Wtf is she doing?

[captain55]

I left my ex if two years just recently. I had suspected she was a borderline and a narcissist so I didn’t feel like she was going to change. I told her she didn’t have the qualities I needed in a woman. She also had a problem with authority.

After I rejected her when she came back she started getting crazy. ....my friends and family follow her on social media and showed me her stuff...she’s been making a total fool out if herself. She is out of control, desperately seeking attention posting rediculous things and posting pictures of herself looking like a drunk bimbo. The weird thing is, they don’t even seem like pictures trying to attract men, but more for rediculous attention. Most women want validation from men

All this did was confirm to me that I made the right choice in leaving her but I would be lying if I said I didn’t care... considering I was with her two years. She was a prize when I met her and every man wanted her, now I’m embarrassed to have been associated with her. Im not angry but sad that she’s doing this to herself .....also embaresssed....I don’t even let other women know she was my ex because I don’t want to look bad. It’s sad to see beautiful women fall apart....time stands still for nobody fellas

 

[Anpha]

Seen this happen with my ex after i broke it off. After ending it, you see all the traits or red flags you hadn't seen while you were together. Really opens your eyes to what oneitis does huh

 

[btownbuck2012]

Of course, this makes you glad they are gone at some level but very painful to see someone you care about doing these sorts of things, painful to think about the suffering they went through in the past to create such a person

This is solid here and a benchmark for guys wondering when they're going to ever get over a cluster b nightmare. Once you're at the point where you can think of them in this regard you can rest assured you've done some serious healing, as you already know. But yes, the fallout from that and realizing what really happened is hard to deal with.

I've done some serious reading on the subject and yes whatever type of pain they experienced as a young child is serious stuff. Pretty sure it was molestation in the case of the girl I was with.

 

[marmel75]

You put up with far more BS than you should have simply because she was hot...hopefully you have learned a lesson from this as well...looks shouldn't give you a behavioral "Get Out Of Jail Free" pass...

 

[captain55]

Seen this happen with my ex after i broke it off. After ending it, you see all the traits or red flags you hadn't seen while you were together. Really opens your eyes to what oneitis does huh

I mean she was crazy for sure, but I gotttw give it to her but she was loyal and not a huge party girl when I dated her. After I left I figured she would be in the gym, posting sexy pics, getting her life together trying to attract a man...not posting things to make even the most desperate guy not interested lol

 

[captain55]

You put up with far more BS than you should have simply because she was hot...hopefully you have learned a lesson from this as well...looks shouldn't give you a behavioral "Get Out Of Jail Free" pass...

Yeah but that wasn’t the point I was trying to make. She didn’t act this way before I dated her or while I dated her. She took her life/how people viewed her very seriously. Now she clearly doesn’t give a **** about looking classy. I looked at her entire social media before I asked her out two years ago and could get a feel for what she was like...which is why I decided to call her and ask her out. She appeared to be a confident motivated chick with her **** together and impresssed me. Really sad to see her fall off

 

[captain55]

Mine said "you have no idea the kind of pain I've been through in my life" after we broke up. I'm sure she went through lots of trauma. I think that single comment was the hardest to stomach, both because she went through it and because she hid it from me somewhat. I doubt she would have told me much anyway though, she had to present a narcissist image and told many, many lies right at the outset to make sure I didn't screen her out. Yet I still felt guilty for not making her feel accepted because truth is, I would have looked past any of that stuff. I actually counsel a probable covert NPD girl now and it feels pretty rewarding.

I'm not sure if you're right about it being a sign of healing...you might be. The biggest hurdle for me normally is the anger stage(that is, allowing myself to be angry) because I tend to try to understand their perspective anyway. This time, the issue was "acceptance" because I truly felt 100% accepted and loved for who I actually am(100% mental connection and compatibility), and to learn it was fake and more importantly that future women wouldn't value that connection the way I did has been hard to swallow. It's really hard to accept for me, it was kinda the last straw of "petty romance" for me although I have crushed on and dated women since.

Was she a borderline or narcissist? If she was a narcissist I think the love tends to be more real. A npd will disrespect you more than a bpd and has no empathy but the love is more genuine in my opinion.
I’ve dated both.

The anger stage is where I’m at myself...would never take her back.... but I’m still angry about how she treated me. Knowing that the woman you most likely will always have the deepest emotional connection with ..is truly not capable of having a healthy relationship is a extremely tough pill to swallow. Realistically it may take a few years to get over the anger and I accept this

 

[exhausted]

Mine said "you have no idea the kind of pain I've been through in my life" after we broke up. I'm sure she went through lots of trauma. I think that single comment was the hardest to stomach, both because she went through it and because she hid it from me somewhat. I doubt she would have told me much anyway though, she had to present a narcissist image and told many, many lies right at the outset to make sure I didn't screen her out. Yet I still felt guilty for not making her feel accepted because truth is, I would have looked past any of that stuff. I actually counsel a probable covert NPD girl now and it feels pretty rewarding.

I'm not sure if you're right about it being a sign of healing...you might be. The biggest hurdle for me normally is the anger stage(that is, allowing myself to be angry) because I tend to try to understand their perspective anyway. This time, the issue was "acceptance" because I truly felt 100% accepted and loved for who I actually am(100% mental connection and compatibility), and to learn it was fake and more importantly that future women wouldn't value that connection the way I did has been hard to swallow. It's really hard to accept for me, it was kinda the last straw of "petty romance" for me although I have crushed on and dated women since.

Cluster b's are rough.
During my ltr things would be great and she would either become depressed in a bed for no reason or become chaos and destroy things.

One thing i repeated probably 100 times, honestly 100 is that " why ruin a good day over nothing "
I could not understand this.

 

[exhausted]

Because they like chaos, that simple. Like a baby throwing food on the ground. I think internally these people laugh their azz off when you are pleading with and reasoning with them.

Mine was more like an inability to control herself.

Coming from a use to be hot head, tempered crazed athlete that has been thrown out of 2 basketball games in high school , and one in baseball, I recently found myself standing back staring at her thinking WTF is wrong with you that you are losing your mind over the most minimal **** all the time?
At least I was in the heat of battle when I lost my cool and was a teenager. but this girl, these cluster b's,

like a child throwing tantrums.

I watched this girl many times get mad and run away. I mean literally run , like sprint to a car and drive off like wtf who has that energy over the littlest problem?

it is absolutely unreal the way they act at times and like you I genuinely felt bad for her, she even asked me a few times if I stay with her because I feel bad. I always said no but I know that was part of it.

and these cluster b's always shine worst a year or more in after you have built a bond with them.

 

[BeExcellent]

You put up with far more BS than you should have simply because she was hot...hopefully you have learned a lesson from this as well...looks shouldn't give you a behavioral "Get Out Of Jail Free" pass...

Totally concur with this statement. Looks are genetic to a great degree. Men want to reproduce with great genetics and so beautiful women tend to be universally sought after. But you also have to be rational in choosing who you date or LTR or have children with (or risk getting pregnant). If you stick your d1ck in crazy you'll end up with a crazy person (or a seriously unstable person) potentially as a mother for your children. This is not a good idea. I know personally at least 2 men who are dealing with
S E R I O U S crazy ex wives and they had children with these nut cases. It does not go well. It is ugly and it is very tough on the kids too. But few men think about this going in and frankly more should.

I mean unless you are the never settle down, STR forever type guy, why waste time on dead end bat shjt crazy chicks? Sex is great, but sex alone does not make a relationship meaningful. I get that many women hide it. They can't hide it very long however if you know what questions to ask and what things to look for. I think lots of men look the other way because the crazy girl is hot and willing to screw their brains out.

 

[captain55]

Totally concur with this statement. Looks are genetic to a great degree. Men want to reproduce with great genetics and so beautiful women tend to be universally sought after. But you also have to be rational in choosing who you date or LTR or have children with (or risk getting pregnant). If you stick your d1ck in crazy you'll end up with a crazy person (or a seriously unstable person) potentially as a mother for your children. This is not a good idea. I know personally at least 2 men who are dealing with
S E R I O U S crazy ex wives and they had children with these nut cases. It does not go well. It is ugly and it is very tough on the kids too. But few men think about this going in and frankly more should.

I mean unless you are the never settle down, STR forever type guy, why waste time on dead end bat shjt crazy chicks? Sex is great, but sex alone does not make a relationship meaningful. I get that many women hide it. They can't hide it very long however if you know what questions to ask and what things to look for. I think lots of men look the other way because the crazy girl is hot and willing to screw their brains out.

Good point. One of the reasons i left my ex. Lots of research showing why you shouldn’t have kids with a borderline woman. A lot of mentally lilnesses in her family, but damn was she hot.

 

[marmel75]

Yeah but that wasn’t the point I was trying to make. She didn’t act this way before I dated her or while I dated her. She took her life/how people viewed her very seriously. Now she clearly doesn’t give a **** about looking classy. I looked at her entire social media before I asked her out two years ago and could get a feel for what she was like...which is why I decided to call her and ask her out. She appeared to be a confident motivated chick with her **** together and impresssed me. Really sad to see her fall off

Dude...I'm not talking about this...I'm talking about the previous numerous cringe worthy posts of stiff that she did that you hlgabe her free passes on and justified because she was hot...kinda like you are now. Stop that sh!t bro...looks dont give you free passes on sh!tty behaviour.

 

[kronreiff]

I've said it many a time, you have to keep the emotions out of the loop with these damaged women, hot or not!

 

[wifehunter]

Totally concur with this statement. Looks are genetic to a great degree. Men want to reproduce with great genetics and so beautiful women tend to be universally sought after. But you also have to be rational in choosing who you date or LTR or have children with (or risk getting pregnant). If you stick your d1ck in crazy you'll end up with a crazy person (or a seriously unstable person) potentially as a mother for your children. This is not a good idea. I know personally at least 2 men who are dealing with
S E R I O U S crazy ex wives and they had children with these nut cases. It does not go well. It is ugly and it is very tough on the kids too. But few men think about this going in and frankly more should.

I mean unless you are the never settle down, STR forever type guy, why waste time on dead end bat shjt crazy chicks? Sex is great, but sex alone does not make a relationship meaningful. I get that many women hide it. They can't hide it very long however if you know what questions to ask and what things to look for. I think lots of men look the other way because the crazy girl is hot and willing to screw their brains out.

Which is why initially deferring sex from an already complicated situation, makes for a more reliable screening.

Sex clouds people's judgments. Especially , if they struggle with self-control, to begin with.

see: love is blind

 

[btownbuck2012]

Mine said "you have no idea the kind of pain I've been through in my life" after we broke up. I'm sure she went through lots of trauma. I think that single comment was the hardest to stomach, both because she went through it and because she hid it from me somewhat. I doubt she would have told me much anyway though, she had to present a narcissist image and told many, many lies right at the outset to make sure I didn't screen her out. Yet I still felt guilty for not making her feel accepted because truth is, I would have looked past any of that stuff. I actually counsel a probable covert NPD girl now and it feels pretty rewarding.

I'm not sure if you're right about it being a sign of healing...you might be. The biggest hurdle for me normally is the anger stage(that is, allowing myself to be angry) because I tend to try to understand their perspective anyway. This time, the issue was "acceptance" because I truly felt 100% accepted and loved for who I actually am(100% mental connection and compatibility), and to learn it was fake and more importantly that future women wouldn't value that connection the way I did has been hard to swallow. It's really hard to accept for me, it was kinda the last straw of "petty romance" for me although I have crushed on and dated women since.

I agree because I think that in a normal relationship, those types of things bring people closer together. I too would not have loved her any less or cared for her any less had she told me about whatever it was that happened to her. Although, I'm not sure if there is a person on this planet whom could ever give someone who genuinely has this personality disorder that type of reassurance and comfort w/o them eventually ruining that individual(the person w/o NPD). The more they love you the more harsh and severe your inevitable punishment will be when those feelings of shame take over them. So, while I too feel guilty at times, I don't think it was even possible. No matter how good we were or how kind and caring we were. The outcome was inevitable

Regarding your second paragraph, I'm in the same boat. Acceptance is like an "after the dust clears" type of emotion. I went through a very intense anger phase after the girl I dated left me. I still haven't, and probably won't for a long time be able to forgive her, but over the past few months the acceptance of what actually happened has hit me hard. It's a numbing feeling. I've kind of got a 'what's the point' attitude towards a-lot of things now. Not only was I discarded very severely, but I also lost a job and spent a night in jail because of this woman. This all took place in NYC. I'm now living in California and the whole ordeal almost seems like it was a dream. I had established myself at a company, got promoted, and had what I thought was the best relationship of my life. In the blink of an eye it was all gone. To be perfectly honest I wouldn't be surprised if I have some type of PTSD from the whole situation. There is definitely a trauma bond there for sure. I find myself longing for that city and wondering if I made the right decision to move to LA. I guess, like you, I felt 100% accepted and loved out in New York, like I had finally made it in life, both with her and with the company I worked for. What's ironic, is that I'm now living right next store to my best friend whom I've known for 15+ years that I grew up with in Indiana, but I still miss these people who I knew for only 2 years in New York. Even though they all essentially treated me like garbage kicked to the curb towards the end of my time out there. It makes zero sense. So, yeah, accepting that and more so accepting that life can take such a turn for the worst is hard to deal with.

And as far as accepting that she never gave a sh*t about me. I mean that is almost an inhumanely possible thing to accept. Even though I have a firm understanding of the condition and basically everything that happened to me, I am unable to fully grasp it. That is what keeps me in my thoughts quite a bit whenever I do think of her.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I've said it many a time, you have to keep the emotions out of the loop with these damaged women, hot or not!

Very Very true.

 

[exhausted]

I agree because I think that in a normal relationship, those types of things bring people closer together. I too would not have loved her any less or cared for her any less had she told me about whatever it was that happened to her. Although, I'm not sure if there is a person on this planet whom could ever give someone who genuinely has this personality disorder that type of reassurance and comfort w/o them eventually ruining that individual(the person w/o NPD). The more they love you the more harsh and severe your inevitable punishment will be when those feelings of shame take over them. So, while I too feel guilty at times, I don't think it was even possible. No matter how good we were or how kind and caring we were. The outcome was inevitable

Regarding your second paragraph, I'm in the same boat. Acceptance is like an "after the dust clears" type of emotion. I went through a very intense anger phase after the girl I dated left me. I still haven't, and probably won't for a long time be able to forgive her, but over the past few months the acceptance of what actually happened has hit me hard. It's a numbing feeling. I've kind of got a 'what's the point' attitude towards a-lot of things now. Not only was I discarded very severely, but I also lost a job and spent a night in jail because of this woman. This all took place in NYC. I'm now living in California and the whole ordeal almost seems like it was a dream. I had established myself at a company, got promoted, and had what I thought was the best relationship of my life. In the blink of an eye it was all gone. To be perfectly honest I wouldn't be surprised if I have some type of PTSD from the whole situation. There is definitely a trauma bond there for sure. I find myself longing for that city and wondering if I made the right decision to move to LA. I guess, like you, I felt 100% accepted and loved out in New York, like I had finally made it in life, both with her and with the company I worked for. What's ironic, is that I'm now living right next store to my best friend whom I've known for 15+ years that I grew up with in Indiana, but I still miss these people who I knew for only 2 years in New York. Even though they all essentially treated me like garbage kicked to the curb towards the end of my time out there. It makes zero sense. So, yeah, accepting that and more so accepting that life can take such a turn for the worst is hard to deal with.

And as far as accepting that she never gave a sh*t about me. I mean that is almost an inhumanely possible thing to accept. Even though I have a firm understanding of the condition and basically everything that happened to me, I am unable to fully grasp it. That is what keeps me in my thoughts quite a bit whenever I do think of her.

I think they did care about us, just are not empathetic and compassionate due to the bpd. They are just horrible at caring for people and taking care of anyone but themselves. Asking for the most minimal from these people makes them spiteful for some reason.

 

[Billtx49]

I think they did care about us, just are not empathetic and compassionate due to the bpd. They are just horrible at caring for people and taking care of anyone but themselves. Asking for the most minimal from these people makes them spiteful for some reason.

Yes. You give everything you can to make things work and get next to nothing in return. The ROI with these women is a losing deal for a man.

 

[wifehunter]

I think they did care about us, just are not empathetic and compassionate due to the bpd. They are just horrible at caring for people and taking care of anyone but themselves. Asking for the most minimal from these people makes them spiteful for some reason.

You are way too nice....these people are insects! Any support is codependency.

Proceed at your own risk.

 

[BeExcellent]

Asking for the most minimal from these people makes them spiteful for some reason.

These are the definition of vacuous people. No matter how much you give them it is never enough, they are always in need of more, they always must be the center of attention, they are forever victims in their own lives because they cannot be filled. And it is rather sad, because often they are the way they are as a result of something that happened to them that was not their fault. They become resentful, or angry or constantly keep score because everything for them in relationship is transactional. Everything is "what have you done for ME lately" and they get spiteful if they are asked to give you anything at all because they feel so empty they are so busy gobbling up attention and affection and priority for themselves they really don't feel as though they HAVE anything to give. And if they do it's about payback and getting even and scorecard. And they will take and take and take with entitlement and without apology. And they are indignant if you mention the way they constantly take.