My advice having ended up on that road is don't do it. Your scenario about the bed example you gave will play out over and over in a thousand ways. I make what she makes (give or take depending on the year) and ended up with a husband whose business failed due to a partner messing him over AFTER we were married. Prior to that we were on somewhat equal financial footing and seemed a good match financial/ambition wise.
Once the partnership debacle happened it was too easy for him to be comfortable because of my income, drive & ambition. It basically removed his motivation to get back up again, which irked me something fierce. I realized over time that really I was a better business person and money manager than him. That meant I ended up in the leader role for those things despite wanting my man to be the leader. This flipped the roles as far as who ended up wearing the pants in the relationship, and even though the physical was always great, and we had children and assets the income disparity and the many insidious ways it manifested itself in the relationship was our undoing.
We are happily divorced (seriously) now after 17 years, for which we were married for 15 and he is working and supporting himself in a role that he finds extremely rewarding but is not lucrative. We are great friends and parents and we no longer fight at all about financial things like we did while married. That whole dynamic is removed. I make sure the children are thoroughly financially taken care of (childcare, private school, sports equipment, braces, etc.) and he has recovered his self-esteem (which has helped me regain a fair amount of respect for him.) If we go to dinner and he wants to pay, then he pays - with HIS money. He feels self sufficient and independent now and the situation is much more positive. If I want to include him in something or do/provide something he can't afford, I just do it, and if it benefits him and the kids, well brilliant, I am happy to do it, there are no strings attached, and there is no undercurrent of resentment.
The undercurrent of resentment WILL show up over time if there remains a disparity and she begins to feel you are coasting on her coattails - which puts her in the leadership role whether either of you like it or not. This has a high probability over time to undermine her ability to respect you as a man. If she loses respect for you, it's going to be awful. The disparity is there going in, which is somewhat different than in my case, so y'all are obviously discussing it, but it is an insidious thing that evolves over time and may not be good long term.
I will say I do know a couple who is very happily married over 20 years where she is a highly paid (500K+) M & A executive and he makes about 100K as a professional in a clinical field. They have been fine and he is very much the man in that marriage but he has kept up his own professional career, they chose not have kids, and they were married very young before either of them fully manifested professionally. So they have grown, bonded and evolved together and he was always the leader in the relationship even though her career path is now more lucrative than his. They travel the world, stay fit and enjoy an enviable lifestyle.
So those are some thoughts FWIW.
