"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Windy City Chronicles 3: Approach/Dating journal
- Thread starter macallik
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Week 1 stats
Total Approaches: 1
Numbers: 0
Was approach(es) in my comfort level: Nope
Approached a woman shopping in H&M. I thought I got eye contact as she walked by and went in. She was 'receptive' in that she kept the conversation going, but she was too intense for me to adjust properly. For example, I got some smiles and laughs out of my C&F jokes, but there were certain things where she would just deadpan stare at me for 5-6 seconds. I remarked once that she needs to let me know when she is starting a staring contest so I can bring my game-face, but I did not handle the other occurrences quite as smoothly.
Towards the end of the conversation, she said she isn't used to my approach and that could be a good thing and it could be a bad thing. She isn't sure yet. I replied:
macallik: Ok, how about I get your number and then I'll give you some time to think about whether it is a good thing or not:
lady: uh..... no
macallik: Okkkkk how about I give you a long time to think about it then and if I see you down the road we can redo this interaction
lady: *laughs*
Honestly this was one of the most uncomfortable approaches I've ever done. She didn't reject me outright until I went for the number, so I felt obligated to stick in there. I wasn't getting the green light really, but I wasn't getting the red light either... I guess I was getting the caution light or something.
Anyways, I fell short of my approach target last week. Next time, I will use the momentum of breaking the approach seal, and knock them all out in one day. I will be more social this week for sure!
Total Approaches: 1
Numbers: 0
Was approach(es) in my comfort level: Nope
Approached a woman shopping in H&M. I thought I got eye contact as she walked by and went in. She was 'receptive' in that she kept the conversation going, but she was too intense for me to adjust properly. For example, I got some smiles and laughs out of my C&F jokes, but there were certain things where she would just deadpan stare at me for 5-6 seconds. I remarked once that she needs to let me know when she is starting a staring contest so I can bring my game-face, but I did not handle the other occurrences quite as smoothly.
Towards the end of the conversation, she said she isn't used to my approach and that could be a good thing and it could be a bad thing. She isn't sure yet. I replied:
macallik: Ok, how about I get your number and then I'll give you some time to think about whether it is a good thing or not:
lady: uh..... no
macallik: Okkkkk how about I give you a long time to think about it then and if I see you down the road we can redo this interaction
lady: *laughs*
Honestly this was one of the most uncomfortable approaches I've ever done. She didn't reject me outright until I went for the number, so I felt obligated to stick in there. I wasn't getting the green light really, but I wasn't getting the red light either... I guess I was getting the caution light or something.
Anyways, I fell short of my approach target last week. Next time, I will use the momentum of breaking the approach seal, and knock them all out in one day. I will be more social this week for sure!
Went to the club yesterday. Failed to plan and so I essentially planned to fail. Talked to 1-2 girls but with no intent or driving purpose behind the interaction. I need to go in with the mindset of working towards a ONS or phone # again, instead of just going to the club to hopefully approach someone and/or start a conversation.
Overall though, it wasn't a sucky night. Wish I had gotten more sleep though. Going out again tonight and this time I will have an end goal.
Overall though, it wasn't a sucky night. Wish I had gotten more sleep though. Going out again tonight and this time I will have an end goal.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Die Hard
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2009
- Messages
- 1,772
- Reaction score
- 405
Do it! Do it! Do it! 
Lately, I've been putting myself out there more and it is rewarding. Last week, I cold approached some chick on the street and hung out with her for 2 hours. I had a blast and really connected with her, made out with her and everything.
Just keep forcing yourself out of your comfort zone! The funny thing is, the moment you do it, you are nervous and all, it really takes an effort, you need to kick yourself in the azz. But once you've done it and come home from a nice experience with a girl, you think to yourself: "Well, that was actually pretty easy lol."
Good luck man!
Lately, I've been putting myself out there more and it is rewarding. Last week, I cold approached some chick on the street and hung out with her for 2 hours. I had a blast and really connected with her, made out with her and everything.
Just keep forcing yourself out of your comfort zone! The funny thing is, the moment you do it, you are nervous and all, it really takes an effort, you need to kick yourself in the azz. But once you've done it and come home from a nice experience with a girl, you think to yourself: "Well, that was actually pretty easy lol."
Good luck man!
Yeah definitely, I just have to shake the rust off and work towards consistency. I think the worst of winter is hopefully over now, so no excuses.Die Hard said:Do it! Do it! Do it!
Lately, I've been putting myself out there more and it is rewarding. Last week, I cold approached some chick on the street and hung out with her for 2 hours. I had a blast and really connected with her, made out with her and everything.
Just keep forcing yourself out of your comfort zone! The funny thing is, the moment you do it, you are nervous and all, it really takes an effort, you need to kick yourself in the azz. But once you've done it and come home from a nice experience with a girl, you think to yourself: "Well, that was actually pretty easy lol."
Good luck man!
Goals
Put myself in two new social settings per month - New settings allow me to think in new ways and break old habits. I have joined some clubs/groups and plan on meeting more friends to hang out with and to potentially meet women there as well.
honed my interaction, I often drop the ball. If I stay ready, I won't have to get ready.
Limit my clubbing - IMO the club is like the bonus round in a videogame... When I am feeling great and confident, it is intoxicating, but I do not feel that way most times nowadays. I want to reaffirm my confidence prior to spending money to meet women. Clubbing turns my weekends into productivity black holes anyways. I will structure myself to go out only when I have completed an approach minimum or to reward a positive behavior in my life.
Be friendlier - I am kind of a loner so I am ok with not having lots of interactions with others. However, when I find someone I am attracted to who I am interested in, since I haven't
Be mindful of ways to create conversations in public: Right now, I don't even realize the ways that I can start a conversation with new people. I am so busy analyzing all the reasons that things won't work that I just get paralyzed. Gotta push through this.
Carry myself with confidence: Direct eye contact, chest forward and head up
Read a bit of literature: Gonna peruse either the DJ Bible or some notes saved on my file.
Posting in this journal has had a positive effect already. Worked some overtime Saturday and told myself to get out there and try something new instead of going home and watching Netflix. The more times I push myself to get out there and try something new, the less resistance my mind will give the next time.
So last night I met up with a bunch of people. I knew one person and met some guys and girls. Originally I was very social and relaxed, but as the night progressed, I kinda isolated myself by expecting the women to come to me instead of vice versa. There was a change of the scenery and the people I was conversing with before sat in different places and so I started second guessing some things and got stuck in my head a little. The other guys kept gunning for the women and they got the digits, while I did not.
I forgot to throw on some deodorant and was self conscious towards the end of the night (d'oh), but next time I need to remember to keep my head in the game. For example, I had good conversations with 1-2 chicks, and I would allow myself to get distracted by another person and completely leave a conversation when it was getting good. A girl was telling me about how her dad thinks she is a lesbian because she never has a boyfriend. This had the potential for many avenues of rapport building (talking about relationships and why ppl never meet her dad) or attraction building (has she ever been attracted to a girl, what kind of guys does she like) depending on my intentions. I started down the rapport building path but changed the subject myself or didn't isolate the target and things fizzled out. I am glad that I am aware of that mistake in retrospect though.
I used to pride myself on my conversation skills. I still do ok, but I realize I am nowhere near as good as I used to be. Now that I think about it, there was a good deal of fluff all night but as much substance or reasoning behind the discussion as I'd like. There is nothing wrong with some C&F comments and stuff, but there is an end goal that my discussion should be working towards. If I am trying to fvck, then I need to be saying/doing things that get her sexually interested. If I am trying to get her interested in me long term, I should be saying/doing things that make her see me as a compatible human being. I am slightly disappointed that I didn't do this last night, but extremely happy about just realizing an area for improvement that will pay dividends as it gets better.
Another area that needs some work is that I need to remember to take my shots when the goal is empty. I was talking to a girl for 20 minutes or so and then she took out her phone to play with it for a bit. Not in a "this convo is boring me" type of way, but in a "Look. I have a phone. Would you like my #" type of way. Later on she was talking about an afterparty and that she lived around the corner. Chalk it up to rust or a lack of displayed ability recently but I wasn't sure I was reading the signal right or not. In retrospect. who cares though? My job is to assume she is attracted and act accordingly.
There were other girls there but I was either too intimidated to really dig into a conversation with them because they seemed out of my league (how stupid is that idea) or I figured that the girl would be around indefinitely and she ended up being targeted by others. I have been in the position of kicking myself many times over the years, but one thing I have learned is that you forget your old mistakes as soon as your new successes come along. I regret not pulling the trigger tonight but I relearned some valuable lessons and I will be that much more prepared next time. The night reminds me that I have areas I can work on to get better instead of just banging my head against the same wall
In the future, I want to be mindful of my intentions with the female. My mindset is going to go one of two ways in the future. Either:
So last night I met up with a bunch of people. I knew one person and met some guys and girls. Originally I was very social and relaxed, but as the night progressed, I kinda isolated myself by expecting the women to come to me instead of vice versa. There was a change of the scenery and the people I was conversing with before sat in different places and so I started second guessing some things and got stuck in my head a little. The other guys kept gunning for the women and they got the digits, while I did not.
I forgot to throw on some deodorant and was self conscious towards the end of the night (d'oh), but next time I need to remember to keep my head in the game. For example, I had good conversations with 1-2 chicks, and I would allow myself to get distracted by another person and completely leave a conversation when it was getting good. A girl was telling me about how her dad thinks she is a lesbian because she never has a boyfriend. This had the potential for many avenues of rapport building (talking about relationships and why ppl never meet her dad) or attraction building (has she ever been attracted to a girl, what kind of guys does she like) depending on my intentions. I started down the rapport building path but changed the subject myself or didn't isolate the target and things fizzled out. I am glad that I am aware of that mistake in retrospect though.
I used to pride myself on my conversation skills. I still do ok, but I realize I am nowhere near as good as I used to be. Now that I think about it, there was a good deal of fluff all night but as much substance or reasoning behind the discussion as I'd like. There is nothing wrong with some C&F comments and stuff, but there is an end goal that my discussion should be working towards. If I am trying to fvck, then I need to be saying/doing things that get her sexually interested. If I am trying to get her interested in me long term, I should be saying/doing things that make her see me as a compatible human being. I am slightly disappointed that I didn't do this last night, but extremely happy about just realizing an area for improvement that will pay dividends as it gets better.
Another area that needs some work is that I need to remember to take my shots when the goal is empty. I was talking to a girl for 20 minutes or so and then she took out her phone to play with it for a bit. Not in a "this convo is boring me" type of way, but in a "Look. I have a phone. Would you like my #" type of way. Later on she was talking about an afterparty and that she lived around the corner. Chalk it up to rust or a lack of displayed ability recently but I wasn't sure I was reading the signal right or not. In retrospect. who cares though? My job is to assume she is attracted and act accordingly.
There were other girls there but I was either too intimidated to really dig into a conversation with them because they seemed out of my league (how stupid is that idea) or I figured that the girl would be around indefinitely and she ended up being targeted by others. I have been in the position of kicking myself many times over the years, but one thing I have learned is that you forget your old mistakes as soon as your new successes come along. I regret not pulling the trigger tonight but I relearned some valuable lessons and I will be that much more prepared next time. The night reminds me that I have areas I can work on to get better instead of just banging my head against the same wall
In the future, I want to be mindful of my intentions with the female. My mindset is going to go one of two ways in the future. Either:
- This is gf material and I wouldn't mind hanging with her for a while. Build rapport. OR
- I don't see us getting along for an extended period of time but she is fvckable. Build attraction.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Thanks demonpenz. You are right.
Just killed some time on an online dating website. Those things are brutal. I think I have a rating of like 3/10 at best lol. I think that the programmers of the website rate your pics low so that you throw money at them to enhance your profile and redeem your self esteem... That is the ONLY reason I can think of for my low scores haha. Never had any success with dating websites fwiw. Probably gonna delete my (free) account tomorrow if no one is throwing their vaginas at my account within 24 hours.
Nothing new to report at the moment. Freezing cold here in Chicago. Just dropping a line to say that I am still alive and interested in improving. That's it for tonight. Now I'm going to go remind myself that I am not a 3/10 contrary to what my pic ratings say lol.
Just killed some time on an online dating website. Those things are brutal. I think I have a rating of like 3/10 at best lol. I think that the programmers of the website rate your pics low so that you throw money at them to enhance your profile and redeem your self esteem... That is the ONLY reason I can think of for my low scores haha. Never had any success with dating websites fwiw. Probably gonna delete my (free) account tomorrow if no one is throwing their vaginas at my account within 24 hours.
Nothing new to report at the moment. Freezing cold here in Chicago. Just dropping a line to say that I am still alive and interested in improving. That's it for tonight. Now I'm going to go remind myself that I am not a 3/10 contrary to what my pic ratings say lol.
Went to a bar crawl with a friend on Friday night. He brought to girls with him and so chatted with them for a good portion of the night. One girl he is already ****ing and the other girl I found out pretty early on has a boyfriend. I let this color my perception of her. Her personal commitments should have no bearings in our interaction unless she explicitly makes this an issue. For all I know, she could have an open relationship, she could be open to cheating, they could be on the rocks, etc.
Anyways, it was weirdly kind of a relief knowing that she had a boyfriend. That way, I knew I had an ‘out’ if I didn’t get the #. If anything though, that is a sign that I am still nervous about how I will be perceived by others, and by the girl as well. I will work on this as well.
Anyways, while I was out with them at the bar crawl, I talked to them the majority of the time. Once I am in the field more, I definitely feel like I can turn that kind of feeling into a great night. I was making eye contact and smiling to others, I was in the moment instead of stuck in my head. That is always a good sign.
After hanging out with them for a while, I end up going to a separate club by myself. I have been there a few times. Every time, I think I was by myself? I remember the last time I was there was really a waste of money. I ended up dancing a little and walking around aimlessly. Not a great night at all.
This time, I did marginally better. I didn’t **** anyone in a bathroom or anything lol, but I put myself out there and approached a few females. Got blown out of one approach when I asked a girl to touch my d!ck (haha). We were talking about sex and so it wasn’t some type of creepy ‘guy in a trenchcoat’ thing to say. Next time however, I don’t want to verbalize sexual intent unless it is something I am whispering in her ear. In the future, I want to display my intent via kino and eye contact. One thing that has worked previously for me is to take a girl’s hand and put it on my d!ck.
I did get a # from another girl, she was in a four-set. A bunch of NorthWestern girls I think. Like 21 years old. Nice body, but face was average. Stole a kiss from her in a playful matter before the night ended. Texted her yesterday and no response. There are plenty of fish in the sea though so no worries on my end. This is a good sign for me actually. Part of my hesistancy of getting back into the field is that I will need to get acclimated to outright rejection again, but one of the other concerns that I have is dealing with interactions that fall short of expectations. In this situation for example, I have a woman that I would **** and would have liked to have had a more indepth opportunity to work on my game and try to do the hippity-dippty with her. It doesn’t look like I will get that opportunity. C’est la vie.
Need to remember to actively be friendly and smile in life. I am slowly starting to fall into old ways. Tomorrow I am going drinking with coworkers, and I have plans through Saturday so I should have a field report to type up in the near future as well.
Happy hunting.
Anyways, it was weirdly kind of a relief knowing that she had a boyfriend. That way, I knew I had an ‘out’ if I didn’t get the #. If anything though, that is a sign that I am still nervous about how I will be perceived by others, and by the girl as well. I will work on this as well.
Anyways, while I was out with them at the bar crawl, I talked to them the majority of the time. Once I am in the field more, I definitely feel like I can turn that kind of feeling into a great night. I was making eye contact and smiling to others, I was in the moment instead of stuck in my head. That is always a good sign.
After hanging out with them for a while, I end up going to a separate club by myself. I have been there a few times. Every time, I think I was by myself? I remember the last time I was there was really a waste of money. I ended up dancing a little and walking around aimlessly. Not a great night at all.
This time, I did marginally better. I didn’t **** anyone in a bathroom or anything lol, but I put myself out there and approached a few females. Got blown out of one approach when I asked a girl to touch my d!ck (haha). We were talking about sex and so it wasn’t some type of creepy ‘guy in a trenchcoat’ thing to say. Next time however, I don’t want to verbalize sexual intent unless it is something I am whispering in her ear. In the future, I want to display my intent via kino and eye contact. One thing that has worked previously for me is to take a girl’s hand and put it on my d!ck.
I did get a # from another girl, she was in a four-set. A bunch of NorthWestern girls I think. Like 21 years old. Nice body, but face was average. Stole a kiss from her in a playful matter before the night ended. Texted her yesterday and no response. There are plenty of fish in the sea though so no worries on my end. This is a good sign for me actually. Part of my hesistancy of getting back into the field is that I will need to get acclimated to outright rejection again, but one of the other concerns that I have is dealing with interactions that fall short of expectations. In this situation for example, I have a woman that I would **** and would have liked to have had a more indepth opportunity to work on my game and try to do the hippity-dippty with her. It doesn’t look like I will get that opportunity. C’est la vie.
Need to remember to actively be friendly and smile in life. I am slowly starting to fall into old ways. Tomorrow I am going drinking with coworkers, and I have plans through Saturday so I should have a field report to type up in the near future as well.
Happy hunting.
Thursday
Went out for drinks with coworkers. 1 other guy and like 6 girls. Not attracted to anyone in the group but good practice being social and mingling. Spent too much money on food that I didn't even like smh.
Friday
Went to a charity event that I have been to a few times. I felt good last night. I think I can attribute my outgoingness to essentially some warm up sets. I made a friend at the bar as soon as I entered and then proceeded to interact with strangers and people that I have met before. I didn't get any new numbers from any females unfortunately but it was the kind of night I can build off of. I was very social and laid back which felt great but I did not pull the trigger when I could sense attraction/interest.
Also, I said things that were not conducive to getting a number or getting laid. For example, 1-2 girls asked me what was going on after the event, and I told them that I was going home to hang out with another female friend. Unless I am playing the jealousy card (I was not), telling females that I am about to meet up with another female and spend the night is making things unnecessarily harder in the long run. Next time, I want to pivot to a good segue... something like, I have heard about a few spots that might be interesting, let me get your # and I'll text you if I hear anything good. Also, I could invited them to an afterparty @ my house/in my pants to gauge interest.
I was flirty with most of the girls that I talked to, but only one conversation where I felt like I was making headway in getting her attracted instead of just regular C&F and seeing what sticks. With her, I turned the conversation somewhat sexual. She asked me who I lived with (IOI) and I started talking about terrible roommate situations and we started talking about walking around our apartments naked and how much I liked the visual she was giving me. I need to push harder next time though... push until I encounter strong resistance or my intended goal. Will probably see her again, so I will follow up with her in a more in-depth manner next time.
Things I liked:
- Warm up sets started the night off right and I was able to build on that
- I introduced people that I know that didn't know each other. That makes everyone feel more social and makes me look good as well.
- Attempted to push the conversation into (slightly) sexual territory
Things to improve on:
- Remember that the signs of interest are not always huge. Pay attention to the small cues and push the envelope
- Remember to talk with a purpose... If I am interested in fvcking someone, my convo should reflect that. She will decide whether or not she wants to bone, but by the end of the convo, she should know I have a d1ck and want to do bad bad things to her to make her feel good.
Saturday
Going out in about an hour. Very little sleep, but since I was able to reflect on what I liked last night and what I can improve upon, I am looking forward to giving it the old college try
Went out for drinks with coworkers. 1 other guy and like 6 girls. Not attracted to anyone in the group but good practice being social and mingling. Spent too much money on food that I didn't even like smh.
Friday
Went to a charity event that I have been to a few times. I felt good last night. I think I can attribute my outgoingness to essentially some warm up sets. I made a friend at the bar as soon as I entered and then proceeded to interact with strangers and people that I have met before. I didn't get any new numbers from any females unfortunately but it was the kind of night I can build off of. I was very social and laid back which felt great but I did not pull the trigger when I could sense attraction/interest.
Also, I said things that were not conducive to getting a number or getting laid. For example, 1-2 girls asked me what was going on after the event, and I told them that I was going home to hang out with another female friend. Unless I am playing the jealousy card (I was not), telling females that I am about to meet up with another female and spend the night is making things unnecessarily harder in the long run. Next time, I want to pivot to a good segue... something like, I have heard about a few spots that might be interesting, let me get your # and I'll text you if I hear anything good. Also, I could invited them to an afterparty @ my house/in my pants to gauge interest.
I was flirty with most of the girls that I talked to, but only one conversation where I felt like I was making headway in getting her attracted instead of just regular C&F and seeing what sticks. With her, I turned the conversation somewhat sexual. She asked me who I lived with (IOI) and I started talking about terrible roommate situations and we started talking about walking around our apartments naked and how much I liked the visual she was giving me. I need to push harder next time though... push until I encounter strong resistance or my intended goal. Will probably see her again, so I will follow up with her in a more in-depth manner next time.
Things I liked:
- Warm up sets started the night off right and I was able to build on that
- I introduced people that I know that didn't know each other. That makes everyone feel more social and makes me look good as well.
- Attempted to push the conversation into (slightly) sexual territory
Things to improve on:
- Remember that the signs of interest are not always huge. Pay attention to the small cues and push the envelope
- Remember to talk with a purpose... If I am interested in fvcking someone, my convo should reflect that. She will decide whether or not she wants to bone, but by the end of the convo, she should know I have a d1ck and want to do bad bad things to her to make her feel good.
Saturday
Going out in about an hour. Very little sleep, but since I was able to reflect on what I liked last night and what I can improve upon, I am looking forward to giving it the old college try
^^^The last Saturday I went out and grabbed two numbers. Texted both of them and one responded the next day while the other ignored me. Had a forced conversation with the one that responded. The other never said anything back. After a day, they both stopped responding lol.
Went to a networking event mid-week last week with some friends. Ended up meeting a cutie at the bar who was tipsy but fun. Very flirtatious and friendly. Grabbed her # before she left. Her name was Arianna.
From here, I went to Underground Bar off Hubbard Street. Overrated if you ask me, but the kids like it so I went there. Bumped into a female friend of a friend, Shani, and we flirted and had fun talking to each other. She let me isolate her and kino her here and there so it looked like all systems go. I left her to go get a drink and bumped into this random girl I got a # from like a year and a half ago. I got her # and we never hung out and I think I texted her like 4 times maximum, but somehow she remembers my name. She was not attractive to me (I think I was drunk last time lol) so I grabbed her # again with no intention of calling it. However, the girl follows me back to my female friends and starts butting into my conversations with them and trying to befriend them.
The attention I am getting from the random chick throws off Shani I feel like, it eventually we all gravitate towards the bar and she is flirting with some random guy. I play it cool and post up and after 20 minutes or so, we are dancing together again. We start talking again and things turn more sexual. We were talking about masturbation, her favorite position, when was the last time she had sex (a long time ago) does she miss it, etc. I was kinoing her in the context of dancing, but when the convo got sexual, I should have pushed the envelope immediately... something like getting really up in her personal space so she can feel my intentions through her dress.
I remember going in for the kiss and getting stone cold rejected. She said something about 'hanging around guys and knowing all the moves'. Something about that line irritated me. I am looking for a girl that just wants to live in the moment and have fun. In my experiences, the girls that make you wait for a kiss when it seems natural are the ones that are trying to play by the rules so they can catch their prince charming. Although I am as charming as they come, I have no interest in jumping through hoops. Also, most of the girls that make you wait only do this so that you don't judge them negatively in terms of being wifey. I am not looking for wifey, so if a girl is playing those kind of games, we are starting off on the wrong foot already. Anyways, nothing comes of the night in the long run. I get her # before the night is over and call it a night eventually.
The next day (Friday) the 1st girl from the networking event texts me asking what I was doing. I told her I was going out for drinks with some coworkers after work @ Howl @ the Moon & that she should come with. She said she would be there. I get to the place around 5:45 and she is nowhere to be seen. Boo. Texted her and didn't get a response. Had fun with the coworkers, but ended up leaving because my night was a waste.
Walking to the bus stop on State Street when I get a text from Arianna saying that she is at Howl @ the Moon and wants to know where I am. I thought reallllly hard about going home but decided to go back to the venue for a bit. I texted her back saying I stepped out but I'll be back in 5-10 minutes.
I get there and bump into Arianna. She says Hi and then disappears to what I thought was the bathroom, so I am left to talk with her two female friends. After about 7 minutes minutes, one of the friends goes to look for her, so I am stuck making small talk with the other friend. After about 15 minutes, the friend I am with decides that she should go look for her as well. Definitely not a promising start to the night.
I walk back towards my coworker and see her chatting it up with this +40 year old guy. They made such an odd couple that she looked like a escort by comparison. I made my way back to my coworkers begrudgingly and got another drink.
Most of my coworkers had left or were leaving, so the only ones that remained were a guy coworker, a girl coworker, and the girl coworker's roommate. The guy coworker was getting somewhere with the female coworker's rooommate so I winged him for a bit and then talked to his girl for a bit when he went to grab a drink.
All in all, I talked to the two girls for about 30-40 minutes, and by this time, Arianna has gravitated back towards me. I see her out of the corner of my eye and stick my tongue out at her. She comes up and says hello and we talk for a while and her friends arrive. From there, we end up being isolated from her friends in a corner of the establishment. She is affectionate with her attention but when I try to push the envelope, she gets defensive. She asks me where I live and who I stay with. I invite her back to my place and she thinks I am moving to fast and only after one thing and blah blah blah.
She is sexy as hell, but quite possibly the most air-headed, conceited, woman I have ever met. It was cool having her take my hand and hold it, or rub it against her face, but she literally forgot i was there for 5-10 minutes as she practiced model poses in the mirror and took pictures of herself. I hang out with girls on a regular basis, so I know that females like picture time and get a little caught up. However, in this case, she was literally ignoring me to look at herself in the mirror.
Definitely zero % chance of a relationship with a low quality chick like that. Might take another shot later, but not in any rush with that one. We ended up going our separate ways when her friends left to go to another club and I went to meet up with my friends.
Went to a networking event mid-week last week with some friends. Ended up meeting a cutie at the bar who was tipsy but fun. Very flirtatious and friendly. Grabbed her # before she left. Her name was Arianna.
From here, I went to Underground Bar off Hubbard Street. Overrated if you ask me, but the kids like it so I went there. Bumped into a female friend of a friend, Shani, and we flirted and had fun talking to each other. She let me isolate her and kino her here and there so it looked like all systems go. I left her to go get a drink and bumped into this random girl I got a # from like a year and a half ago. I got her # and we never hung out and I think I texted her like 4 times maximum, but somehow she remembers my name. She was not attractive to me (I think I was drunk last time lol) so I grabbed her # again with no intention of calling it. However, the girl follows me back to my female friends and starts butting into my conversations with them and trying to befriend them.
The attention I am getting from the random chick throws off Shani I feel like, it eventually we all gravitate towards the bar and she is flirting with some random guy. I play it cool and post up and after 20 minutes or so, we are dancing together again. We start talking again and things turn more sexual. We were talking about masturbation, her favorite position, when was the last time she had sex (a long time ago) does she miss it, etc. I was kinoing her in the context of dancing, but when the convo got sexual, I should have pushed the envelope immediately... something like getting really up in her personal space so she can feel my intentions through her dress.
I remember going in for the kiss and getting stone cold rejected. She said something about 'hanging around guys and knowing all the moves'. Something about that line irritated me. I am looking for a girl that just wants to live in the moment and have fun. In my experiences, the girls that make you wait for a kiss when it seems natural are the ones that are trying to play by the rules so they can catch their prince charming. Although I am as charming as they come, I have no interest in jumping through hoops. Also, most of the girls that make you wait only do this so that you don't judge them negatively in terms of being wifey. I am not looking for wifey, so if a girl is playing those kind of games, we are starting off on the wrong foot already. Anyways, nothing comes of the night in the long run. I get her # before the night is over and call it a night eventually.
The next day (Friday) the 1st girl from the networking event texts me asking what I was doing. I told her I was going out for drinks with some coworkers after work @ Howl @ the Moon & that she should come with. She said she would be there. I get to the place around 5:45 and she is nowhere to be seen. Boo. Texted her and didn't get a response. Had fun with the coworkers, but ended up leaving because my night was a waste.
Walking to the bus stop on State Street when I get a text from Arianna saying that she is at Howl @ the Moon and wants to know where I am. I thought reallllly hard about going home but decided to go back to the venue for a bit. I texted her back saying I stepped out but I'll be back in 5-10 minutes.
I get there and bump into Arianna. She says Hi and then disappears to what I thought was the bathroom, so I am left to talk with her two female friends. After about 7 minutes minutes, one of the friends goes to look for her, so I am stuck making small talk with the other friend. After about 15 minutes, the friend I am with decides that she should go look for her as well. Definitely not a promising start to the night.
I walk back towards my coworker and see her chatting it up with this +40 year old guy. They made such an odd couple that she looked like a escort by comparison. I made my way back to my coworkers begrudgingly and got another drink.
Most of my coworkers had left or were leaving, so the only ones that remained were a guy coworker, a girl coworker, and the girl coworker's roommate. The guy coworker was getting somewhere with the female coworker's rooommate so I winged him for a bit and then talked to his girl for a bit when he went to grab a drink.
All in all, I talked to the two girls for about 30-40 minutes, and by this time, Arianna has gravitated back towards me. I see her out of the corner of my eye and stick my tongue out at her. She comes up and says hello and we talk for a while and her friends arrive. From there, we end up being isolated from her friends in a corner of the establishment. She is affectionate with her attention but when I try to push the envelope, she gets defensive. She asks me where I live and who I stay with. I invite her back to my place and she thinks I am moving to fast and only after one thing and blah blah blah.
She is sexy as hell, but quite possibly the most air-headed, conceited, woman I have ever met. It was cool having her take my hand and hold it, or rub it against her face, but she literally forgot i was there for 5-10 minutes as she practiced model poses in the mirror and took pictures of herself. I hang out with girls on a regular basis, so I know that females like picture time and get a little caught up. However, in this case, she was literally ignoring me to look at herself in the mirror.
Definitely zero % chance of a relationship with a low quality chick like that. Might take another shot later, but not in any rush with that one. We ended up going our separate ways when her friends left to go to another club and I went to meet up with my friends.
This week, Shani initiated texts with me a few times. I told her lets meet up for drinks downtown or my neighborhood. She was open to either one, so of course, I took the option that was closest to my apartment. This Wednesday, we went out for drinks and got a little buzz. While we were out @ the dive bar drinking, a girl who gets on at my bus stop was there and introduced herself to me. I am not attracted to the bus stop girl, but it is funny that every time I hang out with Shani, I bump into a girl from my past that I have no interest in. Shani probably thinks that a) I am a player and b) I have poor taste in women.
Anyways, after 3-4 drinks, me and Shani went back to my place and she sat in my lap for most of the time. Twice I picked her up and carried her to my bed in the back but she never stayed there long enough for me to ramp up the tension.
When announced that she was on her way home, I essentially just said fvck it and we had a makeout session. Some light petting over the clothes, nothing too raunchy. The next day, she texted me saying she had a good time and said that the next time, she won't keep me up as late, or she will hang out with me during my next day off. (A subtle way of inviting me to hangout with her during the day during the weekend. Not really what I wanna do at the moment so I laughed it off and told her I will figure out what to do next time.
Anyways, after 3-4 drinks, me and Shani went back to my place and she sat in my lap for most of the time. Twice I picked her up and carried her to my bed in the back but she never stayed there long enough for me to ramp up the tension.
When announced that she was on her way home, I essentially just said fvck it and we had a makeout session. Some light petting over the clothes, nothing too raunchy. The next day, she texted me saying she had a good time and said that the next time, she won't keep me up as late, or she will hang out with me during my next day off. (A subtle way of inviting me to hangout with her during the day during the weekend. Not really what I wanna do at the moment so I laughed it off and told her I will figure out what to do next time.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Anyways, that is a quick update on the randomness that has been going on recently. The main reason I am updating the journal today is because, for lack of a better word, I got stood up by a girl I haven't seen since January and it frustrated me.
A little backstory, we have been kicking it since 2012. We started kicking it heavy initially, but I was (and still am) seeing other girls at the time, so when she started getting a little clingy, I put some space between us. For most of 2013, we would get together like once a month or every two months, hang out for a few hours and then end up fvcking.
In 2014, she said one of her new years resolutions is no more sex with me. We hung out in mid-January and ended up fvcking anyways, but it was one of those nights where I didn't feel like a priority. Since we only kick it every month or two, I guess that is to be expected, but it was still a blow to my ego to be out on a 'date' and not have her undivided attention.
Since then, it has been like pulling teeth trying to get her to come out with me. She has flaked for legitimate reasons and questionable reasons about 4 times so far since we hung out in January. Today, we were scheduled to go to a show together. By the time she got there, it was at capacity... I asked her what she wanted to do and told her we can go out for a drink or hang another time. She chose hang another time because I had paid for a ticket already.
I asked her if she was sure and she said yeah. The venue was too full though and I couldn't hear what was going on because of the crowd noise, so 5-10 mins later when I found out she was still in the parking lot, I told her I am gonnna come out and meet her and we can go for a drink. She then tells me she already made other plans. I told her ok and that I will see her around.
It is frustrating for me to see where she is mentally know compared to where she used to be. After not hanging out for two months, she gets to the parking lot, with only a door separating the two of us, yet she would rather leave and find something else to do that night instead of hang with yours truly for a drink.... That is something that wouldn't have happened before.
I had been drinking a little, so my first idea was of course to overreact. I wasn't going to call her and cuss her out or anything... rather I was going to just delete her # and stop responding to her messages. That is still a last resort plan if things don't improve but for now, I am just going to disengage from her and search for something new. It is going to be tough because although she was clingy sometimes, I really liked the way she thought and expressed herself. Personally, I have a sneaky suspicion that she has fallen for someone but that is neither here nor there.
I knew this day would come when I decided that I was not interested in being in a relationship, but I guess eventually I convinced myself that she was just going to stick around and wait forever for me even though I am not going to be a boyfriend indefinitely.
I think that the biggest blow to me is my ego. When I had a shot at a relationship, I wasn't interested because the grass is greener and I don't like her more than I liked the idea of meeting new women and not being restricted. Now that I can't have her, I want her that much more, but I know deep down that once I get her again, things will revert to normal and I will be bored again.
A little backstory, we have been kicking it since 2012. We started kicking it heavy initially, but I was (and still am) seeing other girls at the time, so when she started getting a little clingy, I put some space between us. For most of 2013, we would get together like once a month or every two months, hang out for a few hours and then end up fvcking.
In 2014, she said one of her new years resolutions is no more sex with me. We hung out in mid-January and ended up fvcking anyways, but it was one of those nights where I didn't feel like a priority. Since we only kick it every month or two, I guess that is to be expected, but it was still a blow to my ego to be out on a 'date' and not have her undivided attention.
Since then, it has been like pulling teeth trying to get her to come out with me. She has flaked for legitimate reasons and questionable reasons about 4 times so far since we hung out in January. Today, we were scheduled to go to a show together. By the time she got there, it was at capacity... I asked her what she wanted to do and told her we can go out for a drink or hang another time. She chose hang another time because I had paid for a ticket already.
I asked her if she was sure and she said yeah. The venue was too full though and I couldn't hear what was going on because of the crowd noise, so 5-10 mins later when I found out she was still in the parking lot, I told her I am gonnna come out and meet her and we can go for a drink. She then tells me she already made other plans. I told her ok and that I will see her around.
It is frustrating for me to see where she is mentally know compared to where she used to be. After not hanging out for two months, she gets to the parking lot, with only a door separating the two of us, yet she would rather leave and find something else to do that night instead of hang with yours truly for a drink.... That is something that wouldn't have happened before.
I had been drinking a little, so my first idea was of course to overreact. I wasn't going to call her and cuss her out or anything... rather I was going to just delete her # and stop responding to her messages. That is still a last resort plan if things don't improve but for now, I am just going to disengage from her and search for something new. It is going to be tough because although she was clingy sometimes, I really liked the way she thought and expressed herself. Personally, I have a sneaky suspicion that she has fallen for someone but that is neither here nor there.
I knew this day would come when I decided that I was not interested in being in a relationship, but I guess eventually I convinced myself that she was just going to stick around and wait forever for me even though I am not going to be a boyfriend indefinitely.
I think that the biggest blow to me is my ego. When I had a shot at a relationship, I wasn't interested because the grass is greener and I don't like her more than I liked the idea of meeting new women and not being restricted. Now that I can't have her, I want her that much more, but I know deep down that once I get her again, things will revert to normal and I will be bored again.
^^^^Update
A few minutes after writing that post last week, Madeleine, the girl in question, offered for me to come out with her and her two friends. We have never hung out with other people, and the fact that she wanted to bring two friends made me nervous about slipping more into the role of no-sex between us.
Later in the week, she messaged me saying we should go out for drinks Friday (which is now yesterday) to make up for last week. I declined that as well after some thought. I felt some type of way after finding out she was dipping to hang with friends so I shouldn't have her as a priority at the moment.
Online presence
I have accounts on tinder/okcupid/badoo. Got a few phone #s but nothing other than that. I need to take some more pictures and update my profile I think because I am waaay too cute for the lukewarm responses I have been getting online smh.
Don't want to invest any real time in online dating sites though, that is just for freebies. Also, for chicks that might see me out and might want to say hello but are to shy to do it IRL. Sounds like a slim chance, but in my experiences, I've approached girls randomly, and they are like, "I remember you from XYZ and I thought you were cute" so now, if I don't get around to approaching those females, they can hit me up online.
Clubbing last week
Anyways, last Saturday, I went out for a friend's birthday at a local club. Grabbed two #s but didn't follow up with either one of them. Partially because I was feeling lazy, but also because I was thinking negatively and assumed it wouldn't go anywhere. Not quite sure how/why that idea came up, but it was gnawing away and prevented me from texting until recently. No response from the one girl I texted as of yet (the 2nd cuter girl, I forget her name and don't feel like texting every female in my phone to find her because the convo wasn't that great).
Kicking it
Hadn't heard back from Shani since we made out at my place last time. She was definitely showing interest before so it was kind of a surprise. I send a feeler text on Thursday asking her what the plan was for the weekend. She tells me she has plans for Saturday she is trying to get out of and also might go out for drinks later at night. I remember then that I kinda have plans Saturday so she counteroffers to hang out on Friday.
Friday rolls around, I get a text making sure that we are still on and that nothing came up (always a sign of high interest imo). After I knock off work I have an hour to kill before we are scheduled to hang out. I walk aimlessly up and down State Street (one of the busiest streets in downtown Chicago) a few times. It has been so long since I have done because of the cold weather and it felt good. Got some decent eye contact a few times, and if I was feeling more confident I could've done a few approaches as well. I plan on getting out in the field some more as the weather gets warmer and putting in work.
So yeah, Shani comes and scoops me up in her car. She doesn't have a plan even though she invited me out so I throw out a few ideas. We settle for bowling and head to the neighborhood bowling alley. We grab a bite to eat in the bowling alley first, which in retrospect, felt a bit too much like a date. Not sure if I want to do that in the future and give girls the wrong impression that I am trying to be 'that dude' in their life.
After that we bowl (I win all three games, boooyah!) and then we head to a nearby bar and have a few drinks. I guide the conversation towards a more sexual nature here and she isn't backing down. Looking back though, I should have picked a better seating arrangement. We were across a table so there was no kino although there could've/should've been.
But yeah, we are talking talking talking and she talks about how she was interested in me but was nervous since I didn't text her for a week. This provides me with an opportunity to set the frame and I mention how I didn't want to give the impression that I was trying to be a boyfriend or anything so I decided to back off a little bit with her. Setting the tone of not wanting to be a bf is something I've learned saves me a lot of trouble in the long run.
Anyways, after a few drinks, I tell her that this is our last drink because we can head back to my place and drink for free (lol). We head back to my place and we make out once or twice as she is sitting in my lap as we sip in alcohol. She makes a comment about my lack of multiple seats in my apartment and I tell her we should go lay on the bed instead.
We head to my bed and start making out under the covers. That leads to some heavy foreplay. She says, "We shouldn't be doing this" once or twice but I would escalate when she said that and she would gasp and stop protesting. We smash, and then literally two minutes after we finish, she goes, "So are you going to stop talking to me completely now?" and proceeded to tell me how she likes me more than she should and should've made me wait longer. I tried to give her a lecture about sounding confident and having more to offer than just sex but I think it fell on deaf ears lol. We fvcked about 3 times that night and then she had to head home.
Thoughts
- I liked the sex with Shani and she is not bad to be around so I am not gonna ONS her. Will probably turn her into a FB that I do not kick out @ the end of the night. Still though, definitely concerning that she seems to have caught feelings already. Will keep an eye on that.
- I need to remember to think positively in terms of my approach to females. Negative thinking is detrimental to my success, and you never know whether someone actually likes you or not until you
- It really was my ego more than anything that had me caught up on Madeleine. (and good sex) but the interaction with Shani definitely took Madeleine down a notch. Madeleine is cool to be around, but I only think about her when I am lonely/horny and when that feeling disappears, often, so does my interest. Kinda sucks but that is where I am in life with most of my female interactions. Looking to hopefully turn that around eventually.
A few minutes after writing that post last week, Madeleine, the girl in question, offered for me to come out with her and her two friends. We have never hung out with other people, and the fact that she wanted to bring two friends made me nervous about slipping more into the role of no-sex between us.
Later in the week, she messaged me saying we should go out for drinks Friday (which is now yesterday) to make up for last week. I declined that as well after some thought. I felt some type of way after finding out she was dipping to hang with friends so I shouldn't have her as a priority at the moment.
Online presence
I have accounts on tinder/okcupid/badoo. Got a few phone #s but nothing other than that. I need to take some more pictures and update my profile I think because I am waaay too cute for the lukewarm responses I have been getting online smh.
Don't want to invest any real time in online dating sites though, that is just for freebies. Also, for chicks that might see me out and might want to say hello but are to shy to do it IRL. Sounds like a slim chance, but in my experiences, I've approached girls randomly, and they are like, "I remember you from XYZ and I thought you were cute" so now, if I don't get around to approaching those females, they can hit me up online.
Clubbing last week
Anyways, last Saturday, I went out for a friend's birthday at a local club. Grabbed two #s but didn't follow up with either one of them. Partially because I was feeling lazy, but also because I was thinking negatively and assumed it wouldn't go anywhere. Not quite sure how/why that idea came up, but it was gnawing away and prevented me from texting until recently. No response from the one girl I texted as of yet (the 2nd cuter girl, I forget her name and don't feel like texting every female in my phone to find her because the convo wasn't that great).
Kicking it
Hadn't heard back from Shani since we made out at my place last time. She was definitely showing interest before so it was kind of a surprise. I send a feeler text on Thursday asking her what the plan was for the weekend. She tells me she has plans for Saturday she is trying to get out of and also might go out for drinks later at night. I remember then that I kinda have plans Saturday so she counteroffers to hang out on Friday.
Friday rolls around, I get a text making sure that we are still on and that nothing came up (always a sign of high interest imo). After I knock off work I have an hour to kill before we are scheduled to hang out. I walk aimlessly up and down State Street (one of the busiest streets in downtown Chicago) a few times. It has been so long since I have done because of the cold weather and it felt good. Got some decent eye contact a few times, and if I was feeling more confident I could've done a few approaches as well. I plan on getting out in the field some more as the weather gets warmer and putting in work.
So yeah, Shani comes and scoops me up in her car. She doesn't have a plan even though she invited me out so I throw out a few ideas. We settle for bowling and head to the neighborhood bowling alley. We grab a bite to eat in the bowling alley first, which in retrospect, felt a bit too much like a date. Not sure if I want to do that in the future and give girls the wrong impression that I am trying to be 'that dude' in their life.
After that we bowl (I win all three games, boooyah!) and then we head to a nearby bar and have a few drinks. I guide the conversation towards a more sexual nature here and she isn't backing down. Looking back though, I should have picked a better seating arrangement. We were across a table so there was no kino although there could've/should've been.
But yeah, we are talking talking talking and she talks about how she was interested in me but was nervous since I didn't text her for a week. This provides me with an opportunity to set the frame and I mention how I didn't want to give the impression that I was trying to be a boyfriend or anything so I decided to back off a little bit with her. Setting the tone of not wanting to be a bf is something I've learned saves me a lot of trouble in the long run.
Anyways, after a few drinks, I tell her that this is our last drink because we can head back to my place and drink for free (lol). We head back to my place and we make out once or twice as she is sitting in my lap as we sip in alcohol. She makes a comment about my lack of multiple seats in my apartment and I tell her we should go lay on the bed instead.
We head to my bed and start making out under the covers. That leads to some heavy foreplay. She says, "We shouldn't be doing this" once or twice but I would escalate when she said that and she would gasp and stop protesting. We smash, and then literally two minutes after we finish, she goes, "So are you going to stop talking to me completely now?" and proceeded to tell me how she likes me more than she should and should've made me wait longer. I tried to give her a lecture about sounding confident and having more to offer than just sex but I think it fell on deaf ears lol. We fvcked about 3 times that night and then she had to head home.
Thoughts
- I liked the sex with Shani and she is not bad to be around so I am not gonna ONS her. Will probably turn her into a FB that I do not kick out @ the end of the night. Still though, definitely concerning that she seems to have caught feelings already. Will keep an eye on that.
- I need to remember to think positively in terms of my approach to females. Negative thinking is detrimental to my success, and you never know whether someone actually likes you or not until you
- It really was my ego more than anything that had me caught up on Madeleine. (and good sex) but the interaction with Shani definitely took Madeleine down a notch. Madeleine is cool to be around, but I only think about her when I am lonely/horny and when that feeling disappears, often, so does my interest. Kinda sucks but that is where I am in life with most of my female interactions. Looking to hopefully turn that around eventually.
Saturday I went out for drinks with friends. Shani was there and I ended up going home with her, but there was also another girl there I am familiar with named Connie.
The backstory with Connie is that we kicked it a few times last year. Introduced her to my pack of friends (mostly female) and towards the end of the last year, we fvcked. Unfortunately, my friends liked her and started inviting her wherever I was going to be. I never liked the idea of bringing sand to the beach and I really didn't like not being able to control when I would see Connie, so we pretty much stopped hanging out.
Anyways, after seeing Connie on Saturday, she texts me on Sunday saying we should talk. Earlier today, we went to a local watering hole and chatted a bit. Basically, she wanted to know why we stopped hanging out and stuff. Said that it seemed like because I stopped contacting her after sex it was weird and she thought we were friends and blah blah blah. I don't mind being her friend but the argument was clearly not about our friendship but moreso about me not hanging out with her after we fvcked. We can go back to hanging out but we are probably going to end up fvcking again. I don't dislike her or anything, but I have other plates that I have more fun hanging around and/or have better chemistry with. C'est la vie.
Also, randomly when I got home from hanging with Connie, Megan called me to say hello. We fell off pretty quickly when we hung out, but over the last year and a half, I do get random calls and we hang out occasionally whenever her and her boyfriend are going through something. It is weird because we never fvcked and she is a self-proclaimed reformed promiscuous woman.
Well anyways, in today's call, I found out she might be getting married this weekend to the guy she has been with since we stopped hanging out in 2012. It has been planned for a while and from the sound of things, she is getting cold feet perhaps? She invited me to invite her to go for a drink tomorrow so I obliged. I have little/no interest in stealing her from him, but I wouldn't mind fvcking her I suppose. Not interested in being caught up in a love triangle or anything though. Never really had stuff in common with her...
I've got plans for the rest of the week now. I will try and update during the weekend if anything interesting transpires.
The backstory with Connie is that we kicked it a few times last year. Introduced her to my pack of friends (mostly female) and towards the end of the last year, we fvcked. Unfortunately, my friends liked her and started inviting her wherever I was going to be. I never liked the idea of bringing sand to the beach and I really didn't like not being able to control when I would see Connie, so we pretty much stopped hanging out.
Anyways, after seeing Connie on Saturday, she texts me on Sunday saying we should talk. Earlier today, we went to a local watering hole and chatted a bit. Basically, she wanted to know why we stopped hanging out and stuff. Said that it seemed like because I stopped contacting her after sex it was weird and she thought we were friends and blah blah blah. I don't mind being her friend but the argument was clearly not about our friendship but moreso about me not hanging out with her after we fvcked. We can go back to hanging out but we are probably going to end up fvcking again. I don't dislike her or anything, but I have other plates that I have more fun hanging around and/or have better chemistry with. C'est la vie.
Also, randomly when I got home from hanging with Connie, Megan called me to say hello. We fell off pretty quickly when we hung out, but over the last year and a half, I do get random calls and we hang out occasionally whenever her and her boyfriend are going through something. It is weird because we never fvcked and she is a self-proclaimed reformed promiscuous woman.
Well anyways, in today's call, I found out she might be getting married this weekend to the guy she has been with since we stopped hanging out in 2012. It has been planned for a while and from the sound of things, she is getting cold feet perhaps? She invited me to invite her to go for a drink tomorrow so I obliged. I have little/no interest in stealing her from him, but I wouldn't mind fvcking her I suppose. Not interested in being caught up in a love triangle or anything though. Never really had stuff in common with her...
I've got plans for the rest of the week now. I will try and update during the weekend if anything interesting transpires.
Went clubbing on Saturday. Got two numbers and made out with a chick for most of the night. Trying to get back in the habit of calling girls to display interest so I did that on Sunday. Got a voicemail message from the girl I met first, and left a message. No response yet in 24 hours.
With the other girl I made out with, we talked for about a minute before she said she was at a friends house but will call me back later. Didn't call me back but did text me around lunch this today. Not really impressed with either result so far.
I did call another number last night that went better fwiw. She was a girl I met at a neighborhood bar a few weeks ago. We texted a bit but things kinda fell to the wayside. We talked for about 5-10 minutes and she basically told me her scheduled is wide open for me to plan something this week. I have social plans every day of the week except Thursday so I was unsure if I want her to tag along to a social event or just schedule something for Thursday instead.
Definitely need to grow a pair and call all future numbers that I get.
With the other girl I made out with, we talked for about a minute before she said she was at a friends house but will call me back later. Didn't call me back but did text me around lunch this today. Not really impressed with either result so far.
I did call another number last night that went better fwiw. She was a girl I met at a neighborhood bar a few weeks ago. We texted a bit but things kinda fell to the wayside. We talked for about 5-10 minutes and she basically told me her scheduled is wide open for me to plan something this week. I have social plans every day of the week except Thursday so I was unsure if I want her to tag along to a social event or just schedule something for Thursday instead.
Definitely need to grow a pair and call all future numbers that I get.
I have been meaning to write this post but I never got around to doing it until now.
I am at a weird place in my life right now. Growing up, I never had an in-depth relationship with any of the girls that I had been with, so a year or two ago, I decided that since I eventually would like to get married, instead of focusing on creating the initial spark, I should focus more on sustaining interest/attraction.
Since then, I have been in two MLTRs for over a year. However, so far in 2014 I have lost one of MLTRs. We stopped hanging out really... We used to have great conversations but things kinda devolved into just meeting up to have sex it felt like according to her.
What else... A girl I had sex with confronted me about not contacting her at all after we had sex. I literally lost all interest in her after we had sex. If I am honest with myself, I never was really interested in her, but that really came to the surface after we had sex.
Also, with another girl, for the first time in a while I have a fvckbuddy relationship w/ a girl. Aka I have no interest in her other than sex. We literally have nothing to talk about before/after having sex and so I am either counting down the time until we have sex or counting down the time until she leaves. It is an unfulfilling relationship when I think about it.
Regarding my top plate, although I sincerely like spending time with her, she has noticed a change in my level of interest towards her. I feel like I am burnt out on affection which sucks because I used to really like being affectionate. I think that part of the problem I am having is that being in someone's life gives 'meaning' to my actions that I would prefer to avoid. For example, if I meet a new girl and she invites me to a party that her friends are throwing, that is something I would attend, but if my plate invited me to the same thing, that is something that I would reject because in that instance I am filling the 'boyfriend' role and doing that consistently to my plate is a slippery slope that will eventually lead to a confrontation.
I avoid situations like this as much as possible, but as a result, I feel like I am short-changing the girls who prove themselves to be quality. I like doing fun things with new girls because it feels good but I avoid doing those things with plates because it makes me feel not-so-good because I feel like I am leading them on. But then the catch-22 is that the plates aren't getting the full-macallik experience that unproven new girls get, so I feel not-so-good about that as well.
I am unsure what steps to take to right the ship. To be honest, I am still not sure what I am expecting out of a relationship at the moment. So far, the only things I can come up with are to:
1). Focus on fvcking women I am extremely attracted to: I am not ready for a relationship yet but I do still want that. Chasing hot chicks should keep me preoccupied until I figure out what direction I want to go.
2.) Focus on meeting women I have more stuff in common with: Part of the problem I think I am encountering is that my ex-top tier plate didn't have as much in common as I thought. If I find someone I have more in common with, then I will be more keen to spend time with them, right?
3.) Venn-diagramming the sh!t out of points 1 and 2.
I am at a weird place in my life right now. Growing up, I never had an in-depth relationship with any of the girls that I had been with, so a year or two ago, I decided that since I eventually would like to get married, instead of focusing on creating the initial spark, I should focus more on sustaining interest/attraction.
Since then, I have been in two MLTRs for over a year. However, so far in 2014 I have lost one of MLTRs. We stopped hanging out really... We used to have great conversations but things kinda devolved into just meeting up to have sex it felt like according to her.
What else... A girl I had sex with confronted me about not contacting her at all after we had sex. I literally lost all interest in her after we had sex. If I am honest with myself, I never was really interested in her, but that really came to the surface after we had sex.
Also, with another girl, for the first time in a while I have a fvckbuddy relationship w/ a girl. Aka I have no interest in her other than sex. We literally have nothing to talk about before/after having sex and so I am either counting down the time until we have sex or counting down the time until she leaves. It is an unfulfilling relationship when I think about it.
Regarding my top plate, although I sincerely like spending time with her, she has noticed a change in my level of interest towards her. I feel like I am burnt out on affection which sucks because I used to really like being affectionate. I think that part of the problem I am having is that being in someone's life gives 'meaning' to my actions that I would prefer to avoid. For example, if I meet a new girl and she invites me to a party that her friends are throwing, that is something I would attend, but if my plate invited me to the same thing, that is something that I would reject because in that instance I am filling the 'boyfriend' role and doing that consistently to my plate is a slippery slope that will eventually lead to a confrontation.
I avoid situations like this as much as possible, but as a result, I feel like I am short-changing the girls who prove themselves to be quality. I like doing fun things with new girls because it feels good but I avoid doing those things with plates because it makes me feel not-so-good because I feel like I am leading them on. But then the catch-22 is that the plates aren't getting the full-macallik experience that unproven new girls get, so I feel not-so-good about that as well.
I am unsure what steps to take to right the ship. To be honest, I am still not sure what I am expecting out of a relationship at the moment. So far, the only things I can come up with are to:
1). Focus on fvcking women I am extremely attracted to: I am not ready for a relationship yet but I do still want that. Chasing hot chicks should keep me preoccupied until I figure out what direction I want to go.
2.) Focus on meeting women I have more stuff in common with: Part of the problem I think I am encountering is that my ex-top tier plate didn't have as much in common as I thought. If I find someone I have more in common with, then I will be more keen to spend time with them, right?
3.) Venn-diagramming the sh!t out of points 1 and 2.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.