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Where are all the quality ladies?

Serialized3

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Hello Gentlemen -

Kind of posting this off-the-cuff; I figure you guys would know better than just about anyone about how and where to find a true quality girl.

I've been looking for a solid quality girl for a little while - mainly for dating/LTR but I am open to marriage in not too distant future. I think my wild-boy PUA days are a pretty much behind me, and I'm kind of looking towards the big picture. The kind of girl I want is at least 7+ in looks, but more importantly is a girl who is feminine, compassionate, (relatively) confident, and does not have serious issues relating to daddy/body/men/sexuality.

I've grown to tolerate many female quirks and inconsistencies over the years, but I get seriously bummed out when I start spending time with a girl who initially seems pretty cool but ends up being pretty lame. For instance, I have gone on a couple dates with a 27 year old teacher who seemed quality in a lot of ways while we've been talking. Turns out she also has some big time baggage - she told me about how she has been in a long-term friends with benefits situation for 2 years (really?) and how she's attracted to men who are "emotionally unavailable". Fuckin' A, man - I couldn't pay my half of the bill and walk out of there fast enough...

Is it so much to ask for a hot (or cute), sweet, somewhat "old-fashioned" girl who wants a family (who also hasn't slept with dozens of guys)? I am not looking for some pushover submissive 3rd world mail order bride or anything, but I'm just not finding what I want.

Any tips of places/activities or any other sort of advice any of you guys could offer?

Thanks in advance.
 

Serialized3

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Fair enough icky. But that doesn't really help to answer my question...

I meet a lot of women, but honestly it is still never easy to determine in any sort of efficient manner what girl is worth spending time with and who would be just a waste of my time.

Back in the day I would give just about any girl who passed the basic attractiveness test (aka the "boner test") a go, but over the past few years I've gained a lot in judgment about qualifying or disqualifying women based on their behavior and mannerisms. It's not perfect (if it was I wouldn't be posting on here), but looking back I can count on one hand, of the dozens and dozens of girls I've dated/hooked up with, the few that I could have probably had a quality LTR with.

Honestly, this shit is a bit depressing. I should have seen it in the teacher girl's weary eyes that she's been around the block a couple times...
 

iqqi

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Serialized3 said:
Fair enough icky. But that doesn't really help to answer my question...

I meet a lot of women, but honestly it is still never easy to determine in any sort of efficient manner what girl is worth spending time with and who would be just a waste of my time.

Back in the day I would give just about any girl who passed the basic attractiveness test (aka the "boner test") a go, but over the past few years I've gained a lot in judgment about qualifying or disqualifying women based on their behavior and mannerisms. It's not perfect (if it was I wouldn't be posting on here), but looking back I can count on one hand, of the dozens and dozens of girls I've dated/hooked up with, the few that I could have probably had a quality LTR with.

Honestly, this shit is a bit depressing. I should have seen it in the teacher girl's weary eyes that she's been around the block a couple times...
Maybe you are being a little too "listy" right off the bat. That is when you have a long list of requirements.

And a little too needy right off the bat. You just NEED a quality girl so you can have a relationship that you NEED.

Just relax all of that, and get to know the people you are meeting in the context they are presenting themselves. You can expect to easily meet easy girls easiest. But there are definitely some diamonds in the rough, and/but some of them might not fit into your laundry list of requirements.

Just keep meeting people, and let them fall into your life wherever they fit. Most of these should be friends, some mere acquaintances, some flings, some nothing, some lessons learned period. One or two will turn out to be a lot more of what you wish for. You have to let the waters of fate ebb and flow into your life as they will.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Serial,
"your Wild Boy PUA days are behind you"?Get real,you are 26 not 56 lots of fun in store before you start looking for a ball and chain...So whats "the big Picture?"Gone with the Wind?that's where your fun will go too.
 

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Jitterbug

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It's called a quarter life crisis. We all get it. You'll get over it soon enough, and go back to the dark side.

If you're really serious about finding a quality one, you can try it like my former coworker did. He asked one woman out a week, or a fortnight depending on holidays etc., and intended to do it for 3 years at least. He stopped just before the 2 years mark, and found his future wife who's everything he looked for, after dating about 60 chicks, and countless others that he tried to approach (online or IRL). They now have 3 fat children and live happily ever after. He's a decent guy, somewhat solid inner game, but not a very charming or suave guy. But he married very well. His wife is rich (much richer than him), smart, hot and feminine.

It's like a second full time job. You know if you want to find the ideal job for yourself, you have to devote equally as much time into it? Same with a woman. If you're not making that kind of effort, you're not that serious about it.

I fooled myself for a while around your age (lol just the last couple of years, I sound old now) about me finding a quality woman to be in a LTR with, but I finally realise that I can't be fvcked and don't want to be in a LTR after all. Being a bachelor and banging random broads that come my way is so much more liberating right now.
 

sstype

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I agree with Jitterbug. Why do you expect a "quality woman" to just fall in your lap anyways?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having different standards for who you f*ck and who you date, but I do find it a bit hypocritical for you to complain about the lack of old-fashioned quality women when based on your past you aren't exactly a shining beacon of morality either. You're not so different from the women who sleep with bad boys when they're young and settle for the nice guy to marry.

My advice is keep doing what you're doing. Meet and date women, be patient, and then when you find the one you want to be with take the steps to make her your gf.
 

Jitterbug

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sstype said:
Why do you expect a "quality woman" to just fall in your lap anyways?
Not his fault, that's what we were all raised with. It "just happens". Fate. God's will. Dear old mother said so. Have your pick.

I wouldn't judge him on his morals (i.e the sleeping around). I think it's irrelevant to what he wants anyway. But it's clear that he hasn't actually made the effort to look for one.
 

sstype

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Jitterbug said:
Not his fault, that's what we were all raised with. It "just happens". Fate. God's will. Dear old mother said so. Have your pick.

I wouldn't judge him on his morals (i.e the sleeping around). I think it's irrelevant to what he wants anyway. But it's clear that he hasn't actually made the effort to look for one.
I didn't judge him.....I even said myself there's nothing wrong with having different standards for who you date and who you just f*ck. It is still hypocritical for him to lament the lack of "quality women", not because he now wants someone with LTR potential, but because he's upset now that he's done playing the field with the low-quality women, he can't find his dream girl right away.

When it comes to finding someone with LTR potential, patience and losing the entitlement mentality will serve him well.
 

Rollo Tomassi

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Don't forget, the "Quality" woman you met in a bookstore at 30, picking the kids up from soccer practice before she heads off to women's bible study that night is the same girl who did sorority gangbang porn when she was in college at 22.

Keep that 'quality' in mind.
 

samspade

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Plow through as many American chicks as you can til you're pushing 40.

Then if you still want a wife, go to Eastern Europe, South America, or Asia and find a younger woman who merits your company.
 

Buddha_Mind

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Ah Serialized you are not alone -- lots of us here have wanted that "one sweet girl" -- I don't know what to tell you man but life is complex and a lot of our preconceived ideas about things are garbage...I guess it's a natural flow being raised in America, the King of Preconceived Ideas...we're raised with all sorts of understandings and assumptions about the world...which often are incorrect when reality and experience are met -- ie, when rubber meets the road...

It definitely seems like every woman I know has had alternative motives...it's like a war out there man...everyone man/woman for his/herself -- screw, fvck, love, leave, whatever, it's all meaningless in the end -- these are the perspectives I feel from my generation...we are high class, that is certain, and leading this country in a fine direction socially and economically...I'm sure the Americans 50 years in the future will love the place we've built for them! </heavy sarcasm>

Look -- the only way you are going to find a quality lady is by continuing to be a quality man. I'm proud of you leaving that older teacher chick -- I was so hooked on my last LTR I allowed her baggage, crazy sexual past, father issues, etc, to be tolerated -- the fact you recognize those as RED FLAGS is a major accomplishment and surely helping you to avoid at least some of the pitfalls many men make (I got lucky not to get married or have babies with this woman...in some ways I have a 2nd chance...I've been given a very special gift by NOT being with her)...

Everyone wants companionship. Everyone wants to feel loved. These are basic psychological needs. I understand you may feel a quality woman is lacking in your life. Maybe you are ready for a relationship of a different stature and form than what you've known -- but also keep in mind from my direct personal experience -- that having a woman does not = happiness. Jophil said this once, "expect only about 30% of your happiness to come from a woman" and I had remembered thinking what a tragedy of a statement that was...until I had my own first-hand-real-life-experience to say, "Yup. He was right".

In fact, a woman can cause great deals of problems in your life -- she can turn your whole life into disarray -- and try and take everything you've ever known or believed or worked for -- and squeeze and suck it right out of you until there's nothing left. Don't confuse yourself that the addition of a certain woman will escalate your reality to a higher level of happiness -- because this is not necessarily true. Sure, sex and fvcking and romance -- these are great things and part of being human -- but ultimately they should be on the side to life's other pursuits -- and just as quickly as they can raise you up with happiness and love-chemicals, they can drop you too like a stone and you're right back where you started...maybe even IN a hole for what you lost or sacrificed along the way.

Keep pushing your path. Keep allowing women into your life. Use your experiences and what you've learned to make a decision about if you'd rather pursue forwards or not. You've already identified major red flags (albeit I'm not saying a woman with one of these traits is inherently a sinking ship) -- father issues, c0ck-carousel-riding, male&sex issues, etc. From my own experience: DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT, majorly alter your life to accommodate the dream woman when you see her. It will backfire. Keep moving yourself forwards. You are 26 -- there will be many women who will want to join the ride in your life to come.

I knew of a guy who didn't get married until he was 42 -- and you know what all of those years got him? A 22 year-old hottie wife and a newborn -- and likely a life of his own where he experienced many different women before he made the decisions to commit. He may have been AFC or gone through several heart-breaks in between. But what I am saying is there is always hope -- keep working, take care of yourself, keep your bodymind strong and work on your financial needs and responsibilities -- you will only continue to gain value, character, and you'll be one of those grey-haired mature men young women swoon over...

This is my goal at least.

I know you're feeling sad/down/lonely/frustrated -- these are normal emotions -- I've had them many times -- don't give up and keep an open mind. There's a lot more in your life to come.
 

Stagger Lee

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sstype said:
I didn't judge him.....I even said myself there's nothing wrong with having different standards for who you date and who you just f*ck. It is still hypocritical for him to lament the lack of "quality women", not because he now wants someone with LTR potential, but because he's upset now that he's done playing the field with the low-quality women, he can't find his dream girl right away.

When it comes to finding someone with LTR potential, patience and losing the entitlement mentality will serve him well.
I agree with a lot of your post SS but not here. Men and women are not the same and playing the field has different effects on women than men. I don't see anything wrong with one standard for men and another for women. There's plenty of other examples where men are held to one standard or expectation and women another. Just because a man will play the field with low quality women, doesn't mean that all women should do the same.

I do get what you are saying a man when young who plays the field shouldn't expect women to do differently. I just see women as different and the ones that play the field can't later become quality and settle down the same as a man does. It's just two different things. Also you are assuming a guy that plays the field had much choice and was meeting quality women and rejecting them for the low quality ones. That's not usually the case. If a guy meets a female who is gorgeous and perfect to him he would be a lot less likely to play the field.
 

Serialized3

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iqqi said:
Maybe you are being a little too "listy" right off the bat. That is when you have a long list of requirements.

And a little too needy right off the bat. You just NEED a quality girl so you can have a relationship that you NEED.

Just relax all of that, and get to know the people you are meeting in the context they are presenting themselves. You can expect to easily meet easy girls easiest. But there are definitely some diamonds in the rough, and/but some of them might not fit into your laundry list of requirements.

Just keep meeting people, and let them fall into your life wherever they fit. Most of these should be friends, some mere acquaintances, some flings, some nothing, some lessons learned period. One or two will turn out to be a lot more of what you wish for. You have to let the waters of fate ebb and flow into your life as they will.
Yeah, that's a fair assessment. I don't think I'm "listy", as in I don't have a mental checklist looking for a girl who meets criteria X, Z, and Y. Rather, what's on my list is what I DON'T want - mainly women's fucking "issues". What the hell is it with women and "issues"? Daddy issues, body issues, boundary issues, relationship issues, tissue issues ... really...

My problem is that I've spent too much of my life being laid back and taking things as they come. I kind of feel like the women in my life has always chosen me, rather than me choosing them (as much as a man can choose, anyways). I feel like I need to be more proactive in meeting women.
 

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Serialized3

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Danger said:
Unfortunately in this day and age women control the entire mating game and they will party with every hot guy they find until they are up close to the wall and "need" a guy to settle with.
Say it ain't so ...
 

Serialized3

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Scaramouche said:
Dear Serial,
"your Wild Boy PUA days are behind you"?Get real,you are 26 not 56 lots of fun in store before you start looking for a ball and chain...So whats "the big Picture?"Gone with the Wind?that's where your fun will go too.
I've read some of your posts and I gotta say I love your attitude towards life and love, I just don't think it's for me. As much as I love women and getting female attention, I never really got much out of sleeping with random women. The sex was only good if I had a real connection with the chick (or if she was pretty hot)

I'm not necessarily looking for wifey right now, but I just am tired of wasting my time, energy, and money on broads who aren't going anywhere with their lives and cannot contribute to my experience. I want to meet a girl who contributes to my life and happiness, not a soul vampire who devours my faculties.
 

Bossman08

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Danger said:
Hey Serialized,

I know exactly where you are coming from, as I have shared the same frustrations.

I cannot help you find a girl who has not ridden half the alpha c0cks she can find, I can only tell you that you will not find them even in churches.

This is a large part of the reason I chose to have fling after fling after fling for a large part of the last five or six years.

Unfortunately in this day and age women control the entire mating game and they will party with every hot guy they find until they are up close to the wall and "need" a guy to settle with.
This is why you bang em and pass em along on their way down. The wouldn't see you on the way up the ladder, you give em a nice little nudge on the way down.
 

Serialized3

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Jitterbug said:
It's called a quarter life crisis. We all get it. You'll get over it soon enough, and go back to the dark side.

If you're really serious about finding a quality one, you can try it like my former coworker did. He asked one woman out a week, or a fortnight depending on holidays etc., and intended to do it for 3 years at least. He stopped just before the 2 years mark, and found his future wife who's everything he looked for, after dating about 60 chicks, and countless others that he tried to approach (online or IRL). They now have 3 fat children and live happily ever after. He's a decent guy, somewhat solid inner game, but not a very charming or suave guy. But he married very well. His wife is rich (much richer than him), smart, hot and feminine.

It's like a second full time job. You know if you want to find the ideal job for yourself, you have to devote equally as much time into it? Same with a woman. If you're not making that kind of effort, you're not that serious about it.

I fooled myself for a while around your age (lol just the last couple of years, I sound old now) about me finding a quality woman to be in a LTR with, but I finally realise that I can't be fvcked and don't want to be in a LTR after all. Being a bachelor and banging random broads that come my way is so much more liberating right now.
I have my quarterlife crisis last year. Like I said in the above posts I'm really just tired of meeting women with "issues" that take up my precious resources - I just want one who can contribute meaningfully to my life. I guess the search for a woman is like a job, damn dating 2 women at once really does seem like a full time job to me.
 

Serialized3

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sstype said:
I agree with Jitterbug. Why do you expect a "quality woman" to just fall in your lap anyways?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having different standards for who you f*ck and who you date, but I do find it a bit hypocritical for you to complain about the lack of old-fashioned quality women when based on your past you aren't exactly a shining beacon of morality either. You're not so different from the women who sleep with bad boys when they're young and settle for the nice guy to marry.

My advice is keep doing what you're doing. Meet and date women, be patient, and then when you find the one you want to be with take the steps to make her your gf.
sstype said:
I didn't judge him.....I even said myself there's nothing wrong with having different standards for who you date and who you just f*ck. It is still hypocritical for him to lament the lack of "quality women", not because he now wants someone with LTR potential, but because he's upset now that he's done playing the field with the low-quality women, he can't find his dream girl right away.

When it comes to finding someone with LTR potential, patience and losing the entitlement mentality will serve him well.
You gotta know that dating and life plans are way different between men and women. Things are rough out here for your average dude. Women don't seem to have a problem getting attention and dick, while from what I see, the vast majority of guys don't have reliable access to snatch or even female attention. It's all out of balance, for reasons I'm sure any of the old timers here would be quick to point out.

I don't at all feel like a hypocrite in demanding a quality woman because, simply, I am a quality man. I am well put together, I have solid game, I "get" people, I am reasonably handsome, and have a good career job. I also always try to treat people with respect and love, and I am comfortable with who I am. I am trying to surround myself with people who are on the same path. I'm not perfect and I try not to be judgmental, but I'm just burned out on women from just meeting tons of low quality chicks.
 
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