Would you ever "win back" a woman who has emotionally distanced herself from you?

[jhonny9546]

Would you see it as a challenge or simply acknowledge the fact that there's something about that girl that's making her distance herself from you, a problem of hers, or that you're not her "number 1"?

Listen: this friend of ours has been in a 6-year relationship with this girl.
It started out a bit so-so; in fact, at the beginning, after only 3 months, they both looked around and just broke up and started dating other people.
Then they got back together.
Then they broke up after 3 months.
Then they got back together and stayed together for 5 years.

This year, their son was born, and we were all happy to see them happy, but we learned that in their fourth year, she had become emotionally distant from him, coinciding with her job change.
In fact, we learned that she had a crush on a colleague, but that colleague didn't reciprocate. (Our friend came to know this from a manager).

That said, after about 2 or 3 months, she reconnected and in tune with him, and it seems they had fantastic sex (which is when she got pregnant).

Our friend, suffering from her disrespect and emotional distance for those 2 or 3 months, kinda felt like taking revenge on that colleague (even though he didn't reciprocate), by sending him an audio message wishing him "Hey have a happy birthday mate", while in the background, you could faintly hear that he and his girlfriend were finally having sex again.

For the record, we stayied late at that dinner, and commented on our friend when he wasn't there. (not to gossip, but just because we're trying to make a better group of man).
We've seen this behavior as immature and insecure.
We told ourselves that if our GF would ever do that, and that it's not the first time, we actually have to understand a bit about why we allow that in the first instance, or that maybe she has some issues (hypersexuality, BPD, BP etc..)

We thought our friend could not leave because of economic issues we all are facing in italy in our age range 25 to 35.
So He actually acted as "Yes I know you've got this thing, but I can wait you", instead of "Ok, It's time for me to walk away".


What do you think of our friend? We'd like to hear the perspective of more experienced men on this.
Did you ever had something like that in your life?
How did you act and how would you act again?

PS: In Italy these things happen often, unfortunately, and people believe they have to "solve the problems" rather than say "you didn't respect me in the first place, so I'm walking away."

 

[Free_Agent]

I can only speak from an experience . I ****ed up with an ex, and tried everything to repair our relationship. It was a waste of time and effort and probably made me look worse.

Better to focus on new, undamaged opportunities imho

 

[Gamisch]

Yup. Thats the problem; you can definitely reconnect, and you might even get some good years out of it.

But eventually it will shatter into pieces( again). Itks akin to doing crime, saying you dont mind jail but once the door closes...you still gonna hate it with a passion.

Even IF you "believe" you are ready for that monent, its still a hazardous thing. If a woman you actually love behaves great for multiple years, you'll let your guard down and you wanna invest more and more in the relationship with her. So the blow will ALWAYS hit you unexpected and hard. Aks me how I know..

Generally speaking my new rule is to ALWAYS keep it moving. Even if a woman was flirting heavy with me. If I don't or didn't pull the trigger I shrug it off and forget about her. Olenty if new qomen to come! Other than that: one chance per woman per lifetime!!!

 

[Barrister]

Not worth the time to “win back” any woman. If it fell apart once, it’ll fall apart again in about 99% of cases. And generally a woman is always going to think it’s 100% on the man to change while she puts forth zero effort to help fix anything on her end.

It’s better for a man’s mental health to just accept reality and “onto the next.” I’m sure your friend on some level is wishing he had played this differently at this point.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Not a chance, no... "Winning someone back" is something one leaves behind in junior high

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I would have 15 years ago. But then again, I don't believe I've ever really actively tried to "win someone back." "Win someone over" despite them not showing interest when I am very interested is something I've done.

I think when it comes to being a DJ or red pill aware traits we each have one or more things we instinctually do "right." One of those for me was to never try to 'get her back.' I may have stated a wish that I WAS back, but even then there was the bittersweet knowledge that I wasn't 'good enough' to them/for them and even if I was with her, that would be in my mind always.

The most recent one was almost exactly 13 years ago. I still smashed (multiple times) but I wanted more than that. She didn't. So after dating someone who DID, I saw firsthand why moving on to someone else was a good move. And just how angry and jealous a woman can get when she sees you happy with a woman with comparable/better looks and is younger. The bonus points came from the new girl being of a different ethnicity. Made multiple women in my past show true colors. One even said "I think i'm going to puke" while the one who I just broke up with sent me a text saying "Your FB update was g@y." lol

If it's not clear, my message is I wouldn't ever (even prior to me 'knowing' the red pill stuff) try to get someone back who didn't want me. I went back to several women who DID want me and I rejected them (probably the most A-hole thing I did in the past. Not to mention sometimes stupid. hahaha) in the past, but that's a different dynamic.

IMHO it is never worth the time, effort and sanity for someone to try extra hard for a woman that hasn't been just as eager as a dog wagging it's tail when she sees you. If one has never found a woman like that, then he's not found a good one; let alone the RIGHT one.