CornbreadFed
Master Don Juan
I’ve noticed more men struggling with women and sensing that many women just don’t like men. Looking closer, I realized I don’t like most men either and find women easier to get along with. So, how can I defend men when I share a similar perspective? If you cannot relate to any point of this post then you’re not part of the problem. But if this post gives you the ick, then take a seat, because I’m speaking directly to you.
Which brings me to the first point.
1) The Messiah Maturity Gap
I didn't really understand this until my thirties because I was a late bloomer myself.
After making some major lifestyle changes, I realized some of my male friends and I were no longer on the same path.
I didn't distance myself because they liked different hobbies or had different lifestyles. I distanced myself because they were combative, bad influences, and constantly pulling people back into old habits.
If your friend is getting married, building a career, getting sober, or working on self-improvement, don’t be the one pulling him back into the same cycle you’ve both been stuck in for a decade. Most of the time, these choices are theirs, so drop the messiah complex. Yes, I’d rather be changing a dirty diaper at 2 a.m. than standing in a club at midnight, leaning on some wall, or having the same conversation for the hundredth time at the same bar with another girl from Hinge. I’m glad I had those experiences in my twenties, but they don’t appeal to me now. Otherwise, I’d still be doing them. I am not trying to be converted like some Pagan in Eastern Europe, so either align with it or find new friends that fit with your current lifestyle. I understand this part more aligns to the male pov, but I can imagine it translates with females too. Women want a man, not a Peter Pan.
2) Lacking Communication Skills
A lot of men simply lack basic communication skills. Being shy awkward are fine. However, building your entire personality around being an antisocial sigma male who is somehow above normal human interaction is not fine. You don't drink. You don't eat out. You don't watch sports. You don't watch movies. The only thing you do is go to the gym and watch Podcasts/livestreams. Every conversation topic is beneath you because you're different. Cool man, but social skills are skills.
If men can't connect with you platonically, why would women magically connect with you romantically? People act like this is some grand mystery when the explanation is usually pretty straightforward.
3) Victim Mentality
Coming from a former single bachelor myself, one thing I noticed was how many men built entire identities around complaining. The more isolated someone becomes, the easier it is to convince themselves that every failure is external: The economy, politics, dating apps, society, women, and etc. Everyone and everything become responsible except the person in the mirror.
Furthermore, there are people who genuinely get dealt terrible hands in life. However, if you're an able-bodied adult man with opportunities in front of you, spending all day complaining is probably not helping your situation. The uncomfortable truth is that self-improvement works more often than resentment does. In summary, very few people want to hear a healthy grown man with no dependents, an entry-level job, and opportunities in front of him endlessly complain about how impossible life is.
4) Fake Sigma Arrogance
Last, some guys are in their mid-thirties, working entry-level jobs, financially unstable, unable to maintain relationships, and objectively not where they want to be in life. However, they somehow carry themselves as if they're above everyone else. At some point you have to be able to look at your situation honestly.
Humility isn't self-hatred, it is having accepting the correct way to go even when wrong. When your model of reality is wrong, every decision you make afterward is built on bad information.
Which brings me to the first point.
1) The Messiah Maturity Gap
I didn't really understand this until my thirties because I was a late bloomer myself.
After making some major lifestyle changes, I realized some of my male friends and I were no longer on the same path.
I didn't distance myself because they liked different hobbies or had different lifestyles. I distanced myself because they were combative, bad influences, and constantly pulling people back into old habits.
If your friend is getting married, building a career, getting sober, or working on self-improvement, don’t be the one pulling him back into the same cycle you’ve both been stuck in for a decade. Most of the time, these choices are theirs, so drop the messiah complex. Yes, I’d rather be changing a dirty diaper at 2 a.m. than standing in a club at midnight, leaning on some wall, or having the same conversation for the hundredth time at the same bar with another girl from Hinge. I’m glad I had those experiences in my twenties, but they don’t appeal to me now. Otherwise, I’d still be doing them. I am not trying to be converted like some Pagan in Eastern Europe, so either align with it or find new friends that fit with your current lifestyle. I understand this part more aligns to the male pov, but I can imagine it translates with females too. Women want a man, not a Peter Pan.
2) Lacking Communication Skills
A lot of men simply lack basic communication skills. Being shy awkward are fine. However, building your entire personality around being an antisocial sigma male who is somehow above normal human interaction is not fine. You don't drink. You don't eat out. You don't watch sports. You don't watch movies. The only thing you do is go to the gym and watch Podcasts/livestreams. Every conversation topic is beneath you because you're different. Cool man, but social skills are skills.
If men can't connect with you platonically, why would women magically connect with you romantically? People act like this is some grand mystery when the explanation is usually pretty straightforward.
3) Victim Mentality
Coming from a former single bachelor myself, one thing I noticed was how many men built entire identities around complaining. The more isolated someone becomes, the easier it is to convince themselves that every failure is external: The economy, politics, dating apps, society, women, and etc. Everyone and everything become responsible except the person in the mirror.
Furthermore, there are people who genuinely get dealt terrible hands in life. However, if you're an able-bodied adult man with opportunities in front of you, spending all day complaining is probably not helping your situation. The uncomfortable truth is that self-improvement works more often than resentment does. In summary, very few people want to hear a healthy grown man with no dependents, an entry-level job, and opportunities in front of him endlessly complain about how impossible life is.
4) Fake Sigma Arrogance
Last, some guys are in their mid-thirties, working entry-level jobs, financially unstable, unable to maintain relationships, and objectively not where they want to be in life. However, they somehow carry themselves as if they're above everyone else. At some point you have to be able to look at your situation honestly.
Humility isn't self-hatred, it is having accepting the correct way to go even when wrong. When your model of reality is wrong, every decision you make afterward is built on bad information.
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