Women like me, but why is it that's usually where it ends?

[JST8828]

Not all women of course. I could be married with kids by now I'm sure if I settled for a random HB5 online dating app that wanted me from day one or many other girls back in the day. I'm talking about more legitimate plates and better, stronger women. HB7's or HB8's. For most of my adult life it's been the same sort of song and dance. Women see my appeal. They see how I take care of myself, am well groomed, well dressed, have a great job, have a car, am well spoken, well traveled, sophisticated, emotionally mature, well liked by friends and co-workers, and respect women overall, etc. The fact that I'm also never married and have no children I'm sure must also be quite appealing to a variety of women.

I've learned that, more than likely, the "problem" is, in my opinion, is that I many of the above reference qualities actually don't actually make for the most masculine guy in the world. One thing I've realized more than any other now at the age of 41, is that while women may think they want equality and an emotionally mature guy who listens and understands them, etc, human nature still usually says otherwise and 8 or 9 times out of 10, they bang the bad boy or the guy who's a bit more rough around the edges. By the time they wake up and realize that's not the smartest approach, they're usually in their 40's and washed up.

Take a recent woman for example. 33 yrs old. Met out at a bar. Very nice connection, listened to all her stories and gave her a few of mine. Number closed her and asked her out not too long after. On our date, I played it cool and casual, while also telling her how I understand women and dating a lot more now as opposed to when I was younger, explaining that sometimes they just want to be heard and not necessarily helped, how they tend go through a lot more than men emotionally, etc. She seemed to enjoy my words, but at the same time, I couldn't help but feel like a shrink or her parent, telling her these things. Anyway, we went out once and now things are in limbo a bit, and like other women in the past, I'm wondering if this type of sophisticated/emotionally mature approach that I often go with is actually smart, or if I'm better off just going into a date completely and utterly casual, not getting into anything too deep or sounding too sophisticated. Simply put, do you guys think it is a turn off or am I just worrying about nothing?

 

[bmp2cpm]

“The fact that I'm also never married and have no children I'm sure must also be quite appealing to a variety of women.”

If you are 41 and have never been able to fully commit to a woman, why should any of them think you would do so with them?

No children is a big plus with women though.

“On our date, I played it cool and casual, while also telling her how I understand women and dating a lot more now as opposed to when I was younger, explaining that sometimes they just want to be heard and not necessarily helped, how they tend go through a lot more than men emotionally, etc.”

I have been off the market for over a decade but if I was on a first date, the last thing I would do is tell her I understand her and all women.

Neg her. Be playful and mysterious. Stop caring so much. She is just a woman. Make her pursue you. Be the challenge

At 41, you seriously need to decide what you want. If you want the casual, stay the course.

If you want to grow old with a quality woman, well you seriously have a lot of work to do.

You have less than 10 years until all the women in your age range either start looking like grandmothers or still keep their looks but hate all men.

Wisely decide your next steps. Best of luck to you!

 

[Clockwerk50]

1. I don’t think the issue is that you’re too emotionally mature or that women only want “bad boys.” The real challenge is how you enter her world. Right now, it sounds like you’re going in as a sponge by listening, understanding, explaining. That alone won’t create attraction. You can’t just mirror her for too long; eventually, she’ll see through it and feel no pull. There has to be a strong sense of your own identity underneath it. At some point, the dynamic must shift since you need to lead her into your world, not just stay in hers.

2. The bigger issue is how you’re using your words. Explaining too much, talking about how you understand women and emotions, sounds logical, but it’s not attractive. Instead of explaining, your words should create a feeling. Keep things light, playful, and focused on her. Tease a bit, flirt, and say things that make her laugh. Use some flattery and even small promises about future experiences together. When you get too analytical, you sound like a therapist, and she stops feeling anything. You must always think first of the other person, and of what will be pleasant to their ears.

3. You don’t need to be a “bad boy” to attract someone. What matters is how you’re labeled; how people see you. If you have a strong presence, a clear identity, or a hint of mystery, that alone makes you intriguing. You just need to be memorable like a good storyteller, a musician, an athlete, a generous friend, a raunchy funny guy, or a DILF. Anything but ordinary. Being seen as special gives people a reason to notice you, think about you, and even idealize you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Saying weird stuff like that on first dates should not need an explanation as to why it's happening.

 

[Prepostereax]

First dates should be "doing" dates
(or listening dates)
Not "talking" dates