Women should be a complement, not your entire focus

[Rainman4707]

Women should be a complement to a mans life, never the focus of it -Rollo Tomassi

I get this, if a man has a lot of money. She would be a nice complement, he is out working, she is at home with the kids, he gives her what she wants, he gets his happy family, kids, sex..(maybe sex, not to sure about that part. This is what happens if you have a kid to a woman, the sex dries up after so long right?

Lets take the average guy though. Truck driver, finds a woman who is great, ticks his boxes. She wants a family and to settle down. He thinks logically this is the right thing to do, he loves her. What is the alternative? If he dose'nt commit, she will likely leave him. Rollo has a wife and kids right.

I just find it hard to see how the truck driver or steady 9-5 guy that 80 per cent of us are can make a woman a complemant when most likely, she has a lot of cards, likely living with her and kids in family home. Marriage is meant to be a partenship, even if you dont get married, she still has you by the balls, shared house. SHE IS YOUR LIFE, NOT A COMPLEMENT. Am i missing something here?

 

[Manure Spherian]

Lets take the average guy though. Truck driver, finds a woman who is great, ticks his boxes. She wants a family and to settle down. He thinks logically this is the right thing to do, he loves her. What is the alternative?

Not having a family is the alternative.

likely living with her and kids in family home.

You describe here a normal family setup.

I don’t get you.

 

[Rainman4707]

Not having a family is the alternative.

You describe here a normal family setup.

I don’t get you.

So he dose'nt marry her, he chooses not to have a family, thats the choice you made for him. You answered your own question.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Your examples don’t really change the principle, whether he’s a truck driver or rich. If he provides, manages the household, and maintains his life, she functions as a complement, not the focus. Being a complement doesn’t depend on income, it depends on him keeping his priorities and purpose first.

 

[Manure Spherian]

So he dose'nt marry her, he chooses not to have a family, thats the choice you made for him. You answered your own question.

I answered his question.

 

[Rainman4707]

Your examples don’t really change the principle, whether he’s a truck driver or rich. If he provides, manages the household, and maintains his life, she functions as a complement, not the focus. Being a complement doesn’t depend on income, it depends on him keeping his priorities and purpose first.

As i said in OP, tell that to a lot of married guys. I think you're missing the point, once a guy gets married, you are equal with her, she is not a complement. You said yourself in another thread yesterday "The reality is that real connection doesn’t happen by chance, and it doesn’t come from staying emotionally detached. Love, attachment, and even deep friendship require intention, effort, and giving up some control. Many men avoid this because it feels risky, but without that risk, nothing deep forms. A mostly solo life can work if it’s full of purpose and strong social ties; otherwise, the sense of emptiness tends to grow with age."

 

[Rainman4707]

I answered his question.

It seems you're missing the whole point. Maybe you did'nt read the whole post and take time to understand it. I will just agree to disagree with you.

 

[Clockwerk50]

As i said in OP, tell that to a lot of married guys. I think you're missing the point, once a guy gets married, you are equal with her, she is not a complement. You said yourself in another thread yesterday "The reality is that real connection doesn’t happen by chance, and it doesn’t come from staying emotionally detached. Love, attachment, and even deep friendship require intention, effort, and giving up some control. Many men avoid this because it feels risky, but without that risk, nothing deep forms. A mostly solo life can work if it’s full of purpose and strong social ties; otherwise, the sense of emptiness tends to grow with age."

I can’t speak from personal experience since I haven’t been married, but while marriage does structurally merge two lives, it doesn’t remove the need for a man to lead himself, keep his purpose, and not make the relationship his sole source of meaning.

And that quote was about the necessity of vulnerability to form real connection, not about surrendering agency or turning a partner into the center of one’s life like a lost puppy.

 

[Rainman4707]

I can’t speak from personal experience since I haven’t been married, but while marriage does structurally merge two lives, it doesn’t remove the need for a man to lead himself, keep his purpose, and not make the relationship his sole source of meaning.

And that quote was about the necessity of vulnerability to form real connection, not about surrendering agency or turning a partner into the center of one’s life like a lost puppy.

Try telling a man who has been married for forty years that his wife is a complement (side dish) when most men will tell you it's more like a jail sentence =)

 

[The Duke]

Lets take the average guy though. Truck driver, finds a woman who is great, ticks his boxes. She wants a family and to settle down. He thinks logically this is the right thing to do, he loves her. What is the alternative? If he dose'nt commit, she will likely leave him. Rollo has a wife and kids right.

I just find it hard to see how the truck driver or steady 9-5 guy that 80 per cent of us are can make a woman a complemant when most likely, she has a lot of cards, likely living with her and kids in family home. Marriage is meant to be a partenship, even if you dont get married, she still has you by the balls, shared house. SHE IS YOUR LIFE, NOT A COMPLEMENT. Am i missing something here?

She only has you by the balls if you allow it. My last long term relationship functioned pretty much like any marriage. We lived together and had some assets together. After a while she started to take advantage of our relationship. I wasn't going to let her have my balls so I ended it. She no longer complemented me and became a drain on my time and energy so it was time for her to go.

My current gf is a huge complement to me and our relationship. She puts forth a huge effort. I've got an amazing supporter and contributor.

Its really up to the man. You set the expectations of how you are to be treated and how your relationship functions. If she doesn't meet the standards, then find a replacement. Control your own destiny or someone else will.

 

[The Duke]

Try telling a man who has been married for forty years that his wife is a complement (side dish) when most men will tell you it's more like a jail sentence =)

That says a lot about a man for staying 40years in a relationship that feels like a jail sentence. I sure wouldn't. Sounds to me like he needs to find his balls and hit the road.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Try telling a man who has been married for forty years that his wife is a complement (side dish) when most men will tell you it's more like a jail sentence =)

I think you are going into a huge tangent here, especially when two members, including myself, were confused by your OP post. The confusion comes from how your examples jump between different points. You start with the principle of a woman being a complement, but then shift to comparing a rich man versus a truck driver, which makes it sound like the issue is money, leverage, or type of work instead of the concept itself.

To your original point, I know two couples where I can clearly see the woman complementing the man perfectly. The first is a colleague of mine whose husband lost his middle-management job. She basically told him to start applying for director-level roles, and she would take care of the kids and household chores while he focused on that. Eventually, he found a director’s job.

The other example is a contractor who is building an addition to his house. His wife is taking care of everything else while he works during the day, and at night he continues the work at home. It hasn’t finished yet, but it has been going on for about a year now.

In both examples I gave, the priority for each couple is long-term stability and progress for the family, even if that means one partner temporarily carrying more of the load. This also aligns with the red pill idea that a wife should be a co-pilot and that the man should not be a “drunk captain” who abandons responsibility or leadership. Either way, you need to understand that people’s priorities change over time. Over 40 years, the priorities of either the man or the woman may shift, which can cause resentment, nagging, complaining, whining, seeking sympathy, and neediness if their needs are not met, all of which are anti-seductive and damaging to the relationship.

 

[Rainman4707]

She only has you by the balls if you allow it. My last long term relationship functioned pretty much like any marriage. We lived together and had some assets together. After a while she started to take advantage of our relationship. I wasn't going to let her have my balls so I ended it. She no longer complemented me and became a drain on my time and energy so it was time for her to go.

My current gf is a huge complement to me and our relationship. She puts forth a huge effort. I've got an amazing supporter and contributor.

Its really up to the man. You set the expectations of how you are to be treated and how your relationship functions. If she doesn't meet the standards, then find a replacement. Control your own destiny or someone else will.

Fair enough, that is the response i was looking for. I think it will be difficult for a man to walk away when he knows that it will limit his time with his kids to one day a week, but i agree with you, I have always had the same mentality, if you're not happy, walk. Maybe that's why i'm not marrried.

 

[Rainman4707]

That says a lot about a man for staying 40years in a relationship that feels like a jail sentence. I sure wouldn't. Sounds to me like he needs to find his balls and hit the road.

I think they are saying it in jest.

 

[Rainman4707]

I think you are going into a huge tangent here, especially when two members, including myself, were confused by your OP post. The confusion comes from how your examples jump between different points. You start with the principle of a woman being a complement, but then shift to comparing a rich man versus a truck driver, which makes it sound like the issue is money, leverage, or type of work instead of the concept itself.

To your original point, I know two couples where I can clearly see the woman complementing the man perfectly. The first is a colleague of mine whose husband lost his middle-management job. She basically told him to start applying for director-level roles, and she would take care of the kids and household chores while he focused on that. Eventually, he found a director’s job.

The other example is a contractor who is building an addition to his house. His wife is taking care of everything else while he works during the day, and at night he continues the work at home. It hasn’t finished yet, but it has been going on for about a year now.

In both examples I gave, the priority for each couple is long-term stability and progress for the family, even if that means one partner temporarily carrying more of the load. This also aligns with the red pill idea that a wife should be a co-pilot and that the man should not be a “drunk captain” who abandons responsibility or leadership. Either way, you need to understand that people’s priorities change over time. Over 40 years, the priorities of either the man or the woman may shift, which can cause resentment, nagging, complaining, whining, seeking sympathy, and neediness if their needs are not met, all of which are anti-seductive and damaging to the relationship.

Thanks for the input, i was just curious about the quote from Rollo in his book (the title of thread) especially looking at some married couples, that seem from the outside that the wife is more in control, especially as the years go by in the marriage. Also been listening to Jordan Peterson about marriage. He goes into a lot about how you have to be equal in the marriage. That's why i wrote OP.

 

[Vanderdonck]

She only has you by the balls if you allow it. My last long term relationship functioned pretty much like any marriage. We lived together and had some assets together. After a while she started to take advantage of our relationship. I wasn't going to let her have my balls so I ended it. She no longer complemented me and became a drain on my time and energy so it was time for her to go.

My current gf is a huge complement to me and our relationship. She puts forth a huge effort. I've got an amazing supporter and contributor.

Its really up to the man. You set the expectations of how you are to be treated and how your relationship functions. If she doesn't meet the standards, then find a replacement. Control your own destiny or someone else will.

When a woman understands that her chief competition is your inner and outer peace, relationships run pretty smoothly. If she can't get that simple precept, see ya.

 

[The Duke]

When a woman understands that her chief competition is your inner and outer peace, relationships run pretty smoothly. If she can't get that simple precept, see ya.

Very well said. It's really comes down to something so basic.

 

[Travel memoir21]

She only has you by the balls if you allow it. My last long term relationship functioned pretty much like any marriage. We lived together and had some assets together. After a while she started to take advantage of our relationship. I wasn't going to let her have my balls so I ended it. She no longer complemented me and became a drain on my time and energy so it was time for her to go.

My current gf is a huge complement to me and our relationship. She puts forth a huge effort. I've got an amazing supporter and contributor.

Its really up to the man. You set the expectations of how you are to be treated and how your relationship functions. If she doesn't meet the standards, then find a replacement. Control your own destiny or someone else will.

Is she Latina?

 

[The Duke]

Is she Latina?

Yes, current girl is.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Yes, current girl is.

Good choice, Im guessing you’ve been immersed in their culture especially their parties and cuisines