Why is crazy attractive?

[crowolf]

Guys, I am pondering on this topic - why am I attracted to girls that are full of red flags and are often visibly displaying that they are damaged goods?

On a logical level, I know that it's not a good idea to mess up with those type of women. But maybe I'm pulled to the short-term idea of a passionate adventure?

Recently I've talked (chatted) to 2 crazy women. They openly admitted to me that they are insane (it was on a semi-anonymous website, so no big deal for them to talk about that). And I noticed that I had something like "an urge to save them". Again - on a logical level, I know that's unnecessary, nor they need that. But maybe that's connected to the reason I am attracted to them. You have probably heard about the empath-narcissist dynamic. Or maybe you have not, because this is mainly discussed by women, as they are the one who are on the side of "falling for the damaged person and trying to save them".

The thing is, I think I am decently integrated myself. I am very conscientious and aware. Maybe I have had some narcissistic tendencies but I am certainly not a deep dark triad type of a guy. So it's not a "like attracts like" type of a thing. I've dated 1 or 2 BPD's. And I certainly know I don't want to deal with that bs for more than a fling. Even if, now thinking about it, even a fling might be slippery, as these have crazy manipulation tactics and can find ways to lure you deeper into their webs.

Anyway. I am curious what you guys think about this topic. I believe some of you may offer good insights. Have you experienced some if this? Do you have an explanation? What are your thoughts?

 

[CornbreadFed]

Because you are broken inside like them most likely.

 

[crowolf]

Because you are broken inside like them most likely.

You clearly haven't read the thread.

And no, I don't think that's the case. Keep in mind that most of the "hot" women are somewhat crazy. And I tend to have high standards. If I was into 5 and 6s, it's unlikely that I'll have to deal with this. Also, If I was crazy, I would probably take advantage of their weaknesses, insecurities, etc. and manipulate them to achieve what I want. But I don't do this.

 

[Serenity]

Their emotional instability makes men who does not have full awareness of his own emotions feel a lot of stuff that's hard to understand. This mystery makes her very intriguing. It's really just that her emotions are all over the place and there's not much logical sense to it.

The more emotionally competent can read what sort of fear is running her pretty quickly. Fear of abandonment is a common one, when the behaviour of a woman who has that is seen through the lense of that fear as a driving factor, then her behavior starts making sense within that frame. Makes no sense from a healthy frame of mind though.

There are fears centering around other things, but pretty common for most mentally unhealthy people there is some underlying fear driving their destructive decisions. Figure out which fear or irrational belief and it explains why they do what they do.

Can't fix them with this knowledge though, only they can fix themselves if or when they choose to. They can be somewhat handled/manipulated using that knowledge though, it's essentially weakness in that way. Still won't fix them because that's essentially just playing on their fears to make them do as you want. That's basically how narcissists and sociopaths operate.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You clearly haven't read the thread.

And no, I don't think that's the case. Keep in mind that most of the "hot" women are somewhat crazy. And I tend to have high standards. If I was into 5 and 6s, it's unlikely that I'll have to deal with this. Also, If I was crazy, I would probably take advantage of their weaknesses, insecurities, etc. and manipulate them to achieve what I want. But I don't do this.

I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask

 

[crowolf]

Yea, bro, I will surely trust a random guy on an internet forum to know more about me than Me, who is 24/7 with Me, and diligently studies Me for years. Sounds reasonable.

PS: Not to discredit the need for a different perspective, but you are offering a cliché answer which I think I debunked already.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Yea, bro, I will surely trust a random guy on an internet forum to know more about me than Me, who is 24/7 with Me, and diligently studies Me for years. Sounds reasonable.

PS: Not to discredit the need for a different perspective, but you are offering a cliché answer which I think I debunked already.

I am going to assume that this isn't the first time someone has said this to you. Well just MAYBE, they might be on to something.

 

[zekko]

Keep in mind that most of the "hot" women are somewhat crazy.

I don't find crazy attractive, personally. If anything, it spoils it. If what you say is correct - that hot women are somewhat crazy:
Then those women are attractive because they are hot, not because they're crazy.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You’re likely attracted to these women because they represent something missing within yourself, as people are often drawn to those who seem to complete their needs and voids, whether through excitement, chaos, or a sense of purpose, even if that completion is just an illusion. My question would be if these women are truly damaged, as in needing to be saved, or are they drama queens, who thrive and search for chaos?

If they are drama queens, your attraction likely comes from the emotional intensity they bring, making interactions feel thrilling and deeply engaging even if they are chaotic. You mentioned being pulled toward the idea of a passionate adventure, and these women create exactly that, constant excitement, unpredictability, and heightened emotions.

If they genuinely need saving, then you may be acting as a rescuer, not just out of empathy but also because solving their problems gives you a sense of power and purpose. The main premise is that they would be dependent on you, in which it can be validating, making you feel needed and important and it would be satisfying your needs.

Either way, you need to recognize what they are and what you are missing in within yourself to break this pattern.

 

[Ricky]

Because it can be exhibited in unpredictable ways and can take you on a roller coaster

 

[devilkingx2]

A couple of factors I’ve thought about:

a lot of the time it’s a choice between boring and crazy, boring isn’t that great either until you really get burned by crazy or unless your life is already crazy on its own.

there’s an association between sex and crazy. If you’re looking to have quick easy sex or wild crazy sex or frequent sex you’re probably looking for a crazy girl you meet at the club and not a good girl who spends her days off with family and works then goes home on the weekdays.

my main counterargument to the points above is that most of the girls that i consider boring are just low interest so i don’t really know what their personalities are like, they could be crazy too or just as interesting as the crazy girls for guys they like, but I doubt it.

for example, I went on a date with a girl who talked about cheating on her previous boyfriend to have a threesome with her best friend and the BFF’s boyfriend. Obviously that story is full of red flags but it was one of the most fun first date conversations ever, so much better than talking about work and school.

Obviously I’ve been on dates with girls that didn’t even want to mention sex, and those girls are probably less likely to cheat on me with their friends, but it makes for a much more boring first date.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

 

[BillyPilgrim]

They're less reserved so hopefully more and better sex. Although you might be better off putting yourself in a washing machine with a locking lid.

 

[Vanderdonck]

It is not if you have options.

 

[Westminster]

I don't find crazy attractive, personally. If anything, it spoils it. If what you say is correct - that hot women are somewhat crazy:
Then those women are attractive because they are hot, not because they're crazy.

I agree. Crazy isn't attractive to me either.

Whats more, you'll avoid crazy lile the plague once you've been burned by one. if you've got any sense.

 

[Westminster]

It is not if you have options.

Good point. You'll see crazy for what it is once you've got a couple of other options ie. A bad idea.

 

[crowolf]

I agree. Crazy isn't attractive to me either.

Whats more, you'll avoid crazy lile the plague once you've been burned by one. if you've got any sense.

I've been burned by one, but currently my testosterone is too high, man.

I don't find crazy attractive, personally. If anything, it spoils it. If what you say is correct - that hot women are somewhat crazy:
Then those women are attractive because they are hot, not because they're crazy.

Yea, but I'm not talking about polished model women that are proper etc. I talk about women that are visibly red flag women. For example bragging about their red flags on IG stories. Or acting like a Mata Hari. And I think all of that maybe has to do with some artistic expression that they show through their madness. Maybe this lures me in, combined with the physical attractiveness, youth femininity, and etc. Or maybe I am subconsciously attracted to them like a prey that might be "conquered into submission". Human psyche is a deep thing.

@Clockwerk50 - I found value in what you said. I wonder where did you get this information from. Sounds a bit like the Robert Greene's seduction stuff. I haven't read his book but I've seen parts of it that talk about that. Or maybe it's from somewhere else? Freud or something?

 

[RangerMIke]

Crazy make you adjust your path to comport with the crazy. The more you accommodate and work for something, the more you value it.

We don't value things that are easy to get.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Guys, I am pondering on this topic - why am I attracted to girls that are full of red flags and are often visibly displaying that they are damaged goods?

For the same reason other dangerous things often seem exciting. It's an adrenaline rush.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Contrary to popular belief Humans are generally not satisfied with perfection because it is boring

There always has to be some struggle or pain we strive for its why people are addicted to gambling / alcohol / drugs etc

Theres excitement and thrill in something we do not fully understand ..... see crypto as a great example

Its effectively nothing yet people on scale are fascinated by it as they can project all their strange ideas and fantasies onto it

Personally when it comes to women I am not particularly interested in the psychotic types as I know they will bring too much chaos into my life

I dated one for 6 months in 2023 - never again