One major area where I need to work on is being more attune to how my words come across. Often, I think I'm being fun and end up saying something the other person find inconsiderate (part of it is because I'm a foreigner from a different culture)... Anyway, I'll keep working on it, but what do you do when it happens? With girls, you can tell they get worked up/hissy/passive-aggressive and expect you to do something about it (which is completely justified, since here it's truly my fault). I usually try to explain what I meant and emphasize that I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings, basically apologizing without saying "I'm sorry" - imo 'sorry' almost always sounds insincere and nice-guyish. Depending on how pissed the girl is, she'll tell me something along the lines of "you're good" or say it's fine and be dismissive. What's the best way to clean up a mess? (I understand the best is to think before I speak, I'm working on that).
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
When you've pissed a girl off (and it's legitimately your fault)
- Thread starter Trunks
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Ignore it, you know what you meant. If she gets offended or whatever, don't give into it. Always treat a joke as a joke, if you have to explain yourself then just don't say it at all. People will know how you are the more time the spend with you. Explaining yourself, even without saying the words sorry, is a weak move. However, I am assuming you're not saying something crazy though, like joking about dead parents or whatever.