Originally posted by dietzcoi
I do not consider much of this female-bashing.
I'm not bashing women here AT ALL. I am saying "This is how it is, get used to it". Too many men blame outside circumstances on their lack of success. I'm glad a fellow older DJ knows what's up.
Originally posted by dionysius_d
Trying to put all women (or all men) into one box will always cause confusion.
You have to try to read the person beforehand. With experience, its possible.. although its also possible to get it wrong if the other person is smart enough.
I didn't claim that all women were cheaters. I claimed that all women will cheat. And when I say all women what I actually mean is "THE VAST OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF DESIRABLE WOMEN".
Some guys are naive and think that there are a plethora of desirable women who wouldn't DREAM of cheating on them, and that they can whip out their crystal ball and know exactly which of these girls are which, THEN manage to attract these specific ladies. Hahaha. You NEVER know. It is VERY possible to get it wrong.
Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
So what you're saying is that you have a thing for insecure, dependent women who can't fathom the thought of being alone.......Maybe you need to reevalute the women you hang around, or where you find them, if "every" woman you've ever met has dependency and attachment issues.
No, I am saying I have a thing for attractive, feminine women. Women don't think like men, and the ones who do, well, you can have 'em.
I find it difficult to believe that my experiences with finding quality women could be different than the average man. I grew up in a rural area and eventually moved to a metro area. I've met a pretty good cross section of women, from the career waitress to the career businesswoman. I have YET to find ONE female (that I would consider dating) who was comfortable enough with being alone that she would break off a mediocre relationship without having someone else waiting to jump her bones. Oh they might FOOL you into thinking that there was nothing going on while the two of you were together, but if there is one thing I've learned it's that there is always more than one version of the truth. Women are MASTERS at crafting reality based upon technicalities.
The point of this thread was no such thing. The point of this thread was to rationalize to yourself why you would choose to be with a girl who would cheat on her boyfriend and to rationalize to yourself that, by changing the meaning of "good" for your purposes, the girl you are currently dating is "good" despite how you ended up with her.
My situation sparked a renewed interest in the subject and pushed me over the edge of realizing something I had been suspecting for awhile. I have a 100% clear conscience. I have no need to rationalize or justy my actions to anyone, much less a bunch of strangers on the internet.
So the solution to this is to just find people who you KNOW do bad things, so that you won't ever be disappointed?
And for those who hold such a cynical and pessimistic worldview, there's only one option. Live alone in a cabin in the woods, completely cut off from civilization.
No, the solution is to realize that the old saying "all is fair in love and war" is true, and not stick your head up your ass and run the other way when you meet a decent woman who isn't 100% single. I don't choose a woman who cheats on her "boyfriend" to be with me. I choose based upon my criteria with the knowledge that she isn't any different than the rest. You guys who think you've found "the one", hahahahaha.
Cynical and pessimistic? Not a chance. I had enough of viewing the world through rose colored glasses when I was younger. Now I try to see things as they are, not as I would like for them to be.
Personally, I wouldn't have gone for your little "dream girl".
Who said anything about her being my dream girl? I am enjoying her company, and if something comes of it, great.
As for pre-screening or whatever, this isn't something I do. It's just like drug use... I don't want a girl who uses drugs, but I don't demand she give me a urine sample.
Yea, fortunately for all of your personal belongings it's a lot easier to sniff out a crackhead than it is a cheater.
My guess is that you're living in paranoia. You have NO CLUE the kind of sh*t that happens or DOESN'T happen when you aren't around. Or are you clairvoyant? You want to believe that all girls are cheating, backstabbing wh*res. Misogynistic and incorrect.
Hindsight is 20/20, and I have plenty of my own experince and the experinces of my friends to reflect upon.
We can argue all day about how many of what kind of girls would ever cheat, blah, blah. Won't do any good. But to say that I hate women is ridiculous. I have simply come to terms with their nature, and have learned to live in harmony with it rather than HOPE that one day my princess will ride in and sweep me off my feet and we will live happily ever after.
I really do feel sorry for you in a way, if you haven't ever met a good-looking girl who has a lot of things going for her who can bear to be single. I've met many such girls, who choose to be single because they want to just date and not be in a committed relationship until they find someone they think is good for them.
They certainly are out there. The needle in the haystack, the gem waiting to be uncovered. Problem is that once you have managed to FIND them, and ATTRACT them, your best guess as to what the future holds for the two of you is still a crapshoot. No matter what you do, you still have a 50/50 chance of ending up a divorce statistic, or WORSE YET one of the other 40+% stuck in an unhappy situation. Thats right, my guess is that less than 10% of committed relationships should even EXIST.
I am willing to take 10% odds on finding a great relationship, but should it not work out for whatever reason I won't be so assinine as to have not realized it wasn't likely to succeed.
Yes, it is! It's exactly that simple!
And I'm glad the rest of the world follows "The Dating Rule Book" written by Giovanni Casanova (or rather, the anonymous internet poster who goes by the name Casanova, that is).
Oh please. Give me a f*cking break with your "cheated emotionally" bullsh*t. You find someone, you either have a relationship with them or you break up with them and you find someone else.
Once again, in case anyone out there is just tuning in, this represents the black and white, right or wrong fantasy world of Giovanni Casanova, not the real world.
Especially that Oprah-esque "cheated emotionally" clusterf*ck phrase.
So what IS your definition of cheating? Where DO you draw the line? Would it be a longing glance? Petting? A kiss? A blowj0b? Penetration?
I haven't been a kid in quite some time, and I already know where you're coming from.
You're still in school, right? You haven't even had a taste of reality yet. 23 is still a kid. Get a few more years and experiences under your belt and then let us know where you stand. There is no substitute for age and experience. I thought I had all the answers ten years ago. Life has a way of waking you up. Just letting you know in advance.
(I'll save the story about me walking uphill ten miles throught the snow with no boots on story for another thread, lol)
In the third stage, you get a better grip on reality, see that women are human beings too that are great to have around but not necessary.
Someday, STR8UP, maybe even you could reach this third stage.
Again, you see my statements as arguments AGAINST women. They are not. I didn't go through a strong resentful phase as you describe, because I am the type of person that FIRMLY believes in owning up to my own mistakes that cause problems in my life. Women can't be blamed for an individuals lack of success in the mating game any more than chance or luck can be blamed for keeping someone poor in America in 2003.
Yes, just like the "kid" comment and the endless age comparisons.
Older people used to say the same things to me and I used to think I knew better. If I had only listened to half of the sh!t I was told.....
Men and women cheat for basically the same reasons, instinct.
Thanks for interjecting an evolutionary psychology take on the subject. I've read numerous books on the subject so I am very familiar with the subject.
When you look at facts and figures on paper it's easy to see how much the odds are against a purely monogamous relationship. As men we should be able to look at this logical perspective and figure the odds accordingly. With all of the romantic bullsh!t that fills the heads of most women I wouldn't even BEGIN to get into this discussion with one.
The problem is some fellas either think too much like women, or have some kind of superiority complex or whatever that leads them to believe that somehow they are immune to the sh!t that happens to "other guys". If I believed in luck I would wish it on them all.
which almost makes me think..should we disqualify chicks with boyfriends as being unavailable??
I used to disqualify most girls I would meet for this reason. Then I woke up and realized I was turning away a high percentage of opportunities because MOST women have some kind of a boyfriend MOST of the time. Boyfriend/girlfriend = "I want to SEE if I want to spend the rest of my life with you", not "I want to spend the rest of my life with you".
