why are guys scared to approach?

[Climax]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
I'm afraid to approach even when I know I will succeed.

And why is that?


Laterz...

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
I'm afraid to approach even when I know I will succeed.

I don't know. You guys are the ones with all the made up answers.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

I think men are afraid to approach based on their twisted outlook on women. If your outlook is that she is the prize, then of course, who would not be scared? But if the focus is on you, and you are asking yourself, Do I like this girl? Is she worth my time? Instead of asking, Does she like me? Am I worth her time? When you put the focus on you, your outlook changes, and so does your results.

 

[Emperiorjack]

It's not that they're scared of rejection but what people will say once they know he got rejected. he's scared of the negatve feedbacks he will receive if he does it wrong. Plus some people can't think when they get nervous so they have trouble of knowing what to say to women. Its hard to know what to say when you can't think. So they avoid women like a disease hoping one day they won't be nervous then they will talk with them.

 

[tobby]

I agree that most men are afraid to approach because of the fear of rejection, but let's be honest (BAD SH*T HAPPENS!). Sometimes you do end up looking like an idiot in front of your friends, family, etc, or you have to see the girl that rejected you again sometimes. I know some people will then say that "you're not supposed to care about these things", but let's be honest here. I know plenty of guys that have heard the girls laugh at you because women talk or seen a female friend talk about the guyl who tried to approach her.

 

[Climax]

Originally posted by tobby
I agree that most men are afraid to approach because of the fear of rejection, but let's be honest (BAD SH*T HAPPENS!). Sometimes you do end up looking like an idiot in front of your friends, family, etc, or you have to see the girl that rejected you again sometimes. I know some people will then say that "you're not supposed to care about these things", but let's be honest here. I know plenty of guys that have heard the girls laugh at you because women talk or seen a female friend talk about the guyl who tried to approach her.

Yes... but its all part of "thhe game" ... you WILL get rejected, you WILL be laughed at at SOME point in your dj'ing life (unless you are a VERY attractive guy that no woman would ever say "no" to) .. and yes, its a risc that we need to take, because the fact is, is that we DONT KNOW how ANY girl will react when we approach her, dance with her, flirt with her, etc etc...


Laterz...

 

[allan976]

As far as I can tell, the fear of approaching never goes away completely. But if I get even one IOI, I go in. My advice is to stop worrying so much about something you can't do anything about anyway and do a bunch of approaches anyway. For any of you contemplating a dating workshop, the number one pointer all schools give is to approach ('three second rule'). Your mind can doubt and fear all it wants to, but get your feet moving! Good luck.

 

[frivolousz21]

im afraid to approach because...

oh wait im not


but yet im the biggest afc here :rock:

 

[pimpfromdayone]

They're afraid to leave their "comfort zone" also. They think to themselves, I am happy as I am (even if they're not) and justify it with reasons why they didn't approach, even to the point where they have unrealistically high standards of what they want their woman to look/be like so that they never really do any approaches. I've been there, been very picky, until I figured out while I am screwing around just waiting for the PERFECT girl to grace my presence, I could be dating other girls.... but that is beside the point here. And for me, it has never been so much the fear of what the GIRL will think of me, but the fear that somehow everyone else will find out about me and how I failed with her. I was always really shy and reticent (I just learned to deal with it and be less shy and more outgoing), and I get more scared/nervous in front of a group of people I don't know than in front of 1 hot girl I am macking on. Everyone tells themselves they could care less if they fail, but I think it is only human that we all take a hit to the confidence when we do get rejected. Becoming numb to the effects of rejection can be done, but it just doesn't seem likely that one can do away with it all together. As long as you can get confidence boosts when women hit on you, compliment you, you accomplish something, etc., you will be able to feel at least a little worse when you get rejected, even if you trained yourself to not care.

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

I think failing at approaches is an entirely different species of failure than most things.

When you approach, you're basically opening yourself up to judgment completely. You approach a woman, and you are instantly judged on appearence and looks. If she does not feel you are attractive, you get rejected. If you pass the initial screening, you start to display your personality. If she doesn't like what she hears, you get rejected.

Those kinds of rejections are deeply personal and cut directly to the heart of who or what we are. It's not like failing a test...failing a test is merely a "rejection" of one aspect of your knowledge. However, getting rejected by a woman is being personally rejected. You, as a person, have been rejected. That's powerful stuff...being told that you are unworthy of someone's attention.

Now, the way this is mitigated, naturally, is by someone else affirming you and giving you their attention or being attracted to you. Thus, fear of rejection is lessened with the knowledge that it's not really just you, it's partially them (it's not that you're some kind of troll, it's that they and you aren't compatible...but there are some people out there who ARE compatible with you).

Personally, I have never once succeeded off an approach. I keep doing them, I keep trying, but my fear of failure never diminishes because I have no success to hang my hat on. At this point, I'm just numb to the rejection and keep doing it because it gives my friends amusing things to talk about, but I can EASILY see how someone in my position (never had a single bit of positive feedback) would eventually become paralyzed with fear.

 

[MystLk]

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ

Personally, I have never once succeeded off an approach. I keep doing them, I keep trying, but my fear of failure never diminishes because I have no success to hang my hat on. At this point, I'm just numb to the rejection and keep doing it because it gives my friends amusing things to talk about, but I can EASILY see how someone in my position (never had a single bit of positive feedback) would eventually become paralyzed with fear.

Thats Pretty Screwed Up Man.

 

[dereklearnslow]

Re: A tip for ya'all

Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~
... And for those of you that would still pass by the opportunity, well, I guess your hand will have to be working overtime ey?

Indeed......indeed.

 

[Viper]

Why do guys have to approach? Cold approaching random girls at random times just seems like an unnatural and forced way to meet women. Cold Approaching girls you know already, seems even weirder.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Just face it, guys have to approach, they have to take the initiative, because clearly the girls don't. Cold approaching may at times be forced, but it isn't unnatural... you're merely being social. Nobody but YOU can make yourself successful with women, and they don't care if you are, so relying on women to do it for you would be really stupid. You know for a fact that most guys take only what is handed to them, what they have immediately available, because they don't know any other way to get women and they're scared. Maybe you have some hot girl(s) in your class, maybe you just happen to have a friend that has a hot sister, but if you rely on this to get you girls, it may never happen. Those guys who magically meet nice women simply know how to capitalize on their opportunities. So my question is why would you NOT approach? You have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain. You may think that only "tryhards" do a lot of approaching, but really, it is just that they are usually the only ones with the balls to do it. Girls want to be approached, so do them a favor and do it. They will be thrilled to see someone with some brains, an un-popped collar, no facial hair, and his hat facing the right dam-n direction coming over to talk to them. Do some guys get lucky and not need to approach girls? Yes, like I said, but they still have to know how to capitalize on those opportunities handed to them or they get nowhere as well. I for one am not going to leave my love-life to chance, just hoping that someday some hot girl will sit by me in math class and instantly fall in love with me. It doesn't work that way, and you can't afford to just sit there and let the good things in life pass you by.

 

[Luveno]

Men are scared to approach because of an elevated sense of pride.

AFCs see themselves as the starsof their own little romantic comedies. If they get shot down they get embarrassed...but why?

It's because they believe themselves to be the centre of the world and everyone wants to take a shot at them when they go down.

But its not true. They're just one of 6 billion walking sacks of water on the planet. Whether they get shot down or not makes no difference at all to anyone but them. And it shouldn't even make a difference to them.

 

[He Man Woman Hater]

scared of rejection and some guys just feel awkward approaching strangers

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Originally posted by pimpfromdayone
Girls want to be approached, so do them a favor and do it.

While this is absolutely the mind set you must have to be successful, this is the most oft-repeated fallacy on this message board.

This is *extremely* setting dependant. If you go to a club, yeah there are probably a greater percentage of girls who "wouldn't mind" being approached. I'd say under most favorable circumstances, maybe 35-40% of the women in clubs would like being approached. The other 60-ish% aren't looking for anything other than a good time with their friends. However, that number slips down lower and lower to the point where at, say, a 7-11 the percentage of women who "wouldn't mind" being approached drops, since the vast majority are in a 7-11 to do something quickly, like buy a soda and get out.

 

[Climax]

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ
While this is absolutely the mind set you must have to be successful, this is the most oft-repeated fallacy on this message board.

This is *extremely* setting dependant. If you go to a club, yeah there are probably a greater percentage of girls who "wouldn't mind" being approached. I'd say under most favorable circumstances, maybe 35-40% of the women in clubs would like being approached. The other 60-ish% aren't looking for anything other than a good time with their friends. However, that number slips down lower and lower to the point where at, say, a 7-11 the percentage of women who "wouldn't mind" being approached drops, since the vast majority are in a 7-11 to do something quickly, like buy a soda and get out.

No offence to you, but thats BULLSH!T!!

1) In a club, i would say that at LEAST 80% of the girls there would WANT a hot guy approaching them, maybe 10 or 20% of the girls in a club are there to just "have a good time". And yes, part of having a good time IS the fact of hooking up with some hot guy.

2) It doesnt matter if ur in a 7/11 or in a club, if a chick is in the presence of a hot guy, she WOULD want him to approach her (given that she is single).

I'm not saying this because its something i THINK, I say this because if you dont know already, I practically LIVE with women, i ear and know everything that there is to know.


Laterz...

 

[spider_007]

Bottom line is, we like to torture our slefs. Just becuase we warn't sucesfull in the past we stop our selfs from being sucessfull in the future:

for example:

I went out last saturday to a club. I usually grab a drink and go straight to the dancefloor, but I wasn't feeling it today (no energy) Nice little broonate (with curley hair) was giving me the eye (holding eyecontact) and I thought to my self; "she's got a nice smile, but what chance do I have, I'm a 22 yo who never had a g/f." see what I mean. I made eyecontact with 3 chicks (theirs eyes ware saying "get you god damn ass overhere" yat everytime I thought to my self; "what chance do I have, I'm as close to a 22 yo virgin as you get." If I only had at least one sucess behind my belt, things would be so different......So many missed opportunities; chicks walking by and grabing my ass, asking me to dance and me saying no, coming to dance in front of me, or turning their back toward me after making eyecontact................. :cuss: This is putting me in a bad mood
confidence builds on experience. Each time you get laid, or each time you get a number, or even dance with a chick, you get a boost in your confidence. The problem is, you got to start with notting, no succes. You have to put it all on the line and DO IT. And if your really ballzy over time you get one or two succesess and get even ballzyer...and so an and so on. First aproch is the hardest (I know, i've been trying to do it for the last 10 months.)

i would also like to mention that confidence can be seperated into two groups; general confidence (at work, with friends, with strangers) and intimate (personal) confidence (with opposite sex)

 

[bbestar]

I actually still remember when I was 10 years old, I went up to washington D.C. For a barbeque cook out..

While i was standing around eating, I saw some girl looking at me, somewhat staring at me. A few minutes later I actually approached her.

I asked her whats up, how u doin... but then my dad C9ckblocked me and told me we had to go..

Back then
I Can still remember I was holding hands with some girl in preschool :woo:
and in 2nd to 3rd grade I had a girl who was obsessed with me, and told me once on a field trip if we were alone together she would have sex with me.. back in 93 u see..

but then i became scared in middle school and my parents isolated me from most social interaction after school..