When we as men just simply lose interest....

[Mercury21]

I don't even know where to begin. I don't know what to think, or even how to approach the situation.

That is why I am hoping to get some input from you guys...some of your own stories and opinions to see if I can shed some light on my scenario.

Is it possible for no logical reaon at all for us men to simply lose interest in a great girl that we are in a great relationship with??

I am not sure, but I believe that may be happening to me right now. For the past 7 months I have been in a great-GREAT- relationship with an outstanding girl.

Seriously, aside from being good looking and hot, she has the best personality you would expect from a girl. She is a virgin-this I confirmed for myself - she has never had very many boyfriends, only 2 and the most it ever lasted was 1 month!

Her and I have the greatest time together, and we talk about everything. We didn't in the beginning of course, but now we have reached that level.

And best of all is that she is crazy for me. Thanks in part to the skills have learned here at sosuave, and in part to who I am she has fallen head over heels for me. She always says she loves me, and has even proclaimed recently that this has been the best 7 months of her life! Sounds like everything is great, right?

So why in the hell do I suddenly feel like it just isn't worth it anymore?? It doesn't make any sense to me at all. All of a sudden her little "cute" quirks annoy me more and more. Little relationship bumps that I could deal with before now make me want to just throw my hands up in the air and scream that I am done with it all!

And here is the worst part. I think-THINK- that maybe these feelings are reflecting my mood around her. All in all I am still the same guy. But sometimes I catch myself not really talking to her anymore. Other times I realize that I don't crack as many jokes when we are together like I used to.

I am afraid that maybe my mood is affecting her to. Although she is still very much in love with me and proclaims it everyday, I have been getting a different vibe from her lately. A vibe like she just doesn't have that enthusiasm to be with me as much anymore.

Maybe it has nothing to do with me, as she is going through her own issues right now, like her grandmother having cancer. But it just pisses me off how sometimes she will not make the effort to see me anymore, or come over to my place, or even call me throughout the day like she used to.

I'm getting better at not letting my mood be affected by her, or any woman for that matter. My emotional control has been the only area of my game that has always needed work. I am getting better, but it still pisses me off to no end when lately she just simply does not call me when she knows for a fact that I am not doing anything work or school related...in other words when there is the possiblilty for her and I to get together.

But anyway, I still don't know why all of a sudden I began feeling this way. Its not like we are both young and immature. I will be graduating airline pilot academy in 1 year and University in another year. She is on her way to becoming a nurse around the same time. I have always mentioned how I will be moving to Florida after graduation, and now she talks about how she will to.

Everything just confuses the hell out of me...so I need some input from everybody on all of this. Let me know what you guys think, and how I should approach all of this...and also give me your opinions and stories about similar situations.

Thanks guys!

 

[Aresx]

I don't know if you'd wanna take advice from an AFC here, but -

Yeah man, if her Grandmother was just diagnosed with cancer, and they were close, it can **** with her head.

If, on the other hand, this was a condition her Grandmother had when you already met her, then something's up.

Maybe you are tired of her because
1) You got what you wanted, so now she's lost the appeal, or
2) She souns like she wants to tie you down, and you don't want to get tied down, so you're distancing yourself.

I don't know. Maybe have a talk with her, as a friend, not an "AFC boyfriend talk" as in: "Why don't you love me anymore?" but as in: "Hey, what's going on with you lately - I know something's up, but you seem withdrawn. Talk to me as your friend." Or something to that effect.

Any input from any one else here?

 

[High Voltage]

Transitional Stage

Hey Mercury,

The 'problem' you are having became immediately familiar to me. While I cannot say this is absolutely what is happening, it has much in common with issues I've experienced.

The 'infatuation' stage of a relationship usually lasts around 6 months. It is my opinion that you are coming out of this stage. While you may not consciously be aware of it, instead of viewing your girlfriend as something *new*, you are starting to view her as merely something *that has always been*. Basically your body and mind are used to her. Sameness is boring which may explain your current situation.

This is a common situation. The first stage of the relationship is coming to a close. The rush is over - you face a decision. If you're after the rush of 'new love' ditch her and persue other girls. If you're not you must decide whether you can live with her imperfections and if she is really the right girl for you. Despite the risk of a misunderstanding, I will say you need to decide if you love her, and love her enough.

These decisions do not require any communication with your girl, they are all personal. Now if you decide to keep your girl, another issues arises - how will she react when she comes to the end of this stage as well?

Will she recognize it? She may not understand and voice concerns of boredom to you and you, hopefully believing what I've just told you, can explain the situation to her. I recommend two things: Do not reveal your decision and do not try to influence hers.

Hope this helps.

- HV

 

[Tubbs]

I think that is very true. I am in pretty much exactly the same situation and it has caused a lot of conflict within me. On the one hand you are not happy and not settled being with this one girl. On the other hand if you give her up you risk losing someone you care a great deal about and who there is no discernible reason for not wanting to be with.

After all if you give her up then you will inevitably go through the whole dating ritual again with some other girl(s), probably only to end up in the exact situation you are in now. Or maybe not, I don't know.

Familiarity does breed, well if not contempt then at least a lack of passion. The fire is gone and boy does that suck. The thrill of that first kiss, the expectation before seeing someone naked for the first time are all gone. You find yourself looking at other women who are LESS attractive than your girlfriend with a kind of lust that simply isn't there in your relationship anymore. Then you give them up and miss them like crazy. What a conundrum.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't think it is any good to be in a relationship like that because you won't be happy. I think you probably need to break it off. However you may or may not come full circle later on and realise that you do want the girl after all. Of course, by then it may be too late. But if you don't get it out of your system you will never know. Good luck pal.

 

[strong like bull]

ive been searching for an answer to this as well. usually the process for me goes something like this:

1) i meet girl. we attract eachother
2) begin "dating"
3) after 2-3 weeks, she asks me for monogamy; to be exclusive with her
4) about 2 months into it, i begin to lose interest. the lust fades. i reach a point where i really dont care whether we stay together or not
5) i break up with girl; repeat process


i think the solution, at least in my case, is to date multiple girls for months before agreeing to be exclusive with one. put ALL of 'em through Anti-Dumps "Machine," and only pick the best. imo this would be better than settling for the first one to offer monogamy.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by strong like bull
ive been searching for an answer to this as well. usually the process for me goes something like this:

1) i meet girl. we attract eachother
2) begin "dating"
3) after 2-3 weeks, she asks me for monogamy; to be exclusive with her
4) about 2 months into it, i begin to lose interest. the lust fades. i reach a point where i really dont care whether we stay together or not
5) i break up with girl; repeat process


i think the solution, at least in my case, is to date multiple girls for months before agreeing to be exclusive with one. put ALL of 'em through Anti-Dumps "Machine," and only pick the best. imo this would be better than settling for the first one to offer monogamy.

Your a natural born player kid. Your not ready to settle down. Instead date openly with those girls. Let em know that you have other friends and if they want to have fun with you then jump on board or else see ya later.

Don't hate the player and don't hate the game.

 

[Mercury21]

Thanks for the replies!

I think High Voltage hit it spot on. My relationship has reached that familiar stage...the initial rush and newness of it all is gone. Now I just have to reflect and decide how much I love her as opposed to how much I would love dating other girls......

What really got me thinking was when High Voltage mentioned what she will do once she reaches this "decision" point that I am in right now. Before now I never thought it was possible for her to feel anything other than positive feelings about our relationship unless I did something to screw it up.

The solution that I have come to after reading all the replies is for me to keep on doing what I have always been doing since the beginning of our relationship, as hard as it may seem right now for me to talk to her for hours,be funny etc.. because I know that soon these feelings of doubt that I have will pass if this relationship is really meant to go on.

This way not only will I survive this transition stage, but when she reaches it she will reflect on me in a postive light too...instead of seeing me as a man who turned into an AFC 7 months into the relationship!

But for all I know she might be going through that stage right now just like I am.....either way I just have to remember that relationships are like a wheel. Sometimes you are on top and other times you are at the bottom. But that is the only way you can move forward....

 

[Don Juanabbe]

If you think your relationship is past the honeymoon stage and you are bored - just wait until the next stage hits - when she starts acting like a ballcrushing bytch. Then you will be bored and fed up.