she will behave. She could have stayed only 1h for the concert, maybe she would have stayed all night, maybe she would have been gangbanged by the artist and his friends, maybe she would not have went all together. You know what, it does not even matter what she would have done because she is not your property, and no one forced you in a relationship. You forced yourself in a relationship

You have no idea how a person is, and that is why you should embrace these kind of stuff in order to better know them and thus vet them for a relationship or not

You just got triggered and started getting jealous pre and post, and shot yourself in the foot in the process

The poor girl is innocent and most likely she is quite happy that you lost focus so easily and thus dodged a bullet. No one wants to have a relationship with a drama queen

Dunno man, to me it kinda sounds that you are either dumb or autistic. You just don’t get it
Well I'm only here asking for advice because I might actually not know some stuff. Call it a concert or a party the implication is the same, men go there to get girls.
Maybe you're mentally limited if you think calling me autistic will help when im asking for advice.
I don't get what's so bad about telling her to not go to a party. I didn't drop a hissy fit once, or said I did. I just set boundries calmly she didn't follow them. Wanted to next her but couldn't keep my decision.

And now im here asking for advice so I know what to do the next time. I don't understand how you would think that you're helpful at all considering what you've said, and blaming me for not taking anything else except the concert part.
 

Money & Muscle

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If I was a dentist, and my own teeth were falling out, would you come to me for your next dental exam?
If you were a dentist who had teeth falling out, and you managed to fix them and want to help others avoid the same mistakes? Yeah, probably.
I mean, not you, but some other hypothetical dentist, sure.
 

Divorced w 3

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If you were a dentist who had teeth falling out, and you managed to fix them and want to help others avoid the same mistakes? Yeah, probably.
I mean, not you, but some other hypothetical dentist, sure.
In the week ago that you wrote your thread, you cleaned all your marital issues up and developed a new set of experiences? That’s amazing bro. Hat off.
 

Money & Muscle

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In the week ago that you wrote your thread, you cleaned all your marital issues up and developed a new set of experiences? That’s amazing bro. Hat off.
Since your divorce(s?), have you cleaned all your sh*t up and developed a new set of experiences? Do you have anything that others can learn from your mistakes? Or should we discount all those because the times you made bad decisions?

I've been open about my mistakes. You getting all mad at me for disagreeing with you, then using my publicly admitted mistakes as ammunition against me, is pretty low class. But it's the internet, so I guess it is what it is.

I'm out. Good luck OP.
 
M

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I told my wife what my expectations were, and that if she wasn't going to meet them - she was getting replaced.
I'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.

That strikes me as so insecure, OP is not even her boyfriend ffs, but even if he were, still sounds overly insecure, obsessive and controlling but whatever if it worked for you more power to ya.
 

AntoniousIV

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I'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.

That strikes me as so insecure, OP is not even her boyfriend ffs, but even if he were, still sounds overly insecure, obsessive and controlling but whatever if it worked for you more power to ya.
When did I say unless I accompany you? She couldn't do it either way.
 

Money & Muscle

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I'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.

That strikes me as so insecure, OP is not even her boyfriend ffs, but even if he were, still sounds overly insecure, obsessive and controlling but whatever if it worked for you more power to ya.
These are not the same boundaries and not the same events. My situation had nothing to do with a concert, just my boundaries being crossed (read my thread if you want details). My wife was begging to make it up to me, crying, snot bubbles and everything.

You can read my thread if you want to, but I've become the center of a thread that isn't about me - because an internet rando got mad that I disagreed with his approach. I'd really prefer to not be the subject of this thread, if that's all the same to you.
 

Bigpapa

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I'm gonna assume you worded it differently to your now wife but seriously man, what's the boundary here? You're not allowed to attend a party, event, concert with your friends unless I accompany you? And your now wife complied to that? OK but wow.

That strikes me as so insecure, OP is not even her boyfriend ffs, but even if he were, still sounds overly insecure, obsessive and controlling but whatever if it worked for you more power to ya.
I view things from a different perspective, maybe you want some time off from her to just chill by yourself

If she does not keep friends around and go out with them from time to time, she will
Bug me daily

Furthermore, if she can not go out with her friends, she will expect the same thing from you

So, actually all your life will revolve around her, which is quite far away from the teachings preached here about “ being independent from women”

Like I have mentioned in previous threads, a lot of hypocrites here :)

Most guys here just want to fell powerful and think that by blowing things out of
Proportions and acting like a tyrant will give the m the high they seek ( feeling important )
 
M

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When did I say unless I accompany you? She couldn't do it either way.
You didn't my bad. What you said was

she had already bought a ticket (couple months prior) to a party. Ofcourse I didn't want her to go, and told her not to. She said I already bought a ticket, just this party and you can't tell me what to do. So I wanted to "soft next" her, and just blocked her
Which was just as bad mate and reflected same insecurity and attempt to control. You think you're coming off strong, laying out boundaries but it's actually weak.

If you can't understand that, I don't know what else to tell ya.
 
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AntoniousIV

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You didn't my bad. What you said was



Which was just as bad mate and reflected same insecurity and attempt to control. If you can't understand that, I don't know what else to tell ya.
Yeah bro I know I messed that part up. And also ig the stuff regarding her ex isn't too neccesary.

Maybe I should consider women as plates, and if they themselves actually want something "serious" then I can start setting boundaries. If not then just fwb, whilst using a condom to not get her chlamydia.

What do you think?
 

Dr.Suave

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Okay, interested to hear opinions on this then:

Her gay childhood friends from growing up create a theme party to commemorate Taylor Swift’s album release from let’s say 7-11pm in the city in a nice restaurant in about 5 weeks

She invites you. Your schedule may be conflicted. She is going regardless. Not an ounce of hesitation.
It comes down to this:

Has she always been loyal and to you as far as you know?
Do you trust her?
Are you cool with her going without you?
Is your gut tellling you everythings fine?
Are you her best option?
Has she ever had ONS or sex outside a committed relationship as far as you know?

If you can answer "yes" to all of them except the last one.....
 
M

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Maybe I should consider women as plates, and if they themselves actually want something "serious" then I can start setting boundaries. If not then just fwb, whilst using a condom to not get her chlamydia.

What do you think?
What I think is she can be anything you want her to be. It's your decision not hers. But no matter what she is, plate, potential gf or serious gf, you should always be maintaining frame and controlling your emotions.

Being dominant does NOT mean lording it over a chick, dictating what she can or can't do, especially when you're not her bf or in a *relationship*. That's not holding frame, it's arrogant, obnoxious and weak.

Dominant Is having confidence and being a strong leader.

Let her do what she wants, within reason like attending a concert with her friends is.

You observe her behavior, and if she starts acting shady or playing games, dump her. Once you're in an exclusive relationship you can define boundaries again within reason remembering that a relationship is not a prison and you're not her warden.

If she steps over boundaries, talk to her, if the disrespect continues, dump her.
 

AntoniousIV

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What I think is she can be anything you want her to be. It's your decision not hers. But no matter what she is, plate, potential gf or serious gf, you should always be maintaining frame and controlling your emotions.

Being dominant does NOT mean lording it over a chick, dictating what she can or can't do, especially when you're not her bf or in a *relationship*. That's not holding frame, it's arrogant, obnoxious and weak.

Dominant Is having confidence and being a strong leader.

Let her do what she wants, within reason like attending a concert with her friends is.

You observe her behavior, and if she starts acting shady or playing games, dump her. Once you're in an exclusive relationship you can define boundaries again within reason remembering that a relationship is not a prison and you're not her warden.

If she steps over boundaries, talk to her, if the disrespect continues, dump her.
Any resources on learning how to control frame?
 

obelisk

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OP said party not concert in his first post. Where are people suddenly rationalizing it based on it being a concert?
 

AntoniousIV

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OP said party not concert in his first post. Where are people suddenly rationalizing it based on it being a concert?
cus a singer was going to the party for 30 mins to sing, then leaving. The entire place is like a nightclub, and the main the singer comes for 30minutes then leaves.
 
M

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OP said party not concert in his first post. Where are people suddenly rationalizing it based on it being a concert?
Does it matter? Party, event concert doesn't matter. My post stands regardless.
 

bario

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I told my wife what my expectations were, and that if she wasn't going to meet them - she was getting replaced. These are things that should have been done from the start
Similar thing happened to me yesterday! Met this girl couple weeks ago and while getting to know her, I discovered she likes going to middle eastern style parties, which I don't. I told her if your future partner does not want you going alone, would you still go? She replied, everyone is entitled to do what they want and you (me) are racist! Lol. I decided to drop contact from that moment
 
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