Would you still attend this wedding?!

[DJDamage]

I have this friend for the past 10 years whom I only saw 3 times in the past 5 years. Last time I saw him was over a year ago where I bumped into him in the mall and we had lunch. I sort of felt at the time that we are going on a seperate direction in life and we are not really good friends anymore. Now when I first met this guy in college he was the biggest PUA i knew so i kinda followed him around like a puppy because he introduced me to alot of girls and i had no game.

He added me on Facebook about 3 months ago and never messaged me saying anything other then a month ago that he needed my address. So apperently he got engaged and send me an invitation to his wedding but he never called me to even talk or anything. I don't know if he had a stag or anything but I wasn't invited. Now regarding all this would you still go to his wedding? Its a black tie affair so I would have to rent a tux, buy new shoes and give him some money for his wedding. But is it even worth it if I would probably not have any contact with him afterwords?!

 

[RedPill]

Now regarding all this would you still go to his wedding? Its a black tie affair so I would have to rent a tux, buy new shoes and give him some money for his wedding. But is it even worth it if I would probably not have any contact with him afterwords?!

If you don't have any other worthwhile engagements on that date, attend it. Weddings are havens for emotional women who are all dolled up, and usually a good party with quality food and booze. They're great for networking and meeting new people (if that's your thing), and re-connecting in a jovial atmosphere with peripheral characters who have passed through your life over time.

At most weddings, if you aren't part of the wedding party you don't need to rent a tux - a black dress suit will do. Also, you don't owe the newlyweds anything more than a token gift at a nominal cost - especially if you aren't even that close to them. I'm guessing the whole facebook charade was specifically intended to net you onto the wedding invite list. (i.e. more gifts & larger crowd).

The above said, I wouldn't attend if you have something better to do or have reason to suspect that you'll be hanging around a crowd you don't particularly care for.

 

[LoneSilver]

Renting a tux is going to be an expense on your part and it seems that the only reason this former college buddy is inviting you is because he happen to run into you is my take.

Myself I wouldn't feel guilty not attending unless your going to be around him more but other than that I'd save your money for a hot date or a nice fishin' trip on the lake.

LoneSilver

 

[romangod]

Go with your gut feeling on this one. If you look at it as a night out with no expectations it might be a lot of fun. If you look at it as an obligation you don't really want, I'd pass. Do what you think is best.

 

[BipedGod]

Nope, he or the new little woman is pimping you for a gift, this exact thing happened to me involving a RELATIVE, I hadn't heard from him in over 10 years...all of a sudden I get a notice, not even an invite in the mail saying he's getting married and the little woman is registered at blah blah blah.

I didn't send him sh*t, we began contact about 2 years later for a short time, just long enough for him to borrow and owe me money, I asked to get paid back he did begrudgingly and I havn't heard from him since. Lesson learned

 

[DJDamage]

Redpill: The women, the booze and the food are probably the selling points as to why I should be going, other then attending the wedding of an old friend. As for the Facebook you are right, I have a feeling that if I wasn't on Facebook, I probably wouldn't have been invited.

LoneSilver: You are right, if I hadn't run into him a year ago, I might have not been invited to the wedding.

The thing is I will be feeling guilty if I don't attend because when I knew him in college, he put me underneath his wing and introduced me to people especially women and made me feel welcome in college as a freshman. As well I am thinking about the money part too and whether it will be best spend elsewhere.

Romangod: my gut feeling tells me not to go and I have a bad feeling that the night won't be a great one since I am not as chummy with him as I used too (however I do sense that by not going I might miss out and regret something). Yes I do think it is more of obligation to go since we did have history and he helped me out and there is a good chance I will be running into him and his social circle around town.

BPG: He is well off and he doesn't really need the money but I see your point.

 

[BipedGod]

Dj, that is another point I considered but didn't want to make a previous response too involved, the guy has cash, you used to be gopher I'm betting in his mind he is just being polite and maybe thinks he's doing you a favor...self respect from you comes to mind...show him a little, "thanks but no thanks dude" he probably doesn''t care if you attend or not.

 

[DJDamage]

he probably doesn''t care if you attend or not.

Well that part right here is the debatable part which will answer the question whether or not I should attend the wedding. You can't assume someone doesn't care about you if they invited you to their wedding. After all every wedding there is a limit on the number of people that can and should attend and I was included. However I haven't had much contact with this guy over the years.

I'm betting in his mind he is just being polite and maybe thinks he's doing you a favor...self respect from you comes to mind...show him a little, "thanks but no thanks dude".

Yes that is also a possibility that maybe he is being polite and because I became a borderline close friend, he might felt obligated to extend his hand just enough so it won't be awkward to him if I would run into him again or have to explain to others why he didn't invite me. Thus if I reject his invitation I will be the selfish one, but then again I am assuming here and maybe he just doing it because he cares for my company.

Fvck I am putting too much thought into this like a woman :cuss:.

 

[MatureDJ]

Just don't give a gift. I don't give gifts at weddings anymore.

 

[The Bat]

I'd have to agree with Redpill here. If you don't have anything better to do, then go to the wedding. I was watching Wedding Crashers earlier, and thought to say myself, "if I had a great wingman, we'd rock at crashing weddings".

With that being said, do you need a wingman? Haha.

Anyway, you're absolutely right when you say this:

Fvck I am putting too much thought into this like a woman

 

[Nighthawk]

You'd probably be pissed if he didn't invite you. Go for the dolled-up desperate drunk hotties.

 

[Latinoman]

Let me put myself in your position (but with my self-values and self-integrity).

If this dude would have never crossed your path...you would have probably be under-developed in College when it came to social skills. The dude went out of his way...and he put you under his wing. He did not have to...but he did.

It is about appreciation as I'm sure he has an impact in your life. And by the look of things...a positive one at that.

I would go and I would even bring a gift (weddings are very expensive and each person invited constitute an expense). His influence probably saved you a lot of heart-aches and $$$.

But once again...that's how I operate. It is part of my character.

 

[iqqi]

Let me put myself in your position (but with my self-values and self-integrity).

If this dude would have never crossed your path...you would have probably be under-developed in College when it came to social skills. The dude went out of his way...and he put you under his wing. He did not have to...but he did.

It is about appreciation as I'm sure he has an impact in your life. And by the look of things...a positive one at that.

I would go and I would even bring a gift (weddings are very expensive and each person invited constitute an expense). His influence probably saved you a lot of heart-aches and $$$.

But once again...that's how I operate. It is part of my character.

This is the truth, and the best post.

I am slightly appalled by your lack of appreciation for a man who took you under his wing, helped shape you even, and then still had the thoughtfulness after growing apart from you (normal!), to include you in one of the biggest celebrations of his life, his marriage.

He is recognizing you as an important person from his life, an "old friend" as you put it.

You are not recognizing him at all. And quite frankly it sounds to me like he did much more for you then you did for him, and you are b!tching about a wedding gift.

I know this post might be offensive to you, but really. You need to take a look at yourself.

You come across as selfish and petty to me!! :nono:

 

[DJDamage]

You are not recognizing him at all. And quite frankly it sounds to me like he did much more for you then you did for him, and you are b!tching about a wedding gift.

I know this post might be offensive to you, but really. You need to take a look at yourself.

You come across as selfish and petty to me!! :nono:

lol

That is a typical woman answer. To a woman a wedding is the begining of everything, to a man it might be the end of everything (it is called the ball and chain for a reason). It is this reason alone why a woman is excited on her wedding day and a man is usually the one squirming in his shoes. But that is another topic all together. I am glad it someone else getting married and not me.

If you payed attention to my post, it is not about the gift more so then about the priniciple. I do agree with Latinoman post somewhat. Also redpill mentioned: "if you don't have other worthwhile engagements on that date, attend it".

Which brings it back to the DJ principle: sometimes an experience good or bad is worth more then not having experience it at all.

Yeah I am leaning more to attending it now, thanks guys and girl. I might even post about it after the wedding in a month or so.

 

[iqqi]

If you payed attention to my post, it is not about the gift more so then about the priniciple. I do agree with Latinoman post somewhat. Also redpill mentioned:

And if you paid any attention to my post, it is about the principle too.

 

[just so suave]

Just go, he'll like to see you, and you'll probably get to see your old college buddies. Plus they'll be nice ladies there, it will give you a chance to show him how smooth you've become.

Oh and i forgot to say, IT WILL BE FUN

 

[joekerr31]

3 times in 5 years and one of those times was by accident?

blah, i wouldn't go if you dont have mutual friends and stuff. if you each live in totally different worlds and will probably never talk again, i wouldn't bother.

just send him a note thanking him for the invite nad wishing him the best with his wedding but that you won't be able to attend becuase you are combing your *ss hairs that day (or some other excuse).

 

[Desdinova]

give him some money for his wedding.

That's probably why you were invited. If he doesn't want your friendship but wants you to attend his wedding, it's likely for the financial / material benefit of himself and his fiance. It's kinda like inviting that rich uncle you don't like just because he's rich.

I would personally be insulted.

 

[Latinoman]

That's probably why you were invited. If he doesn't want your friendship but wants you to attend his wedding, it's likely for the financial / material benefit of himself and his fiance. It's kinda like inviting that rich uncle you don't like just because he's rich.

I would personally be insulted.

Let's put my integrity post aside for a second. Let's take a look at things from a practical perspetive instead, just for argument sake.

In fact, let's look at things from worst case scenario:

He goes and finds out the reason he was invited was to be taken advantage. What's the worst it can happen? Well, he is $100 short (between rental and gift). But here would be the good thing, he can scratch it out and simply move on. Heck, can even considered a pay-back for the help he got years ago. And do NOT have to feel the "well, he helped me years ago" every again.


But let's say the guy genuinely wanted to invite him? I mean, this guy, when he was younger he became a mentor to DJDamage. He went out of his way to help DJDamage adjust socially. And he did it without KNOWING DJDamage...in fact that's how he met him. So, based on that, what is to say that's the way this dude operates? At least this time he is inviting a guy he helped years ago and knew very well.

I see this as a WIN situation if viewed from a practical situation.

But I stand by my original post.

 

[iqqi]

That's probably why you were invited. If he doesn't want your friendship but wants you to attend his wedding, it's likely for the financial / material benefit of himself and his fiance. It's kinda like inviting that rich uncle you don't like just because he's rich.

I would personally be insulted.

THIS is the way petty people think, act, and live their petty lives. ^^^

BUT THIS:

Now when I first met this guy in college he was the biggest PUA i knew so i kinda followed him around like a puppy because he introduced me to alot of girls and i had no game.

Sounds like a man of character in comparison.

You owe this man some integrity and the least you could do as a grown man is NOT judge that guy's character in such a negative way.

You are painting him out to be a grimy shady dude, and that is seeming to me like a reflection on yourself. If he could only see this thread, and what you think about him after all these years. And WTF, are you rich!? Because if you aren't and you would think he is using you for something as trivial as a cash gift or a present, well damn.

Damn.