women are not YOUR protector

joekerr31

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guys wanted to take a quick moment to discuss a topic.

its very important to understand that women do NOT see themselves as your protector. they dont know how to be a protector. they aren't hard wired for it.
heck, they don't even know how to protect themselves (many of them have a hard time being responsible for their own lives and require a man to do so).

you MUST understand this if you are to have any success with women.

its not that they are cruel, cold hearted b*tches - its simply that they are NOT your mother!

the only time a woman even comes close to taking on the protector role is with her children.

and this is why many of us get let down when it comes to women. becuase our first and longest experience with a woman is with our mother. and our mothers were protective of us. if we scrapped our knee they put a bandaid on it. they tucked us in to bed. they made us breakfast. they did our laundry. they control dad when he pushed us too hard, etc.

and then when we deal with women when we are older we are awestruck at how unprotective they are of us.

but you MUST understand that a woman doesn't know how to be a protector. she will only begin to understand this role if/when she has children.

moreover, women lack any real understanding of what its like to be a man. they have no clue what we go through. they fail to understand that we hurt just like they do.

now often times when you grow close to a woman, and show her the various pain and suffering you have inside of you (and most people have quite a bit of it) they often run for the hills.

the reason is that they dont know what to do. when you show them your pain, they don't know how to help you. and it freaks them out. so they run.

on top of all this the media conditions women to believe that they should find a prince, a knight in shining armor - a man who does not need saving but rather one who saves.

for all these reasons (and more) its critical to understand that most women will not, even for an hour, be your protector. she may occasionally be your nurse, she may hug you and say 'there there it will be alright', but she will never take responsibility for your well being (ie. be your protector).

you must find your protector elsewhere. perhaps it is your father. perhaps it is a hero that you emulate (maximus aurelius, ghandi, JFK, whoever). perhaps it is with friends. perhaps with your priest. perhaps sosuave. perhaps with a psychologist. or perhaps (like with myself) it is God.

but whoever or whatever it is, your Protector in life (the person or thing you turn to when suffering and in need of protection) it must NOT be your (a) woman.

they do NOT know how to be a protector, and especially do not know how to do so with a man.

when you stop expecting a woman to exhibit this quality you will find that your relationship with them becomes much simplier.
 

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Great post dude.
 
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It is genetically designed to be the case!! Humanity is the male and female attributes combined to different degrees. You do not need two protectors in the equation of two - they will just get into each other's way!!

Here is some insight - the male always sleeps on the side of the bed that is closest to the door!
 
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yeah I remember when a certain woman dumped me recently she said something like "I can't take care of you".. Now what in the hell did I do to make her say that?

EDIT; I acted AFC, that's what I did to make her say that.
 

iqqi

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TheHumanist said:
Where's is the line then from asking her to be the protector and savior and depending on her for some help? Surely there been many couples that have supported each other backs, I guess that can be said of just relying on each other rather than outright protection (or maybe that line should never be that far out). What do you think the line is?
Humanist, I am protective of anyone I care about. Many women are.

The line with ME is that I don't want to have to SUPPORT a man who isn't doing anything to support himself, nor do I want a man who isn't strong enough to support me emotionally.

It is important to be able to rely on your partner to have your back when you are down.

Edit, add: I think many of us would agree you seem to be mature enough to post here. Your questions are often on a deep level of thought.
 

joekerr31

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TheHumanist said:
*this will be deleted soon, I know I'm violating again, but I want to ask*

Where's is the line then from asking her to be the protector and savior and depending on her for some help? Surely there been many couples that have supported each other backs, I guess that can be said of just relying on each other rather than outright protection (or maybe that line should never be that far out). What do you think the line is?
the line gets crossed when a woman no longer feels she can turn to you for protection because you now rely on her more than she relies on you.

the big mistake most men make, even those who play protector in the beginning, is that over time they slowly, every so slowly, start to interact with their gf/wife as they would their mother. they slowly start to burder her with their inner thoughts, with the stresses of their life, etc. - they start to show her more nad more how 'human' they are (ie. weak).

and while a woman will be responsive to this short term (because it makes her feel that she is developing a bond with you), if she sees to much she starts to get buyers remorse - she starts to think 'oh man. I never thought he was this weak. what's he going to be like in 10 years? i better get out of this now."

like i say, general rule of thumb, turn to anyone BUT your woman for support. i mean, go see a psychologist once a week, go for beers with the guys, anyone BUT your woman.
 

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My Name is Nobody said:
EDIT; I acted AFC, that's what I did to make her say that.
lol. We all have our moments of weakness. How else are we to know our moments of strength?
 

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joekerr31 said:
and while a woman will be responsive to this short term (because it makes her feel that she is developing a bond with you), if she sees to much she starts to get buyers remorse - she starts to think 'oh man. I never thought he was this weak. what's he going to be like in 10 years? i better get out of this now."
Ouch. Dude that HURT. But it's true and I needed to read it.
 

joekerr31

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iqqi said:
Humanist, I am protective of anyone I care about. Many women are.

The line with ME is that I don't want to have to SUPPORT a man who isn't doing anything to support himself, nor do I want a man who isn't strong enough to support me emotionally.

It is important to be able to rely on your partner to have your back when you are down.

hahaha..... 'i am protective of anyone i care about .... but i don't want to SUPPORT a man."

there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. but understand, that your 'protectiveness' is conditionally.

if you had a break down and couldn't support yourself you'd expect your husband to stand by your side. to pay the rent, do whatever was required while you got your mind back.

but when a man breaks down, do women rally to his aid? some do. but most, if they have options (ie. they are still somewhat attractive to other men) will cut the man loose.

women are NOT protectors. nurses yes (which is to say they will wash the wounds for a while). but a woman never steps up and says 'i will do WHATEVER is necessary for my man and children."

they may do a lot, but never will they do ALL they can. a man who cannot protect his woman, but rather needs her protection, is considered of NO USE to a woman. and if she does find a use for him, she often will chastice and hate him for being weak.

im sorry, but women are NOT protectors.

humanists sure (although im not really sure what a humanist is beyond someone who is 'nice' to others).
 

joekerr31

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reset said:
Ouch. Dude that HURT. But it's true and I needed to read it.
well if its any concellation the reason women are like this is because THEY are weak.

why do women value men so highly as protectors? because they themselves are not protectors.

so when a woman starts to get a sniff that a man may be too weak to be a protector, and might actually require one himself, she runs for hte hills. because she KNOWS that she is NOT a protector - in fact the opposite, she needs the protection.

the really great women, the true catches, are women who know how to stroke a mans ego. not in a manipulative way, but in a way that makes him believe in himself. they understand that men are just human, but that within all men is a warrior, and she brings that out in him through positive re-inforcement. she gets him to see what she sees in him.

unfortunately there aren't a lot of women any more versed in the arts of encouraging men to find and release their inner strength and warrior.
 

ThunderMaverick

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joekerr31 said:
women are NOT protectors. nurses yes (which is to say they will wash the wounds for a while). but a woman never steps up and says 'i will do WHATEVER is necessary for my man and children."

they may do a lot, but never will they do ALL they can. a man who cannot protect his woman, but rather needs her protection, is considered of NO USE to a woman. and if she does find a use for him, she often will chastice and hate him for being weak.

im sorry, but women are NOT protectors.
This was illustrated beautifully in "Pursuit of happiness". Thandie Newton's character fit the description above perfectly.
 

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You're right. I don't know why but I always perceived the women as stronger than me (not as much these days) but you see it crack. They can have that calm, tough exterior but make them insecure for just a moment and it's like they become a scared little girl right before your eyes. Their "adultness" literally disintegrates. I need to remind myself that that is the way they feel much of the time, not the tough, together exterior they can show off.
 

iqqi

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joekerr31 said:
hahaha..... 'i am protective of anyone i care about .... but i don't want to SUPPORT a man."

there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. but understand, that your 'protectiveness' is conditionally.

if you had a break down and couldn't support yourself you'd expect your husband to stand by your side. to pay the rent, do whatever was required while you got your mind back.

but when a man breaks down, do women rally to his aid? some do. but most, if they have options (ie. they are still somewhat attractive to other men) will cut the man loose.

women are NOT protectors. nurses yes (which is to say they will wash the wounds for a while). but a woman never steps up and says 'i will do WHATEVER is necessary for my man and children."

they may do a lot, but never will they do ALL they can. a man who cannot protect his woman, but rather needs her protection, is considered of NO USE to a woman. and if she does find a use for him, she often will chastice and hate him for being weak.

im sorry, but women are NOT protectors.

humanists sure (although im not really sure what a humanist is beyond someone who is 'nice' to others).
This is ridiculous.

The level of ANYONE's loyalty and devotion comes with time.

There are MANY women, especially mothers, who have to step to the plate and "do WHATEVER is necessary for my man and children."

Because you did say a woman NEVER does that. I personally know of one or two examples, so that would defeat your argument right there.

I mean, what are you saying? Is this another one of them "9 out of 10 women" arguments?
 

iqqi

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joekerr31 said:
well if its any concellation the reason women are like this is because THEY are weak.
This is absolutely ridiculous, Joekerr. Some of the strongest people I have ever met were woman.

:mad:

Or do you mean "physically". :confused: :(

joekerr31 said:
the really great women, the true catches, are women who know how to stroke a mans ego. not in a manipulative way, but in a way that makes him believe in himself. they understand that men are just human, but that within all men is a warrior, and she brings that out in him through positive re-inforcement. she gets him to see what she sees in him.

unfortunately there aren't a lot of women any more versed in the arts of encouraging men to find and release their inner strength and warrior.
I agree with this.

AND a woman like that is usually... strong!
 

jophil28

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joekerr31 said:
..they do NOT know how to be a protector, and especially do not know how to do so with a man.
This is true, and it also raises some curious anomalies.
Women do not care how men feel about any issue EXCEPT about how he feels toward HER. There was a period in the 80's when women were reportedly seeking men who "expressed his feelings ". That turned out to be another PC scam. What women wanted was a man who was openly and frequently AFFECTIONATE towards them. His other emotional reactions to the myriad issues in his life were of NO interest to her.
There is NO reciprocity in relationships when it comes to emotional sympathy or nurturing,. The best that a guy can hope for is a brief "soothing" gesture from his woman, BUT she will turn away from him quickly IF his distress continues. As JKerr says , we need to find other sources of support .
Women are unwilling and perhaps incapable of sustained emotional nurturing of men.


However they still reserve the right to tell you how to dress, how to talk to her friends and her mother, how many Christmnas cards to send and what time to eat and how often to take a piss.
 

joekerr31

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reset said:
You're right. I don't know why but I always perceived the women as stronger than me (not as much these days) but you see it crack. They can have that calm, tough exterior but make them insecure for just a moment and it's like they become a scared little girl right before your eyes. Their "adultness" literally disintegrates. I need to remind myself that that is the way they feel much of the time, not the tough, together exterior they can show off.
women would rather have a total *sshole who treats them like total sh*t than a man who is weak and relies on them to cope and get through life.

why?

because at least the *sshole doesn't NEED them.

a womans greatest fear is to be with a man who relies on her to cope with lifes hardships.

its not a strategy that works in their favor all the time. because they often will get hooked up with guys who treat them like sh*t and make thier life horrible. but instinctually, they are drawn to such a man over other weak men.

which is also why women dont ask men out. asking a woman out is the first sign that you are a man who can overcome fear and anxiety. you are strong enough to go after what you want.

when you think about it, sosuave is really about teaching men to be their own protectors. to wean them off any dependency they have on women.

the moment a man is no longer sees a woman as the answer to happiness, as the meaning of life, as his 'raison d'etres', and when he starts to take control of his own life (ie. becomes his own protector) his success with women goes up a thousand fold.
 

jophil28

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joekerr31 said:
well if its any concellation the reason women are like this is because THEY are weak.

.
Women will ALWAYS act in THEIR own immediate interests.
It is tue that a woman will attempt some assistance to her man who is in a crisis. BUT it is also true that women never do ALL that they are capable of. My experience is that women tire of being the protector VERY quickly and then act as if the guys' problem is a major inconvenience.
 

iqqi

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joekerr31 said:
which is also why women dont ask men out. asking a woman out is the first sign that you are a man who can overcome fear and anxiety. you are strong enough to go after what you want.

when you think about it, sosuave is really about teaching men to be their own protectors. to wean them off any dependency they have on women.

the moment a man is no longer sees a woman as the answer to happiness, as the meaning of life, as his 'raison d'etres', and when he starts to take control of his own life (ie. becomes his own protector) his success with women goes up a thousand fold.
Great post.

joekerr31 said:
women would rather have a total *sshole who treats them like total sh*t than a man who is weak and relies on them to cope and get through life.
silly sweeping generalization.

Most women would pick neither one! Hell... I'd rather be alone! NO man.
 

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This is why women don't just like "jerks". It's not a choice between jerk and nice guy. It's a choice between strength and weakness. Strenght wins every time.

But occasionally the chick will ask the guy out, or at the least organize some sort of gathering where he'll be invited (obviously if you kind of know each other already). That's kind of same thing I guess.

I'm looking forward to that thousand fold increase. That's why I'm here. Not just to get chicks but to learn how to become a man, hence the sig.
 

joekerr31

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jophil28 said:
Women will ALWAYS act in THEIR own immediate interests.
It is tue that a woman will attempt some assistance to her man who is in a crisis. BUT it is also true that women never do ALL that they are capable of. My experience is that women tire of being the protector VERY quickly and then act as if the guys' problem is a major inconvenience.

yep. every man who has been in an LTR and experienced a period where life was hard will attest to this.

even those women who are adapt at stroking her mans ego and getting him to believe in himself - if he fails to do so in a reasonable amount of time - will dump his *ss and move on.

women despise weakness in men. its kind of like men despise a woman who takes no concern over her appearance.

there are some women out there who are a mess - they don't get their hair done, wear no make up, dress like a trucker, etc. - men are naturally repelled by this.

women are naturally repelled by men who are in need of a 'mother'.

this is why so many men get dumped when they need their woman the most. and why men come to the conclusion that women are cold hearted b*tches.

unfortunately, when you need a woman the most, is also the time when she is most likely to leave you.

which is the best piece of advice any man can ever get is to NEVER turn to your woman to solve your problems or cope with life. turn to anyone else, but never your woman.

sharing your stressful day at work is fine. but crying around her, or acting like a spazz, etc. - that stuff will destroy your relationship REALLY quickly.
 
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