PeasantPlayer
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2013
- Messages
- 3,069
- Reaction score
- 946
We should all get up one day and game some females, should be interesting
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Windy City Chronicles 3: Approach/Dating journal
- Thread starter macallik
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
^^^Sounds like a plan
Chanel
This is my highest quality plate at the moment. I have a feeling she likes me more than I like her which I will have to actively manage but outside of that, no complaints. We have bumped uglies a handful of times.
Jamie
I got her number a long time ago. Can't remember when/how. Nothing panned out and I reached out via Facebook and set up a date a few months ago. Things were ok but she wasn't really my type so I didn't really pursue.
I was throwing a party with a friend a few weeks later and sent her a text inviting her to beef up the numbers. She said she wasn't available but would like to hang out again. She mentioned like 4-5 days out of the week that she was free (high sign of interest there).
We went out for drinks yesterday and a few drinks in we start fooling around on the dancefloor. We head to one other club and then head back to my place and fool around a bit more. Slight penetration but not full-blown sex. Not super duper attracted to her, so not worried if things don't pan out.
Thoughts
In the past month I have lost two plates that have each been in my life for +2 years. Emotionally it has been a lot to deal with but on the other hand, it makes me feel single in a way that I haven't felt in a while. I am going to push myself to try new things and meet more people as a result.
On a related note, I think there was some truth to what marmel75 said. I have a decent close rate for women I go on dates with, but I have overall been slacking with kino and displaying intent during/prior to dates. I have gotten laid a decent amount but if a girl is shy and waiting for me to make the first move, then I have a much lower likelihood of getting busy.
Upcoming Plans
What better time than a 3-day weekend to get out there and have some fun? I am in a good mindset and looking to capitalize on life. In order to maximize my social skills, I am looking to focus on warm-up sets for the first time in what feels like forever. It kinda speaks to the fact that I haven't always been approaching this from an efficient matter. Additionally, I want some canned openers to use for day game and for partying to take the thinking out of the set initially. Once I am in the engagement, I think my personal auto-pilot can kick in and I can guide the interaction where I'd like it to go.
Canned Lines
Chanel
This is my highest quality plate at the moment. I have a feeling she likes me more than I like her which I will have to actively manage but outside of that, no complaints. We have bumped uglies a handful of times.
Jamie
I got her number a long time ago. Can't remember when/how. Nothing panned out and I reached out via Facebook and set up a date a few months ago. Things were ok but she wasn't really my type so I didn't really pursue.
I was throwing a party with a friend a few weeks later and sent her a text inviting her to beef up the numbers. She said she wasn't available but would like to hang out again. She mentioned like 4-5 days out of the week that she was free (high sign of interest there).
We went out for drinks yesterday and a few drinks in we start fooling around on the dancefloor. We head to one other club and then head back to my place and fool around a bit more. Slight penetration but not full-blown sex. Not super duper attracted to her, so not worried if things don't pan out.
Thoughts
In the past month I have lost two plates that have each been in my life for +2 years. Emotionally it has been a lot to deal with but on the other hand, it makes me feel single in a way that I haven't felt in a while. I am going to push myself to try new things and meet more people as a result.
On a related note, I think there was some truth to what marmel75 said. I have a decent close rate for women I go on dates with, but I have overall been slacking with kino and displaying intent during/prior to dates. I have gotten laid a decent amount but if a girl is shy and waiting for me to make the first move, then I have a much lower likelihood of getting busy.
Upcoming Plans
What better time than a 3-day weekend to get out there and have some fun? I am in a good mindset and looking to capitalize on life. In order to maximize my social skills, I am looking to focus on warm-up sets for the first time in what feels like forever. It kinda speaks to the fact that I haven't always been approaching this from an efficient matter. Additionally, I want some canned openers to use for day game and for partying to take the thinking out of the set initially. Once I am in the engagement, I think my personal auto-pilot can kick in and I can guide the interaction where I'd like it to go.
Canned Lines
- What is there to do/ what do you normally do on Independence Day?
- Excuse me, I know I'm probably like the 4th guy to stop you today but... I think you are attractive and wanted to introduce myself
- What's cooking good looking
- My sister from another mister. How's it hanging?
- You look like the type of person to post Game of Throne spoilers on Twitter
- So... what do you think about the 90 day rule? I think Steve Harvey has set dating back to the 1960s
- I randomly went to a relationship forum the other day....not for me personally because I'm amazing at relationships... but I listened and a lot of women had a lot of frustrations that they couldn't didn't voice to their partners. Do you think that is a common trait nowadays? I feel like if you can't talk truthfully to your partner then it makes me second guess the relationship.
Hey man. Good to see you back on the site. Haven't talked in forever.
Anyways the three day weekend wasn't amazing but it was a step in the right direction. I got 2-3 numbers, all of which ended up flaking. But when I think about the last time I had multiple options to text based on one night, it has been a while.
I feel like I am re-entering an old stage of pre-enlightenment... It is like I might not make the right moves, which leads to flakes, but I am recognizing opportunities all around me again. I am cognizant of the possibilities again whereas before, my head was kinda buried in the sand and only saw opportunities occasionally during the night scene.
Speaking of which, I grabbed a number last night at the club. Escalated a bit better by sucking on her neck and stealing kisses here and there. She was crashing at a friend's place near my house so I tried to segue for her to come over but no dice. Definitely showed more potential than the numbers I got last weekend.
Going to head to a day party later today. Might try and run some day game as well.
Jai (Meet in December and fell by the wayside) invited my to her b-day party next weekend. I have another event going on at the same time but her house is walking distance so I will check it out. Not sure what to expect but I'll probably bring a friend and/or leave early if I don't get a good vibe or there are no new cute friends.
It has been a long time since I've posted an update. Truth be told, I don't frequent the forums as often nowadays. I'm sure you are aware of the decline in terms of quality here so I don't need to really dwell on the elephant in the room. I will say, it is frustrating that there is a lack of objective, constructive conversations about women. On the flip-side though, if SoSuave is representative of the average male, it is a confidence booster knowing how insecure/jaded/misogynistic the competition is.
Okay, enough railing about the SoSuave community over the last few months. For me personally, the last few months have been a mixed bag. I had a realization that most people are searching for love, but that is something I have been lucky enough to take for granted. Of the girls that have been in my life over the last few years, there have always been 1-2 at any given moment that sincerely loved me.
If I have always had a woman that loved me and was ready to spend time with me every weekend, then I have to ask myself what is it that makes me want to club on the weekends instead? What drives me to, time and time again, value the uncertainty of the night-life or prioritize a date with a girl I barely know over the consistency and commitment of someone who truly loves me? I have thought about it and I am still mulling it over. I don't think that I get validation from the individual women that I barely know but collectively I get validation based on the interactions themselves.
I am still trying to understand what it is that I want and how to best move forward but it feels good to type this post and look more objectively at my situation than I have in the last few months. I am actively working on not taking myself so seriously and becoming a better person overall.
One thing that I have recently become aware of is that I feel that, from my perspective, my conversations are getting stale. Don't get me wrong, I have had multiple women in the last 30 days mention how great my conversation is and blah blah blah. But for me personally, I feel like I am reading off the same script over and over and so I am becoming less and less emotionally involved with each iteration. For the record, I am not reading a PUA script or anything like that. Everything that I say/do is based on how I truly feel and my personal experiences, but there isn't as much significance in constantly retelling the same stories/beliefs/life goals.
I think the solution is for me to work more on finding the nuances in other women that make each interaction unique. I think that that will allow me to mentally (and romantically) have a more personal connection than I do currently.
Outside of that, not too much has changed recently. I had a one night stand while on vacation in Miami last month. In addition to that, there was a girl I met during Labor day weekend here in Chicago, and I slept with her for the first time on Friday.
Outside of that, this weekend I had an 8-hour date yesterday (brunch/board games/movies) but realized that I was so in my head at times that I missed cues and felt kinda defeated at the end of the interaction when I should've felt like I knocked it out of the park. Decided to try and end the day on a high note, so I felt compelled to hit the club up and I ended up grabbing two numbers. Neither interaction was very memorable or going into further detail, but if things progress, I will post an update.
Okay, enough railing about the SoSuave community over the last few months. For me personally, the last few months have been a mixed bag. I had a realization that most people are searching for love, but that is something I have been lucky enough to take for granted. Of the girls that have been in my life over the last few years, there have always been 1-2 at any given moment that sincerely loved me.
If I have always had a woman that loved me and was ready to spend time with me every weekend, then I have to ask myself what is it that makes me want to club on the weekends instead? What drives me to, time and time again, value the uncertainty of the night-life or prioritize a date with a girl I barely know over the consistency and commitment of someone who truly loves me? I have thought about it and I am still mulling it over. I don't think that I get validation from the individual women that I barely know but collectively I get validation based on the interactions themselves.
I am still trying to understand what it is that I want and how to best move forward but it feels good to type this post and look more objectively at my situation than I have in the last few months. I am actively working on not taking myself so seriously and becoming a better person overall.
One thing that I have recently become aware of is that I feel that, from my perspective, my conversations are getting stale. Don't get me wrong, I have had multiple women in the last 30 days mention how great my conversation is and blah blah blah. But for me personally, I feel like I am reading off the same script over and over and so I am becoming less and less emotionally involved with each iteration. For the record, I am not reading a PUA script or anything like that. Everything that I say/do is based on how I truly feel and my personal experiences, but there isn't as much significance in constantly retelling the same stories/beliefs/life goals.
I think the solution is for me to work more on finding the nuances in other women that make each interaction unique. I think that that will allow me to mentally (and romantically) have a more personal connection than I do currently.
Outside of that, not too much has changed recently. I had a one night stand while on vacation in Miami last month. In addition to that, there was a girl I met during Labor day weekend here in Chicago, and I slept with her for the first time on Friday.
Outside of that, this weekend I had an 8-hour date yesterday (brunch/board games/movies) but realized that I was so in my head at times that I missed cues and felt kinda defeated at the end of the interaction when I should've felt like I knocked it out of the park. Decided to try and end the day on a high note, so I felt compelled to hit the club up and I ended up grabbing two numbers. Neither interaction was very memorable or going into further detail, but if things progress, I will post an update.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
I'm in the same boat. I stopped writing in my journal to a couple months ago too. Seems like your doing good though. Try not to be in your head and just have fun. Do you go out solo to these clubs or do you go with friends?One thing that I know I need to work on is making moves solo. Theres been plenty of nights where I just stay in and go to sleep as opposed to going out by myself.
For your question about why go out if you can have one woman every weekend. The thrill of getting new girls is always more rewarding then kicking it with the same female. At least for me.
For your question about why go out if you can have one woman every weekend. The thrill of getting new girls is always more rewarding then kicking it with the same female. At least for me.
Haven't checked in for a bit.
Recently, I've been on one of the best streaks in my life. I don't want to go into too much detail and trivialize things but I have been pretty consistent lately. With that said, one relationship didn't go like I wanted it to. It is the main relationship where the decision to see each other again (and in what context) is in her court. There is a pretty low risk of me falling head over heels or anything like that, but I wanted to check in and write down my thoughts just to remind myself that there are ups and downs and that it is important to also dwell on my successes, and not just when things fall short. Typing this out, I think my ego is what is bruised the most by not being in the position to dictate where the relationship goes but c'est la vie.
But yeah, outside of that, the past month or so I've been extremely active in terms of dating. My credit card bill is higher than it should be from all of the drink dates I've had. One of the main reasons I've seen progress in terms of dating imo is that I have been much more forward when it comes to showing interest/intent and setting up dates. Also, when things look questionable, I am less likely to pursue (probably because I have more quality alternatives at my fingertips)
In terms of going out on dates, I am not as intimidated as I used to be. I am also a bit bolder when it comes to going in for the kiss. Tbh, I think that can be attributed to it being easier to visualize things going well when I have previous (and current) relationships positively reaffirming how women are likely to react.
On the flipside, one negative thing I have noticed is that I am becoming less dependable in terms of communication. It is hard to get anything done when people are always texting/calling, yet I also feel like I am dropping the ball when I forget to respond to people for days. Don't want to become a sh!tty friend to people so I have to work more consciously on avoiding that kind of persona.
Another negative thing is that I am less emotionally invested in everything. After a while, the names, stories and experiences start to blend together. It becomes less of a connection between an individual, and more about me just trying to juggle all of these interesting women in my life. I don't want any plates to fall, but not because of a strong rapport or love, but moreso because I don't want to see a plate crashing on the ground.
Right now, I am content with my dating life outside of the one interaction. Three of the women in rotation are perhaps all within the top 5 women I've dated when it comes to attractiveness. In terms of connections... well I feel like I can get that with most women nowadays so it doesn't really seem as interesting anymore. I am nearing the peak of dating that I could only imagine a decade ago, yet I still have questions and concerns. I never was under the impression that an active dating life would solve all of life's issues for me, but I need to figure out how to get the optimum amount of happiness from my dating life instead of blindly trying to fvck everything that I'm attracted to.
Buuuuut I have been thinking about doing more sarging during the day haha. I have no idea where I want to go at the moment but this journal has a knack for getting me on the right path so I look forward to future updates as I try to make heads and tails out of it all.
Recently, I've been on one of the best streaks in my life. I don't want to go into too much detail and trivialize things but I have been pretty consistent lately. With that said, one relationship didn't go like I wanted it to. It is the main relationship where the decision to see each other again (and in what context) is in her court. There is a pretty low risk of me falling head over heels or anything like that, but I wanted to check in and write down my thoughts just to remind myself that there are ups and downs and that it is important to also dwell on my successes, and not just when things fall short. Typing this out, I think my ego is what is bruised the most by not being in the position to dictate where the relationship goes but c'est la vie.
But yeah, outside of that, the past month or so I've been extremely active in terms of dating. My credit card bill is higher than it should be from all of the drink dates I've had. One of the main reasons I've seen progress in terms of dating imo is that I have been much more forward when it comes to showing interest/intent and setting up dates. Also, when things look questionable, I am less likely to pursue (probably because I have more quality alternatives at my fingertips)
In terms of going out on dates, I am not as intimidated as I used to be. I am also a bit bolder when it comes to going in for the kiss. Tbh, I think that can be attributed to it being easier to visualize things going well when I have previous (and current) relationships positively reaffirming how women are likely to react.
On the flipside, one negative thing I have noticed is that I am becoming less dependable in terms of communication. It is hard to get anything done when people are always texting/calling, yet I also feel like I am dropping the ball when I forget to respond to people for days. Don't want to become a sh!tty friend to people so I have to work more consciously on avoiding that kind of persona.
Another negative thing is that I am less emotionally invested in everything. After a while, the names, stories and experiences start to blend together. It becomes less of a connection between an individual, and more about me just trying to juggle all of these interesting women in my life. I don't want any plates to fall, but not because of a strong rapport or love, but moreso because I don't want to see a plate crashing on the ground.
Right now, I am content with my dating life outside of the one interaction. Three of the women in rotation are perhaps all within the top 5 women I've dated when it comes to attractiveness. In terms of connections... well I feel like I can get that with most women nowadays so it doesn't really seem as interesting anymore. I am nearing the peak of dating that I could only imagine a decade ago, yet I still have questions and concerns. I never was under the impression that an active dating life would solve all of life's issues for me, but I need to figure out how to get the optimum amount of happiness from my dating life instead of blindly trying to fvck everything that I'm attracted to.
Buuuuut I have been thinking about doing more sarging during the day haha. I have no idea where I want to go at the moment but this journal has a knack for getting me on the right path so I look forward to future updates as I try to make heads and tails out of it all.
In retrospect, I feel as if I have moved beyond being on a hot streak into living a way of life. I am definitely not as reflective or productive in my life as I was when I was struggling to meet women but sex, affection and female company are always present at a moment's notice.
Nowadays I am consistently out with new women to the point that I am starting to feel like some of my favorite bars may no longer be safe for me because some of the unsavory clientele might get jealous and do something reckless.
Life is interesting. My dating life is not without its ups and downs. I have many options at my fingertips, but there has definitely been periodic bouts of doubt/loneliness when multiple plates all manage to 'wobble' at the same time.
Additionally, it really feels like I am crowd-sourcing my affection at times which can be good for my ego, but bad for anyone that falls for me in a meaningful way. There is a guilt that comes with being the consistent recipient of unrequited love. This is something that I don't think I've heard others talk about before.
I try to be up front and convince myself that I am having a positive impact on all the women I've come across but I have made mistakes, I have put my needs before others, and at the end of the day, I do know that on 1-2 occasions, I have hurt people in ways that I only see in hindsight. I am at a place where I never imagined I'd be 5-10 years ago and it is still far from perfect.
Unlike posts I read when I was a struggling bachelor, I am not attempting to deter anyone from living this lifestyle. I just want people to try and remain cognizant of the choices you make and the repercussions that they may have. Reflect on the relationships and where you can improve. Realize when you need to take a break or when you are taking advantage of a bad situation.
It takes a certain kind of person to do this for an extended period of time. Life and love can be a long fulfilling novel but I am content with just reading excerpts from different books at this point in my life.
Nowadays I am consistently out with new women to the point that I am starting to feel like some of my favorite bars may no longer be safe for me because some of the unsavory clientele might get jealous and do something reckless.
Life is interesting. My dating life is not without its ups and downs. I have many options at my fingertips, but there has definitely been periodic bouts of doubt/loneliness when multiple plates all manage to 'wobble' at the same time.
Additionally, it really feels like I am crowd-sourcing my affection at times which can be good for my ego, but bad for anyone that falls for me in a meaningful way. There is a guilt that comes with being the consistent recipient of unrequited love. This is something that I don't think I've heard others talk about before.
I try to be up front and convince myself that I am having a positive impact on all the women I've come across but I have made mistakes, I have put my needs before others, and at the end of the day, I do know that on 1-2 occasions, I have hurt people in ways that I only see in hindsight. I am at a place where I never imagined I'd be 5-10 years ago and it is still far from perfect.
Unlike posts I read when I was a struggling bachelor, I am not attempting to deter anyone from living this lifestyle. I just want people to try and remain cognizant of the choices you make and the repercussions that they may have. Reflect on the relationships and where you can improve. Realize when you need to take a break or when you are taking advantage of a bad situation.
It takes a certain kind of person to do this for an extended period of time. Life and love can be a long fulfilling novel but I am content with just reading excerpts from different books at this point in my life.