"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Your first, her second.

Duster11

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DJs!

Has it ever been that you are/were in a relationship with a woman who is/was your first girlfriend but you are/were not her first boyfriend?

If yes, how did you feel about it?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Sofar

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Yes. Felt fine about it tbh. Obviously be nicer if you were each other’s first relationship but it barely matters in the long run
 

Spaz

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Doesn't matter in the long run but yes she is less invested than you. It's called "diminishing marginal utility"
I've always thought of you as an enthusiastic entertainer who speaks of outlandish stories abt mad women who destroyed ur love multiple times per month and now diminishing marginal utility?

But it seems you don't feel the same way.

It could be that extreme inferiority complex of yours.
 

MrWood

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you are/were in a relationship with a woman who is/was your first girlfriend but you are/were not her first boyfriend?
are you?
 

Poonani Maker

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I know a woman (should say 'girl'), very virginal, now 38, who I see every Thursday (if I don't see, then I maintain contact via text). She's still stuck in sorority college mindset and ways with the constant shiny cheery beaming smiling Christ is good walk or gliding across the ground be it gravel or dirt or pavement or office floor. She's STILL wearing the queens crown (in Her mind). I do not think that she has Ever had a boyfriend (who's f'd her anyway, maybe one that's kissed her/felt her up), but what do 'I' know? 38 years is a Long time. Anyway, she's VERY "desperate-appearing" in her texts to me and ALWAYS texts Last. For months I've never responded to her texts because I'm too busy and she's just basically telling me something that I don't need to do so I don't even say "have a great weekend!" or whatever likes she always spices her messages with to crickets on my end. I finally initial a message to her this week because she Never sent a message cause she'd forgot she says. Then some back n' forth and she's making it personal. I barely blip words and she pounces on it to always text back. She has NO as5 now at 38, and is a bit hefty now (women can't help it, they just can't), but she has a white collar gal Face (rosy red and clear/clean), though you can tell she's been doin her own chores in her house for decades (with no help for no man). Her house now though is worth like 3 times what she paid for it, she got in early before our area blew up and is cost-prohibitive for most people, so I mean, I know, that she would add quite a bit to my assets due to her luck of having an expensive home that wasn't any more expensive than mine 10 years ago. She has postponed motherhood, "boyfriends," a LIFE, ALL her life. She's norwegian. Her desperation must be off the charts, but she maintains her unicorness.. her state of being, her virginal afraid of guys safe behind her bunker comportment. In my mind, she's just a gal, why so hung up on sex? Your religion, babe? Your Saint Paul deception? which Jesus never endorsed or said or taught that you should beat yourself with a whip of sex-denial all your life? THAT's her problem, this false teaching. I could never really change her mind, I mean I'd speak my peace and tell her what's what, but her loyalty to false tradition would only snap her back to what's not working for her. It would be stepping out in to the unknown, the patterns that she could not navigate, so she huddles in her safety, thinking she's "being 'good'" or "Christ-like" when we don't even know for sure that Christ wasn't married or didn't have "sex." It's Paul's teaching that tells us Sex is Evil.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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MrWood

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the question is, why are you not boning her?
 

Medina

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I always find the "first guy" for a girl is normally a regrettable and unfortunate experience
 

zekko

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My first girlfriend in high school had a boyfriend before me. I didn't really think much of it at the time, but looking back on it I can see that there was some difference in experience there that probably resulted in some insecurity on my part.
 
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