Would you really want to be "The First" on her list?

[jhonny9546]

It's a long thing, but I hope worth reading for you.

Desdinova has done an incredible job explaining how women think emotionally about men.
In short, the best thing a man can do is give her maximum emotional low's and high's. That's like crafting an imprinting for her.

This is why many women, after encountering manipulative, narcissistic, or sociopathic men, will never recover, and will truly be damaged (the perennial oneitis).
But if you want to become a mature man (after your DJ phase), You'll have other goals in life that don't depend on the control women have over our lives, or on the things we did before to please women.
For all of us, once we're past 30 or 40, life truly has different priorities, also because we've had experiences that have changed us, so we've to update our filters through which we view reality.

The entire theory is describing a man that has the most "emotional" power over her.
That's usually a lover, not someone she's with for an LTR...but, if that happen to be the case?
I bet you could actually spot those specific LTRs (trauma bonding, highs and lows, war/separation and peace/reconciliation).

Have you ever wondered who has more "emotional power" over a woman?
That guy who behaves in an unhealthy way or who has behavioral or personality problems will make her experience intense emotions, both negative and positive. In this case, women speak for themselves about who they are.
If you see them chasing this type of man, you've already understood that that specific woman is no longer edible material. She's indigestible. She no longer has value for you or your future. Go next.

Now if Desdi's theory were 100% applicable to all women, it would have truly uncovered something very important:
The dynamics of the relationship, whether it be toxic or healthy, is not an indicator of its health. The only indicator of a relationship's health is whether that woman has oneitis for the man she's with (in that LTR), how much that man has penetrated her emotionally and left a lasting mark, while still living it togheter.

This is the case in many relationships where the woman constantly complains about her "lazy man", or calls him an "4sshxle", or that she works too hard and "has to be a mother" for him, or that she always complain about something...etc, etc, etc....
but... Why doesn't she just leave? ...
Because He is her emotional weakness.
Her perennial oneitis.
Once a relationship, an LTR, like this is formed, those ones, are absolutely not a good example to follow.


Then, after, You add that she has settled down with the "boring man".
Well, as a mature man, now, you really want to experience the second relationship... the "boring one".
We men are truly interested in having special emotional moments, craft them, but if you're truly mature men, what you seek most is the long-term stability of that emotional fluctuation. You want as little of it as possible.
I don't understand how this could be a problem.
Your job as a man is to find a woman who isn't emotionally damaged by a guy from her past, but also not to be a manipulative man who has that power over her emotions. An emotionally healthy woman can detach herself and choose. But given the theory, it seems like this isn't possible.

Now, let's look at some points that need to be explained or expanded upon, regarding the theory.

At the bottom of the list are her current interests.
These men rise to the top and replace previously attractive ones that will eventually disappear.

It's not clear. The theory is based on how men from her past have touched her emotions, yet afterwards she says there will be "New" men who will rise up and replace the old ones?

To get to the top of a woman's high-score list, you have to tinker with her emotions a lot, intentional or not. The more you can make her feel, the higher your score, and the longer she'll be undeniably attracted to you, even after you've disappeared from her life. When she ruins your relationship, the best form of revenge you can give her is to be at the top of her high-score list.

It really sounds like work. There's so much more to do in life for us men who control or focus on this kind of thing.

Victory is when you've dominated her because in her mind you're so strong that he'll never surpass you.

If a man is looking for a woman to spend his life with, this phrase is a contradiction, because many long-term couples, married or not, with or without children, will sooner or later reach "compromise," "sacrifice," "commitment," and this quote sounds good, but reminiscent of a movie or just a love story.

Telling you he was an a55hole and all the things he did. Once she's exhausted the fondest memories (aka idiotic stories) of her ex, she'll conclude her story with a lecture and a brief mention of her boring second husband, with a statement like, "This time I exposed the right man."

So you're telling that, as men, We should do all of this work in our life, just to be in a relationship with a woman who calls us an "*******", rather than a woman who has a healthy mind and communication?
(I know that ******* is not an insult, but it's not coming from a healthy woman mind).


I've also noticed, that what you write is based on only one woman, so it's a somewhat small sample size to work with, and say that this works like that for "any" woman out there. Are we basing this on a woman who was healthy and emotionally secure or the contrary?

This isn't to discredit your theory, Desdinova; you've done an incredible job. I just wanted to add some perspective, clarify things.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@jhonny9546

"This is why many women, after encountering manipulative, narcissistic, or sociopathic men, will never recover, and will truly be damaged"

No... Most PEOPLE(regardless of gender) "stay damaged", on account of the fact that it's remarkably easy to be miserable, while achieving and maintaining inner peace calls upon us to engage in regular self-reflection, behave and think differently than we did prior, etc etc

Cable news channels, the liquor industry, and reality TV wouldn't be billion dollar industries, if a substantial portion of the human race's eagerness to numb out didn't far surpass their zeal for addressing the difficulties in their own lives

 

[Desdinova]

I get a lot of questions about this post I made over a decade ago. I still stand by it and I'll address your questions and comments...

It's not clear. The theory is based on how men from her past have touched her emotions, yet afterwards she says there will be "New" men who will rise up and replace the old ones?

When a woman is younger, she is very naive. She will have crushes on boys in her school classes, crushes on celebrities, and even crushes on other adults in her life. These men have unknowingly caused an emotional reaction inside her brain and thus end up on the list. As she progresses in life, she gets the full experience of being with a man. They kiss, they fvck, and do all the sexually fun stuff. She is going to have a higher emotional reaction to these men because she gets the entire experience of touching and being sexual. She can't get that with her best friend's dad, although he may still remain somewhere on the list depending on how much she's let him run through her brain.

It really sounds like work. There's so much more to do in life for us men who control or focus on this kind of thing.

After you've become good at attracting and dating women, there's no effort. You will easily give an inexperienced and undamaged woman the emotional fluctuation she needs to have you climb up to the top of her list.

If a man is looking for a woman to spend his life with, this phrase is a contradiction, because many long-term couples, married or not, with or without children, will sooner or later reach "compromise," "sacrifice," "commitment," and this quote sounds good, but reminiscent of a movie or just a love story.

I've met older women who are completely wrecked after their man dies. The REAL "love story" isn't them living happily ever after. They're still going to have disagreements, argue, and need time apart. However, the thought of leaving never crosses her mind because he's at the top, and has been for a very long time. He's racked up all the points. He's won over all the other men.

So you're telling that, as men, We should do all of this work in our life, just to be in a relationship with a woman who calls us an "*******", rather than a woman who has a healthy mind and communication?
(I know that ******* is not an insult, but it's not coming from a healthy woman mind).

The woman in question is only angry because he's no longer in her life. When you break up with a woman and she's p1ssed off, she's going to trash you in any way possible. She's going to say you had a small d1ck, you treated her like garbage, you're a man-wh0re, etc. She didn't say any of that stuff about you when you were with her. She likely told her girlfriends that she may have found "the right one".

I've also noticed, that what you write is based on only one woman, so it's a somewhat small sample size to work with, and say that this works like that for "any" woman out there. Are we basing this on a woman who was healthy and emotionally secure or the contrary?

Well, let me put it this way... After I wrote this, I ended up dating a woman who was young, inexperienced, and completely obsessed with me. She pursued me for two years. I finally ended up dating her. We're celebrating 10 years together this month.

I did a lot of thinking about this subject before I wrote that post. I kept asking myself questions about why most relationships fail when the couple meet as adults and why the couples who met in high school are still together. I looked at all the clients I had in my previous career who were married for 50 years. I asked them about when they met and when they married. All of them were very young. I also wanted to know why women who had a previous marriage would go on and on about their 5hitty ex-husbands.

The girl I based the data on was an unusual opportunity for me. She was young and inexperienced and I had the ability to watch her actions based on whatever her brain was doing. It was fascinating. I also had to figure out why I was no longer with her. Women will self-sabotage based on how they feel in the moment which is exactly what she did. She had an opportunity to potentially do something with another man on her high score list, so she terminated the relationship. It also won't take a lot of guesswork on what her current relationship status is now that she's in her mid-30s.