Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Well it's not really true.I did had a lot of going before her,BUT the problem was that when I met her I was in a "activities free" zone :crazy: .
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
reset said:
yogy said:
You won't get over it until you identify what the relationship meant to you and then then find a way to reintegrate those things back into your life, hopefully without the dependency of another person.yogy said:
Exactly, Frankie.Francisco d'Anconia said:
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
You know, right now I'm thinking the only way I'm going connect to my masculinity is without women right now. My brain is changing so quick that I don't know what to make of them right now, lol. I am acting much more direct and dominant towards women in general now, but I go back and forth and asking myself "am I an a-hole?" I brought this up with Francisco. I've said and done a few things towards girls lately (no I'm not dating anyone, just the way I act in general) that I would never in a million years dream of doing and they respond favorably and actually like it. It's just kind of happening. I'm seeing a different reality here, which is good. I just have the words "masculine polarity" running around in my head on a constant loop and something's happening.Interceptor said:
The situation of being in a new country makes you extremely vulnerable and trust-relationships become much more important. At first you have only superficial relationships with no deep bonds of trust. You try to make up for this by making a relationship with a girl into a trust relationship. Your brain wants to spend Oxcytosin (sp?) on her, like it used to spend on your family. You want to trust someone, but you only have acquaintences.yogy said:
Don't feel you need to kick yourself because of this. Recognizing it will go you a ton of good going forward.yogy said:
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
This post made me to think about my hole life in terms of commitment (to anything).
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
You want this post in the Bootcamp thread?
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.