Wife accused me of cheating? Did I overreact?

[way2smart]

So wife finds women's sunglasses in glovebox in her car and starts accusing me that I am cheating on her.
I have no idea where those came from. I never cheated on my wife. There was also another incident 2 months ago where she found a lipstick in her car and also accused me of cheating.

So this last time I came home very tired and she starts accusing me of cheating again after finding sunglasses, so I said stop with this "bull****", I said "I didn't cheat on you, I am too tired for this stuff now, if you want to leave me there's the door".

So she picked up my daughter and left. It's been about a week since then.

I don't know what to make of this? Did I overreact? should I have tried to persuade her somehow that I didn't cheat.

What I am thinking is maybe there's some third party who is trying to break my family apart, probably one of my exes. Maybe someone intentionally putting stuff in my wife's car in an attempt to break my family apart? I don't know what to make of this. I never cheated on my wife.

 

[lgbs2004]

maybe there's some third party who is trying to break my family apart,

Or maybe she's the one cheating and is trying to flip the script on you to pose as the victim

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Or maybe she's the one cheating and is trying to flip the script on you to pose as the victim

This is a common gaslighting tactic, they will do something wrong, and literally accuse you of doing that exact thing they're doing. Amazing.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if his wife put the sunglasses in the car herself.

She was likely cheating. Your reaction was perfectly fine, the fact that she left and it's been a week tells me she just wanted a story in her head so she could rationalize her sh!t behavior.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

2 options:

1. She's cheating on you and projecting, plus looking for an excuse to leave you.

2. She's lost her mind and thinks her own sunglasses and lipstick are someone elses.

Basically this, she's either cheating or forming her own causes belli to leave the marriage.

 

[Murk]

Or maybe she's not cheating, but definitely wants a reason to divorce you.

Either way she planted those items there.

 

[jimwho]

I like the part about this site where we're so in tune with BS. Women that wear sunglasses would not put them in a glove box or forget them. And what woman puts on lipstick then doesn't drop it in her purse? Why would she find sht in "her" car, shouldn't it be in his car. What a Dingbat! Columbo.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Or maybe she's not cheating, but definitely wants a reason to divorce you.

Either way she planted those items there.

Cheaters are the first ones to accuse someone else of cheating lol

 

[manfrombelow]

If OP is not making this up, then I agree his wife is either cheating herself (and making excuses to leave the relationship as an innocent victim) or mentally insane.

However it's very likely to be the former.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

This is definitely strange. Having been married in a bedroom dead marriage I think I’ve been exposed to crazy ****.

If you didn’t cheat this makes zero sense.

The fact she’s left with no word is crazy.

 

[Scars]

Most likely planted them herself and using it as an excuse to leave you. It's already been a week, keep going NC. If she still doesn't reach out after a few more weeks, then she 100% was just looking for a reason to leave you. Any rational female will at least want "answers" or respond to NC after awhile. The fact that she left so quickly and willingly without putting up much of a fight is a red flag. I'd chalk it up as a loss and continue living your life, this woman sounds like a massive manipulator and she probably did you a favor.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She took your daughter and been gone a week with no word where she is or if she is coming back? That could be considered kidnapping and you can file a police report. Likely illegal. Depending on country of course...in the US definitely illegal.


IMHO, I think there is more to this story than OP is letting on.

 

[xplt]

The fact that she „found“ things twice in her car and left without hesitation would make me very suspicious.
Do you even use her car?

 

[bat soup]

So wife finds women's sunglasses in glovebox in her car and starts accusing me that I am cheating on her.
I have no idea where those came from. I never cheated on my wife. There was also another incident 2 months ago where she found a lipstick in her car and also accused me of cheating.

So this last time I came home very tired and she starts accusing me of cheating again after finding sunglasses, so I said stop with this "bull****", I said "I didn't cheat on you, I am too tired for this stuff now, if you want to leave me there's the door".

So she picked up my daughter and left. It's been about a week since then.

I don't know what to make of this? Did I overreact? should I have tried to persuade her somehow that I didn't cheat.

What I am thinking is maybe there's some third party who is trying to break my family apart, probably one of my exes. Maybe someone intentionally putting stuff in my wife's car in an attempt to break my family apart? I don't know what to make of this. I never cheated on my wife.

It could be that she wanted an excuse to go off and bang another guy that she's met. Or that she's banging some other guy already and wants people to see her as the victim.

It seems pretty odd to me that someone could plant these things in her car if they don't have the keys.

 

[SW15]

I never cheated on my wife.

That's good. File for divorce now and get a good lawyer. Your relationship is too unstable for it to survive at this point. Nothing else matters.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

So wife finds women's sunglasses in glovebox in her car and starts accusing me that I am cheating on her.
I have no idea where those came from. I never cheated on my wife. There was also another incident 2 months ago where she found a lipstick in her car and also accused me of cheating.

So this last time I came home very tired and she starts accusing me of cheating again after finding sunglasses, so I said stop with this "bull****", I said "I didn't cheat on you, I am too tired for this stuff now, if you want to leave me there's the door".

So she picked up my daughter and left. It's been about a week since then.

I don't know what to make of this? Did I overreact? should I have tried to persuade her somehow that I didn't cheat.

What I am thinking is maybe there's some third party who is trying to break my family apart, probably one of my exes. Maybe someone intentionally putting stuff in my wife's car in an attempt to break my family apart? I don't know what to make of this. I never cheated on my wife.

Like the other guys says; she is gaslighting you because she is the one that is cheating you and as she of course is concerned that you ever find out about it she will turn the table on you to make you feel guilty. Oldest trick ever which many women use...

Most likely planted them herself and using it as an excuse to leave you.

Yes, that sounds like very plausible thing.

 

[dude99]

So wife finds women's sunglasses in glovebox in her car and starts accusing me that I am cheating on her.
I have no idea where those came from. I never cheated on my wife. There was also another incident 2 months ago where she found a lipstick in her car and also accused me of cheating.

So this last time I came home very tired and she starts accusing me of cheating again after finding sunglasses, so I said stop with this "bull****", I said "I didn't cheat on you, I am too tired for this stuff now, if you want to leave me there's the door".

So she picked up my daughter and left. It's been about a week since then.

I don't know what to make of this? Did I overreact? should I have tried to persuade her somehow that I didn't cheat.

What I am thinking is maybe there's some third party who is trying to break my family apart, probably one of my exes. Maybe someone intentionally putting stuff in my wife's car in an attempt to break my family apart? I don't know what to make of this. I never cheated on my wife.

She is cheating on you and planned this by staging the lipstick and the glasses.

Contact a lawyer she is most likely branch swinging and getting ready to marriage rape you.

 

[RangerMIke]

Or maybe she's the one cheating and is trying to flip the script on you to pose as the victim

Sadly this is often the truth.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She is cheating on you and planned this by staging the lipstick and the glasses.

Contact a lawyer she is most likely branch swinging and getting ready to marriage rape you.

The person with the most money prior to the marriage gets raped, has nothing to do with gender.

 

[Barrister]

The other guys already nailed this: she has cheated on you and is now trying to get you to admit you have done it yourself so she feels better about herself. Guarantee that at a bare minimum she is emotionally engaged with another man and a sexual encounter is imminent if it has not already happened yet. This is also why you haven't heard from her in a week -- she is preoccupied with the other guy who she is into and has no time to think about you.

As an aside, do something NOW if you care about seeing your daughter at all once the divorce is filed. The longer you wait on this the harder a time you will have seeing her on a regular basis for a meaningful amount of time.

Edit: Also - remember the principle of parsimony - the easiest explanation (the above) is often the correct one. Not a wacky, hard to fathom one like someone planting stuff in your wife's car.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well many of the theories espouse here are certainly plausible, but every situation is different. Has she displayed any mental health issues in the past? Is she on antidepressants? Has she changed birth control? Does she have any hormonal issues? How old is she? How old is your child? Do you know where she and your child or staying? Can you see charges that she’s making on jointly held credit cards or debit cards or any other financial instruments?