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Why do people behave this way towards me and how to address it?

sangheilios

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An issue I've had my entire life is that other people seem to go out of their way to try to demean my accomplishments, qualities, etc. When I was younger this was primarily family oriented, but now as an adult I notice that other people behave in a similar manner towards me, albeit in more of a subtle and passive aggressive manner. This is something that I have experienced from both men and women and I'm not really sure what to make of it but the deeper intuitive feeling that I get is they are doing this out of insecurity they experience around me.

I've posted this a million times on here, but I'm a white man that is 6'4" and fit/muscular at 240 lbs. I have a resting heart rate in the 50s, I can do reps on chin ups with another 50 lbs. added, push sleds that weigh almost 1000 lbs....I could go on and on with the physical feats I am capable of, which is well beyond the scope of the vast majority of men and I've never taken steroids. I have a handsome face and despite being 31 I generally get guesses in the mid to late 20s range. More normal people will compliment me, both men and women, but it's not very often this happens.

Anyway, I've had other men make some weird comments about my physique or physical capabilities and it's always just your average dude you see in the gym. I've had very average and even out of shape women criticize my appearance. For instance, a few years back I had this one who was in her early 20s, she wasn't at all attractive and her bf was this super goofy looking dude and yet she was criticizing the way I look. I've had a couple women tell me I have a "dad bod". I had an average woman point out a woman around my age who was sporting a stomach and she told me that was my league. What adds to this is I've had horrendous experiences with approaching and interacting with average and even unattractive women, which feeds into what these people are telling me and it creates this repetitive negative loop over and over again. For every 1 good comment I get I probably receive 20 of these more negative put downs.

I also do really well for myself financially. I've never had a glamorous or high paying/high status job but I have a good work ethic and I'm very very intelligent with money, investments, etc. I have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and with some of it I earn enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of a studio apartment in my area..

Anyway, I've had people criticize things like that and they'll say how I was only able to get that because of xyz.

This has been a trend my entire life and I'm not really sure what to make of it. It's been a huge issue for me because it lowers my confidence and in direct relation with dating I feel like I can't figure out what types of women I should be going for. It's created an issue where I have this endless and repetitive negative loop that I find difficult to get out of and I'm not sure what I can be doing in order to change that. I'm not sure if it is a simple fix of just cutting out certain people or possibly something more.
 

Velasco

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why do you care what ugly people think? i used to get made fun of by some overweight women at my previous job for dressing a bit too sexy for work. showing off. and they tried to put me down. no surprise, one of the hotter girls told them to stop being haters. if they looked good, they'd show off too, instead of trying to hide their fat or not give any thought into their appearance cuz what's the point, they're ugly lol.
 

sangheilios

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why do you care what ugly people think? i used to get made fun of by some overweight women at my previous job for dressing a bit too sexy for work. showing off. and they tried to put me down. no surprise, one of the hotter girls told them to stop being haters. if they looked good, they'd show off too, instead of trying to hide their fat or not give any thought into their appearance cuz what's the point, they're ugly lol.
It's because I get that far more often than receiving more positive input from other people. I'm probably more sensitive to it due to the experiences I had during my upbringing. However, as I mentioned in my post on here the experiences I have reinforce these ideas.
 

Grinderman

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Bukowski on people: "The further I am away from the human race the better I feel. Two inches is great. Two miles is great. Two thousand miles....beautiful"


Anway, opinions are like azzholes, everyone's got one. Nonetheless, everyone's shouldn't interest you..
 

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Velasco

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It's because I get that far more often than receiving more positive input from other people. I'm probably more sensitive to it due to the experiences I had during my upbringing. However, as I mentioned in my post on here the experiences I have reinforce these ideas.
i dont recieve much positive input either. thing is people assume you already know your the sht, so why do they need to compliment you? they don't know that we didn't get much positive reinforcement when we were young, so they have no idea how good it'd feel to be complimented on things we worked hard to get.

its kind of hard to know if your doing the right thing without feedback. you just need to trust yourself, your doing the right thing.
 

SW15

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@sangheilios You are 6'4" and 235-240 lbs and muscular. Most guys want a physique like that. Never let anyone make you doubt that. Be impressed with that achievement, as well as your financial achievements.

Also, most women want to fucck you with those height-weight stats. All you have to do is give them the experience they imagine with you. You just show up, ask them questions, be interested in them, and they'll just fucck you. You don't even need to commit to get them. You are the prize. Most women imagine themselves with you as opposed to a ordinary height guy and a guy with an average physique (below 25 BMI).
 

Hank Moody

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An issue I've had my entire life is that other people seem to go out of their way to try to demean my accomplishments, qualities, etc. When I was younger this was primarily family oriented, but now as an adult I notice that other people behave in a similar manner towards me, albeit in more of a subtle and passive aggressive manner. This is something that I have experienced from both men and women and I'm not really sure what to make of it but the deeper intuitive feeling that I get is they are doing this out of insecurity they experience around me.

I've posted this a million times on here, but I'm a white man that is 6'4" and fit/muscular at 240 lbs. I have a resting heart rate in the 50s, I can do reps on chin ups with another 50 lbs. added, push sleds that weigh almost 1000 lbs....I could go on and on with the physical feats I am capable of, which is well beyond the scope of the vast majority of men and I've never taken steroids. I have a handsome face and despite being 31 I generally get guesses in the mid to late 20s range. More normal people will compliment me, both men and women, but it's not very often this happens.

Anyway, I've had other men make some weird comments about my physique or physical capabilities and it's always just your average dude you see in the gym. I've had very average and even out of shape women criticize my appearance. For instance, a few years back I had this one who was in her early 20s, she wasn't at all attractive and her bf was this super goofy looking dude and yet she was criticizing the way I look. I've had a couple women tell me I have a "dad bod". I had an average woman point out a woman around my age who was sporting a stomach and she told me that was my league. What adds to this is I've had horrendous experiences with approaching and interacting with average and even unattractive women, which feeds into what these people are telling me and it creates this repetitive negative loop over and over again. For every 1 good comment I get I probably receive 20 of these more negative put downs.

I also do really well for myself financially. I've never had a glamorous or high paying/high status job but I have a good work ethic and I'm very very intelligent with money, investments, etc. I have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and with some of it I earn enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of a studio apartment in my area..

Anyway, I've had people criticize things like that and they'll say how I was only able to get that because of xyz.

This has been a trend my entire life and I'm not really sure what to make of it. It's been a huge issue for me because it lowers my confidence and in direct relation with dating I feel like I can't figure out what types of women I should be going for. It's created an issue where I have this endless and repetitive negative loop that I find difficult to get out of and I'm not sure what I can be doing in order to change that. I'm not sure if it is a simple fix of just cutting out certain people or possibly something more.
OP, this situation brings to mind part of my favorite quote, which reads -

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

You're always going to have haters, especially when you're doing things right and having success. It's just the way of the world.

One thing you can do is, and it sounds corny, stand in front of your bathroom mirror and repeat positive affirmations to yourself.
Repeat the affirmation 10x, each and every day.

Over time, you'll start to naturally block out all the noise and just focus on you.
 

derby1

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Bro i have a classic E46 M3 convertible, now its nothing special but its still regarded as a brute of a car.

Sometimes men laugh at me, from another car. The irony is theyre in some small cheap dirty car they barely fit in.

A guy with a Mustang told me my e46 was beautiful the other day

Hate comes from below
 

sangheilios

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Bro i have a classic E46 M3 convertible, now its nothing special but its still regarded as a brute of a car.

Sometimes men laugh at me, from another car. The irony is theyre in some small cheap dirty car they barely fit in.

A guy with a Mustang told me my e46 was beautiful the other day

Hate comes from below
I'm not a big car guy, just personally never felt the need to spend a lot of money on a car for the sake of it's style, etc. I value practicality and reliability. Anyway, I totally get where you are coming from with this and it makes sense.
 

TheFinalLine

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An issue I've had my entire life is that other people seem to go out of their way to try to demean my accomplishments, qualities, etc. When I was younger this was primarily family oriented, but now as an adult I notice that other people behave in a similar manner towards me, albeit in more of a subtle and passive aggressive manner. This is something that I have experienced from both men and women and I'm not really sure what to make of it but the deeper intuitive feeling that I get is they are doing this out of insecurity they experience around me.

I've posted this a million times on here, but I'm a white man that is 6'4" and fit/muscular at 240 lbs. I have a resting heart rate in the 50s, I can do reps on chin ups with another 50 lbs. added, push sleds that weigh almost 1000 lbs....I could go on and on with the physical feats I am capable of, which is well beyond the scope of the vast majority of men and I've never taken steroids. I have a handsome face and despite being 31 I generally get guesses in the mid to late 20s range. More normal people will compliment me, both men and women, but it's not very often this happens.

Anyway, I've had other men make some weird comments about my physique or physical capabilities and it's always just your average dude you see in the gym. I've had very average and even out of shape women criticize my appearance. For instance, a few years back I had this one who was in her early 20s, she wasn't at all attractive and her bf was this super goofy looking dude and yet she was criticizing the way I look. I've had a couple women tell me I have a "dad bod". I had an average woman point out a woman around my age who was sporting a stomach and she told me that was my league. What adds to this is I've had horrendous experiences with approaching and interacting with average and even unattractive women, which feeds into what these people are telling me and it creates this repetitive negative loop over and over again. For every 1 good comment I get I probably receive 20 of these more negative put downs.

I also do really well for myself financially. I've never had a glamorous or high paying/high status job but I have a good work ethic and I'm very very intelligent with money, investments, etc. I have an investment portfolio that is well within the 6 figure range and with some of it I earn enough in monthly dividends to cover the cost of a studio apartment in my area..

Anyway, I've had people criticize things like that and they'll say how I was only able to get that because of xyz.

This has been a trend my entire life and I'm not really sure what to make of it. It's been a huge issue for me because it lowers my confidence and in direct relation with dating I feel like I can't figure out what types of women I should be going for. It's created an issue where I have this endless and repetitive negative loop that I find difficult to get out of and I'm not sure what I can be doing in order to change that. I'm not sure if it is a simple fix of just cutting out certain people or possibly something more.
I understand it. It’s simple for others to say...”what do you care what others think?”,
Its tougher thing to do than those who profess it. Trust me, I could easily say something to those men that would introvert them. But why would I do something like that? I let people be...right up to the point where they cross into any form of destructive communication in words or form to me.

What do you think their intent is or was when what you described happens? Would a professional, social being who wants the best for others do that? The intent is in the communication. It could even be just a look or an underhanded comment. Hahaha

A well put together, competent human being, social being of optimum survival, would never do this. Even the ones who say “what do you care what others think?” Say this with a degrading intent. A self assumed authority position that has no foundation. It has no learning value to it, whatsoever.

These people specialized in squashing others. Sometimes it’s covert, underhanded, and makes you feel a certain way. It introverts you and puts you back in your head. You know you could squeeze them like a pimple. YET, when it happens it still puts you back in your head. You feel all seething inside and it throws your life and game off.

Well that’s exactly what it was designed to do. Think about it, in another time and place you would just bash their skull in and move on. If the nature of civilized law wasn’t around, these weak men would be dead already. BUT, you live in this time and place. Don’t think you are above them. Know it.

If one goes too far, just get him alone and tell him if he doesn’t shut his mouth you are going to bash his skull in and give him to the worms. Too simple.

Now as the world is the way it is, you have to be impervious. Other men must be your minions when they act like this. They are, because a well put together man would never do this to another. He has no desire to squash other people. You are this type. I can tell. Does a grizzly bear concern himself with bees when he’s robbing their honey?

There will Always be these spiritually small men. You must learn to deal with them. Or laugh at them. You choose.
 

Barrister

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When you have something that others covet their defense mechanism is to try to tear you down. This is basic human nature. I’m guessing you’re dealing with jealous people who act this way towards you. If you are as striking in appearance as you say you are then my guess is this is primarily the reason you get this treatment.

I deal with this at work. I would say I am a good looking guy and I generally attempt to dress sharply and fashionably as well when I go to court. My suits are typically always commented on. 90% of these comments are overwhelmingly positive and I am told I am one of the few men who can pull it off. However, I get a smaller percentage of comments from a smaller group of both men and women that constantly try to demean what I wear. It’s disguised as a joke but there is an edge of jealousy with it.

Getting these comments actually let’s me know I am accomplishing what I want even more than the genuine compliments. Whenever you are successful or have a certain distinguishable style you are going to not only receive praise but also ridicule. I wouldn’t let this worry you one bit. It’s means you’re doing things right.
 

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SW15

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Bro i have a classic E46 M3 convertible, now its nothing special but its still regarded as a brute of a car.

Sometimes men laugh at me, from another car. The irony is theyre in some small cheap dirty car they barely fit in.

A guy with a Mustang told me my e46 was beautiful the other day

Hate comes from below
That E46 M3 convertible is a solid car. If well maintained, it should help a man get some vagina.

I'm not a big car guy, just personally never felt the need to spend a lot of money on a car for the sake of it's style, etc. I value practicality and reliability. Anyway, I totally get where you are coming from with this and it makes sense.
At 6'4", 240 and driving a BMW or Porsche sports car, you'd be getting vag without doing much of anything.
 

corrector

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Did you follow my advice on the other thread about that two step opener with kiss close? Just go out there and try it. It is better than worrying about your haters.
 

King Lion

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Don't feel or talk like you are beneath the people you are angry with for their treatment of you!

Tell them to STFU and put respect on your name, then point out some of your positive attributes as described here!

Just be glad that they revealed their petty nature and cuss 'em then ignore 'em - Because 'nothing succeeds like success'!
 

TheFinalLine

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That's easier said than done.

He wants actionable steps he can take to get rid of this mindset he finds himself in.
Exactly Hank. You get the concept and how it fits. I remember a day when it would happen to me. These days It has to be covert because in the open, they will get the look and retract. Or already know better.
 
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SirBigBell

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What you’re describing is similar to what ive encountered in my own self-improvement journey. Im 39, 5’8 and 218 pounds solid, drug free. I was however not always in this shape. I worked my butt off over 5years from 120 pounds. People (family, work colleagues and friends) were ok with me when I was a weakling, but as my physique started to improve the barbed comments started. Some were disguised as jokes while others were plain all out jealousy. Some work colleagues started to take every opportunity to belittle my physical progress, which was compounded also by the fact that career-wise i was also making strides.

At first it used to get to me, but once I realised that these comments were rooted in jealousy and feeling threatened by my success, I started to call out people on it. Its a form of disguised bullying really and I wasnt gonna be bullied by people who were insecure. Once the perpetrators noticed I was onto their nonsense and was calling them out on it, they stopped.
 
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