Who else can relate?

[Squiggly Sponge]

Without someone else giving you a chance, you just can't ignore that when you've been starved your whole life. YOU CAN'T.

I just wanted to touch on this. You've (probably) heard this kind of thing before, but you might want to try giving yourself a chance first before looking to other people. People don't just get "discovered" in all aspects of life, unless they are particularly lucky.

I understand how you guys feel about being uncomfortable around couples and stuff, I've felt that too. I don't know where these problems stem from really my circumstances are good. Maybe from feelings of inferiority?

It's good to read your posts, seeing other people trying to find their way is sorta inspiring to me. We're all dealing with our own problems, and a site like this where you can come and talk about these major issues and get support makes me feel hopeful.

I wish you guys the best in your efforts, just remember that no-one is perfect. I guess that everyone else looks happy, but you never know what is going on behind closed doors. I hope you guys keep posting, I don't come on here much, but I'd be very interested in seeing how you progress when I do.

Good luck!

 

[EricInTheHouse]

Eric, as a Master Don Juan, I am giving you a mission, should you choose to accept it.

Go out to a bar tonight. Go early around 11PM, sit at the bar, have a couple of drinks. Start off making conversation with the bartender, that is what they are there for.

Your mission after you get a little buzzed, is to have as many conversations with strangers as possible. No goal beyond that.

Remember all that you can, because you must post a Field Report tomorrow, telling us everything that happened.

Have fun. Remember... this is a mission.

LMAO! hahah!... tonight??....oh jeezus.... I'm so far not in the mood for being at a bar...plus my damn truck is not running..

I know what you are saying though.. my councellor had me doing the same exact thing, but more like giving me missions to say a compliment to 10 girls in one week... and I have done it.. I had to make reports of it on paper, and show him..

He knew I was really doing it, because one of the girls I mentioned works at the sub shop he frequents, lol... he knew the girl I flirted with hahah!.. She happens to be the girl I went on my brief date with..

I even bought flowers for a girl because some dumbass insulted her, and she felt like crap, and I was standing right there.. I was shaking so damn bad that I thought I was going to fall, lol

Ughhhh I can't do this mission tonight.. if I had my truck, I would be tempted to flirt with the girls at BlockBuster...

I know what you mean though.... I got to quit being so chicken ****, lol..

 

[EricInTheHouse]

I just wanted to touch on this. You've (probably) heard this kind of thing before, but you might want to try giving yourself a chance first before looking to other people. People don't just get "discovered" in all aspects of life, unless they are particularly lucky.

I understand how you guys feel about being uncomfortable around couples and stuff, I've felt that too. I don't know where these problems stem from really my circumstances are good. Maybe from feelings of inferiority?

It's good to read your posts, seeing other people trying to find their way is sorta inspiring to me. We're all dealing with our own problems, and a site like this where you can come and talk about these major issues and get support makes me feel hopeful.

I wish you guys the best in your efforts, just remember that no-one is perfect. I guess that everyone else looks happy, but you never know what is going on behind closed doors. I hope you guys keep posting, I don't come on here much, but I'd be very interested in seeing how you progress when I do.

Good luck!

Yepp... I always wonder what people are really like on the inside..I see guys everyday...and mayby some of them inside are just like me. I guess that's why I like forums like this, and LoveShack... In here people share the deepest thoughts that they would never share to anyone in real life..

I hated the feelings of "I am the only one that is screwed up" or "the world is against me"... The forum helps take that stigmata away....

 

[iqqi]

LMAO! hahah!... tonight??....oh jeezus.... I'm so far not in the mood for being at a bar...plus my damn truck is not running..

I know what you are saying though.. my councellor had me doing the same exact thing, but more like giving me missions to say a compliment to 10 girls in one week... and I have done it.. I had to make reports of it on paper, and show him..

He knew I was really doing it, because one of the girls I mentioned works at the sub shop he frequents, lol... he knew the girl I flirted with hahah!.. She happens to be the girl I went on my brief date with..

I even bought flowers for a girl because some dumbass insulted her, and she felt like crap, and I was standing right there.. I was shaking so damn bad that I thought I was going to fall, lol

Ughhhh I can't do this mission tonight.. if I had my truck, I would be tempted to flirt with the girls at BlockBuster...

I know what you mean though.... I got to quit being so chicken ****, lol..

Stop making excuses. You shouldn't drink and drive anyways. Catch a cab. Go somewhere that isn't too far away, but that will be packed. I catch cabs all the time to avoid drinking and driving. And I have also went out alone... and I am a girl!!!!


I've always ended up having a good time.

TONIGHT! You have hours to get in the right mindframe.

 

[Gubby]

That's cool that you are in spain...I've never been out of the NorthEast of the USA. I can see how culture shock can make you lonely, I don't know if I could do that... It must be tremedously hard to leave the friends you had in favor of a totally different place and people... Jeezus, I get nervous just thinking about it.. Hope you're doing better.

I nearly DIED of solitude! But what does not kill you makes ya stronger, as Neitzche that old bastard said. Try it yourself! It helps slay the demons. Then at last you're free. It's a gruelling process but I'd say that every drop of pain was worth it.

I'm not sure I had quite the idea of just how hard it would be when I chose to come to Spain, but I DID have the determination to make good out of difficulty. Though I had times I wanted to give up, TBH death just wasn't such an attractive proposition.

We're here in life whether we like it or not, we're trapped between the end and the beginning, and all we can do is dance like a pollen grain doing the brownian motion! Even suffering is better than death my friend

 

[EricInTheHouse]

Stop making excuses. You shouldn't drink and drive anyways. Catch a cab. Go somewhere that isn't too far away, but that will be packed. I catch cabs all the time to avoid drinking and driving. And I have also went out alone... and I am a girl!!!!


I've always ended up having a good time.

TONIGHT! You have hours to get in the right mindframe.

Wel honestly I probably won't be doing this, but I'm going to take a nap and see what my sister is doing tonight..sometimes she goes to parties or whatever on Saturdays... I may tag along or something..

Thanks, Iqqi, you have a cool soul, lol

 

[ChrizZ]

Eric, your only problem is that you don't want it bad enough...

 

[Gubby]

Eric, your only problem is that you don't want it bad enough...

Or he doesn't know how much he should be wanting it......

 

[EricInTheHouse]

Eric, your only problem is that you don't want it bad enough...

Oh I've wanted it bad enough for the last 4 years.. the thing is I have many other things that have made me this loner type.. it's a lot to write in one thread, but it is there, and it's the reason I am a 3o year old guy stuck in a lonely bliss.

Trust me.. I want to be helped and I am strong..it's just that if I felt as if I could..then I would of had it long ago...

It's complex and hard to explain.... I'm a basketcase to tell you the truth.

 

[iqqi]

If you wanted it, you would take my mission seriously.

Stop waiting for the "right" moment. I just GAVE it to you.

 

[ketostix]

I know what you are saying though.. my councellor had me doing the same exact thing, but more like giving me missions to say a compliment to 10 girls in one week... and I have done it.. I had to make reports of it on paper, and show him..

He knew I was really doing it, because one of the girls I mentioned works at the sub shop he frequents, lol... he knew the girl I flirted with hahah!.. She happens to be the girl I went on my brief date with..

See you went on a mission and after just complimenting 10 girls you got your first and only date. That's a pretty damn good success rate 10%. I could understand you not being motivated if you approach 100 girls and didn't get one date. You say you want a girl so bad yet you won't even go out to meet one. I really don't get it. If you had tried and failed 1000 or even a 100 times it'd be different. Just like I'm guessing you did 90% of the work on your truck and gave up and now you're going to pay the full price to someone else to fix it anyway. Men can't just quit at the first sign of adiversity. Only women have the option to be quitters and still succeed.

 

[Gubby]

Oh I've wanted it bad enough for the last 4 years.. the thing is I have many other things that have made me this loner type.. it's a lot to write in one thread, but it is there, and it's the reason I am a 3o year old guy stuck in a lonely bliss.

Trust me.. I want to be helped and I am strong..it's just that if I felt as if I could..then I would of had it long ago...

It's complex and hard to explain.... I'm a basketcase to tell you the truth.

So it's complex. Tackle it one layer at a time. It's okay. But you know no-one can save you from yourself.

If all else fails, try a therapist. NLP has some neat tricks to get over things like irrational fears, I reckon might work for your irrational fear of going to bars.

You know "judge by actions not words"? Same applies for you. You give all these excuses, fine, and you don't do what is supposedly good for you. Forget the excuses; chances are they're meaningless (or at best they only HINT at what's going down in the depths of your psyche). It's what you're doing or not doing that makes the grade. Imagine that every word you say about your problem is a crutch and cannot be trusted. What are you gonna DO?

Remember, self-improvement is not a one-shot effort. You have to improve all the time. But a one-shot might finally tip you over the edge into a virtuous cycle of improvement, which is what any good therapist looks to do.

D'ya need a hug?

 

[EricInTheHouse]

See you went on a mission and after just complimenting 10 girls you got your first and only date. That's a pretty damn good success rate 10%. I could understand you not being motivated if you approach 100 girls and didn't get one date. You say you want a girl so bad yet you won't even go out to meet one. I really don't get it. If you had tried and failed 1000 or even a 100 times it'd be different. Just I'm guesing you did 90% of the work on your truck and gave up and now you're going to pay the full price to someone else to fix it anyway. Men can't just quit at the the first sign of diversity. Only women have the option to be quitters and still succeed.

I understand this..yes.. There is a ton more to my story than I have revealed.. It would take another thread and a box of tissues to explain that part.. I'm at the stage that I know effort has to be put forth, or I will just get worse..

I do talk to girls more than I ever had before, but I just don't feel comfortable in my skin 100%.... I am up to the challende on another time, but right now I have the ****s, and I feel like crap... I explained that in another thread in "anything else"

Don't think I take this for granted.. I'm very serious about it, and at the same time I hope this thread can help others like me.. That's mostly why I started this thread.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

So it's complex. Tackle it one layer at a time. It's okay. But you know no-one can save you from yourself.

If all else fails, try a therapist. NLP has some neat tricks to get over things like irrational fears, I reckon might work for your irrational fear of going to bars.

You know "judge by actions not words"? Same applies for you. You give all these excuses, fine, and you don't do what is supposedly good for you. Forget the excuses; chances are they're meaningless (or at best they only HINT at what's going down in the depths of your psyche). It's what you're doing or not doing that makes the grade. Imagine that every word you say about your problem is a crutch and cannot be trusted. What are you gonna DO?

Remember, self-improvement is not a one-shot effort. You have to improve all the time. But a one-shot might finally tip you over the edge into a virtuous cycle of improvement, which is what any good therapist looks to do.

D'ya need a hug?

Now I can see the purpose of the bar challlenge... maybe ..just maybe if I start doing these spontanious things then I will continue to improve and feel like improving.. I guess I need to jump in the lake naked... go up to a chick and say..

"hey baby,who's your poppa tonight"..lol.. J/K.. Jeezus... I'm Napolean Dynamite FFS, lol

 

[ItsOnNow]

I totally relate to everything in this thread. I have been thinking,and I know this is going to sound a bit juvenile,but are girls,say from ages 16-22,mostly attracted to guy's who fit a certain scene? I.E Jocks,preps,skater boys,rockers,hipstes,artsy types,etc? I mean,what if you don't see yourself as any of those? I mean,if you fall into some sort of crowd,is that almost an instant foot in the door with certain chicks?

 

[iqqi]

Dude, 20 turned to 30 is going to turn to 40.

I didn't tell you to go holler at chicks. I said have conversations with strangers. After you have alcohol lubricated a little! This first challenge is nothing. The real challenge is you getting off your @ss.

Bars have bathrooms, by the way.

Plus we will be here when you get back.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

I totally relate to everything in this thread. I have been thinking,and I know this is going to sound a bit juvenile,but are girls,say from ages 16-22,mostly attracted to guy's who fit a certain scene? I.E Jocks,preps,skater boys,rockers,hipstes,artsy types,etc? I mean,what if you don't see yourself as any of those? I mean,if you fall into some sort of crowd,is that almost an instant foot in the door with certain chicks?

I would say that girls that age do like to hang out with those types, yes..more than lets say.... the Napolean Dynamite type, lol..
Girls want to hang out with guys that are confident, funny, and caring...

I'm caring, and funny, but I am FAR AWAY from being confident.. I'm shy as hell, and the poster child of being insecure. I don't think girls that age want to deal with a guy that would be mostly like her child if we actually went on a date(any girl really)

Being confident in our own skin is the first step, and that is what I am fighting for ATM... I want to be the "guy".. the person my girl can go to and snuggle with, and I can give her the same back.. To take her to a dance and have fun without her having to tip toe around my emotions.

If we can get confident like that, then I believe any girl will be attracted to you, and not just because you are a prep or a skater boy..

 

[Kaim Argonar]

Yepp... I always wonder what people are really like on the inside..I see guys everyday...and mayby some of them inside are just like me. I guess that's why I like forums like this, and LoveShack... In here people share the deepest thoughts that they would never share to anyone in real life..

I hated the feelings of "I am the only one that is screwed up" or "the world is against me"... The forum helps take that stigmata away....

Give a man a mask, and he'll tell the truth.

That's why I keep coming back here when I first thought I'd just lurk. Even after attaining a successful relationship I'd still be just as interested, because learning about people's struggles and characters is always fascinating.

I'm persuaded that you don't feel like going to bars, and especially not alone, because frequenting this kind of place on your own shows that you are needy, and you're not yet comfortable enough with that. If you head in that kind of establishment, girls know what you're here for, and what you want as if it was tatooed on your forehead.

That said, some kind of social event involving alcohol would perhaps be a good choice, one where the base premise wouldn't be flirting would certainly make you feel at ease, and it'd allow you to socialize with girls. I don't know if you have access to that, but it might be a good option to investigate.

Good luck, in the past I felt just as bad as you, believe it. Now even if I'm still mostly a loner I've made tremendous progress as far as social life goes, I have rock-solid confidence and am perfectly at ease with myself.

The thing that made the biggest difference was to change my mindset for an agressive one. You need to never be meek anymore. Just think in your mind something like "**** EVERYONE ELSE!" many times a day, begin to judge others, laugh at their faults when you think of them, and think of no one else but your own self.

 

[Gubby]

Give a man a mask, and he'll tell the truth.

Just "being a good listener" is a good way to get this to happen.

I don't know why I'm naturally a good listener, because I'm not even necessarily very interested about people -- I'm interested in interesting things xD. I think all it is is to be able to hear anything and react like, "oh, really?" -- like EVERYTHING is ok and normal. Also, just don't talk too much, and people will want to fill the vacuum. I very often hear people go, "I don't know why I told you this, I haven't told anyone else". The reason is I'm not a bit'ch and I don't judge people or do "gossip". And they just pick up on that vibe.

 

[Mad Manic]

Well I have trouble with my self esteem as far as looks go.. I feel that I am not desireable and it's the main reason why I have gone down this spiral.. I was never confident in my looks and I became shy and withdrawn.. It has been like that my whole life..I remember the days I would stay in my room playing video games, and just basicly ignoring everyone around me.

I never went to college.. I pretty much do my own thing, and I'm good at it.

I have friends that I help at the racetrack in the summer... I love to be at the races working on the cars ect ect... Lots of action and it takes my mind off of this bull****.. I guess that would be my circle, but a small one ..
I'm sure I would fit in if I was normal, and didn't have so much worry on my brain.. People do notice that something is wrong when they get to know me..
I am very emotional, and sometimes it's impossible to keep secret and hide..

I have my share of moments when I need to leave a place..video store, Wal-Mart..ect ect.. because ..well..... It gets tough and My emotions will come out..

I can't speak for you but most social circles are usually formed from school, college, uni or work and are predominantly the same race and class based. So what happened at school/college/work and what were your experiences? I do have a race complex but these are valid questions nonetheless. What happened in these environments, were you ever in any social groups and what made you feel like you didn't fit in?

MM