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Women and anxiety

BadBoy89

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We all know women are emotional creatures, so it makes sense that they are on the whole more anxious than men, but are most of them like 8+/10 anxious wrecks? Because that's what I see. I even see it in my platonic female friends.

I noticed with my ex-wife as things went down-hill, NO amount of communication helped. So now I feel, why bother.
When a woman tells a man “we should communicate more”, it means she wants to shift the relationship away from your terms to her terms. If a man is getting what he wants from a woman, why would he change anything down the line? Because the longer he is with a woman, the more her expectations go up while her value goes down. It’s like a car; the older she gets, the more maintenance and upkeep you have to put in to it.

A man should communicate (about himself) as little as possible until sex happens.
Once sex happens, keep the communications at the same level. What benefit does a man get for revealing his emotions and feelings? A woman isnt going to stick her tongue down his throat harder because he is in touch with his sensitive side. If anything, she will lose respect for him.

Remember men, a woman isn’t only dealing with you. She is dealing with her fading looks, biological clock, and competition from other females.
You can‘t control whether she is anxious or not. The only thing you can control is how you deal with it.
 

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syche871

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When a woman tells a man “we should communicate more”, it means she wants to shift the relationship away from your terms to her terms. If a man is getting what he wants from a woman, why would he change anything down the line? Because the longer he is with a woman, the more her expectations go up while her value goes down. It’s like a car; the older she gets, the more maintenance and upkeep you have to put in to it.

A man should communicate (about himself) as little as possible until sex happens.
Once sex happens, keep the communications at the same level. What benefit does a man get for revealing his emotions and feelings? A woman isnt going to stick her tongue down his throat harder because he is in touch with his sensitive side. If anything, she will lose respect for him.

Remember men, a woman isn’t only dealing with you. She is dealing with her fading looks, biological clock, and competition from other females.
You can‘t control whether she is anxious or not. The only thing you can control is how you deal with it.
good post. never show emotions. Be cold. Be the man. Women are smarter than 99% of men. Be the 1% of men that know how to handle women and never hand your power away.
 

Ohso-Phresh

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If you've read any of my posts, you will know I don't like blaming women for things that both men and women do equally. But the more dating I do and the more relationships I get into, the more I find that every woman I end up dating seems to have massive amounts of anxiety. I can't decide if it's just the women I attract and am drawn to, or if it's most women, or all women. We all know women are emotional creatures, so it makes sense that they are on the whole more anxious than men, but are most of them like 8+/10 anxious wrecks? Because that's what I see. I even see it in my platonic female friends.

The first purpose of my asking isn't to complain about women, but to try and figure out if I'm personally attracting them or drawn to them because if that is the case, it's something I want to address in myself.

The second purpose is to find out how those of you who have been successful with LTRs (even 3 months) deal with it successfully. Anymore, when I see anxiety and if it begins to ruin the enjoyment for me, I simply increase distance and see them less and less until we are either broken up or she is conditioned to understand that if she wants to spend time with me, she is going to have to change her attitude. But I also wonder how much communication should go along with that. I used to communicate a lot about it. These days I don't - I just find an excuse to get out and distance myself and avoid them. Not sure that's the healthiest way either, but if I had to pick between more vs less communication, I'm definitely leaning toward less. I noticed with my ex-wife as things went down-hill, NO amount of communication helped. So now I feel, why bother. I've also read a bit from David Deida on this topic - mostly relating to how to interpret the very different ways women communicate their emotions/feelings/concerns.... often they act/say one thing when what's bothering them is something else ("what she wants is not what she says"). Some of the examples he gives make a lot of sense, but I haven't seen enough examples from him to really zero-in on the pattern/mindset required to see things through that lens of clarity. So instead I default to simply distancing myself and backing away.
If you are depressed you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future.

If you are at peace you are living in the present.

Lao Tzu


I interpret anxiety expressed by a woman to mean that it’s time for some physical touch.

Ymmv
 

oldmanofthesea

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I interpret anxiety expressed by a woman to mean that it’s time for some physical touch.
This is a fantastic point. It is something I learned with my ex and I sometimes forget about it. It is so counter-intuitive that a woman wants physical affection and connection so she goes about asking for it by being anxious and argumentative.That has the affect on most of us of driving us away. But most times if you just go in for some physical connection, it’s like hitting a reset button. I think part of the art of being a man is learning how to see through some female behaviors for what they are.
 
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Lynx nkaf

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This is a fantastic point. It is something I learned with my ex and I sometimes forget about it. It is so counter-intuitive that a woman wants physical affection and connection so she goes about asking for it by being anxious and argumentative.That has the affect on most of us of driving us away. But most times if you just go in for some physical connection, it’s like hitting a reset button. I think part of the art of being a man is learning how to see through some female behaviors for what they are.
these are important observations-if she/he feels reconnected to you, what is there to be anxious or argumentative about? (almost every scenario).

I forgot my ex and I used to refer to physical touch as reconnection. It was a LDR we had...1.5 hours away... 'are we getting reconnected?' 'do we need reconnection right now?'
Both of us could physically/mentally relax.

I actually saw the effect of physical touch by looking up on the equipment by his hospital bed back in beginning of October. Just holding hands, and I had scrunched my head up to his on his pillow(uncomfortable to do from a chair, but whatever)
The rate of heartbeats went down and the pattern of the line looked more regular on the monitor. There was another number that improved too-he asked the nurse but I forget what it was.
I didn't know he was anxious, until I saw the change after the cuddly handholding.

He had a deep respiratory infection. That's all they told him.

Then, in January, when we were still texting, he had Strep throat, he told me. He's 41.
I'm upset a couple times a week thinking about him potentially catching this covid-19 and he wouldn't/couldn't tell me. We're on no contact.

And I'm exercising more, so I'm not anxious. Just disheartened.
 

Hal9000

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The lacking self love and not having the will to succeed comes from bad choices they’ve made and continue to make. I can choose not to talk down to the ghetto in my town and by crack off the local drug dealer. I don’t have to be the most confident person or have the perfect life to know that would be a stupid choice to make. People that struggle and lack the will to be great also surround themselves with people who made them feel that way about themselves in the first place. Everyone on this earth has someone come along at least once in their life that wants to see them succeed and truly cares about them, women don’t recognize this and often dismiss this guy or friendzone him.
And women who sit on their couch every night drinking wine and eating twinkies know its gonna make them a fat drunk, they just lack the self discipline to stop doing it. The fact they have a hundred thirsty guys online telling them they are beautiful just validates their destructive behavior. Unfortunately for them, those guys are are only saying that to get in their pants and as soon as they do they're gone because who wants to date a fat drunk? This, in turn, leads to even more booze and food because the chicks get depressed at being pumped and dumped.
 

billtx49

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This, in turn, leads to even more booze and food because the chicks get depressed at being pumped and dumped.
You forgot to mention the max sugar ice cream binging phenomenon, but that usually occurs during pregnancy, and btw, wine don’t mix well with twinkies, a lot like mixing fruit juice with tequila …
 

oldmanofthesea

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You forgot to mention the max sugar ice cream binging phenomenon,
I dated this girl who was always talking about getting six pack abs. She ate a lot of ice cream. I ended up breaking things off with her and a couple months later I ran into her on the street. She was waking home with 5 pints of ice cream and was eating a sixth pint as she walked. We talked for a bit and she spoke a lot about her current efforts at working toward six pack abs. I was baffled.
 

billtx49

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I dated this girl who was always talking about getting six pack abs. She ate a lot of ice cream. I ended up breaking things off with her and a couple months later I ran into her on the street. She was waking home with 5 pints of ice cream and was eating a sixth pint as she walked. We talked for a bit and she spoke a lot about her current efforts at working toward six pack abs. I was baffled.
I guess that’s a perfect example of watching what they do vs what they say then…
 
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zekko

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I dated this girl who was always talking about getting six pack abs. She ate a lot of ice cream.
Does anyone else observe that women tend to enjoy ice cream a lot more than men? That's not to say that men don't enjoy ice cream, but women seem likely to have that as far as cravings/weaknesses go.
 

billtx49

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Does anyone else observe that women tend to enjoy ice cream a lot more than men? That's not to say that men don't enjoy ice cream, but women seem likely to have that as far as cravings/weaknesses go.
Yes, it’s a large part of their self comfort agenda…
 

Black Widow Void

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almost all women fvcking suck taking into context what men value. They are weak, unloyal, emotional, and crazy. Disregard female acquire wealth and freedom. Be a man. Stand on your own two feet. Invite them into YOUR world and dont try to please them **** them.
Not sure if my advice can compete with the originality of the above post person. I'm sure that this guy has a harem at his feet.

Seriously though... I've also noticed certain patterns within women that I've dated as well. My personal thoughts and theories may not apply to your situation, but I'll share them just in case.

A lot of us at one point were under the misconception that "women were attracted to jerks." Typically, it's usually more a matter of women being attracted to other attributes ... but "jerk-like" qualities came with the package.

I think that there's some psychology that also applies to men and their choices as well. In other words we might find certain attributes in a female as attractive, but it also comes with a price of having opposite attributes that we can't stand.

Another thought is... we all behave differently around different people. I think that as we age, we become more consistent, but different people bring out out different sides. I also believe that this also applies with our dating partners.

Because I've also seen certain patterns with women, I've thought to myself... "what am I doing to 'bring out' this type of behavior?" It's not a fun pill to swallow, but I think that in some cases, we men may be responsible for our female outcomes.

I'm still working on my situation, and so I don't have any definite answers, but hope that my thoughts offer some additional perspective.
 

LARaiders85

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There is absolutely an incredible explosion of anxiety issues in women. why? I'm not sure but social media has been shown to correlate with anxiety. it cost me to be a lot less aggressive than I was prior to the extreme smartphone era because the more aggressive you are the more likely you are to trigger that stuff.
 
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oldmanofthesea

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There is absolutely an incredible explosion of anxiety issues in women. why? I'm not sure but social media has been shown to correlate with anxiety. it cost me to be a lot less aggressive than I was prior to the extreme smartphone era because the more aggressive you are the more likely you are to trigger that stuff.
Interesting observation. I never thought about it from a historical / evolutionary standpoint, but now that you mention it, I wonder if part of the reason for this increased anxiety is the trend over the last 60 years for women to support themselves and be independent? We all know what it was like for women in cave-man days. And in modern times, prior to the 70's, most women were still following the path of what we now call "traditional female roles" of marrying young, depending on a man, having kids, and raising them. Now women hold on to their independence as long as possible, they are focusing on their careers, they are focusing on building wealth, buying a home, and making decisions that we would consider "masculine". I feel 100% that women should be able to do these things if they desire, but I also wonder if their having to make these kinds of decisions day in and day out might be responsible for their increase in anxiety.

When I see single women who have their own place, their own car, pay their own bills, figure out how to get their roof fixed when it leaks or car fixed when it breaks.... these are the most stressed-out people I have ever met. Add a kid to the mix (single mother) and it gets 10x worse because everything I listed above she has to worry about twice as much because of how it could impact her child. There is no one for her to defer to. She must make all her own decisions. I feel funny typing this - any feminist who read this would think I believe women can't or shouldn't make their own decisions and would shun me accordingly (whatever). But that's not it at all - I think women can and should make those decisions if they want to - the question I'm posing here is: Do they REALLY want to?? Is it making them happier? I think it might be a case of "be careful what you wish for".
 

Kotaix

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I call it anxiety when they are constantly expressing worry and concern over things. They have "what-if itis." What if this, what if that, what if the world ends tomorrow, what if my mom dies, what if my kid gets sick, what if we break up, what if I lose my job, what if we move in together and it doesn't work out, what if my friend loses her job.... it goes on and on and on. People who do this have a lack of ability to understand the concept of span-of-control. There is no sense in worrying about things you can't control and there is no sense in worrying about things you can - be zen and simply act or do not act and choose to let it be as it is and accept it.
I find this to be the plague of the current world paradigm. The relinquishing of control is the message of every major religion or philosophical school that has seen widespread acceptance. People who cling to control, who worry about the what-if that is outside their control, are destined to be forever disappointed.

The compulsive thinking that allows people to overthink things into the realm of lala land is the main problem, and they focus on it so much that they make that reality come true.

The real problem is that you can't tell someone how to fix their thinking, because when you're overt about it, they won't listen. You can only guide them subtly.
 

oldmanofthesea

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The real problem is that you can't tell someone how to fix their thinking, because when you're overt about it, they won't listen. You can only guide them subtly.
Yes - I have been experimenting with how I do this. It goes back to the whole, "women don't want you to solve their problems, they just want you to listen to them talk." A wise man once told me that he guides women by listening to something a woman is struggling with, and then relating it to a similar challenge he has faced, followed by an explanation of how he got through it. You have to be careful how you word it because you don't want it to come-off as instructions. The only issue is you have no idea if your wisdom is sinking-in. I feel it usually goes in one ear and out the rest because I never see or hear anything that leads me to believe they learned anything from what I shared, but love is about giving - that's all you can control - it is up to her to decide how she will receive it.
 

bcude

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Yes - I have been experimenting with how I do this. It goes back to the whole, "women don't want you to solve their problems, they just want you to listen to them talk." A wise man once told me that he guides women by listening to something a woman is struggling with, and then relating it to a similar challenge he has faced, followed by an explanation of how he got through it. You have to be careful how you word it because you don't want it to come-off as instructions. The only issue is you have no idea if your wisdom is sinking-in. I feel it usually goes in one ear and out the rest because I never see or hear anything that leads me to believe they learned anything from what I shared, but love is about giving - that's all you can control - it is up to her to decide how she will receive it.
That sounds wise indeed. Maybe the wisdom isn't sinking in everytime but atleast you will strengthen the connection with that particulary woman and that can never be a bad thing really.
 

logicallefty

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Yes - I have been experimenting with how I do this. It goes back to the whole, "women don't want you to solve their problems, they just want you to listen to them talk." A wise man once told me that he guides women by listening to something a woman is struggling with, and then relating it to a similar challenge he has faced, followed by an explanation of how he got through it. You have to be careful how you word it because you don't want it to come-off as instructions. The only issue is you have no idea if your wisdom is sinking-in. I feel it usually goes in one ear and out the rest because I never see or hear anything that leads me to believe they learned anything from what I shared, but love is about giving - that's all you can control - it is up to her to decide how she will receive it.
Absolutely ^^this is a very good way to approach womens' problems, and people in general really. Listen to their problem, relate it to something of your own, and explain how you solved your issue. I use this method a lot as a police officer and people really respect it. For example in verbal domestic situations I have said to one or both parties "Hey, I get what you are going through. Life is stressful for all of us right now. I've had some crazyness in my own past with an EX, Jerry Springer kind of stuff. At the end of the day taking a deep breath, stepping back, and coming back later to solve it tomorrow when both parties have calmed down has worked wonders for me". They really like that. Makes them feel like they are not crazy for having the fight (even if they are). lol
 
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