Why is it soooooo hard to get over a girl ?

[yogy]

This is because you really DID not have much to begin with before you met her.

Well it's not really true.I did had a lot of going before her,BUT the problem was that when I met her I was in a "activities free" zone :crazy: .
I just broke up with 1 girlfriend and 1 FB and was looking for something new.And she caught me between.
And that was my BIG mistake.


But as I said before:

Lesson learned

 

[Interceptor]

Yup. This is why it's important to not judge yourself for being an AFC for still having some sort of feelings when you think you should "just get over it!". You don't just get over an addiction, it takes some time.

And yeah, if you aren't strong before you'll be weaker after. This is why you have to refuse to buy into the myth that a girl is going to make you happy. You make you happy, first. Then you can be happy with a girl. How can you be happy with a girl if you didn't have that genuine happiness first?

Reset, it's a popular Myth because it is a Males' belief that he will be instantly Metamorphosized into a "Real MAN" by virtue of 'possessing' this one 'special' woman.

It is the undeducated Male's mental device at REALIZING his Potential and MASCULINITY but in a totally misguided manner.

He is looking for his Manhood, that he know he is somewhat DISCONNECTED to.

He thinks he will FIND it in a woman, who will 'save him' and make it 'all better".

But these guys have lacked Femenine Energy for so long, that their LACK actually Drives women away.

WIth poor experiences with sub standard (emotionally absent or overbearing too) Mothers, and over bearing or unmasculine Fathers, and all sorts emasculating and disempowering experiences....many Males' grow up without Masculinity and true Femenine Nurturing.

So they look for it in the Women they desire.

These women are looked upon by these guys as heavenly Motherly Angels.

And this is the absolute WORST image a real man can have in his interactions in romantic and sexual adult relationships.
This is what women are terrfiied of.
They do not want to be an Angel or their Mommy.

 

[Interceptor]

Well it's not really true.I did had a lot of going before her,BUT the problem was that when I met her I was in a "activities free" zone :crazy: .
I just broke up with 1 girlfriend and 1 FB and was looking for something new.And she caught me between.
And that was my BIG mistake.


But as I said before:

Yogy, dude.stop the excuses and rationalizing.
You're preaching to the choir.
You just proved my point and contradicted yourself mid sentence.



Dude, I cannot be fooled.


You didn't have anything going on in your life.

She came in and took your breath away and you made her the center of your world.

And now she's gone, and you have NO World.

But that is OK,. Yogy.

This happens to all of us.


You are not a bad man.
You are not a Loser.

You are capable of love and deserving of it too.

Yogy, you're a good guy.

But stop the excuses and rationalizing.

Know your mistakes, and learn from them
.

And improve yourself and your game and your world.

We will help you do just that.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...That's an interesting thought,but I just don't feel in love.

Hope I'll get over it soon.And no girls for me for a while.I am going to concentrate on my work/my friends.

You won't get over it until you identify what the relationship meant to you and then then find a way to reintegrate those things back into your life, hopefully without the dependency of another person.

 

[Interceptor]

You won't get over it until you identify what the relationship meant to you and then then find a way to reintegrate those things back into your life, hopefully without the dependency of another person.

Exactly, Frankie.

Well said.

 

[yogy]

Ok guys,thanks again and hope I'll learn something from this.

 

[reset]

Good post Interceptor, all true. No love from mommy and no examples from dad, and here I am! What do I win?

He is looking for his Manhood, that he know he is somewhat DISCONNECTED to.

He thinks he will FIND it in a woman, who will 'save him' and make it 'all better".

You know, right now I'm thinking the only way I'm going connect to my masculinity is without women right now. My brain is changing so quick that I don't know what to make of them right now, lol. I am acting much more direct and dominant towards women in general now, but I go back and forth and asking myself "am I an a-hole?" I brought this up with Francisco. I've said and done a few things towards girls lately (no I'm not dating anyone, just the way I act in general) that I would never in a million years dream of doing and they respond favorably and actually like it. It's just kind of happening. I'm seeing a different reality here, which is good. I just have the words "masculine polarity" running around in my head on a constant loop and something's happening.

Lol. It's kind of fun though. No one's slapped me yet. Wild beast. Break out.

 

[Technical1]

The thing is that I moved about 4-5 years ago to another country (where I leave now) ,no parents,no friends,no social circle...and it wasn't soooo bad (even if I didn't have much to do and was kind of all alone for 4 month - no new friends,no girls).
So why I miss so much a girl that I dated for 3-4 month ??

The situation of being in a new country makes you extremely vulnerable and trust-relationships become much more important. At first you have only superficial relationships with no deep bonds of trust. You try to make up for this by making a relationship with a girl into a trust relationship. Your brain wants to spend Oxcytosin (sp?) on her, like it used to spend on your family. You want to trust someone, but you only have acquaintences.

When I moved to a new country, a local girl let me borrow her books, her bike, showed me around town, flirted with me. I fell for her SO hard that it lasted years until I was over it. I was so vulnerable, she struck at just the right time.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I just broke up with 1 girlfriend and 1 FB and was looking for something new.And she caught me in between. And that was my BIG mistake..

Don't feel you need to kick yourself because of this. Recognizing it will go you a ton of good going forward.

 

[DonGorgon]

great info in here

 

[Interceptor]

Reset, You ARE growing in leaps and bounds, brother.
that mentality is coming through in your Aura and your Body Language.
Women are sensitive to that.

This is the way.



And agian I say, it is all abou this evident LACK of intimacy and the femenine energy and femenine nurturing. And WITHOUT masculinity deeply held and realized, you've got a dangerous toxic mix that is what a lot of guys here are so afflicted with.

Lack of Self Love.
Lack of Intimacy.
Lack of emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.
No real connections with women.
No real connnections with men.
no good masculine role models
no nurturing
no compassion
no understanding
internal conflicts unresolved
anxiety
depression
loneliness
isolation
alienation

guys BRING IN ALL of THAT into their relationships with Women and Men.



ANd the first step is to work on your Life and build a better life for yourself and with women.

Make peace with these things.

What we resist, persists.

What we embrace, we gain the power to use.

Self LOVE and SELF WORTH are CRUCIAL.

They grow when you BUILD SELF ESTEEM.

 

[reset]

No way in hell I want to bring those elements you listed with me into a relationship. No way. In hell. So I'm doing my best to take care of myself and make peace with my past. Strengthening my resources. And yeah I think people are picking up on it.

So, thanks Interceptor, that's motivating.

 

[Interceptor]

I know what you mean.
But so many guys have no CLUE the vibes they ares ending out.

And the totally distorted 'expectations' they have about themselves, relationshiops, and most of all..WOMEN.



And then they have the gall to blame women for not giving themselves up on a silver platter.

Handling the inner issues are crucial to success, not only with women but IN LIFE.

Developing the Inner game, by way of DE Programming and RE Programming yourself and getting rid of that Inner Toxicity and Self Pity , does WONDERS for your OUTER game and expression of your true Inner Self.

You no longer feel ashamed of yourSELF.
Or feel UN Worthy.
Or are araid to speak what you truly feel is on your mind and heart, in he right CONTEXT though of course.
Or feel guilty
Or feel incongruent
uncomfortable with sexuality

these things CHANGE when you handle the inner issue

The Inner Self is always shining through.


This is why when kids or inexperienced grown men use negs or DHVs or C+F, or try to 'stack' routines, and Openers, and Time COntstraints....they usually bust.

Lack of true Self Confidence. because they haven't dealt with and handled the inner issues, hence poor Inner Game, thus.poor Outer Game.thus.........not a very good life.

Success with women is often an indicator of a well balanced successful life for men.

You can have a really great adventurous exciting life without women.

But you can have a FANTASTIC life with good quality companionship and female companionship and energy alongisde your compelling exciting fulfilling life as well.

Balance.



Because there is the path to FULL Realization.

FULL FILLMent.

That is a VERY important word to internalize.

Very very important word to integrate into our Mindset.

 

[yogy]

The situation of being in a new country makes you extremely vulnerable and trust-relationships become much more important. At first you have only superficial relationships with no deep bonds of trust. You try to make up for this by making a relationship with a girl into a trust relationship. Your brain wants to spend Oxcytosin (sp?) on her, like it used to spend on your family. You want to trust someone, but you only have acquaintences.

This post made me to think about my hole life in terms of commitment (to anything).
As long as I remember (I am not that old,25, but not too young either) I never stayed in one place more then a year (maybe two at most).I always had to make new friends,new people,new girls...
So I never really connected to anybody.Maybe this is one of the problem when I make a real relationship (in this case with this girl) I tend to exaggerate with my feelings (seen as needy) and I am not talking about FB's or some random girl (I am quite good at picking up and keeping them as long as it doesn't come to some serious stuff ).
I saw some very interesting replys to this post by some wise people so what do you think?

 

[Interceptor]

Yogy, you are suffering from a lack of intimacy and deep connections.


This makes you NEEDY and DESPERATE to CONNECT Intimately.

Since you don't know how to NURTURE your SELF , you seek it from Women in relationships, but this is not a good place to be in to try to 'get' these things.

It is a lot deeper than that, my friend.

I'm glad we got you thinhking, Yogy.
This is how it begins.........

 

[reset]

The Inner Self is always shining through.

And I'll add fulfillment to the list.

 

[penkitten]

you know, if you build yourself a solid foundation of knowing who you are, what you want out of life, what you believe in... then women coming and going from your life would seem so different. instead of seeing pain, you would see that as people cross paths, they teach each other something new about themselves, and it helps to define your character even more.

 

[Interceptor]

Dayum, penny!

There is so much inner meaning in those wise words, pen.

 

[penkitten]

interceptor, this is another case for "the reasons why we need a new and improved life bootcamp" thread.

this is what i was talking about.

and your mailbox is full!

 

[Interceptor]

OK,inbox Emptied. Please PM me again, thank you.

But, Penny, please elaborate on what you mean about :

interceptor, this is another case for "the reasons why we need a new and improved life bootcamp" thread.

this is what i was talking about

You want this post in the Bootcamp thread?