Would you allow your girlfriend to live with a guy?

[MrNiceGuy23]

Just farming opinions to see if I'm being justified or not.

How would you feel if your girlfriend told you she wanted to live with a guy that wasn't you?

My girlfriend and I are at different schools about an hour or so apart and she recently informed me she was going to live with one of her friends (female) but also a guy as well. She said not to worry because she thinks he's gay but then told me how he's always talking about women he likes.

I have never met the guy before nor would I be uncomfortable with it even if I did because I just think it's inviting a bad situation to arise.

I'm trusting but I don't trust men and again, a little nothing could turn into a lot of something due to the shared surroundings. Girl hangs out with guy a lot, watch movies together, get a little cozy one night, things get worse, etc.

Am I unjustified for expressing my discomfort with this situation? She told me she wouldn't live with him if I didn't want her to but couldn't understand why I had a problem with it.

 

[Down Low]

She's not your girlfriend. She's a f-buddy. Spin local plates in your search for quality.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

Just farming opinions to see if I'm being justified or not.

How would you feel if your girlfriend told you she wanted to live with a guy that wasn't you?

My girlfriend and I are at different schools about an hour or so apart and she recently informed me she was going to live with one of her friends (female) but also a guy as well. She said not to worry because she thinks he's gay but then told me how he's always talking about women he likes.

I have never met the guy before nor would I be uncomfortable with it even if I did because I just think it's inviting a bad situation to arise.

I'm trusting but I don't trust men and again, a little nothing could turn into a lot of something due to the shared surroundings. Girl hangs out with guy a lot, watch movies together, get a little cozy one night, things get worse, etc.

Am I unjustified for expressing my discomfort with this situation? She told me she wouldn't live with him if I didn't want her to but couldn't understand why I had a problem with it.

I would feel the same way you would. First of all she tells you that she "thinks" the guy is gay and then she tells you that he talks about all the women he likes. Let me remind you again, she "thinks" the guy is gay. That's her opinion and probably told you to disarm you. If he talks about all the women he likes then he probably isn't gay. Now it all depends on the level of trust the both of you have for each other and more so the level of trust you have for her. It also comes down to how much she respects your opinions and decisions. I wouldn't say you are unjustified in expressing your discomfort but do it in a mature manner that is smooth and not forceful. Explain to her in an assertive way how you feel and maybe she might change her mind.

 

[SamTheHobit]

So she's respecting you by co-inhabiting with another guy.

Good luck with this one.

The only girlfriend worth pursuing a relationship with are the the shy girls that don't party.

 

[Daily Insanity]

Did you say allow? First of all you need to learn that you DONT control anybodys life but your own. Don't be a jackass.

Second. If a girl is wanting to or is living with another guy, there could be REASONS for this. Don't be a douche and overthink the situation. Get the correct facts. If it makes SENSE, like the other is gay, tuck your controlling a$$ in. If NOT, you need to move the hell on because just by living with him, he's got free a$$ every night.

 

[ItsAllAboutMe]

No.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

In my lifetime, I've lived with 2 girls that I wasn't trying to screw, both of whom were hotties. The first one was in college during my senior year - we were both in the theater program and wanted to save money, so we decided to live together. Nothing ever happened. The second time was a couple of years ago with my friend and my godson after her ex-bf left her - again, I was trying to save money and she needed to save money to help take care of the kid, so we lived together for a year and a half.

In both of these scenarios, the common goal of all the people living together was: TRY AND SAVE MONEY. That's about as far out as I thought about it, and that's probably about as far as she's thought about it.

Here's the thing you need to understand about relationships: if the girl is going to cheat on you, she'll do it regardless of the situation. You're worried her and this guy are going to hook up? Okay, so she decides not to live with him - there are literally hundreds of other scenarios that could pop up where she could end up with him: running into him on the street; seeing him at a party; putting together a secret rendezvous via email; accidentally ending up on the same flight somewhere together... the possibilities are endless.

I don't say all this to scare you; I say all this to help you see that the living together isn't the problem. The problem is that you don't trust your girlfriend to be faithful to you. And the reason for that is a jealousy issue on your side. Is her living with this guy the most ideal situation? Probably not. However, just because she's living with another guy (and a girl, might I add - what if she decides to lez it out one day??) doesn't mean anything is going to happen. You know how many girls have guys as friends that they don't want to do anything with?? Lots!

Now, you're probably thinking: "But what about the guy, what if he has a crush on her and tries to make a move?" If that happens, your girlfriend should like you enough to be able to thwart off his advances... but if not, so what, just find another girlfriend. No, really, it's that simple - again, if she's gonna cheat, it doesn't matter how things are set up. You need to trust her enough to know she's not going to do anything - and, if she's already giving you proof that she can't be trustworthy, you shouldn't be dating her anyway.

Lastly, just the fact that she's willing not to live with this guy if you tell her not to speaks VOLUMES about how much respect she has for you. She probably doesn't like the fact that you don't seem to trust her, but many girls would have just been like "I'll do whatever the heck I want." So kudos to her, and boo to you, maaaaaaan!

 

[ItsAllAboutMe]

Harry Wilmington you kind of have a point but you must be such an AFC to consider ever letting your girlfriend live with another dude...

Send your gf to my house she can live with me

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Harry Wilmington you kind of have a point but you must be such an AFC to consider ever letting your girlfriend live with another dude...

Send your gf to my house she can live with me

It's not about being an AFC; it's about not being a hypocrite. I've been in those scenarios where I had little to no money, and the only person available at the time to live with just so happen to be a girl. So, if my girl was in the same situation and found a roommate to live with that happen to be a guy ('cause the girl definitely wouldn't be living with me - I'm not trying to live with any potential future wifey until I'm married), I'd have no problem with it at all.

Most guys live in fear of "what if she sleeps with him?" or "what if he makes a move on her?" I just don't have those kinds of fears. I tend to vet the girls I'm dating well enough to where I'm able to trust them not to do those things, and I let them know that if they do I have no problem dumping them. At the end of the day, I'm not trying to spend my life worrying about whether or not a girl I'm dating is cheating on me with a roommate. It's just not a big deal to me 'cause I always know I have the ability to go out and find someone else to date fairly quickly these days (like, within 2 to 4 weeks after a break up).

 

[In2theGame]

No.

Double No.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Dang dude. Why don't you live with a girl and see how she reacts.

A relationship is all about making it work. If it makes you uncomfortable that she is living with a dude then you should check her on that ish. The issue isn't if she is going to cheat or not. The issue is her disrespecting you enough to even consider that playa.

Now how would you think she would react if you told her you were considering living with another female?

 

[Atom Smasher]

The answer is a resounding "No".

Most women (especially in your age group) are mentally and emotionally incapable of resisting the emotions brought about by an orchestrated circumstance. If Mr. "Gay" (who I assure you, is not gay) orchestrates a circumstance, she will succumb as sure as I'm sitting here. All he has to do is chip away at her a little at a time, just like I do when I bag my own prey.

Never forget the mantra of the cheater: "It just happened".

Women need and crave authority from a man. They might perform a surface objection but it is better that a woman proves her loyalty to you by abiding by your boundaries than by being in a situation where she is living with another man.

Either one will vet her for who she is. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, then she should be history anyway. If she lives with this guy and something happens, of course she should be history. Which is a better scenario?

This is not a matter of petty jealousy; It is a matter of RESPECT. Fact: Women today are brought up with almost zero respect for men. Fact: Men are made to feel SHAME for setting boundaries such as this proposed living arrangement. You should not feel shame about this. If she desires to respect your wishes and abide by them, you have a real "catch" there. If not, she is not worthy of being in your life.

Do you really want to have her living with this guy, with you always wondering what she's doing? And then when you see her, intently looking at her for signs that something has happened?

Women today think they are entitled to do anything they want without consequence, and certainly without regard for a man's opinions and feelings. Is your girlfriend an exception to this? I hope so.

I would tell her how I feel about it, get her to see how she would feel if you were living with a woman, and if she respects you, great. If not, walk.

Edit: As I think about this, let me say that this is where the rubber meets the road for us men collectively. We're got to start raising our espectations, defining boundaries and parameters for our relationships, and define clear expectations. In this way a sociatal tipping point can be achieved where women learn that they either respect their men or be alone.

 

[bukowski_merit]

In my lifetime, I've lived with 2 girls that I wasn't trying to screw, both of whom were hotties. The first one was in college during my senior year - we were both in the theater program and wanted to save money, so we decided to live together. Nothing ever happened. The second time was a couple of years ago with my friend and my godson after her ex-bf left her - again, I was trying to save money and she needed to save money to help take care of the kid, so we lived together for a year and a half.

In both of these scenarios, the common goal of all the people living together was: TRY AND SAVE MONEY. That's about as far out as I thought about it, and that's probably about as far as she's thought about it.

Here's the thing you need to understand about relationships: if the girl is going to cheat on you, she'll do it regardless of the situation. You're worried her and this guy are going to hook up? Okay, so she decides not to live with him - there are literally hundreds of other scenarios that could pop up where she could end up with him: running into him on the street; seeing him at a party; putting together a secret rendezvous via email; accidentally ending up on the same flight somewhere together... the possibilities are endless.

I don't say all this to scare you; I say all this to help you see that the living together isn't the problem. The problem is that you don't trust your girlfriend to be faithful to you. And the reason for that is a jealousy issue on your side. Is her living with this guy the most ideal situation? Probably not. However, just because she's living with another guy (and a girl, might I add - what if she decides to lez it out one day??) doesn't mean anything is going to happen. You know how many girls have guys as friends that they don't want to do anything with?? Lots!

Now, you're probably thinking: "But what about the guy, what if he has a crush on her and tries to make a move?" If that happens, your girlfriend should like you enough to be able to thwart off his advances... but if not, so what, just find another girlfriend. No, really, it's that simple - again, if she's gonna cheat, it doesn't matter how things are set up. You need to trust her enough to know she's not going to do anything - and, if she's already giving you proof that she can't be trustworthy, you shouldn't be dating her anyway.

Lastly, just the fact that she's willing not to live with this guy if you tell her not to speaks VOLUMES about how much respect she has for you. She probably doesn't like the fact that you don't seem to trust her, but many girls would have just been like "I'll do whatever the heck I want." So kudos to her, and boo to you, maaaaaaan!

I agree with this. All of it.

There's a pretty large shift in the way this board handles situations like these now. Almost any scenario like this - results in the board scream "Disrespect! Disrespect! She doesn't respect you!" ... And in most of the cases when I see everyone screaming "fire" - it's really just some smoke.

If you don't trust her enough to live with a guy - then dump her now.

Saying "no" will be the a nail in your coffin! She might agree not to live with him; but she will hold resentment towards you and you will lose a lot of attractiveness to her. Saying, "yes" when you have issues with it - will work out terribly for your insecurity.You'll be worried about it ALL THE TIME! And in the process will become the overbearing boyfriend type (if you're not already).

I have to keep saying this, but I KNOW what makes women cheat. And this is the type of stuff that does it. In all my years, I've never seen or made a woman cheat on a boyfriend who was completely secure with her. NEVER!

The woman is not always the villain, and the man is not always the hero.

Harry Wilmington you kind of have a point but you must be such an AFC to consider ever letting your girlfriend live with another dude...

Girl: Hey I want to move in with my girlfriend in a guy. Do you have a problem with this?

a) Guy: I don't give a fvck.
b) Guy: No, that's not acceptable to me.

When did A become AFC and B become Alpha? lol.... bunch of tissues in this bitch.

 

[JoeMarron]

So is monogamy inherently beta then? If we take this "I don't give a fk" attitude to its logical conclusion then a true Alpha couldn't care less if his girl cheats. He'll just continue banging her along with whoever else he feels like getting with. Not saying that this is my viewpoint I'm just curious of you all's opinion on this.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Saying "no" will be the a nail in your coffin! She might agree not to live with him; but she will hold resentment towards you and you will lose a lot of attractiveness to her. Saying, "yes" when you have issues with it - will work out terribly for your insecurity.You'll be worried about it ALL THE TIME! And in the process will become the overbearing boyfriend type (if you're not already).

Not if she has class and is teachable. Women tend to be flighty and usually need guidance (aka occasional reality checks) from a gounded man. Many women can see that living with a male is fraught with potential problems for her current relationship. This is rare for early twenties, but becomes more common as women mature and get a glimpse of the reality of human dynamics.

As I've said before, the mantra of the cheating woman is usually:

"I don't know why. It just happened."

When women are put into certain situations, they unwittingly become the catalyst for a chemical reaction. Why even create the potential?

As a bit of an aside, I have learned to orchestrate ALL potential relationships so that the woman tells me, "Atom Smasher, I love how you set boundaries and enforce them". I'm telling you, guys... Women understand subconsiously that they need the man to lead and guide them and to set boundaries for them. They will respect a man for setting boundaries if they are set unapologetically and for sound, rational reasons.

 

[zinc4]

Harry Wilmington you kind of have a point but you must be such an AFC to consider ever letting your girlfriend live with another dude...

Send your gf to my house she can live with me

I think you are the afc......................honestly...it's a GF....who cares!!!??? The less they hassel you, the better.......let her live with another guy while you F some good plates on the side.....sounds like a good deal to everyone to me...this type of thing keeps boring relationships interesting...it's only healthy....unless you are planning on marrying this chick, then why should you care??????? even then, you shouldn't care....

 

[zekko]

[Girl: Hey I want to move in with my girlfriend in a guy. Do you have a problem with this?

a) Guy: I don't give a fvck.
b) Guy: No, that's not acceptable to me.

When did A become AFC and B become Alpha? lol.... bunch of tissues in this bitch.

That's fine if you're just dealing with a girl. But if you're dealing with a girlfriend I don't buy it. There's nothing wrong with not giving a fvck, but at precisely what point do you start to give a fvck? It's okay to have dinner with a guy, it's okay to go live with a guy, it's okay to sleep in the same bed with a guy, it's okay if she gives him a friendly hug, it's okay if she gives him a friendly kiss, it's okay if she just gives him a bl0wjob now and then, it's okay if she has sex with him. Where do you draw the line?

You can say that a DJ won't give a fvck, he has his own plates to spin, or he'll just go out and get another girl. But this arrangement doesn't make for much of a relationship, does it?

Bottom line, why would I even want to have a girlfriend who's living with some other dude? I may as well just spin plates instead.

Not if she has class and is teachable. Women tend to be flighty and usually need guidance (aka occasional reality checks) from a gounded man.

Right, women are notoriously dense about what constitutes appropriate behavior - it's like they are blown about with the wind (their own emotions). They often need a man to serve as an anchor and moral center for them.

 

[zinc4]

That's fine if you're just dealing with a girl. But if you're dealing with a girlfriend I don't buy it. There's nothing wrong with not giving a fvck, but at precisely what point do you start to give a fvck? It's okay to have dinner with a guy, it's okay to go live with a guy, it's okay to sleep in the same bed with a guy, it's okay if she gives him a friendly hug, it's okay if she gives him a friendly kiss, it's okay if she just gives him a bl0wjob now and then, it's okay if she has sex with him. Where do you draw the line?

You can say that a DJ won't give a fvck, he has his own plates to spin, or he'll just go out and get another girl. But this arrangement doesn't make for much of a relationship, does it?

Bottom line, why would I even want to have a girlfriend who's living with some other dude? I may as well just spin plates instead.


Right, women are notoriously dense about what constitutes appropriate behavior - it's like they are blown about with the wind (their own emotions). They often need a man to serve as an anchor and moral center for them.

Like i said before...if you want to marry the chick, then it could potentially be a problem...but if not then you are just acting like a puss%......plain and simple....

 

[Purefilth]

No.

 

[Crazystarf]

We are getting too complex about a topic that is simple as this.

If you woman wants to live with another guy, you basically have two choices.

Assuming that you and your gf are tight w/each other:
1) Let her do whatever she wants.
Pros:
- Gives you free time to sort out your own issues; whether it would be work, social life, etc.
- You can spin more plates and she won't even care.
- Your girl will look at you w/more respect?

Cons:
- She'll cheat behind your back, and you won't even notice.
- Be prepared to break up if things don't work out.

2) Set boundaries for her; tell her that you have your say in this relationship too.
Pros:
- You'll keep your girl; the chances of a break-up will be far less.
- Shows that you are willing to speak your mind about situations such as this (which most people are incapable of).

Cons:
- She'll lose respect for you?
- If things go south she'll break up with you regardless (depends on how much respect she has towards you).

If all else, go with your gut feeling; chances are it's probably correct.
Remember: The fire alarm will ring even if there is no fire, so be aware of that.