Why have standards?

[samspade]

I’m engaged to her.

I knew that when I posted. As you know by now, I use Sosuave as my own personal late night comedy show from time to time.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

You are going in different directions.

If you talking LTR, you have to have something in common, she can’t love camping and skydiving and you love sporting events and music. Won’t last long.

If you are talking just to have sex, in real life, personally she has to be thin in 30s and no kids and obviously attractive. Don’t know why you want personal opinions.

If you are talking fantasy, was Sharon Stone a hooker? I’m sure 99% of the guys on sosuave would fly the Pacific Ocean to sleep with her.

Question is too broad.

How more specific can the question get? And why do you have 'just smash' criteria and a LTR criteria? That's so backasswards. You either hold yourself to a high standard or you don't. I'm asking what that standard is and why, simple. For you I guess you need something in common, great, thanks for your input.

 

[Trump]

And why do you have 'just smash' criteria and a LTR criteria?

Upon further thought if they are smash-able, it would be someone to consider LTR with, as long as they have no kids.

 

[sangheilios]

I'm relative flexible with some of my standards but generally what I look for is this.

1. I have to be attracted to her physically, if I'm not I wouldn't even be speaking with her in the first place. My taste in women is actually pretty broad, but I seem to generally lean towards women that are not of my race.....I don't do this intentionally but it seems to be a trend.
2. No drugs, smoking or drinking beyond a social level. No behavior or psych issues, etc. Common sense stuff
3. Takes care of herself physically (eats well, exercises, etc.) and enjoys being active. I see this as more of a personal compatibility thing, as I'm a regular gym goer and enjoy hiking, swimming, etc.
4. Reasonably educated/intelligent. I'm much more academic and intellectual than the vast majority of people, it's rare for me to find someone I can be 100% with in regards to conversations....so naturally I'm not going to find a woman like that. However, she needs to possess some sort of depth to her and able to have an intelligent conversation.
5. Has her own social life and hobbies/interests. I've observed that the social life of many people I've known of entirely revolved around that of their significant other and to say the least it always seemed rather unhealthy/clingy.
6. Has her own life goals and accomplishments. I don't care how much money she makes but she needs to have done something with her life. If she is all for saving Tigers or volunteers at an animal shelter I'd see something like that as a positive trait.
7. Feminine nature, likes sex, etc. Common sense stuff again

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

You don't want a woman that likes sex too much. Modesty [moderation] and some bashfulness though not prudery are good traits.

 

[user43770]

OP, you seem to have worked yourself into a tizzy over a couple of basic observations that I made:

1. Sometimes a guy just needs to get laid

2. Women are the ultimate choosers

The irony is you have a thread about your struggles with no-fap and wanting to get back with your psycho ex.

 

[Spaz]

OP, you seem to have worked yourself into a tizzy over a couple of basic observations that I made:

1. Sometimes a guy just needs to get laid

2. Women are the ultimate choosers

The irony is you have a thread about your struggles with no-fap and wanting to get back with your psycho ex.

No. 1 I agree.

No. 2, explain ur experiences with it.

 

[user43770]

No. 1 I agree.

No. 2, explain ur experiences with it.

My experiences with women having a much easier time getting laid? Damn, I'd have to start in grade school.

Edit - and obviously I'm not talking about fat, ugly chicks. I'm talking young hotties.

 

[Spaz]

My experiences with women having a much easier time getting laid? Damn, I'd have to start in grade school.

Edit - and obviously I'm not talking about fat, ugly chicks. I'm talking young hotties.

It just means easier then most men.

Likewise, it also can't be denied that handsome and popular young jocks in school or a handsome popular man in the public eye have it easier then most boys or men.

Just because you have a hard time getting laid (therein women are the choosers), it doesn't mean all men are in the same shoes as you are (therefore those men are the choosers).

 

[YourGreatestFear]

This is kind of an open ended question that got me thinking. Lots of guys on here say 'just go smash', but a 10 to you might be a 6 to me or vice versa. Some only care if she's female and breathing, others want a woman with her own income, hobbies, kegel workout schedule, etc.

Personally I believe the woman I smash is a reflection of myself. I won't continue seeing a woman that isn't continuously improving herself because eventually I'll outgrow her and naturally lose interest.

What are your standards for a woman and why are they what they are?

I would say that at least 80% of men have a similar taste. So 10/10 for you would be at least 8/10 for the vast majority of other men.

Your standards should be, obviously, different depending on your objectives. If you want to have casual sex then it is stupid to expect something extraordinary from her personality.

But don't get me wrong. You should have standards - it is the Necessity. Your frame always should be "you either meet my expectation or I'm not interested". My main standard is - she should give me that I want, she should meet my expectations, or I will lose interest in her. You either give me that I expect from you or I find someone else who will. Why I need a girl who isn't interested? Why I need a girl who doesn't compile with my desires? WIth this frame, you are never feel rejected by a girl. You always should be the one who rejects her, even if it was you who approached her in the first place. When I approach a girl I do it to give her a chance, to know if she meets my expectations or not. Being with me is a privilege, not being with me is a punishment.

 

[user43770]

It just means easier then most men.

Likewise, it also can't be denied that handsome and popular young jocks in school or a handsome popular man in the public eye have it easier then most boys or men.

Just because you have a hard time getting laid (therein women are the choosers), it doesn't mean all men are in the same shoes as you are (therefore those men are the choosers).

I'm won't argue that some men have an easier time getting women than I do.

My argument would be that guys at the top of the food chain don't have as much choice as women who are also at the top.

Any person can lower their standards to a point where they see regular success. And I don't have a problem with a guy deciding to do this or not.

It's just when you say something vague like all a guy has to do is follow his mission (which assumes that all guys even have a mission, and one that women would be attracted to) and hotties will eventually turn up.

I think most men are going to need to make an honest effort to meet women, and I don't see why they should prolong the inevitable to some day in the distant future.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

It's just when you say something vague like all a guy has to do is follow his mission (which assumes that all guys even have a mission, and one that women would be attracted to) and hotties will eventually turn up.

the mission is there to help facilitate self validation. it doesn't matter what the mission is, you could be unclogging toilets in a turkish prison, but if that's what you enjoy doing and you put your blood and sweat into it you'll have a sense of growth and self identity that permeates to all areas of life. hotties don't just turn up and fall in love, but it'll become second nature to come from a place of confidence and genuine 'idgaf' because the validation is not needed and there's no interest in it from a girl. thus no questions like 'how do i get the girl?' and rejection means nothing. it births a true abundant mindset and alpha thinking creating natural sexual tension and escalation. girls aren't seen as elusive because they're everywhere. hundreds of chances to flirt every day with a stroll down the street. because it'll be second nature and effortless hotties will SEEM to appear out of nowhere and fall easily.

 

[Spaz]

I'm won't argue that some men have an easier time getting women than I do.

My argument would be that guys at the top of the food chain don't have as much choice as women who are also at the top.

Any person can lower their standards to a point where they see regular success. And I don't have a problem with a guy deciding to do this or not.

It's just when you say something vague like all a guy has to do is follow his mission (which assumes that all guys even have a mission, and one that women would be attracted to) and hotties will eventually turn up.

I think most men are going to need to make an honest effort to meet women, and I don't see why they should prolong the inevitable to some day in the distant future.

What is so vague of having a purpose other then basically eat, fvck and sleep?

Surely there's more to life then just that but the vast majority of humanity does just that.

The problem herein lies with men not knowing what they were born to do.

You for example were made an intellectual the moment you were born.

But somehow you squandered ur inherent gifts, didn't follow the path laid out for you by God or nature.

The question is why.

Now all you are doing is compensating, trying to fight it for years, believing in something yet not achieving anything great.

Can you truly say u r great now or even otw to being great?

Plenty of men the world over, realise early on their purpose or passions in life, focus on it and came out top or at the very least otw there. Men who are driven.

It's always those driven men with big dreams that gets a women's attention.

Young poor artists are driven and they get hot women all the time, why?

Because women sense their passions, their greatness.

Some might even tolerate him being poor, invest in him some money, we're all heard tales of it.

But if he doesn't make money soon as an artist, she'll dump him.

Same goes with singers, great voice etc but if he's not selling his music then he ain't effective as an entertainer. He'll be dumped by multiple hot women who were chasing him too at the beginning.

Same story, he's driven and hot women sense his greatness, chases after him.

Is there a sense of greatness about you?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

OP, you seem to have worked yourself into a tizzy over a couple of basic observations that I made:

1. Sometimes a guy just needs to get laid

2. Women are the ultimate choosers

The irony is you have a thread about your struggles with no-fap and wanting to get back with your psycho ex.

psycho girls are the best lays man

forgot to respond to the rest of this. i ignored red flags and cucked myself because it was some good strange and a good distraction from my issues, shiit happens to everyone. and i'm struggling with nofap as much as guys struggle with anything challenging. i enjoy challenging myself. i'm challenging the idea that a guy 'needs' to get laid, because it's not a need, that's what i'm proving to myself...yet again lol

btw that 'women are the ultimate choosers' thinking will NEVER work to your advantage. it's a pedestal mentality.

 

[Spaz]

btw that 'women are the ultimate choosers' thinking will NEVER work to your advantage. it's a pedestal mentality.

I trust you don't mind me expanding on ur post, if not for you then others.

When a man thinks along these quoted lines, he then subconsciously places himself in a supplicating role, power is shifted and the women thus becomes the prize.

But then the argument will come in "when I approach women, confidently, they welcome me with open embrace".

Sure they do, women's ego or life story is one where its often repeated by themselves and reinforced by those very men that they are the prize, that men should fall on their feet to start worshipping their beauty.

Perhaps the vast majority of men is in that category.

But those very women who basked in the adulation are also actively seeking men who doesn't easily nor foolishly fall for mere projections of vanity or superficiality, for they know deep down that their beauty will fade in time.

Subconsciously they know these men are bendable men. Like a jellyfish, flowing where the flow of water takes them, never driven on their own.

And after testing them with what we all know as shiet tests, they oftentimes come up short.

The seducers of the world was never meant to be men.

It is and was always women's duty.

Even the serpent knew it when it placed the idea in Eve's mind, that eating the forbidden fruit would give her the power/knowledge of God.

The nature of women is always selfish, in that she is never satisfied even in the garden of Eden.

And poor Adam, like a supplicating fool ate it to prove his love.

He should have stood his ground and properly led her.

Side note: I'm not trying to spread Christianity but I raise this up as the story is an ancient tale, one that humanity has known for thousands of years but largely forgotten in modern times.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

psycho girls are the best lays man

forgot to respond to the rest of this. i ignored red flags and cucked myself because it was some good strange and a good distraction from my issues, shiit happens to everyone. and i'm struggling with nofap as much as guys struggle with anything challenging. i enjoy challenging myself. i'm challenging the idea that a guy 'needs' to get laid, because it's not a need, that's what i'm proving to myself...yet again lol

btw that 'women are the ultimate choosers' thinking will NEVER work to your advantage. it's a pedestal mentality.

We werent pursuing a powerful never ending pursuit. Females know this and will use you as a high powered SUPER validator.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I trust you don't mind me expanding on ur post, if not for you then others.

When a man thinks along these quoted lines, he then subconsciously places himself in a supplicating role, power is shifted and the women thus becomes the prize.

But then the argument will come in "when I approach women, confidently, they welcome me with open embrace".

Sure they do, women's ego or life story is one where its often repeated by themselves and reinforced by those very men that they are the prize, that men should fall on their feet to start worshipping their beauty.

Perhaps the vast majority of men is in that category.

But those very women who basked in the adulation are also actively seeking men who doesn't easily nor foolishly fall for mere projections of vanity or superficiality, for they know deep down that their beauty will fade in time.

Subconsciously they know these men are bendable men. Like a jellyfish, flowing where the flow of water takes them, never driven on their own.

And after testing them with what we all know as shiet tests, they oftentimes come up short.

The seducers of the world was never meant to be men.

It is and was always women's duty.

Even the serpent knew it when it placed the idea in Eve's mind, that eating the forbidden fruit would give her the power/knowledge of God.

The nature of women is always selfish, in that she is never satisfied even in the garden of Eden.

And poor Adam, like a supplicating fool ate it to prove his love.

He should have stood his ground and properly led her.

Side note: I'm not trying to spread Christianity but I raise this up as the story is an ancient tale, one that humanity has known for thousands of years but largely forgotten in modern times.

It was her. There was no serpent. She disobeyed god and manipulate her husband. Told him a lie about a talking snake and he fell for it.

 

[Spaz]

It was her. There was no serpent. She disobeyed god and manipulate her husband. Told him a lie about a talking snake and he fell for it.

It's the moral of the story.

That teaches us men to be true to our purpose and given pursuits.

Remember that Eve was created to amuse Adam and not the other way round.

We were never intended to be supplicating fools.

The story of Adam serves as a reminder.

 

[user43770]

What is so vague of having a purpose other then basically eat, fvck and sleep?

Surely there's more to life then just that but the vast majority of humanity does just that.

The problem herein lies with men not knowing what they were born to do.

You for example were made an intellectual the moment you were born.

But somehow you squandered ur inherent gifts, didn't follow the path laid out for you by God or nature.

The question is why.

Now all you are doing is compensating, trying to fight it for years, believing in something yet not achieving anything great.

Can you truly say u r great now or even otw to being great?

Plenty of men the world over, realise early on their purpose or passions in life, focus on it and came out top or at the very least otw there. Men who are driven.

It's always those driven men with big dreams that gets a women's attention.

Young poor artists are driven and they get hot women all the time, why?

Because women sense their passions, their greatness.

Some might even tolerate him being poor, invest in him some money, we're all heard tales of it.

But if he doesn't make money soon as an artist, she'll dump him.

Same goes with singers, great voice etc but if he's not selling his music then he ain't effective as an entertainer. He'll be dumped by multiple hot women who were chasing him too at the beginning.

Same story, he's driven and hot women sense his greatness, chases after him.

Is there a sense of greatness about you?

I agree that there is more to life than just our primal instincts, but you're losing me with these preordained paths that men are to follow. Not that I can't comprehend what you're saying, I just don't really believe it.

Does a man have certain affinities at birth? Of course. Does this mean he has a specific path? Probably not. Especially in today's world of specification.

You go on to mention starving artists that found their passion and weren't very good at it. This is probably because their "passion" was just an easy way out; a way to avoid working for a living. They were probably told in their youth to "follow their dreams," only to end up losers with "drive."

And many times these passionate artists are just lazy versions of the "seducers" that you so despise.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I agree that there is more to life than just our primal instincts, but you're losing me with these preordained paths that men are to follow. Not that I can't comprehend what you're saying, I just don't really believe it.

Does a man have certain affinities at birth? Of course. Does this mean he has a specific path? Probably not. Especially in today's world of specification.

You go on to mention starving artists that found their passion and weren't very good at it. This is probably because their "passion" was just an easy way out; a way to avoid working for a living. They were probably told in their youth to "follow their dreams," only to end up losers with "drive."

it's shame that you underestimate yourself so much... a man can become whatever he wants if he's relentless.

of course you can pursue your goals and fail. you can fail your whole life and die without having succeeded. that's just how life is. there are no guarantees. seeking guarantees is a fool's errand and is coming from a place of scarcity. your success is built on failures. ask anyone that's started a business or built anything in their lives that other people want. people want to be experts without putting in the practice, it's a childish mentality. get comfortable with pain and suffering and failure, it'll hone you. every challenge is prescribed by the universe to grow you. everything is a lesson, good or bad, easy or hard. never stop learning.