Why the Scarcity Mindset is the worst thing a man can catch

[Bokanovsky]

I haven't all women say stuff like that to me but I've had it occur several times. It's got nothing to do with vibe or charisma or any such nonsense, these women most likely legitimately believe these things.

No dude, they are saying it to take you down a notch. Pipeman is right. Something about your demeanor signals that it’s okay to mess with you. I’ve never had a b!tch tell me that I have a dad bod…lol. If this happened, I’d probably have a big laugh about it…and then tear down her appearance in a particularly nasty way.

 

[sangheilios]

No dude, they are saying it to take you down a notch. Pipeman is right. Something about your demeanor signals that it’s okay to mess with you. I’ve never had a b!tch tell me that I have a dad bod…lol. If this happened, I’d probably have a big laugh about it…and then tear down her appearance in a particularly nasty way.

There is no such thing as game. When women make comments like this it's either an attempt to tear you down, as you mentioned, OR they legitimately believe that. A lot of the posters on here severely underestimate the degree of pickiness many women have towards men. These women could also just be delusional/nuts, lesbians or simply not attracted to men that they do this to in order to validate why they aren't interested. I've had women, those that I was not interested in, point out an obese woman and tell me that is my league. Do you think they are doing this to mess with me or because they actually believe that? This one I'm not so sure of but I genuinely feel that they believe this stuff based upon what I've seen.

I've literally said things like "you realize I'm taller and in better shape than any man you are going to date, right?". The thing is, you really don't want to respond to stuff like this from women, it shows that they are getting under your skin but it also makes you look like a tool depending upon how you specifically react to it. I feel it's better to just ignore it and avoid that woman, easy solution.

With that said, I believe that the more insecure a woman feels around a man the more likely she would be to make remarks like this. Here's a good scenario that I can cite from many years ago. I had met this cute asian girl in 2018 when I was out on a friday with a group of people. Anyway, we later met up on a first date to go mini golfing together, it's cheap and laid back. We were waiting for a group of people ahead of us to finish the course and she randomly asks me how many relationships I've had.

Now why do you think she is doing this?

It's because there's a very likely possibility that she is afraid of getting involved with a man that is a "player" and she is feeling it out. Maybe she had been cheated on in the past or has been pumped and dumped one too many times. Depending upon the answer itself, as well as how I go about it, will possibly give her some insight into this.

Another strategy that I've seen insecure women use on men is to make comments or behave in a way to lessen them internally. I knew a guy that was in a relationship with a woman and she said to him that she could "go on a dating app and have him replaced in a week".

Now why do you think this is?

It's because when women do this it potentially puts them in a position of power in the relationship. This may prevent them from getting cheated on or getting dumped by the guy, etc.

It's got nothing to do with game and simply related to the woman you are involved with, what her internal motivations are and how you behave in the interaction.

I also feel that whenever women act like this you should just assume they are crazy or simply not attracted to you. There is no sense debating it, you simply next these women and move on with your life instead, easy solution.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

ok.. but the scarcity mindset IS the inherent natural state of a guy who is not currently having options. Like... what is the alternative? Monk mode?

 

[Divorced w 3]

ok.. but the scarcity mindset IS the inherent natural state of a guy who is not currently having options. Like... what is the alternative? Monk mode?

The alternative is go out and start creating options

 

[pipeman84]

I've literally said things like "you realize I'm taller and in better shape than any man you are going to date, right?".

If you drive a Ferrari, and invite someone for a ride around town and he says: 'what's with this sh!tty car you're driving', do you a) start explaining: man, are you blind? this is a Ferrari, it's this year, this horsepower, cost me this much yadda yadda or b) simply ignore him and drive away.

I knew a guy that was in a relationship with a woman and she said to him that she could "go on a dating app and have him replaced in a week".

Now why do you think this is?

Because he was a beta with no self-respect (if he had any he wouldn't even date that kind of woman, let alone getting into a relationship with her) and she was a low quality woman walking all over him.

 

[Divorced w 3]

There's definitely a lot of truth to this.

Very few men legitimately will only go for super hot women well beyond their actual level, this does happen but it's fairly rare. Most men would be totally fine going for their looks match or even dating down, sometimes by quite a bit. In fact, there are many men who have virtually no standards at all. Very unattractive women will have options, if a woman is chronically single or struggles to land men for a relationship there is something wrong with HER. Most guys are willing to put up with a lot if there is a chance at a relationship, this will vary depending upon the overall desperation of the man and/or the degree of attraction he has towards the woman in question.

The dating market is also substantially different now than it was for men of generations past. Many baby boomer men that ended up getting married and having children would quite literally be incels in today's world. The expectations that men need to live up to are far loftier now than what they went through. Back then, if you were a normal guy that had a job you could land a woman that was roughly your looks match. There are tons of men in this "average and normal" category that struggle in the dating world. Yes, some of this could be due to poor "game" or life circumstances but it's also heavily due to the standards women have and the overall dating market.

I use myself as an example. I've said this a million times, but I'm 6'4" and 235-240 and one of the fittest guys at any gym I'll go to naturally. I'm easily in the top 5% of men, for my actual age it's even more unusual. Anyway, I've had women tell me I have a "dad bod" or criticize my appearance. I've been rejected by average women many times and had no success on dating apps or sites. The vast majority of men are not 6'+ or in really good shape, so what does this say about the overall dating market as a whole and how women often view men? Are all women like this, absolutely not, but enough of them are where it's both directly and indirectly an issue. Lets' say 25% of women have this mindset, this renders even more men incapable of finding a match and the normal women that are available are either locked up or become entitled due to the sheer amount of desperation from men that have gone months or years with no success.

We can debate this all day long, but this is the reality of the modern dating market. I really think the only thing to do is accept it for what it is and learn how to navigate it to the best of your ability. I believe that the market is hyper competitive and that you need to have a lot going for you to have success, or at the very least pretend that you do lol. This could involve being on point with fitness, finances, etc. but there is only so much you can realistcally achieve here. I also beleive that it may be better for men to simply check out all together or just put very little thought into the dating market and just living life. I actually see this latter option becoming more and more the norm.

6’4 235-240, they’re probably not wrong about your dad bod, otherwise you better be benching 400.

I am 6’3, and at the peak of my physical this summer I was 215, 12% BF, not quite ripped but defined,. I

So you’re either a body builder or you’re fat, and you have to be honest with yourself about it.

 

[sangheilios]

If you drive a Ferrari, and invite someone for a ride around town and he says: 'what's with this sh!tty car you're driving', do you a) start explaining: man, are you blind? this is a Ferrari, it's this year, this horsepower, cost me this much yadda yadda or b) simply ignore him and drive away.


Because he was a beta with no self-respect (if he had any he wouldn't even date that kind of woman, let alone getting into a relationship with her) and she was a low quality woman walking all over him.

I also had mentioned it's not good to respond like that too frequently because it makes you look bad. As I mentioned, I have made comments like that but I feel it's better to just ignore it. I also agree with your comment about the second example I provided. The point I'm getting at is we could spend hours debating about why a woman is doing or saying certain things when at the end of the day it's just better that we assume she is not something you should have around.

 

[Mike32ct]

ok.. but the scarcity mindset IS the inherent natural state of a guy who is not currently having options. Like... what is the alternative? Monk mode?

I think the problem is that a guy without current options (that he is aware of) would feel like he's being delusional if he tries to force an abundance mindset.

 

[sangheilios]

6’4 235-240, they’re probably not wrong about your dad bod, otherwise you better be benching 400.

I am 6’3, and at the peak of my physical this summer I was 215, 12% BF, not quite ripped but defined,. I

So you’re either a body builder or you’re fat, and you have to be honest with yourself about it.

I probably have a bigger frame than you, I have very broad shoulders, etc. I also have very developed legs and glutes, which is something most men lack and will easily add 10-15 pounds on you. My resting heart rate is in the mid 50s right now and yesterday I was doing volume work with 30 pounds added on both chin ups and dips. I also do a ton of sled work in the gym, I'll literally be borderline running with a sled that weighs over 300 pounds and at the end of my workout, after other lower body work (hip thrusts, glute ham raises, etc.) I'll do sets of backwards sled drag with 500-600 pounds for 25 yards. I also can go hiking for hours on end, etc. I used to be really into swimming and would do that for well over an hour at a time. I'm not a bodybuilder, I've never touched steroids, but I'm well above average compared to men that go to the gym, and I'm almost 33.

Also, Tom Brady weighs over 220 and he isn't a big guy at all.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I've had women, those that I was not interested in, point out an obese woman and tell me that is my league. Do you think they are doing this to mess with me or because they actually believe that?

I think maybe

A) She´s delusional, she actually believes it
B) She´s lashing out becasue she knows you are not into her.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I've literally said things like "you realize I'm taller and in better shape than any man you are going to date, right?".

Not very Suave but I bet those b1tches had it coming

 

[Dr.Suave]

Another strategy that I've seen insecure women use on men is to make comments or behave in a way to lessen them internally. I knew a guy that was in a relationship with a woman and she said to him that she could "go on a dating app and have him replaced in a week".

Now why do you think this is?

Probably a test. Either her attraction was not that high to begin with or it started decreasing because of something he said or did, so she started testing.

 

[sangheilios]

I think the problem is that a guy without current options (that he is aware of) would feel like he's being delusional if he tries to force an abundance mindset.

I think a way to create an abundance mindset without actually having multiple options is to just have other things going on in your life. Think about it, why would you be busy chasing some bimbo when you have things going on that are of huge importance to you. Maybe you are aspiring to be a physician assistant and are grinding away at school. Maybe you are really into endurance races and training for an ironman event? Maybe you love playing in a band and spend hours practicing on the electric guitar. Maybe you are in a competitive career and you are going into overtime to achieve your goals. What I'm saying is that if you have a lot of things going on you really wouldn't have the time or energy for chasing some stupid female who chances are is completely ordinary lol.

I think it's important for men to have goals and aspirations in life, or at the very least pursue things that they are passionate about or enjoy. I also feel that being challenged in some form or another is important for men and I believe that as a collective we'd be much happier for it. There's a reason why video games are so particularly popular for young men/boys, and it's because they are providing an adventure that has goals and tasks you need to accomplish, new places to explore, etc.

 

[sangheilios]

Not very Suave but I bet those b1tches had it coming

As I had mentioned to the other poster, I feel it's better to not make remarks like that in response to things that a woman may say to you. I believe it just makes you look bad, like they are getting under your skin and actually bothered by it. Ignoring it is a better option in my opinion but sometimes you also need to stick up for yourself. That example was from a few years ago, but I did it in a very to the point and factual manner, as if I was reading a non fiction lol. It basically ended the conversation right then and there.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I think a way to create an abundance mindset without actually having multiple options is to just have other things going on in your life.

I like this. Like spinning other plates but the other plates are stuff you actually enjoy or want instead of just another c0ck carusel rider.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I probably have a bigger frame than you, I have very broad shoulders, etc. I also have very developed legs and glutes, which is something most men lack and will easily add 10-15 pounds on you. My resting heart rate is in the mid 50s right now and yesterday I was doing volume work with 30 pounds added on both chin ups and dips. I also do a ton of sled work in the gym, I'll literally be borderline running with a sled that weighs over 300 pounds and at the end of my workout, after other lower body work (hip thrusts, glute ham raises, etc.) I'll do sets of backwards sled drag with 500-600 pounds for 25 yards. I also can go hiking for hours on end, etc. I used to be really into swimming and would do that for well over an hour at a time. I'm not a bodybuilder, I've never touched steroids, but I'm well above average compared to men that go to the gym, and I'm almost 33.

Also, Tom Brady weighs over 220 and he isn't a big guy at all.

You didn’t answer the question. That’s a totally beta, long winded, need to prove to everyone how great you are response.

so what’s your body fat percentage?

if you’re as jacked as you say you are, you don’t have dad bod. It’s not like the world is walking around with a secret mission to call you fat.

 

[sangheilios]

I like this. Like spinning other plates but the other plates are stuff you actually enjoy or want instead of just another c0ck carusel rider.

I think men would be a lot happier living a life where they have a broad variety of things going on in their life or being hyper focused on a particular goal. I'm referring purely to positive things that develop you as an individual. Going out drinking every weekend is not a good habit to develop and provides no real benefit to you, as it's costly financially but also is bad for your health. This could literally be just about anything. Reading, playing chess, hiking, going to the gym, working on cars, fishing, hunting, etc.

 

[sangheilios]

Did you really just compare yourself to a professional athlete?

Did you really miss the point of what I said? Tom Brady is over 220 and not a big guy at all. What I'm saying is that men have a variety of frames, etc. and will look different than one another. You also probably have literally no idea what I was even talking about with the main part of my post on there.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Did you really miss the point of what I said? Tom Brady is over 220 and not a big guy at all. What I'm saying is that men have a variety of frames, etc. and will look different than one another. You also probably have literally no idea what I was even talking about with the main part of my post on there.

I updated that post. Go take a look. You don’t need to come on here, ask for help, and then get defensive when people give you feedback. You’re starting to exhibit the personality of someone with low self esteem and an inability to be honest with themselves.

 

[catsmeow2]

I think a way to create an abundance mindset without actually having multiple options is to just have other things going on in your life.

To me, an abundance mindset does not necessarily mean having various options at your disposal but rather knowing you can if/when you want to.

I've always been a "one at a time" dater however I always had abundance because if/when one man didn't work out, I knew there was another man right around the corner, if I felt an attraction to him..

I always had a lot of discretion re who I chose to date (including sex), so there were times by choice I was alone. I still always maintained an abundance mindset.

It comes with having confidence, being comfortable in your own skin, play by your own rules and knowing your value, and what's quoted above adds to that.

PS: I'm female but the same mindset would apply to men.

The "knowing you can if you wanted to" mindset. Having that confidence.

$.02