Windy City Chronicles 4 - Approach Journal

macallik

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Life is good. It could always be better though. The aim of this journal is to create more structure in my dating life so that I am actively getting better and 'working out' my social muscles.

This isn't my first journal and so here are some from my past:

Windy City 3
Windy City 2
Windy City

I'm not looking to reinvent the wheel here, so my current structure to get better is to follow the Don Juan Bootcamp and see where it gets me.
 

macallik

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Today I read all of the reading material for Chapter 1 of the Bootcamp and then went into the field.

I walked around the streets, the park and a few grocery stores. I said hello to a sizeable amount of people and received responses from 31 people. If they didn't acknowledge me, then they could just be socially unsure, but also, I have to own that a lot of the times I wasn't projecting my voice or didn't appear as confident as I could have. So I am only counting approaches where I received responses.

One thing I noticed is that for the first time in forever, I was consciously aware of my surroundings and whether or not people looked in the mood to talk. Prior to that, I was just walking around in my own world, oblivious to potential social cues. There were people smiling or open to interact that I never would've perceived had I not taken out my earphones and walked with my head up.

Overall, it feels good to be taking steps in the right direction and putting myself out there without using alcohol as a crutch. Another building block to acknowledge is that in the big city, few people says 'Hi' or 'Hello' without an ulterior motive so I have to accept that a lot of people will ignore a Hello/Hi. Sometimes, I think it works for me if I have a big grin on my face, but I want to think about a different default opener or, becoming more fluid on my feet when it comes to observational openers.
 

macallik

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Finished up Week 1 today with the rest of my Hello's/Hi's. Felt good to knock it out in two days. I want to keep conscious of people around me consistently through and I will start week 2 ASAP
 

macallik

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Conversation 1 - I was walking from the gym at work and made eye contact with a girl walking into a Freshii. She stopped and turned around and complimented my look. I forced my way through the interaction and at one point just randomly blurted out words that had nothing to do with the conversation lol. Clearly I have been relying on drinking as a crutch and need to work on my regular game. Her name was Naomi and I ended up grabbing her # and setting up a lunch date with her though.

Conversation 2 - I was on the bus an an older homeless woman started talking to me. Normally I would assume that she wanted money and/or just cut the conversation short but this time I pushed through. I think she enjoyed having someone listen to her story and it felt good for me.

Lunch Date: During my lunch break last week, I went out with Naomi. Since I had already eaten, we decided to just grab some coffee and chop it up. Luckily, I knew that my nervousness during my initial interaction was a fluke and that I am very charming when I want to be, but to be safe, I still read up on conversing via the Week 2 articles from the Don Juan Bootcamp.

We met outside of her job, and after the initial minute or so of uncertainty and nervous stumbling over words, I fell into my normal groove and was much much better at guiding the conversation. We talked about prior jobs and things to do in the city. I guided the convo back towards her a bit. One thing that was new to me was that typically my first dates are usually at a bar after work and I can work my magic there pretty well, but coffee dates I hadn't done in years. In retrospect, the lack of alcohol to allow the both of us to lower our inhibitions wasn't there, so I need to brush up on being sober yet pushing the conversation to sexual topics and/or displaying my intent.


Below are some tactics I have implemented recently that have allowed me to slowly chip away at some negative aspects of my thinking:
  • I have been listening to a motivational podcast from a local bro that became pretty popular. It is called 'New Mindset; Who Dis' and it is the right combination of motivation and not taking yourself to seriously. I recommend it to anyone that is looking for a quick, positive boost to start their day
  • I have also been taking a meditation course from Insight Timer that works on not caring what other people think. It is slowly starting to make a difference as well.
  • Lastly, I attended a Toastmasters event today to build my confidence when it comes to speaking publicly. I hoped to knock out another conversation with someone there but the crowd was not really to my speed. I will restart my practice of public speaking to work on that skill as well as attend their next event though.
 

PeasantPlayer

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**** let me add one went out to a spot in Logan, while waiting in line these 2 cute curvy women with a dude get behind me in line. One of them is chatting me up with no introduction telling me her life story while in her phone. She was interested I could feel it. I was like if not ill chat it up in line and make my rounds inside. When we got inside I made my rounds and settled in a spot cause I was alone. She came out the bathroom and say next to me. She was attractive so dudes were looking and I'm not top shape but getting there. Towards the end of the night some dude sat next to her and was trying to spit game. I said to myself don't worry about it, we ain't dating or messing around,dont catch feelings. Anyway dude game was not on point as I could tell and she began rolling her eyes and her body language closed off told him I was her man lol. She then told me she loved how composed I was during this situation and that's the main reason I shared the story. My frame was tight and I didn't catch butt hurt feelings and didn't care if he took her away that night I was indifferent and I ended up getting her digits which she asked for
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Conversation 1 - I was walking from the gym at work and made eye contact with a girl walking into a Freshii. She stopped and turned around and complimented my look. I forced my way through the interaction and at one point just randomly blurted out words that had nothing to do with the conversation lol. Clearly I have been relying on drinking as a crutch and need to work on my regular game. Her name was Naomi and I ended up grabbing her # and setting up a lunch date with her though.

Conversation 2 - I was on the bus an an older homeless woman started talking to me. Normally I would assume that she wanted money and/or just cut the conversation short but this time I pushed through. I think she enjoyed having someone listen to her story and it felt good for me.

Lunch Date: During my lunch break last week, I went out with Naomi. Since I had already eaten, we decided to just grab some coffee and chop it up. Luckily, I knew that my nervousness during my initial interaction was a fluke and that I am very charming when I want to be, but to be safe, I still read up on conversing via the Week 2 articles from the Don Juan Bootcamp.

We met outside of her job, and after the initial minute or so of uncertainty and nervous stumbling over words, I fell into my normal groove and was much much better at guiding the conversation. We talked about prior jobs and things to do in the city. I guided the convo back towards her a bit. One thing that was new to me was that typically my first dates are usually at a bar after work and I can work my magic there pretty well, but coffee dates I hadn't done in years. In retrospect, the lack of alcohol to allow the both of us to lower our inhibitions wasn't there, so I need to brush up on being sober yet pushing the conversation to sexual topics and/or displaying my intent.


Below are some tactics I have implemented recently that have allowed me to slowly chip away at some negative aspects of my thinking:
  • I have been listening to a motivational podcast from a local bro that became pretty popular. It is called 'New Mindset; Who Dis' and it is the right combination of motivation and not taking yourself to seriously. I recommend it to anyone that is looking for a quick, positive boost to start their day
  • I have also been taking a meditation course from Insight Timer that works on not caring what other people think. It is slowly starting to make a difference as well.
  • Lastly, I attended a Toastmasters event today to build my confidence when it comes to speaking publicly. I hoped to knock out another conversation with someone there but the crowd was not really to my speed. I will restart my practice of public speaking to work on that skill as well as attend their next event though.
**** let me add one went out to a spot in Logan, while waiting in line these 2 cute curvy women with a dude get behind me in line. One of them is chatting me up with no introduction telling me her life story while in her phone. She was interested I could feel it. I was like if not ill chat it up in line and make my rounds inside. When we got inside I made my rounds and settled in a spot cause I was alone. She came out the bathroom and say next to me. She was attractive so dudes were looking and I'm not top shape but getting there. Towards the end of the night some dude sat next to her and was trying to spit game. I said to myself don't worry about it, we ain't dating or messing around,dont catch feelings. Anyway dude game was not on point as I could tell and she began rolling her eyes and her body language closed off told him I was her man lol. She then told me she loved how composed I was during this situation and that's the main reason I shared the story. My frame was tight and I didn't catch butt hurt feelings and didn't care if he took her away that night I was indifferent and I ended up getting her digits which she asked for
Wtf do y’all do in the city? I’ve never actually head out myself (I mean I’m not 21 yet, though, and don’t feel like getting a fake) except to just walk around at random and just look around. I’m pretty much burnt out from navy pier just bc I’ve been there so many times when I was a kid, and all my friends do stuff outside of downtown too.
 

PeasantPlayer

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Wtf do y’all do in the city? I’ve never actually head out myself (I mean I’m not 21 yet, though, and don’t feel like getting a fake) except to just walk around at random and just look around. I’m pretty much burnt out from navy pier just bc I’ve been there so many times when I was a kid, and all my friends do stuff outside of downtown too.
Where are you from are you really asking what there is to do in Chicago the 3rd biggest city in America? Downtown in itself has a lot to do, personally haven't been to navy pier in almost 10 years. That's mostly for tourists, Chicago has an endless amount of bars, clubs, lounges, escape rooms, boating parties, canoeing,strip clubs, comedy clubs, river walk, ax throwing, bowling, indoor sky diving
 

PeasantPlayer

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The party neighborhoods are Wrigleyville, Lincoln Park, Wicker Park, Logan Square and West Town is picking up. If you want to spend more money and see high class hos, downtown, river north, Lakeview. Can't forget South Loop and Hyde park
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Where are you from are you really asking what there is to do in Chicago the 3rd biggest city in America? Downtown in itself has a lot to do, personally haven't been to navy pier in almost 10 years. That's mostly for tourists, Chicago has an endless amount of bars, clubs, lounges, escape rooms, boating parties, canoeing,strip clubs, comedy clubs, river walk, ax throwing, bowling, indoor sky diving
The party neighborhoods are Wrigleyville, Lincoln Park, Wicker Park, Logan Square and West Town is picking up. If you want to spend more money and see high class hos, downtown, river north, Lakeview. Can't forget South Loop and Hyde park
Thanks chief, I’m originally from the southwest suburbs, but basically moved like 3 times so never got settled in each area. Growing up with the friends I made, we just did stuff that was local or went to Joliet (paintball, laser tag, etc. ) but never really went out to the city though, not bc we avoided it but like it just didn’t happen really.
 

PeasantPlayer

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Thanks chief, I’m originally from the southwest suburbs, but basically moved like 3 times so never got settled in each area. Growing up with the friends I made, we just did stuff that was local or went to Joliet (paintball, laser tag, etc. ) but never really went out to the city though, not bc we avoided it but like it just didn’t happen really.
I did some paintballing in Joliet, I remember I went to a local bar and ran in to some strippers from Milwaukee. They kept bringing up the fact that the bar wasn't turnt up enough and Milwaukee was more fun. I kept telling them this is a local neighborhood bar. I can take you to bars that get crazy, but it wasn't that serious I wanted to bang them lol. Why waste time taking them to good spots
 

Ricky

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Miss chicago so much. I replied to your first thread 10 years when i lived there. Too bad we didnt get to meet up. I of course being married then and now didnt have as much free time as id like
 
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