"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Worthy of more pursuit?

peteywintz

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First off, I talked to this girl almost in passing at a bar and number closed after paying so little attention to her it's unbelievable for about 2 minutes, that I was amazed she even texted me back. However, she's a hard HB8 on a bad day. Anyways, here's how the last two text conversations we've had have gone:

Me:Let's get a drink or two together Thursday, you free?
Her: No :( it's finals week for me. I'm drowning in academia till dec 12th
Her: When I'm done though I'm down
Me: Ouch I remember those weeks. We'll make plans when you're done
Her: Are you graduated? And yeah def
Me: Yep, I'm a working man

Conversation ended, she responded with some bull**** that doesn't really matter to the story and I didn't text her for a week. The next conversation:

Me: How about this Thursday afternoon for a drink?
Her: If I'm done in time! I have a photoshoot at 12 but I'll text you when I'm done
Me: How about we shoot for 3:30, is that enough time?
Her: No way. Shoots are like 6 hrs. I'll let you know when I'm going to finish once we start
Me: Damn. I have a soccer game at 6:30 so later is no good
Her: Aw :/ ****

I left it there. I have a few other plates spinning right now (with probably a few more being added to that list this weekend) and even though she's hot, I don't care enough to surrender the frame. Also, I would rather never see her again than get into the "waiting for her to text" mode.

Thoughts? Should I let it rest for a few days and then try again? Or should I just forget about it?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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dap

Senior Don Juan
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I'd say that the ball is in her court. If she wants to meet up, she will reach out. I'm not blown away by her IL. I would move on until she texts.
 

VladPatton

Master Don Juan
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I agree, ball's in her court. See if she gives you a text to meet up since you did 2 already. I would try just one more time after that. If she had a high IL she'd make time for you, regardless if she was splitting atoms at lunch time.
 
B

BeDJ

Guest
How I would have responded

peteywintz said:
Me:Let's get a drink or two together Thursday, you free?
I'm free Thursday, lets grab a drink

Her: No :( it's finals week for me. I'm drowning in academia till dec 12th
Her: When I'm done though I'm down
Me: Ouch I remember those weeks. We'll make plans when you're done
Sounds good

Her: Are you graduated? And yeah def
(Silence)

...

Me: How about this Thursday afternoon for a drink?
(Silence)

Her: If I'm done in time! I have a photoshoot at 12 but I'll text you when I'm done
Me: How about we shoot for 3:30, is that enough time?
Sure
Notice how she won't give you a couple hours of her time throughout the entire week? Doesn't matter how much she is studying. Interested women will arrange their schedule for you. I'm surprised you didn't next this one sooner since you already have a few plates spinning...plus more.
 

TheWolfMan

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Agree, next this girl. No counter offer=not interested. Spin more plates, is she texts and wants to meet up fine, but don't count on it.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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NewAndImproved

Senior Don Juan
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peteywintz said:
First off, I talked to this girl almost in passing at a bar and number closed after paying so little attention to her it's unbelievable for about 2 minutes, that I was amazed she even texted me back. However, she's a hard HB8 on a bad day. Anyways, here's how the last two text conversations we've had have gone:

Me:Let's get a drink or two together Thursday, you free?
Her: No :( it's finals week for me. I'm drowning in academia till dec 12th
Her: When I'm done though I'm down
Me: Ouch I remember those weeks. We'll make plans when you're done
Her: Are you graduated? And yeah def
Me: Yep, I'm a working man

Conversation ended, she responded with some bull**** that doesn't really matter to the story and I didn't text her for a week. The next conversation:

Me: How about this Thursday afternoon for a drink?
Her: If I'm done in time! I have a photoshoot at 12 but I'll text you when I'm done
Me: How about we shoot for 3:30, is that enough time?
Her: No way. Shoots are like 6 hrs. I'll let you know when I'm going to finish once we start
Me: Damn. I have a soccer game at 6:30 so later is no good
Her: Aw :/ ****

I left it there. I have a few other plates spinning right now (with probably a few more being added to that list this weekend) and even though she's hot, I don't care enough to surrender the frame. Also, I would rather never see her again than get into the "waiting for her to text" mode.

Thoughts? Should I let it rest for a few days and then try again? Or should I just forget about it?
First, I disagree with Wolfman. There are counteroffers here, they're just vague. For example: "Her: When I'm done (with finals) though I'm down." (She said Dec 12th... I would have gone ghost and hit her up the 15th or later) She also appears to be trying to continue the conversation by asking the OP questions. Interest isn't all or nothing, though we can save stress, time and money by only pursuing High IL girls.

This girl simply isn't High IL, maybe because of the short face-to-face interaction you had, maybe because you went for the meetup up too quickly (AND BY TEXT) instead of sending some high-value texts, having her invest, getting her on the phone and then asking her out properly. You don't give us that much context, so I can only assume.

I will say that the girl certainly isn't afraid of losing you to anyone else. If she was, she wouldn't be vague and make time to see you. I'm in a fairly similar situation myself, which is why I ultimately decided to stop pursuing (luckily she's in my social circle so I'll see her eventually.)

I guess I've said a couple of different things. My final verdict would be to go ghost and wait until at least the 15th, get her to invest a bit more and call her for the date this time. As guys we need to listen more. She said she was busy til the 12th with finals... FINE. Don't respond to any other texts. Don't reach out. Move on and reengage later.
 
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