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Where to now (asking for advice)

Apo1011

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Being new to this forum but having read some books about dating at 24 ayears of age, I can confidently say that my dating life has been good in the past. I'm now 31 years of age and 5.67 and weigh 138 lbs and I live in a very small country with not many people but a lot of foreigners. In the looks department, I’m probably a 6/10 with the right clothes 6.5/10. Five months ago I left a relationship of four years.


Now being out of the relationship I had initial success with two girls for ONS. Since January I had nothing happening in terms of women. Having been a dancer in my younger teens I took up dancing (salsa, bachata) again to do a fun activity that I haven’t been doing in years and I approach intermediate level skills dancing four times a week. I’m a social worker so my career prospects are limited in terms of income, but since I manage my own camp I already climbed as high as I probably can in this aspect. I absolutely love my job have an amazing hobby and have great friends.

Now I know this sounds perhaps stupid and probably this is also not the place to post but I recently discovered that I’m not feeling good with all of this. I seem to have lost my game towards women. Through my job, I am amazing as soon as I have the girl hooked to me being a really good conversationalist and also having studied human behavior throughout my whole life. Working in a field with a lot of humans I tend to strictly divide women between friends and dating prospects. The first batch of girls I always manage to chat up but through my ways, it is immediately clear that there is no sexual interest from my side (the possibility to communicate this helps a lot in my line of work). The problem I encounter is that I either do not recognize IOI anymore or that I seem to not be able to get girls attracted to me. This problem does only arise for the girls I’m interested in. So I’m asking myself what I do have to change in my way of life, or what material would help me get back into the game. Therefore, I would love to have your guys’ feedback, propositions and suggestions.

Anyways I want to thank everyone already in advance for all the shared feedback.
 

Dr.Suave

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You had a couple of ONS, something worked. Keep doing what works.

Try OLD. Get a bunch of matches. Plan dates you would actually enjoy regardless of company or invite them to tag along to places you had to go anyway.

Gonna copy paste something from a previous post, hope it helps you:

DJ bootcamp? Your TASK was to talk to girls?

Im sorry I disagree with all of this. I dont like the mindset.

That stuff never really worked for me. Becuase the focus was on getting the girls. While this might work for some people, for me it created scarcity mindset.

What recently worked for me was focusing on doing stuff I actually enjoy, while triple booking with OLD matches the same date, time, and place to come and join me.

If none of them cancelled, I would go out with the hottest one and I would make something up to flake on the other girls. My main focus was enjoying the actual date more than the girl herself.

Btw, I dunno if Murphys law or what, but when I singled book, the girl would flake more than half of the time. When triple booking, none would cancel and I had to flake on the other girls.

I would invite them to a restaurant I was actually craving for, or to watch the latest blockbuster I actually wanted to see. I believe that being focus on enojying the actual date would give off the abundance mindset instead of neediness or scarcity mindset and girls would somehow sense it and they loved it.

Texting was nothing special. No PUA tricks.

Text One: "Hey girl. How´s ur weekend going?" When matching during weekend. If matching Monday/Tuesday it was "Hey girl. How was your weekend?". If matching Wednesday/Thursday "Hey girl. Any cool plans for the upcoming weekend?"
Her: Bla bla bla

Next text: "Cool. What do you enjoy doing with your free time?"
Her: bla bla bla

If we have suff in common:

"Looks like we have a lot in common. Im craving my favorite sushi place, wanna meet 5:30ish pm next saturday?" Maybe Im implying that since we have stuff in common I wanna get to know her better.

If we dont have that much in common:

"I live in X city by Y mall. Anything interesting near your house?"
Her: Bla bla bla
"My favorite Burger place is very close to your house. Wanna meet Next saturday evening and grab a bite?"


If there was a new movie I actually wanted to see.
"I wanna watch the new Marvel movie. Lets go on day 1 to avoid spoilers. My favorite movie place has a show at 6pm"

No long texts. No double texting. No over-talking or over-sharing. STFU, Keep it simple and more or less mirror her response time.

So she showed up at the date. Cool. At the end tell her something like "Text me when u are home safe". When she texts u shes home, I just reply "Descansa" which is similar to have a good nights sleep or something like that. Dissappear 1-3 days and ask her out again.

If she shows up AGAIN, means she has high interest. U r in the clear now. As long as u dont mess it up or lose interest in her urself, u will bang this girl sooner or later. Just remember to escalate.

Have you give exclusivity to a girl before? Ok, Never again give exclusivity to a girl unless you like her more than your last ltr, or at least as much. No way u gonna settle for less.

U in a ltr? How frequent is the sex? No point being exclusive if you are getting less amount of sex than u could get spinning plates. She should want sex more than you or at least just as much; dont became on of those guys in an exclusive relationship who only gets laid once in a blue moon.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Being new to this forum but having read some books about dating at 24 ayears of age, I can confidently say that my dating life has been good in the past. I'm now 31 years of age and 5.67 and weigh 138 lbs and I live in a very small country with not many people but a lot of foreigners. In the looks department, I’m probably a 6/10 with the right clothes 6.5/10. Five months ago I left a relationship of four years.


Now being out of the relationship I had initial success with two girls for ONS. Since January I had nothing happening in terms of women. Having been a dancer in my younger teens I took up dancing (salsa, bachata) again to do a fun activity that I haven’t been doing in years and I approach intermediate level skills dancing four times a week. I’m a social worker so my career prospects are limited in terms of income, but since I manage my own camp I already climbed as high as I probably can in this aspect. I absolutely love my job have an amazing hobby and have great friends.

Now I know this sounds perhaps stupid and probably this is also not the place to post but I recently discovered that I’m not feeling good with all of this. I seem to have lost my game towards women. Through my job, I am amazing as soon as I have the girl hooked to me being a really good conversationalist and also having studied human behavior throughout my whole life. Working in a field with a lot of humans I tend to strictly divide women between friends and dating prospects. The first batch of girls I always manage to chat up but through my ways, it is immediately clear that there is no sexual interest from my side (the possibility to communicate this helps a lot in my line of work). The problem I encounter is that I either do not recognize IOI anymore or that I seem to not be able to get girls attracted to me. This problem does only arise for the girls I’m interested in. So I’m asking myself what I do have to change in my way of life, or what material would help me get back into the game. Therefore, I would love to have your guys’ feedback, propositions and suggestions.

Anyways I want to thank everyone already in advance for all the shared feedback.
A couple of things stand out from my perspective:

1) If you truly had a solid rounded life, women shouldn't phase you or occupy mental capacity. Being financially stable and fulfilled in your purpose along with a life full of things you are passionate about and good company to go with it should in theory occupy most of your time and energy.
2) Not every woman will be interested, no matter what you say, how you look, or what you do. Take your losses well when it comes to "gaming" and move on. Don't get hung up on the ones that got away.
3) Along with point #1, that alone should attract the right woman in your life. Perhaps not in your desired timing, but in the right and meant-to-be timing. God's or Universe's timing if you will.
4) You've had success so it's clearly not you, but it can be if you start believing it is. Thread carefully when it comes to belief systems and thought life.

Modern Man Advice
 

Kotaix

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This problem does only arise for the girls I’m interested in.
This right here is the problem. My guess is that you're being too much of a 'nice guy' and worried about their approval of you, or in other words not allowing your sexual self to express itself when talking to women you want. This is something i have to fight at times as well.

Nice guys who are looking for approval are creepy and not to be trusted because it's manipulation at a meta level. Men who are upfront about their intentions are trustworthy.
 

Apo1011

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Your answers absolutely resonate with me.

Especially since you guys spoke about the intrinsic aspects of the brain and how it creates a somewhat need for women, that I shouldn't have if I look at my past life.

OLD is something that I shy away from seeing as my country is very small and the only thing that works here is tinder and secondly because of a lack of understanding towards setting up a profile. Perhaps there you guys have some recommendations?

@Modern Man Advice I guess what explains it after reflecting on it is that I started to become needy for attention, and one girl, as you said, got away. This in turn makes me question myself which in turn is starting a vicious circle. I’m realizing this since I’m normally different and it’s amazing that you put my feeling into words. I love the fact that you mention belief systems. This is clearly one of the main problems. The question is how to not let them influence your life.

@Kotaix I think I fell into the trap of nice guy behaviour especially because of dancing and the way it is approached. Hitting on women at social dancing is very badly viewed and gets one eliminated very quickly. I think the problem is that I took this behaviour into other interactions with women in my life.

Damn, I'm happy to have written this post.
 

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Kotaix

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What country are you in? OLD in the US is mostly garbage, I've had good luck with it in latin america, but that's only because my profile is in english and the golden ticket effect is in play. Women mostly use it for validation and success is pretty low, I don't know if it's the same in your country. Just warning you that it might not be the best thing for your state of mind right now.

You might want to reach out to Aaron Clarey at https://tinyurl.com/mtb522mm (I had to use tinyurl because the forum censors the website name). He will answer your request for advice (for money), he used to be a dance instructor for many years and can probably give you some good tips. Word of warning though, he is extremely direct and doesn't like long emails so keeping it short is better, and he might just tell you not to **** where you eat.

Also, you might want to pick up a secondary path towards meeting women like a coed sport and keep dancing as the ace up your sleeve, because boy do women love a guy who can dance well.
 
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Apo1011

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I live in western Europe. My immediate area has around 350 k people. This is one of the reasons why i shy away from OLD since i don't think it will be very successful. Also as you say I believe it can damage one's confidence.

Hm, I saw he wrote several books. I will read about him and if I resonate with what he talks about I will definitely follow up on your advice!

Yeah, what you write is true. While coed sport would not be something I go for I think I will be able to find a secondary route to follow.

Thank you again for your help!
 
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