Would you consider this a red flag?

[soulforge]

Early days of dating a girl around 4-5 weeks in.

She is showing high interest by texting you between 3-5 times a day.

You always respond back, you don't ignore her, however you're texting her less than she is texting you & sometimes you take a little longer to respond back to her, because you are busy.

She comes over to your house (date) & pretty much immediately makes this warning

"Soul if you don't text and make an effort like I do, then I will do the same and stop making an effort"

Would you consider this a threat/warning of things to come?

Since then I have noticed a pattern of "mirroring" my texting habits.

For example if I put a kiss in the message and it's "lower case" kiss, then she will do the same..

I know this is petty shyte.. but my feeling is, this could turn into a bigger communication issue down the line.

 

[Westminster]

Hmmm. On one hand, maybe she's just really into you and wants to know if you feel the same, possibly as a precursor to looking for some more long-term commitment. But then it's possible that you're just overthinking things (which I know I'm sometimes guilty of).

But, to focus on your question, is it a red flag? Quite possibly, but it I'd have to know a bit more about how she behaves in general. If there are two or three other things you're wondering about then maybe, yes. You're looking for a pattern I suppose.

Either way, it's worth being vigilant. Because trouble from a woman, you do not need.

 

[soulforge]

Hmmm. On one hand, maybe she's just really into you and wants to know if you feel the same, possibly as a precursor to looking for some more long-term commitment. But then it's possible that you're just overthinking things (which I know I'm sometimes guilty of).

But, to focus on your question, is it a red flag? Quite possibly, but it I'd have to know a bit more about how she behaves in general. If there are two or three other things you're wondering about then maybe, yes. You're looking for a pattern I suppose.

Either way, it's worth being vigilant. Because trouble from a woman, you do not need.

Well I am experiencing Mirroring behaviour from her.. Which tells me, she will be stubborn, especially when it comes to texting, or conflict.

It's not a really big deal, but the communication between us now, will be conditional, rather the it just flows authenticly.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Red flag if you're thinking long term, yes.

Needy chicks are a pain in the a$$ and IME it only gets worse. She is trying to set the terms of communication so you are always reachable.

And just the fact that she issues a warning instead of going with the flow, to me she sounds like a kindergarten teacher. You are not a child.

 

[soulforge]

Red flag if you're thinking long term, yes.

Needy chicks are a pain in the a$$ and IME it only gets worse. She is trying to set the terms of communication so you are always reachable.

And just the fact that she issues a warning instead of going with the flow, to me she sounds like a kindergarten teacher. You are not a child.

Yeh I think if she had just, asked if I could communicate more with her, that would have gone down better.

My concern is, likely a power play might ensue when it comes to communication

 

[Vanderdonck]

"Soul if you don't text and make an effort like I do, then I will do the same and stop making an effort"

"This is the level I'm comfortable with right now, for me. You can communicate however you like."

Let her do what she wants.

 

[soulforge]

"This is the level I'm comfortable with right now, for me. You can communicate however you like."

Let her do what she wants.

Hmm true. It's worth speaking on.. makes me a little cautious about pursuing anything serious with her though.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"I have a lot going on throughout the day and I look forward to receiving your texts and get back to you when I can. But if you need someone who can be in constant communication throughout the day then maybe I'm not the guy for you "

Then shut up and see what she says.

 

[plumber]

wanting more attention from you is good, much better than if she told you to not respond so much.... keep doing what your doing.

 

[soulforge]

wanting more attention from you is good, much better than if she told you to not respond so much.... keep doing what your doing.

Hmm I get it.. Wanting attention is good, however what isn't good is this:

Mirroring:

I take an hour to reply - she takes an hour to reply

I forget to put a kiss on the text - she doesn't put a kiss on the text

I don't text her all day - She doesn't text me all day

She does a pull back (like most woman will do) I do a pull back.. She pulls back.. I pull back.. Game over lol

 

[Clockwerk50]

As opposed to the mirroring, what would you like her to do?

There is no point in taking things personally, more seriously, or whine to her about her behaviour you don’t like. She will just get defensive and aggravate the problem. Just keep things light and playful in order for her to be more compliant and follow your lead.

“Woah, are you threatening me already? Should I start sleeping with one eye open? Lmao ”

 

[Barrister]

Yes, it is a red flag.

She is clearly needy and is trying to make you act in a certain way -- certainly pushy for only being 4-5 weeks in UNLESS you have told her something to make her expect that kind of behavior. That wasn't part of your hypothetical.

In these situations, you need to set a boundary that you lead a busy life full of different pursuits (job, kids, etc.) and that you can't always answer as quickly as she likes. Doesn't mean you don't care, but your response times are your response times. If she reacts negatively to that, especially at this early of a stage, you are better off nexting her. She will become a bigger and bigger headache the longer you go, and if you give into this she will follow suit with the same manipulative tactics across the board in the future.

 

[BPH]

Of course it's a red flag.

She's making a demand with an attached ultimatum, not a request.

Just keep doing what you've been doing and if that doesn't work for her it's her problem, not yours.

 

[Solomon]

Early days of dating a girl around 4-5 weeks in.

She is showing high interest by texting you between 3-5 times a day.

You always respond back, you don't ignore her, however you're texting her less than she is texting you & sometimes you take a little longer to respond back to her, because you are busy.

She comes over to your house (date) & pretty much immediately makes this warning

"Soul if you don't text and make an effort like I do, then I will do the same and stop making an effort"

Would you consider this a threat/warning of things to come?

Since then I have noticed a pattern of "mirroring" my texting habits.

For example if I put a kiss in the message and it's "lower case" kiss, then she will do the same..

I know this is petty shyte.. but my feeling is, this could turn into a bigger communication issue down the line.

Would I consider it a red flag no? I actually have a buddy who recently had the opposite problem where he felt his girl wasn't texting him enough. I told him hey talk to her about the fact that you want her to communicate with you more etc. He spoke with his girl she totally understood and said "You're a great guy the least I can do is make more effort to communicate more" This was about 2.5 weeks ago and she has stepped it up

For me I establish early on in relationships/situaitonships boundaries on how much I text/communicate (and my expectations on how often we see each other) cause sometimes I work up to 50-70 hours a week. Sometimes I can text back right away and sometimes it may take me a few hours to respond depending on how busy I am are. My thing is this, if a girl wants to talk more/hang out more the onus is on her to be available.

If I'm dealing with a girl and she doesn't text a lot, as long as I get to see her when I want it doesn't matter, if it's a situation where I don't see her and the communication is trash I move on and try to spin more plates.

Some situations with women aren't about b.s. games just have a straight up conversation about it, no need to "overgame" or "Overthink"

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No, she's behaving like a feminine woman, she's subcommunicating you're not like the other men she dates, who always sending her messages after her, puzzy whipped. And the she process her feeling by verbalizing it.

Predictability will kill attraction.


Okay baby girl *proceeds to kiss her forehead*

Now, do the opposite, start texting less, ignore her, say you've been busy with work. Skip weekends to see her, keep in a limbo where she doesn't know if you actually like her. Make her frustrated that you are different, that she can't figure you out, that's the challenge women crave.

All she's doing is $hit testing you.


She's testing your frame, nothing more. Ignore words, watch what she does.



Wrong, this is not a red flag. She's not used to be with guys who don't text like puppies after her, and she's anxious




IMO, I wouldn't say anyhting. I would just play it cool, A&M, being all this serious for that $hit just makes you like a robot.

I would be like " What, you miss me that much throughout the week?" Then grab her kiss her, smack her a$$ and go on with your day.

Always an option as well, but I tend to force people to show their hand quickly and if this is a long term problem I'd rather not waste either of our times, especially mine.

 

[soulforge]

Would I consider it a red flag no? I actually have a buddy who recently had the opposite problem where he felt his girl wasn't texting him enough. I told him hey talk to her about the fact that you want her to communicate with you more etc. He spoke with his girl she totally understood and said "You're a great guy the least I can do is make more effort to communicate more" This was about 2.5 weeks ago and she has stepped it up

For me I establish early on in relationships/situaitonships boundaries on how much I text/communicate (and my expectations on how often we see each other) cause sometimes I work up to 50-70 hours a week. Sometimes I can text back right away and sometimes it may take me a few hours to respond depending on how busy I am are. My thing is this, if a girl wants to talk more/hang out more the onus is on her to be available.

If I'm dealing with a girl and she doesn't text a lot, as long as I get to see her when I want it doesn't matter, if it's a situation where I don't see her and the communication is trash I move on and try to spin more plates.

Some situations with women aren't about b.s. games just have a straight up conversation about it, no need to "overgame" or "Overthink"

 

[Clockwerk50]

Yes, it is a red flag.

She is clearly needy and is trying to make you act in a certain way -- certainly pushy for only being 4-5 weeks in UNLESS you have told her something to make her expect that kind of behavior. That wasn't part of your hypothetical.

In these situations, you need to set a boundary that you lead a busy life full of different pursuits (job, kids, etc.) and that you can't always answer as quickly as she likes. Doesn't mean you don't care, but your response times are your response times. If she reacts negatively to that, especially at this early of a stage, you are better off nexting her. She will become a bigger and bigger headache the longer you go, and if you give into this she will follow suit with the same manipulative tactics across the board in the future.

For the sake of argument, the reason I asked OP what he wanted the girl to do instead of mirroring him is simple. If OP is taking a long time to reply because he is busy, why does it matter if the girl takes a long time to reply back?

In addition, the girl clearly communicated that she will be following his lead in texting since he’s not putting enough effort into it. Simply put, OP is acting like texting isn’t a big deal, yet he’s here asking for advice because, deep down, it does matter to him since he is focusing on smiley faces and texting times.

The truth is, the girl is responding to the energy OP is giving off. This is natural feminine behavior. If OP wants her to stop mirroring him, he needs to lead the dynamic properly and set the emotional tone. Women follow how a man makes them feel, not what he says.

 

[RickTheToad]

Early days of dating a girl around 4-5 weeks in.

She is showing high interest by texting you between 3-5 times a day.

You always respond back, you don't ignore her, however you're texting her less than she is texting you & sometimes you take a little longer to respond back to her, because you are busy.

She comes over to your house (date) & pretty much immediately makes this warning

"Soul if you don't text and make an effort like I do, then I will do the same and stop making an effort"

Would you consider this a threat/warning of things to come?

Since then I have noticed a pattern of "mirroring" my texting habits.

For example if I put a kiss in the message and it's "lower case" kiss, then she will do the same..

I know this is petty shyte.. but my feeling is, this could turn into a bigger communication issue down the line.

Tell her, this isn't tit for tat. She's trying to train you. This is how you are, if you don't like it, chao.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Tell her, this isn't tit for tat. She's trying to train you. This is how you are, if you don't like it, chao.

Kinda what I said in not so many words...I have a low tolerance for time wasting these days as I get older. Would rather lose someone in a week than after 3 months.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Ultimatums are always a red flag. It comes from a place of insecurity, a desire for control, and mistrust.

Ultimately, you want someone who doesn't need validation or confirmation on where each other stands. If she's just a plate then enjoy while you can, if you're considering long-term then it is something to consider and weigh in.