Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Worth the squeeze?

anonymous12345

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
38
Reaction score
15
Age
37
A girl once made an obvious come-on that I missed, we’ve had good connection and communication. I invited her out which she was quite positive about, but flaked an hour before: “I don’t know what I want” and later thought she deleted it, and then said her grandma was ill. I complied, said “I understand. You’re strong.” Naw. Please forgive me for that, guys. I should have just left her on read, maybe you agree.

A couple of days later I invited her again, no reply. I like the girl, and I wonder if there’s anything that can be done.

Here’s the alternatives I see:
  1. NEXT her/ignore/move on. “She’s not just that into you, bro.”
  2. Ask her out again for when I in the end of February visit her city, and continue a ****y & Funny approach, something like: “You have a lot of emotions. Pfft! Let’s have coffee.” On one hand this hasn’t given results, although maybe it’s not me that’s the cause to that.
  3. Pamper her. Instead of short, direct communication trying to set up a date, try to be more friendly, chat about her life and so forth. It’s a long time since we met, so maybe the machinery needs to be greased.
I would say 3 won’t work, it feels very beta. If she’s not reciprocative, nothing will work. The problem with 2 is that if it fails, it maybe solidifies the closed door…? I'd rather take a closed door now than in half a year. And it's still a chance, while NEXTing is guaranteed to give zero results (I don’t care if she in three years says hello or so).

What do you guys think?
 

Grounded eagle

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 10, 2020
Messages
364
Reaction score
309
Age
23
A girl once made an obvious come-on that I missed, we’ve had good connection and communication. I invited her out which she was quite positive about, but flaked an hour before: “I don’t know what I want” and later thought she deleted it, and then said her grandma was ill. I complied, said “I understand. You’re strong.” Naw. Please forgive me for that, guys. I should have just left her on read, maybe you agree.

A couple of days later I invited her again, no reply. I like the girl, and I wonder if there’s anything that can be done.

Here’s the alternatives I see:
  1. NEXT her/ignore/move on. “She’s not just that into you, bro.”
  2. Ask her out again for when I in the end of February visit her city, and continue a ****y & Funny approach, something like: “You have a lot of emotions. Pfft! Let’s have coffee.” On one hand this hasn’t given results, although maybe it’s not me that’s the cause to that.
  3. Pamper her. Instead of short, direct communication trying to set up a date, try to be more friendly, chat about her life and so forth. It’s a long time since we met, so maybe the machinery needs to be greased.
I would say 3 won’t work, it feels very beta. If she’s not reciprocative, nothing will work. The problem with 2 is that if it fails, it maybe solidifies the closed door…? I'd rather take a closed door now than in half a year. And it's still a chance, while NEXTing is guaranteed to give zero results (I don’t care if she in three years says hello or so).

What do you guys think?
I think that you may be jumping the gun by nexting her.I would pull back and greatly decrease the rate of interaction you have with her,because if I’m being honest I feel like you messed up when you bought her BS excuse.

She has already been turned off by it,which is why she didn’t reply to your invitation.I’d put her aside and focus on other girls/endeavours.If the third option feels beta,that’s because it IS beta.Disregard it completely and immediately.Girls will show you how they feel about you, and her not reaching out is what you should take as truth no matter what she says.
 

anonymous12345

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
38
Reaction score
15
Age
37
Her first message (translated):
"Hi again. You, I'm not feeling really well right now so have a hard time deciding what I want so I unfortunately must cancel. Sorry about that. Take care, have a nice evening!"

Second message:
"Hi, sorry, by accident removed the previous message. I must cancel, gonna eat dinner with my grand mother which isn't feeling well." (but she didn't remove the previous message, I think she chose Remove Only For Me, it's Facebook.)

My reply:
“I understand. You’re strong.”

After the two messages I waited two days, invited her out the same evening using a voice message, something she first read/listened to after the time set I suggested. Nothing after that, weeks have passed.

I agree, option 3 is out of the question, no more simping beta ****.

Indeed, I messed up by taking her BS seriously, I would say it was a **** test, or can at least constructively be seen as so. She made up the excuse(s), so if I deflected it she wouldn’t blame me, because she knows herself it’s BS.

On the other hand, I think this girl was sincerely uncertain, but I should handle it right nevertheless. I’m not used to this red pill yet. When someone says something sincerely, such as that their grand mother is ill, I behave like a “normal” person, “respect” them and am “polite.” I have this simp/empath problem still, working on being more ruthless (as I currently perceive it) and sturdiness.

She's a bit s shy and withdrawn, and I don't know how to best deal with that -- I thought pampering would address. Maybe it's all up to the girl, I can't do anything about it. I guess pampering/simping never work.

Sure, she didn’t reach out, but was strongly receptive twice when I did, and it failed because of logistics and second time this flaking. At least I must take initiative with girls, the times girls have initiated is way too few in my opinion. I think it’s ok, something along the line of “alphas approach, betas chase,” as someone wrote. But then, I’m currently cultivating the “aloof cool guy” and it seems very good in my current environment, but in say a bar I gotta approach. Generally people are impressed by that.

I will be in her town the 28th of February, and my plan is to stay quiet until then, and then write “You have a lot of emotions. Pfft! Let’s have coffee.” (Some understanding of her, ****y & Funny, leading.) It feels too short and out of the blue though. Pursue other girls/endeavours, as usual. Let me know if you have better suggestions/analysis.
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,443
Reaction score
2,957
Age
49
A girl once made an obvious come-on that I missed, we’ve had good connection and communication. I invited her out which she was quite positive about, but flaked an hour before: “I don’t know what I want” and later thought she deleted it, and then said her grandma was ill. I complied, said “I understand. You’re strong.” Naw. Please forgive me for that, guys. I should have just left her on read, maybe you agree.

A couple of days later I invited her again, no reply. I like the girl, and I wonder if there’s anything that can be done.

Here’s the alternatives I see:
  1. NEXT her/ignore/move on. “She’s not just that into you, bro.”
  2. Ask her out again for when I in the end of February visit her city, and continue a ****y & Funny approach, something like: “You have a lot of emotions. Pfft! Let’s have coffee.” On one hand this hasn’t given results, although maybe it’s not me that’s the cause to that.
  3. Pamper her. Instead of short, direct communication trying to set up a date, try to be more friendly, chat about her life and so forth. It’s a long time since we met, so maybe the machinery needs to be greased.
I would say 3 won’t work, it feels very beta. If she’s not reciprocative, nothing will work. The problem with 2 is that if it fails, it maybe solidifies the closed door…? I'd rather take a closed door now than in half a year. And it's still a chance, while NEXTing is guaranteed to give zero results (I don’t care if she in three years says hello or so).

What do you guys think?

"A couple of days later I invited her again, no reply. I like the girl, and I wonder if there’s anything that can be done."

Her no reply was her reply. That tells you everything you need to know.

No reply = she blew her chance. Next.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,404
Reaction score
7,862
Age
44
A couple of days later I invited her again, no reply
I am not sure what your question is after this statement. But I have a question for you OP-

This chick flaked on you, you asked her out again and she never gave you the time to even respond to your text. Why would you even consider going out with her again and what is her number still doing in your phone?

Her 2 months later: "Heyyyyy"
Me: This is a little embarrassing to ask......but who is this?
 

anonymous12345

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
38
Reaction score
15
Age
37
Hm, there’s some information asymmetry here, I’ll complement: before the above messages she has made an effort to reschedule (“I can’t, but next week should work”) and another text with enthusiasm. So I’d say she’d shown interest before but recently, yupp, flaked.

But I agree, the main take away here is still that she’s flaking and not reciprocating. Thanks @dude99 for pointing out that her no reply was her reply, I’m a bit clouded here.

@Glassguy and @jimwho, you guys wonder what I see in her. In no particular order:
  • It’s not that big of a deal, I saw it as a plate and wanted to look at it further, just like any other lead.
  • Not a oneitis, but she got charm from me and she has a good figure, we got some history too.
  • I’m not that much into results, but instead the process — I’m learning. The general problem I saw here is the question of what to do when a plate goes cold. My main point being that instead of NEXTing one can just as well take the risk of “burning the bridge.” If there’s maybe juice, and all squeeze required is sending a message in a month or two, it might be worth it.
Did some reading this morning. This guy was in the same situation and messaged “what’s up, flaky flakeberg?”:

https://heartiste.org/2017/07/26/flaky-flakeberg-text-game/

To sum up, maybe it’s detrimental for one’s self respect to chase in such a needy, non-alpha manner. But could be pragmatic and yield results.
 
Last edited:

Bethatsocialguy

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 6, 2022
Messages
32
Reaction score
47
Age
30
A girl once made an obvious come-on that I missed, we’ve had good connection and communication. I invited her out which she was quite positive about, but flaked an hour before: “I don’t know what I want” and later thought she deleted it, and then said her grandma was ill. I complied, said “I understand. You’re strong.” Naw. Please forgive me for that, guys. I should have just left her on read, maybe you agree.

A couple of days later I invited her again, no reply. I like the girl, and I wonder if there’s anything that can be done.

Here’s the alternatives I see:
  1. NEXT her/ignore/move on. “She’s not just that into you, bro.”
  2. Ask her out again for when I in the end of February visit her city, and continue a ****y & Funny approach, something like: “You have a lot of emotions. Pfft! Let’s have coffee.” On one hand this hasn’t given results, although maybe it’s not me that’s the cause to that.
  3. Pamper her. Instead of short, direct communication trying to set up a date, try to be more friendly, chat about her life and so forth. It’s a long time since we met, so maybe the machinery needs to be greased.
I would say 3 won’t work, it feels very beta. If she’s not reciprocative, nothing will work. The problem with 2 is that if it fails, it maybe solidifies the closed door…? I'd rather take a closed door now than in half a year. And it's still a chance, while NEXTing is guaranteed to give zero results (I don’t care if she in three years says hello or so).

What do you guys think?
1 = the best option
She has low interest. Leave it for a bit. If you have her on Instagram, post cool **** that you are doing. Build passive attraction. You "really like the girl" because it sounds like you dont have options. Go out and find other options. The more you push, the more you push her away. Also, dont jump straight into asking for dates.
 

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,404
Reaction score
7,862
Age
44
Hm, there’s some information asymmetry here, I’ll complement: before the above messages she has made an effort to reschedule (“I can’t, but next week should work”) and another text with enthusiasm. So I’d say she’d shown interest before but recently, yupp, flaked.

But I agree, the main take away here is still that she’s flaking and not reciprocating. Thanks @dude99 for pointing out that her no reply was her reply, I’m a bit clouded here.

@Glassguy and @jimwho, you guys wonder what I see in her. In no particular order:
  • It’s not that big of a deal, I saw it as a plate and wanted to look at it further, just like any other lead.
  • Not a oneitis, but she got charm from me and she has a good figure, we got some history too.
  • I’m not that much into results, but instead the process — I’m learning. The general problem I saw here is the question of what to do when a plate goes cold. My main point being that instead of NEXTing one can just as well take the risk of “burning the bridge.” If there’s maybe juice, and all squeeze required is sending a message in a month or two, it might be worth it.
Did some reading this morning. This guy was in the same situation and messaged “what’s up, flaky flakeberg?”:

https://heartiste.org/2017/07/26/flaky-flakeberg-text-game/

To sum up, maybe it’s detrimental for one’s self respect to chase in such a needy, non-alpha manner. But could be pragmatic and yield results.
I am not wondering what you see in her, I am wondering why she is still in your phone.

I agree with your comment that there was some interest on her part, but now that seems gone. We live in a "what have you done for me lately" dating world. Her actions are all that matter and they show that her interest has drastically fallen off.

The only thing you can do is go find new women to date and if this one reaches out, tread cautiously.
 

anonymous12345

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
38
Reaction score
15
Age
37
Well, it is a reflection of (my) scarcity, though I do repeat: "It’s not that big of a deal, I saw it as a plate and wanted to look at it further, just like any other lead." But I agree, with some time passing and a couple of approaches I feel more comfortable with NEXTing. I'm not gonna unfriend on Facebook or remove number, why would I, she's not a problem. I'm gonna kick it Yoda now: the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Yeah, some guys remove the numbers of cold girls, I've never understood that.

Rather than exposing myself through my usual social circles "waiting" for high interest girls, the for now "easy" lead of sending off a message to a low interest girl is tempting. This is the general area of scarcity, giving up, and simply folding because there are no good openings. I don't want to face that, I want to turn every stone, do whatever I can. Requires a lot of patience, stuck at the bar or café with openings. But the stone was turned. The solution is to realise it is a dead end. Just left to man up and move forward, to forget about the girl.

This guy had the same question and this thread has plenty of good content on this topic:

 
Top