Why is it that people at the top of the social food chain have no issues dating/friending down?

itouchyou

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Let me give you an example. Back in college I had nothing going for me. For the first few years I hung out with unattractive guys that didn't get any women, I looked like an average/below average man, etc. However, I was into lifting. Later on I met this guy who could be described as the captain of the varsity football team (super popular, outgoing, got all the women, good looking, charismatic, etc). We became best friends which was sparked by our shared interest in lifting, and we were in the same major.

This guy saw me for what I was, knew I was a social outcast somewhat, but still befriended me, and basically took me under his wing. He didn't care how it made him look to his existing friend group, didn't care what women thought, etc. He pretty much ditched a lot of his friends to hang out with me. I don't ever recall thinking "man this guy won't be friends with me, I'm a loser", I just remember letting it play out.

My theory on this is that guys at that level, who are at the top of the social food chain so to speak, don't have anything to prove. Because their value is so above everyone else, they can do whatever the hell they want and their perceived value will not change. Is this a true statement?

Now for the big question: is it the same with women that are high status? There are women out there that are so socially dominant and attractive that they don't have to pick the most attractive guy to date. They can date down and it does nothing to their perceived status. Not only that, but they don't necessarily care if their guy has hobbies, lots of friends, etc, they just care about personality compatibility. Is this true?

I remember pushing away very attractive women who expressed interest because I thought that they would find out that at the time I had very few friends, few hobbies, etc. Now I'm curious if the same logic applies; that these women might've been interested purely based on personality, regardless of whether I was popular or had interesting hobbies.
 

Manure Spherian

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Let me give you an example. Back in college I had nothing going for me. For the first few years I hung out with unattractive guys that didn't get any women, I looked like an average/below average man, etc. However, I was into lifting. Later on I met this guy who could be described as the captain of the varsity football team (super popular, outgoing, got all the women, good looking, charismatic, etc). We became best friends which was sparked by our shared interest in lifting, and we were in the same major.

This guy saw me for what I was, knew I was a social outcast somewhat, but still befriended me, and basically took me under his wing. He didn't care how it made him look to his existing friend group, didn't care what women thought, etc. He pretty much ditched a lot of his friends to hang out with me. I don't ever recall thinking "man this guy won't be friends with me, I'm a loser", I just remember letting it play out.

My theory on this is that guys at that level, who are at the top of the social food chain so to speak, don't have anything to prove. Because their value is so above everyone else, they can do whatever the hell they want and their perceived value will not change. Is this a true statement?

Now for the big question: is it the same with women that are high status? There are women out there that are so socially dominant and attractive that they don't have to pick the most attractive guy to date. They can date down and it does nothing to their perceived status. Not only that, but they don't necessarily care if their guy has hobbies, lots of friends, etc, they just care about personality compatibility. Is this true?

I remember pushing away very attractive women who expressed interest because I thought that they would find out that at the time I had very few friends, few hobbies, etc. Now I'm curious if the same logic applies; that these women might've been interested purely based on personality, regardless of whether I was popular or had interesting hobbies.
Some of the most attractive men I grew up around married the girls next door, ordinary women.
 

The Duke

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When you are at the top many want to be your friend because it elevates their status simply by association. There are a lot of users and fake friends with ulterior motives. I imagine he didn't get this vibe from you and that's why he saw you as someone that could be a trustworthy friend which was why he pursued. He saw you as genuine unlike many of those around him.
 

itouchyou

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When you are at the top many want to be your friend because it elevates their status simply by association. There are a lot of users and fake friends with ulterior motives. I imagine he didn't get this vibe from you and that's why he saw you as someone that could be a trustworthy friend which was why he pursued. He saw you as genuine unlike many of those around him.
This is definitely one aspect of it, and one that I previously thought of as well.

I was never interested in being his friend due to his social status or how he looked. As a matter of fact, I knew nothing about the guy when I met him. He just seemed like a cool dude. I subconsciously saw him as just another person at the time and didn't put him on a pedestal.
 

Bingo-Player

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My theory on this is that guys at that level, who are at the top of the social food chain so to speak, don't have anything to prove. Because their value is so above everyone else, they can do whatever the hell they want and their perceived value will not change. Is this a true statement?

Now for the big question: is it the same with women that are high status? There are women out there that are so socially dominant and attractive that they don't have to pick the most attractive guy to date. They can date down and it does nothing to their perceived status. Not only that, but they don't necessarily care if their guy has hobbies, lots of friends, etc, they just care about personality compatibility. Is this true?

I remember pushing away very attractive women who expressed interest because I thought that they would find out that at the time I had very few friends, few hobbies, etc. Now I'm curious if the same logic applies; that these women might've been interested purely based on personality, regardless of whether I was popular or had interesting hobbies.

In some cases it really depends on the individual and how they have built or attained their popularity / notoriety

There are a lot of people that masquerade as confident socialites these are the ones that you need to watch because their popularity and status is build on sand and they will do anything to protect it

The sort of king and queen makers within social hierarchy's often aren't so bothered about where you rank or even "who you are" but more so what you're offering are you bringing a benefit they can use

Women are notoriously fickle in social settings because a lot of their value is primarily derived from how others perceive them

This why whenever a woman meets another woman she will immediately compliment her outfit or makeup or hair

Men are usually more independent of judgement
 

Hal9000

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Some of the most attractive men I grew up around married the girls next door, ordinary women.
One of the things men who date a lot come to realize is that there are more important things than looks when it comes to identifying the best women for a relationship. Seems like pretty much the only trait men on here value in women is their appearance which is why so many of them end up dating the same good looking, yet fundamentally broken and toxic, women and then wonder why all women are seemingly crazy. Well there are well rounded women out there but if you're only dating based on looks you'll probably never find one.
 

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Barrister

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One of the things men who date a lot come to realize is that there are more important things than looks when it comes to identifying the best women for a relationship. Seems like pretty much the only trait men on here value in women is their appearance which is why so many of them end up dating the same good looking, yet fundamentally broken and toxic, women and then wonder why all women are seemingly crazy. Well there are well rounded women out there but if you're only dating based on looks you'll probably never find one.
100% correct. And despite me knowing this, I struggle with turning away hot tail no matter how crazy it is. Our brains are wired to want to pass our genes on to the most physically attractive females so that we have the best children. It is hard to overcome.

But you are absolutely right. Getting a woman who hasn't been pampered her whole life due to her looks is generally a good idea for an LTR if that is what you are angling for. The less crazy you have to deal with the better for your overall health.
 

Hamurabimbi

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If one is at the ‘top of the food chain.’. One has positive life experiences as they are treated very well by almost everybody. The ‘top’ do not need to assert superiority over others to gain social clout.
As for why so some ‘top guys’ date down. If you’ve been with a hot girl who knows she’s hot. You’ll know why.
 

Bokanovsky

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100% correct. And despite me knowing this, I struggle with turning away hot tail no matter how crazy it is.
Thats' because hot tail is in short supply for the vast majority of men. If you had 10 hot women interested in you and 5 of them were crazy, you'd have no problem telling the crazy ones to kick rocks. But if you only have one hot woman giving you the time of day, and she happens to be the first hot woman to do so in the past five years, and she also happens to be bash!t crazy, it's a different scenario.
 

Barrister

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Thats' because hot tail is in short supply for the vast majority of men. If you had 10 hot women interested in you and 5 of them were crazy, you'd have no problem telling the crazy ones to kick rocks. But if you only have one hot woman giving you the time of day, and she happens to be the first hot woman to do so in the past five years, and she also happens to be bash!t crazy, it's a different scenario.
You're right brother. Generally throughout my dating life I have 2-3 women who are in that HB 6.5-7.5 range. Once in awhile I get the HB 8.5-9 and of course, they usually are nuts. I have had cut slack to them because of their looks that I wouldn't to the others. I am better about that now than I was even 5 years ago, but it is still a struggle.
 

Chow Mein

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If one is at the ‘top of the food chain.’. One has positive life experiences as they are treated very well by almost everybody. The ‘top’ do not need to assert superiority over others to gain social clout.
As for why so some ‘top guys’ date down. If you’ve been with a hot girl who knows she’s hot. You’ll know why.
Can you elaborate on this? There’s a literal model in my social circle I’m trying have a FwB with. Hope you can help with your experience.
 

Hamurabimbi

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Can you elaborate on this? There’s a literal model in my social circle I’m trying have a FwB with. Hope you can help with your experience.
Can be spoiled. Used to getting their way and having people defer to them. Expect to be treated like a princess.
But. If you’re just going for a FWB, it’s not as big a deal.
 

CornbreadFed

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One time I met this girl at one of our frat rush event parties and it was basically a layup from that point. Her other hot friend came over and they were DTF with my room literally being right there. However, I called my friend over and gave him the one he wanted and he took her back. We both had crazy sex that night lol.
 
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