Women Epecting Men To Get The Hint

[The Duke]

LMAO like the executive level men she desires have time for her "hints"

Exactly.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I’m trying to handle hints with a different approach - silence and distance

 

[Cheeky_James]

It's just a general question about human nature and how male and females communication styles can be vastly different. I thought it would be an interesting topic. It really doesn't have anything to do with me but I see it as a common issue. I know how this stuff works, I wanted to spur some thoughts and dialogue to help others.

My inspiration for the topic came from a first date story between a couple where the man asked to go out with the woman again and she didn't want to answer why she wasn't up for it Other than she thought "he should get the hint. " She got ugly when she was pushed to explain herself and eventually claimed his job wasn't good enough. She only dated executive level men.

She even admitted they had a good first date and the man never picked up on anything that was amiss.

well that’s a stock standard scenario re getting the hint. Its like what just read on some chicks OLD profile
“No reply …is a reply”.

After date 1she makes excuses/ breadcrumbs/ ghosts.
If a chick isn’t feeling it she don’t really owe a guy an explanation why tbh..never a good idea to push for one either.
The job reason was likely BS.

 

[jhonny9546]

Expecting direct communication from a woman is a double-edged sword.

Very few men are open to hearing criticism or negative feedback, especially from a woman.

It's true and at the same time a contradiction.
She wants to be direct, but at the same time, she covert that.
In order to help the men here, we should say that when a woman meets a man she can talk to without covering what she really intends to say, she feels vulnerable and open up to him.
This is why men who practice "direct" communication only have advantages versus other man who are there to play the game.
Again, a contradiction, but when it's just you and the woman, and you're honest, she senses it, and she'll be honest with you.

Your experiences

 

[BeExcellent]

It's true and at the same time a contradiction.
She wants to be direct, but at the same time, she covert that.
In order to help the men here, we should say that when a woman meets a man she can talk to without covering what she really intends to say, she feels vulnerable and open up to him.
This is why men who practice "direct" communication only have advantages versus other man who are there to play the game.
Again, a contradiction, but when it's just you and the woman, and you're honest, she senses it, and she'll be honest with you.

Your experiences

There is no contradiction. And as I expected some men scoff at the safety concerns of women.

Men do not understand.

I'm not suggesting you should, but you would do well to realize women have a different scope of experiences as regards safety.

There is a reason there are laws against sexual harrassment, and domestic violence statutes.

Just last week where I live a woman and her 2 children were shot & killed by her ex husband on the day her divorce was final. Apparently he was abusive in the marriage (according to news reports) and he killed her and the children instead of her opting to leave the relationship.

As a percentage few men are victimized like this.

I have a male friend who is a PhD in behavioral psychology and is a professor of criminal justice at a major university. He's mid 50s and gay so not interested in women. However he has told me repeatedly that 100% of women have been victimized in some way, big or small. He's not joking. This bears out among my female family members and 100% of my female friends.

It is why women are kooks about locking doors, windows and cars. Many crimes happen due to opportunity.

It is why women develop well attuned intuition from a very young age. My 16 year old daughter has had a strange much older man (when she was 14) try to befriend her/groom her, and I had to educate her about safety concerns, even though she had been raised to be cautious; my 20 year old daughter was stalked at her place of work (fortunately the owners saw CCTV footage of his inappropriate behavior after she had complained about it,) and he was fired. He threatened my daughter to her face and told her she better "watch out where she lives" as he left, which is not good.

It is EVERYWHERE. Ask your wives, mothers, sisters, female friends, girlfriends and daughters. You'll hear stories that will drop your jaw. I was nearly killed by an ex bf who I dated after my divorce and have been stalked a number of times, the earliest I was 12. Not kidding. The ex who nearly killed me STILL does wierd crap to try to intimidate me. And I've been married and with my husband now for years.

So yeah. Its hugely a safety thing. Ask women in
your life. And it cuts across every socioeconomic strata too, from the poorest to the richest and everything in between.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

There is no contradiction. And as I expected some men scoff at the safety concerns of women.

Men do not understand.

I'm not suggesting you should, but you would do well to realize women have a different scope of experiences as regards safety.

There is a reason there are laws against sexual harrassment, and domestic violence statutes.

Just last week where I live a woman and her 2 children were shot & killed by her ex husband on the day her divorce was final. Apparently he was abusive in the marriage (according to news reports) and he killed her and the children instead of her opting to leave the relationship.

As a percentage few men are victimized like this.

I have a male friend who is a PhD in behavioral psychology and is a professor of criminal justice at a major university. He's mid 50s and gay so not interested in women. However he has told me repeatedly that 100% of women have been victimized in some way, big or small. He's not joking. This bears out among my female family members and 100% of my female friends.

It is why women are kooks about locking doors, windows and cars. Many crimes happen due to opportunity.

It is why women develop well attuned intuition from a very young age. My 16 year old daughter has had a strange much older man (when she was 14) try to befriend her/groom her, and I had to educate her about safety concerns, even though she had been raised to be cautious; my 20 year old daughter was stalked at her place of work (fortunately the owners saw CCTV footage of his inappropriate behavior after she had complained about it,) and he was fired. He threatened my daughter to her face and told her she better "watch out where she lives" as he left, which is not good.

It is EVERYWHERE. Ask your wives, mothers, sisters, female friends, girlfriends and daughters. You'll hear stories that will drop your jaw. I was nearly killed by an ex bf who I dated after my divorce and have been stalked a number of times, the earliest I was 12. Not kidding. The ex who nearly killed me STILL does wierd crap to try to intimidate me. And I've been married and with my husband now for years.

So yeah. Its hugely a safety thing. Ask women in
your life. And it cuts across every socioeconomic strata too, from the poorest to the richest and everything in between.

Top post. Men live infinitely safer lives than women.

Being real though, coyness and solipsism and safety are all different things.

 

[Sega Genesis]

well that’s a stock standard scenario re getting the hint. Its like what just read on some chicks OLD profile
“No reply …is a reply”.

After date 1she makes excuses/ breadcrumbs/ ghosts.
If a chick isn’t feeling it she don’t really owe a guy an explanation why tbh..never a good idea to push for one either.
The job reason was likely BS.

In this^ scenario, she didn't even hint, she said nothing. While I agree no one (neither men nor women) are owed an explanation after one date, all she needed to say when turning him down was "I didn't feel a connection" or words to the like.

I do think some men have trouble understanding this (no connection/spark/vibe) because in my experience if a man finds a woman sexually attractive and she passes the boner test, to him there's a connection. To him there's chemistry.

But many women need more than just physical, they need a mental connection and for her emotions to be stirred a bit. If a man (his presence, his energy) is unable to stir her emotions naturally, in many cases she's just not gonna want to see him again.

Yin and yang, men and women are simply different.

With respect to women not being direct and hinting, I do feel for you guys sometimes... in relationships many women don't even hint, they say nothing at all! And instead expect their boyfriends/husbands to read their minds and just know what they want!

I hear this complaint a lot on social media and IRL. it's a real problem and not proud to admit but I used to be guilty of this as well...

I think I learned it from being taught (socially conditioned) from a young age to be submissive and compliant which are qualities you guys claim to desire but the downside of that is if you've got a woman who IS naturally submissive and compliant she most likely is not gonna be direct.

I dunno pick your poison fellas...

I'm not defending it cause a woman expecting her partner to be a mind reader and knowing what she wants is toxic to any relationship, just providing a reason why it can happen.

That said...

There IS a way of being direct so as to NOT have it sound like a criticism or an attack and if a woman has chosen wisely, she's got a good guy who listens and won't respond with aggression or violence.

Problem is, resentment can build so by the time she decides to speak up, she is sufficiently pissed off, is harsh with her words and as such he will feel attacked...

A fight ensues which then sends her the message next time she should say nothing ... lather, rinse, repeat.

I don't know what the answer is except better communications and social skills and find someone you're actually compatible with.

$.02

 

[RangerMIke]

Women, as a general rule, do not like to be with men that have to be told what to do.

They prefer that men lead, and let her decide if where he is leading is where she wants to go. Then if she decides she doesn't like the path, they prefer the man take the hint and walk away.

They prefer men that can take the hint that things are drifting off the path she would like him to take. If the man can't take the hint, it indicates he has no emotional awareness and forces her to take the lead... at that point she becomes a mommy. Women want men, not sons. Women hate this sh1t... because it drives her attraction down.

Men who do not know how to take a hint automatically becomes less attractive. I know it's not rational, it's emotional. But if a man wants to have success with most sane women, he best develops emotional intelligence. If she is sending out 'hints' and this is not where you want to go... well at that point you have to put on your big boy pants and dump her. Yes, you will be the @sshole, but that is better than walking where you don't want to go and living an unhappy life.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Women, as a general rule, do not like to be with men that have to be told what to do.

They prefer that men lead, and let her decide if where he is leading is where she wants to go. Then if she decides she doesn't like the path, they prefer the man take the hint and walk away.

They prefer men that can take the hint that things are drifting off the path she would like him to take. If the man can't take the hint, it indicates he has no emotional awareness and forces her to take the lead... at that point she becomes a mommy. Women want men, not sons. Women hate this sh1t... because it drives her attraction down.

Men who do not know how to take a hint automatically becomes less attractive. I know it's not rational, it's emotional. But if a man wants to have success with most sane women, he best develops emotional intelligence. If she is sending out 'hints' and this is not where you want to go... well at that point you have to put on your big boy pants and dump her. Yes, you will be the @sshole, but that is better than walking where you don't want to go and living an unhappy life.

Women who insist on mind-readers are not very sane. And if they're giving out hints, but only subtle ones, it's a turn off to men who can see what they're doing. There is no need to put on "big boy pants" down the line if the red flags are there to begin with.

What you're describing is female player behavior. If a man wanted the company of a poker player, he'd go play poker. Better odds and a more enjoyable experience that way.

 

[jhonny9546]

They prefer men who can take the hint that things are drifting off the path she would like him to take. If the man can't take the hint, it indicates he has no emotional awareness and forces her to take the lead... at that point she becomes a mommy. Women want men, not sons. Women hate this sh1t... because it drives her attraction down.

Can we put it on the wiki? Bravo Mike! I've saved this on mine

This is 100% true. And so RangerMike, could you explain why then these women who have to take the initiative still end up partnered with these types of men? They have further children and build a family with them. I have examples.

In my experiences, if this happens, women work even harder, and as you say they become mothers, however, they don't separate. Why?

Then if she decides she doesn't like the path, they prefer the man take the hint and walk away.

In this case, when the man leads, but she doesn't want to follow, how do women usually respond to this?
Could you give some positive examples (she agrees) and negative examples (she doesn't want to follow)??