Why do I have trouble talking to girls that like me?

[battle_sheep]

Seriously, I just can talk to them!

 

[Brighty]

It might be related to how comfortable you are sexually and if you're afraid of things escalating. I know its a personal question, but how far have you gone with a girl before?

 

[dj_jazzybrad]

I have the exact same problem. When a girl comes onto me first, tells her friends she likes me etc (doesnt happen often enough lol), I usually think "oh its no big deal, its in the bag, i can sit back and relax and take it easy on this one!" And thats the mindset that kills the whole thing. I feel like I don't have to work, so i don't, it's as simple as that. i just slack off and stop thinking of things on the fly. I recently just noticed this and that's my explanation... As with lots of other things, its all in the mindset. But for me, it's hard, because i'm used to meeting new girls, escalating their attraction from the beginning. I just dont know what to do when I don't start from the beginning. I need help on this one too.

 

[battle_sheep]

It might be related to how comfortable you are sexually and if you're afraid of things escalating. I know its a personal question, but how far have you gone with a girl before?

I havnt done anything with a girl before....fail

I cant believe I dont have the courage to meet new girls, I cant pinpoint the problem

 

[Brighty]

I havnt done anything with a girl before....fail

I cant believe I dont have the courage to meet new girls, I cant pinpoint the problem

I used to be in the same boat and, at least for me, when a girl was genuinely interested in me, I was sort of put off because I was insecure with myself sexually (lol, it sounds weird, but there was nothing wrong with me... just stereotypical teenage anxiety) because I had never really gone past second base before with a girl and I was nervous about the whole deal subconsciously (you know, worried about how I'd preform, etc). Of course this reflected on myself and it ended up killing my game.

I also felt the same nervousness when a really hot girl started responding to my game for the first time, I was doing a double-take and asking myself if this was really possible that I was pulling this kind of girl. I felt a lot of different things - that it was a fluke, that she was using me for something, that I didn't deserve her, it was too good to be true, etc - and a bunch of other stupid shyt. As a result (unfortunately this happened a few times before my subconscious finally realized that I could pull really attractive girls that were previously out of my league) I either ****blocked myself, got too nervous, lost my game because "everything was going too perfect and I didnt want to fyck it up", etc.


I hope maybe you can relate to those examples. If you don't think either of the examples are the reasons why you're shy around girls that like you, I would try to examine just exactly why you are shy around them. Find the cause and ask yourself how to overcome it. In my case, it took a couple tries, and it took repetition with a few different girls to finally desensitize myself and break free and allow a girl to get to know me intimately.

One last word of advice; I would suggest stopping masturbating if you haven't already. Try to go a week without doing it and see if that doesn't drastically improve your confidence and game (I had amazing results when I tried it, even for just a week, I highly reccomend it).

 

[HOT_CHILLI]

I used to be in the same boat and, at least for me, when a girl was genuinely interested in me, I was sort of put off because I was insecure with myself sexually (lol, it sounds weird, but there was nothing wrong with me... just stereotypical teenage anxiety) because I had never really gone past second base before with a girl and I was nervous about the whole deal subconsciously (you know, worried about how I'd preform, etc). Of course this reflected on myself and it ended up killing my game.

I also felt the same nervousness when a really hot girl started responding to my game for the first time, I was doing a double-take and asking myself if this was really possible that I was pulling this kind of girl. I felt a lot of different things - that it was a fluke, that she was using me for something, that I didn't deserve her, it was too good to be true, etc - and a bunch of other stupid shyt. As a result (unfortunately this happened a few times before my subconscious finally realized that I could pull really attractive girls that were previously out of my league) I either ****blocked myself, got too nervous, lost my game because "everything was going too perfect and I didnt want to fyck it up", etc.


I hope maybe you can relate to those examples. If you don't think either of the examples are the reasons why you're shy around girls that like you, I would try to examine just exactly why you are shy around them. Find the cause and ask yourself how to overcome it. In my case, it took a couple tries, and it took repetition with a few different girls to finally desensitize myself and break free and allow a girl to get to know me intimately.

One last word of advice; I would suggest stopping masturbating if you haven't already. Try to go a week without doing it and see if that doesn't drastically improve your confidence and game (I had amazing results when I tried it, even for just a week, I highly reccomend it).

hey i hate to kind of disrupt the thread but Brighty if you're really 18 and successful with girls can you please tell me how you got to where you are now? Im 17 had a 5-7 girls ask me out/me ask them out in my lifetime but i want to learn how to attract these women and actually get far with them.

Its just that a lot of these posts are written by older people, perhaps around 25-35 and so a lot of these things dont always apply to the younger girls?

i want to know what things you read, watched, listened to, studied or just plain DID to get girls attracted to you and progress into relationships.

 

[captain underpants]

hey hot chilli the answer to your question is in his sig

 

[Brighty]

hey i hate to kind of disrupt the thread but Brighty if you're really 18 and successful with girls can you please tell me how you got to where you are now? Im 17 had a 5-7 girls ask me out/me ask them out in my lifetime but i want to learn how to attract these women and actually get far with them.

Its just that a lot of these posts are written by older people, perhaps around 25-35 and so a lot of these things dont always apply to the younger girls?

i want to know what things you read, watched, listened to, studied or just plain DID to get girls attracted to you and progress into relationships.

Well, I came across this site when I was 15. I read this site every now and then and I really didn't start becoming successful with women until I was 18, and the process happened pretty abruptly, which I think is due to a combination of things that just allowed everything I had learned to "click".

For starters, I didn't utilize the site as much as I should have. I just came on this site when I had a girl problem, posted what it was, got a few answers, and then didn't come back until I had another problem, thinking somehow that I would get better with girls this way. That was a huge reason as to why it took me as long as it did to finally start making progress: You have to use this site. Devote an hour a day to browsing the forum and participating in threads and discussing what you know - you'll find you'll subconsciously retain a lot of what you're preaching this way.

If you talked to me two years ago I could tell you what DJing is, how to kino, what IOIs are, not to be too readily available, etc... but I couldn't actually execute them to save my life. I knew the facts and howtos, but when it came time to actually doing them in the field I came up short. I lacked several key tools in a DJ's arsenal - confidence, fun-loving attitude, a positive outlook on life, etc. This explains how when I got the confidence and the attitude how quickly and drastically I started seeing results because I already knew the "facts" or the "how tos" of DJing.

On that note, I am a firm believer that high school DJing and DJing are two completely different categories and many of the techniques and mannerisms are completely different. While its still obviously important to know kino, to never be readily available, etc. everyone at this age is pretty insecure so if you're not winding up at the top of the popularity totem pole, it'll be harder for you to get the hot "popular" girl. It can be done, but its just more difficult. However, high school DJing starts to fade out around the time you hit your senior year, and I think that because girls are starting to find out what they want in a man, DJs that may have not been getting that much start pulling a lot more.

I could elaborate more, but I feel like I'd start rambling, so I'll keep it concise:

There are three things that have happened to me in the last two or three months that have just been HUGE light bulbs that have clicked on in my head. Each one has been a huge epiphany that I wish I could've learned when I first came to this site.

1. Masturbating
Yeah, I know. Weird, huh? The Masturbation Thread is where I first heard people talking about how not masturbating improves your game. I didn't really buy it, but after I stopped for a week straight, I noticed insane improvements. I had more testosterone, more confidence, I wasn't afraid to look people in the eye, I didn't care as much about the outcome of the conversation and I was radiating a more sexual aura. It's remarkable how something so easy can improve your game and your confidence tenfold. After that, I never looked back. Do this. Start tonight.


2. The Blueprint Decoded
Holy shyt. This was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Tyler Durden taught me so many different things and it really goes into the psyche of gaming. His stuff on talking about "state" blew me away and I still use his exercises to get pumped up and get in "state" to increase my confidence and make my approaches seem much more natural. Words cannot describe how much I recommend this and how much it improved my game. Don't get the audio verison, get the actual footage.

3. J0n's Field Report Log (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134914)
If you couldn't tell by my signature I sincerely think that this is one of the best things that has come out of SoSuave.net in a while. Watching J0n's transformation throughout his journal is enough motivation to make even the most AFC chump go out there and pursue. There are tons of good lines that he uses and tons of clever ideas that he employs in the journal that you can totally draw upon. I never was much into journals, but after reading J0n's field log for the first time, it really touched me on a personal level and actually associate doing these feats (picking up complete strangers in less than five minutes) with real life instead of in the movies or on the internet. Because of that, I approached gaming in a whole new way.



On a side note, don't get discouraged with failure. Hell, its expected. If you don't fail, you haven't learned anything.

On last thing (I promise, lol)... I am not some sort of player or whatever. I don't pull girls left and right by snapping my fingers. I do, however, have better results with girls than 98% of my school (because at this age, hardly anyone knows how to DJ so just by being on this forum you have a huge advantage) and because of that I get a reputation for being a "player". Even keeping that in mind, I'm no where near the level of J0n or the other DJs out in the REAL field - I'm still just a kid. Once you get over the teenage social anxiety that is often associated with puberty and high school, its really not that hard. Girls are more friendly than you think; they won't turn up their noses and hate you for trying to talk to them. I realize that I have a long way to go and I'm sure that college will take some getting used to - I don't think I can just dive right in. Two years ago, I saw myself in DJ limbo I was in it until just recently when I got back on track. Now I'm actually making significant progress and I'm continuing to frequent this forum to dispense advice, but more importantly to listen to people who are lightyears better than me and take their advice.

Anyway, I hope this helped.

 

[battle_sheep]

Im speachless, these posts rocked the sh!t!

Heres one thing:

Ive read WMS, DJ Bible, everything you can think of, I read the material and im like "wow this **** is awesome" but once im done reading, I forget everything I just read and keep on with my normal self...

any ideas?

 

[nicelife]

my friend, your reading too much at once

try to follow this reading guide someone has made:

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/readers.htm


you need to let yourself absorb the info not just skim everything

so read as much as you think you'll be able to remember and then just stop for the day and go and do something else

the bible aint goin anywhere so take your time!



Also with your main question: i think your problem is because you know they like you, so you really dont wanna mess up so your thinking about what to say, what to do etc waaaaay too much.

You just gotta chill the f_ck out and talk to them like they're just any old person, because they are.


if a girl likes you, you've got to be doing something right, so you dont need to impress her any extra, just be yourself and show your personality!

She should be the one worried about what you think about her, since she likes you. Remember that, shes trying to win you, not the other way around.

DO IT!!

 

[Brighty]

Im speachless, these posts rocked the sh!t!

Heres one thing:

Ive read WMS, DJ Bible, everything you can think of, I read the material and im like "wow this **** is awesome" but once im done reading, I forget everything I just read and keep on with my normal self...

any ideas?

Oh this one's easy: Take notes while you're watching. Why do you think teachers encourage students to take notes during lectures? By you writing it down you are storing it in your brain and interpreting it. Try to put the concepts into your own words to further make them seem personal to you.

 

[battle_sheep]

Thank you nicelift for that post, it make so much sense, and to Brighty for the awesome advice, im using all this information

 

[Brighty]

Thank you nicelift for that post, it make so much sense, and to Brighty for the awesome advice, im using all this information

Good luck with it, keep us posted on how it goes.