Your dating a great woman... BUT....

[Gravyboat]

Yes, she's very much into me - but as a person - i'd like to have someone who challenges my mind.

I've also heard you mention--on several occassions--that it's "too easy."

I still think this is the key "what's missing" in your situation. Ultimately, a fulfilling long-term relationship keeps both people wanting to RAISE THE LEVELS.

And by raising the levels, I'm indeed referring to challenge.

To me, challenge doesn't just have to be "gee, she doesn't call me enough--I wonder what she's up to? Boy, I'm sure interested now!"

It can also be, "whoa, this girl has a totally different opinion of (a song.) I hadn't thought of it THAT way..."

I think of it kind of like this: It's important to want to feel motivated to "one-up" each other, because that keeps things interesting--like you just want to impress one another. However, the minute one person feels like they're in total control of the relationship, they get bored. Game over--challenge met. Instead of two independent people enjoying each other's interests and opinions, it becomes ONE person enjoying THE OTHER PERSON'S interests and opinions.

Perhaps that's your situation--this girl, great as she is, just isn't someone you have a deep, satisfying, stimulating MENTAL connection with.

It's happened to me before.

 

[NewMan]

To me, challenge doesn't just have to be "gee, she doesn't call me enough--I wonder what she's up to? Boy, I'm sure interested now!"

It can also be, "whoa, this girl has a totally different opinion of (a song.) I hadn't thought of it THAT way..."

think of it kind of like this: It's important to want to feel motivated to "one-up" each other, because that keeps things interesting--like you just want to impress one another. However, the minute one person feels like they're in total control of the relationship, they get bored. Game over--challenge met. Instead of two independent people enjoying each other's interests and opinions, it becomes ONE person enjoying THE OTHER PERSON'S interests and opinions.

Bingo.

I don't think thus far she's stimulated me mentally.

It's very difficult to end something that is so very good in other areas of the relationship - and I'm having a hasrd time making a decision and coming to terms with it.

but good insight there Gravy.

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

Hi NewMan. I think you should definitely break up with her. If you are having this much doubt, let it go. I had a friend who was dating this girl for about a year. She was all in love and just crazy about him. The relationship seemed perfect and he broke up with her. I asked why and he said he wasn't at the same level she was and he didn't want to waste her time because he didn't know how long it would take him to get there, or if he ever would.

I have learned in my experiences with men, that it is the "thrill of the chase." No chase, no thrill. There is no excitment in monotony.

I get excitment out of uncertainty. This is not true for all people, but it seems true for you. If you find yourself bored already, where will you be 6 months from now, or a year? If you get stuck in this boredom, will you end up cheating? Then, you will be the bad guy who intentionally hurt this girl.

Talk to her, explain your feelings and let go.
She will never change. This a deep rooted trait that will remain, regardless of your expression. WOmen can't change the role they are used to playing. This is what she is accustom to, taking the back seat and being submissive and this is how it will remain.....

 

[Gravyboat]

Bingo. I don't think thus far she's stimulated me mentally. It's very difficult to end something that is so very good in other areas of the relationship - and I'm having a hasrd time making a decision and coming to terms with it.

Yeah. I guess it just reinforces the notion that fulfilling long-term relationships are difficult to find. Even when practically everything ELSE is there, if you're not stimulated mentally, your motivation and interest level eventually wanes.

I sense that you already know you're going to end it sooner or later, and the fact you have that hanging over your head is weighing on your conscience a little bit.

This whole situation reminds me of an oncoming train--sure, it's waaaaaay off in the distance right now, but the faint 'choo-choo' and the wisps of black smoke are approaching. It's gonna get there sooner or later. :trouble:

 

[Hemingway]

This may not be so much "the thrill of the chase" as just basic self-respect. She does all these things that we have learned not to do. The AFC behaviors.

I find this to be true for me, too. I give her respect by giving her the opportunity to pursue me. But then I expect it from her.