Your girl going to parties

[Money & Muscle]

where you draw the line between being a ***** and having boundaries?
Let’s say it’s just a boundary of mine to not accept a girl that goes to parties. Why should I force myself to accept it even though it’s against my boundaries?

It's not that having this boundary makes you a b1tch, it's the way OP handled it.

You can have the boundary, but by throwing a hissy fit and blocking her, then unblocking her, then feeling sad because his girl left to go out to a party - he looks like a b1tch.

Better way of having this boundary:

"I don't date girls who go out to parties."

 

[Baibars]

It's not that having this boundary makes you a b1tch, it's the way OP handled it.

You can have the boundary, but by throwing a hissy fit and blocking her, then unblocking her, then feeling sad because his girl left to go out to a party - he looks like a b1tch.

Better way of having this boundary:

Do you think setting such a boundary on a woman that usually goes partying makes sense or should you just pick someone that’s not partying to begin with?
That’s what I did wrong and it made me look weak too when I was dealing with girls that were different and I was enforcing my boundaries on them.
This always worked for a while when desire was high but when I got weak they didn’t want anymore. When you’re in a demanding position when they don’t even want to submit to your demands, it makes you look weak..

 

[Money & Muscle]

Do you think setting such a boundary on a woman that usually goes partying makes sense or should you just pick someone that’s not partying to begin with?

replace "goes partying" with "f*cks other dudes" and see if that scenario still makes sense.

Set boundaries and if she is unwilling to respect them, demote her to plate. When you find a woman who is willing to respect your boundaries - she is worth solidifying as more than just a plate.

Plates have no expectations except sex.
Girlfriends have the expectation of monogamy.
Wives have lifestyle expectations + monogamy.

You're extremely unlikely to stumble onto a wife that meets your lifestyle expectations by default, but by setting boundaries and expectations - you can mold her to your ideal woman. Again, she has to want to be in your frame and respect your boundaries willingly.

Your mistake in the past was expecting more of women who are not willing to respect your boundaries - and it backfired. You'll never get a woman to take accountability for her actions, so you must adjust your operating procedure to accommodate.

 

[stringpuller]

and you can't tell me what to do

She is right. She is not property. Why be so needy and so young?
If she wants to bang other dudes she find anywhere to do it.
Shes not that into you. If it were me I would pull attention away and escalate at the right times. Its sex only or next. Forget your relationship brain

 

[Divorced w 3]

She is right. She is not property. Why be so needy and so young?
If she wants to bang other dudes she find anywhere to do it.
Shes not that into you. If it were me I would pull attention away and escalate at the right times. Its sex only or next. Forget your relationship brain

This is pretty much how I was going to say it.

I used to try the ultimatum/verbal boundaries thing.

in my opinion, the better way to do it, (and what Pook preaches) is you simply stay cool about it.

So for instance, the opportunity arises to comment on a situation that I personally don’t desire in a partner. Example, excessive happy hour attendance, drinking related functions or the like. I simply say, tough day, tough week, etc, whatever it may be? And then the next time an opportunity arises where I am invited to a function like that, I don’t attend. Don’t say you’re upset, don’t judge, just let the person give you an opportunity to demonstrate where your values are. And then play it from there.

this is the difference between abundance and scarcity. Inherent in the above is the, ‘ I will not be attending’ and ‘how many other times is he going to put up with this’ which should get the hamster running.

do this right and you may end up with oral .

 

[AntoniousIV]

This is pretty much how I was going to say it.

I used to try the ultimatum/verbal boundaries thing.

in my opinion, the better way to do it, (and what Pook preaches) is you simply stay cool about it.

So for instance, the opportunity arises to comment on a situation that I personally don’t desire in a partner. Example, excessive happy hour attendance, drinking related functions or the like. I simply say, tough day, tough week, etc, whatever it may be? And then the next time an opportunity arises where I am invited to a function like that, I don’t attend. Don’t say you’re upset, don’t judge, just let the person give you an opportunity to demonstrate where your values are. And then play it from there.

this is the difference between abundance and scarcity. Inherent in the above is the, ‘ I will not be attending’ and ‘how many other times is he going to put up with this’ which should get the hamster running.

do this right and you may end up with oral .

that makes some sense, thanks. Although I hate that a girl would go to parties ig that's the 21st century

 

[Money & Muscle]

I used to try the ultimatum/verbal boundaries thing.

in my opinion, the better way to do it, (and what Pook preaches) is you simply stay cool about it.

So instead of overtly stating your boundaries, your solution is to craft a covert contract instead?

I don't agree with your approach here.

 

[AntoniousIV]

replace "goes partying" with "f*cks other dudes" and see if that scenario still makes sense.

Set boundaries and if she is unwilling to respect them, demote her to plate. When you find a woman who is willing to respect your boundaries - she is worth solidifying as more than just a plate.

Plates have no expectations except sex.
Girlfriends have the expectation of monogamy.
Wives have lifestyle expectations + monogamy.

You're extremely unlikely to stumble onto a wife that meets your lifestyle expectations by default, but by setting boundaries and expectations - you can mold her to your ideal woman. Again, she has to want to be in your frame and respect your boundaries willingly.

Your mistake in the past was expecting more of women who are not willing to respect your boundaries - and it backfired. You'll never get a woman to take accountability for her actions, so you must adjust your operating procedure to accommodate.

Ok this also makes a lot of sense. Demoting them to plates seems smart. But how do you balance plates if one girl finds out? Some people say be honest(own it), some people say lie. What works?

 

[Bigpapa]

where you draw the line between being a ***** and having boundaries?
Let’s say it’s just a boundary of mine to not accept a girl that goes to parties. Why should I force myself to accept it even though it’s against my boundaries?

It is always about the context when it is not really serious stuff

This is the only thing that you understood from what this guy said, that the girl went to a party with her friends?

Plus, it was not even a party, the girl went to a concert

And what is quit sad, assuming that the OP and you are normal, is that you guys by what you wrote look like a male version of a drama queen and get triggered by everything

 

[Divorced w 3]

So instead of overtly stating your boundaries, your solution is to craft a covert contract instead?

I don't agree with your approach here.

Well, for perspective, between the two of us, I’m not the one laying down boundaries and starting threads about it backfiring and getting cheated on.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Boundaries like this are just trouble, if she's a free spirit, just enjoy your time with her and keep it moving

 

[Money & Muscle]

Ok this also makes a lot of sense. Demoting them to plates seems smart. But how do you balance plates if one girl finds out? Some people say be honest(own it), some people say lie. What works?

I haven't spun plates so this is only what others have said. I learned of all this well after I'd married my current wife.

"Plate" is effectively "f*ck buddy", where neither of you two owe each other anything but an orgasm or two.

 

[AntoniousIV]

It is always about the context when it is not really serious stuff

This is the only thing that you understood from what this guy said, that the girl went to a party with her friends?

Plus, it was not even a party, the girl went to a concert

And what is quit sad, assuming that the OP and you are normal, is that you guys by what you wrote look like a male version of a drama queen and get triggered by everything

It's a party. It's in a nightclub setting, there's as much people as space in the whole area (the area is meant for parties, and it's just the singers who for 30 minutes max then leave)

 

[Money & Muscle]

I’m not the one laying down boundaries and starting threads about it backfiring and getting cheated on.

Neither am I. I wasn't cheated on.

Work on your reading comprehension.

here, I'll help:

To clarify all above comments, THERE WAS 0 EVIDENCE OF CHEATING.

 

[JoyDivision1990]

The problem is not that she went to the party, the problem is that you lost frame and looked like a b1tch by how you behaved

Girls are all the time outside on their own ( including clubs/parties/Holliday) and nothing happens

She had a ticked bought before you guys even started dating. What did you expect, to not go with her friends to something cool and just stay at home with a guy that started becoming sentimental and insisted that she should throw her ex stuff to the garbage

In the moment you started acting like a b1tch she started losing respect little by little till you blocked her for going to a party and the unblocked her after 4 days? Wtf dude, you really expected things to be good after you behaved like how you behaved?

The name of the thread should be “ how not to act like a b1tch”

I'm surprised this post didn't get more likes. And this also from @Bigpapa .

Plus, it was not even a party, the girl went to a concert

And what is quit sad, assuming that the OP and you are normal, is that you guys by what you wrote look like a male version of a drama queen and get triggered by everything

You still gotta lot to learn OP.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Neither am I. I wasn't cheated on.

Work on your reading comprehension.

here, I'll help:

There usually isn’t

 

[AntoniousIV]

I'm surprised this post didn't get more likes. And this also from @Bigpapa .



You still gotta lot to learn OP.

Why does she need stuff from her ex?

 

[Bigpapa]

It's a party. It's in a nightclub setting, there's as much people as space in the whole area (the area is meant for parties, and it's just the singers who for 30 minutes max then leave)

Like most of the concerts

Really man, it is extremely sad that this the only thing that you understand from the whole situation ( including what you did before her going wherever she went and after )

You got triggered that she went without you, instead of keeping your cool and seeing how she will behave. She could have stayed only 1h for the concert, maybe she would have stayed all night, maybe she would have been gangbanged by the artist and his friends, maybe she would not have went all together. You know what, it does not even matter what she would have done because she is not your property, and no one forced you in a relationship. You forced yourself in a relationship

You have no idea how a person is, and that is why you should embrace these kind of stuff in order to better know them and thus vet them for a relationship or not

You just got triggered and started getting jealous pre and post, and shot yourself in the foot in the process

The poor girl is innocent and most likely she is quite happy that you lost focus so easily and thus dodged a bullet. No one wants to have a relationship with a drama queen

Dunno man, to me it kinda sounds that you are either dumb or autistic. You just don’t get it

 

[Divorced w 3]

So instead of overtly stating your boundaries, your solution is to craft a covert contract instead?

I don't agree with your approach here.

There’s nothing covert dude. She’s not my property. It’s really easy, this isn’t rocket science, this isn’t some elaborate ploy, it’s called being confident and being yourself and just doing whatever the hell feels true to me and myself and not tattooing my non existent wedding ring onto my finger.

 

[Money & Muscle]

There’s nothing covert dude. She’s not my property. It’s really easy, this isn’t rocket science, this isn’t some elaborate ploy, it’s called being confident and being yourself and just doing whatever the hell feels true to me and myself and not tattooing my non existent wedding ring onto my finger.

You're taking (and making) this too personal. All I said was that I disagree with your approach, and it sounded like a covert contract.

It seems that's too much for you to handle, so we can stop derailing OP's thread by just letting it end where it's at.