Why do guys say don't be nice..

[Roober]

One of things I haven't heard mentioned is just men become just agreeable to crap cause they don't stand up for themselves. When a woman starts challenging a man's values, it is time to stand up to them or walk away. In my case, I will do it respectfully. Many men, especially married ones, end up falling into gender roles and let the pvssy guide them around. You see guys doing things they would never normally do, while not getting anything for it. You see guys who let the women drive the relationship. You also see guys who just get walked on by everyone.

Men are better at dealing with conflict, often times because we can give two $hits about it. But that often results in men just not standing up for themselves and letting bad behavior develop and later continue.

An example recently would be my lady's friend, let's call her Jill. Jill started dating a guy in September, both early 30's and single. So far...

-He sends long texts professing how much he cares about her, not sure if he has dropped the love bomb
-He says he thinks she is "the one"
-went to Hawaii with family and brought her back a bunch of gifts after knowing her for two weeks
-bought her a bracelet with both of their initials on it

Now Jill is soaking it up and beaming, but to me, that is just wayyyy too much, and it will eventually burn him down the line. Maybe not though?

My lady looks at me and said "I haven't gotten a bracelet" or something similar. I just smiled and said, "I know, give me a quarter and I can get one from a candy machine" and smiled. If I was a "nice guy", I would have went and bought her a bracelet, which I won't do.

The bottom line is: treat others as you want to be treated

 

[MrJack]

I think it’s all in the mindset too, but something kinda shook my off a little. I recall a long time ago, Desdinova said how he has to be meaner than he genuinely is towards women or else they will think of him as the cliche nice guy and won’t be attracted. Not sure if things have changed since then, would have to ask. Thoughts @Desdinova ?

This how I feel. I'm genuinely a nice guy but it has never gotten me any poon. As soon as I started acting like more of a ****y/funny/sarcastic ass, all the sudden I gain attraction.

I was actually thinking about this topic the other day. And I came to this realization...

I don't enjoy being an ass!!

But it's necessary, at least for me, to gain attraction. It has reversed my results from negative to positive.

It's all one big game. Kinda ridiculous but whatever I guess.

 

[djthiago1]

You can be the nicest guy ever as long as you have a backbone, don't wear your heart on your sleeve, and don't pedestalize women.

 

[Julian]

no @Julian is right. At first I thought hes demonised and satanised as hes into that 666 stuff (which he admitted) but he's right about not buying stuff for random women, or doing it wisely during LTR

im not satanized an demonized . i believe satan exists but im a worshipper of Jesus and our Father God!

 

[Dash Riprock]

I'm extremely nice to my plates.
I spend good money to show them a good time.
Drinks, nice dinners..

One plate i hated her hair, so i got with a stylist and got her a makeover..
I call and check on them not just for sex just to see how they are.. Etc etc

I try to go on really nice dates.. Front row seats at baseball games
Concerts etc etc

Rarely have a problem. No disrespect. They generally come whenever I call and f*ck and s*ck me .. Took a plate out for drinks she gave me head in the bar bathroom..

They buy me surprises .. Pajamas, bed sheets, food, clothes ..

Should we stop telling guys to not be nice?
Because from my experience when you get good quality women they only reciprocate your generosity..

Also I'm not nice to make them like me.. Its honestly who I am. I'm just not a mean person.
I treat my guy friends to stuff as well..

Try my way.. Be genuinely nice to women without being needy and see what happens..

Hey Cola,

First off, I think you're one of the more solid posters on SS. Good job.

You can be nice to plates provided you're not grooming any of them to be a FT girlfriend or LTR possibility.

I do the same thing with my plates. Front row at Broadway theatre productions, nice dinners, epic Colorado hikes and I make/bring the lunch. I do this because I want to partake in these activities and they are simply there to join me as my guest. If they left for another guy, shortly after, I wouldn't really care.

If I see gf or LTR potential in a woman, I will play things a bit differently. I will draw things out a bit more time-wise with the $$ spending and big events and have her over more and give her a lot more sh*it and neg her more. It definitely helps build attraction plus that sort of behaviour is very conducive to my personality and I find it fun. Giving sh*it and being ****y and funny to a HB8-9 and watching their reaction is about the most fun any guy can have.

I haven't read all the posts in this thread but based on MANY years of dating experience, you can't be a full time jerk or d*ick but you cannot be too nice either. Be a confident MAN who knows what he wants out of life and has his sh*it together. That will put you ahead of 97% of the men out there.

Good luck.

 

[BeExcellent]

you need to know your place and keep quiet until spoken to, otherwise dont quote me period.

Of course dear.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I’m not an expert on the subject by any means. I wouldn’t try to be mean.. Just don’t become anyone’s doormat. Like many guys here, I’ve made the mistake of being too nice.. It’s just in my nature. My motive for being nice was never to get laid. Contrary to the stereotypes

Sometimes it takes a while to get the balance right.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can be the nicest guy ever as long as you have a backbone, don't wear your heart on your sleeve, and don't pedestalize women.

They can be some of the scummiest people.

 

[That_dude]

Sometimes it takes a while to get the balance right.

Without a doubt. Still learning myself

 

[ubercat]

@Roober that's a classic example well done handled like a boss. There's this old book I own which is pretty good called crucial conversations. The idea is that some conversations matter more people have put their high cards on the table and the stakes are high. For example you've bumped into the big boss in the lift when it's just you and him. With chicks in a ltr anytime there is a frame push I go on high alert because to me that's a crucial conversation. Anytime she is demanding resources in any form is definitely the time to tease and mess with her. And yes she may crackout and go off her tits. But in the long term this will work for you. Anything else is the AFC path to hell that we all know so well.

 

[Trunks]

When guys say don't be a nice guy, they mean don't be an asexually/timid nice guy, i.e., use your generosity or kindness to hide your sexuality or overcompensate for your insecurities. Any normal person would find out that being an azzhole doesn't work with getting a healthy woman, or for securing a stable position in society in general.

In other words, kindness is a good trait, but it won't attract women in and of itself.